Walking on Sunshine: A Sweet Love Story (Seasons of Love Book 1) (2 page)

Ben followed behind me, hanging his head in silent defeat. He slid into the back seat as I grabbed his bike and tossed it into the trunk.

We all sat in silence as Tricia drove us to our house. It was nestled in a neighborhood of indistinguishable houses and manicured lawns. It still looked the same as it had the day I moved in with Richard eight years ago. The house matched all the nearby houses except for the bright blue door that I had painted. I thought it added character to what seemed like a pretty drab color scheme of gray and brown. Richard thought it looked horrendous. After the divorce I made sure to apply a fresh coat to the door each month to keep it bright.

I carried Ben past the kitchen and up the stairs to his bedroom. He was heavy in my arms, his sorrow weighing far more than his small frame. I was breathing hard by the time I made it up to the second floor. His room was the first one on the left and covered in posters of sport stars and action heroes.

I laid him carefully into his twin bed, and tucked him into his sheets decorated with lacrosse sticks. As he snuggled down into a comfortable position, a soft smile crossed my face. He made that same snuggle motion when he was a baby.

I bent down to kiss his head. To me, he would always be my baby. But there was no doubt, he was growing up too fast, especially thanks to the divorce. I ran my fingers through his baby soft hair. His head was still hot from the day's activities and his cheeks were splotchy with tears. He leaned into my cool hand, and his eyes started to drift shut.

He was completely exhausted from his ordeal, both mentally and physically. I sat beside him, not saying anything, just stroking his hair and giving him silent reassurance that everything would be okay. When his breaths came out evenly, I carefully walked downstairs, avoiding the strewn clothes and random lacrosse balls that Ben had left out. Sitting at my dark wooden kitchen table was a fresh pot of coffee and my three girlfriends. They all looked up at me and smiled through their sympathetic eyes.

“How is he doing?” Cindy asked, slowly pouring me a cup of coffee.

“Exhausted,” I replied, grabbing the cup and taking a sip. The hot liquid burned, but I needed the comforting taste. “He fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. I envy him for that. I wish I could lay my head down and conk out like that. I just don’t know what to do with him. This is the third time he ran away, and now he is running away from the babysitter... Oh, no, the babysitter!” I looked around frantically, trying to find Charlotte.

“It’s okay,” Cindy assured me, patting my hand. “I had Ray take her home. She was pretty upset about the whole thing.”

“Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. I just... I don’t know what I would do without you guys.” I sipped at the coffee. The bitterness matched my mood. “Ben has been getting worse after the divorce. I think it has to do with how little his dad sees him. He keeps coming up with excuses why he can’t take Ben. I think Ben's final breaking point was when I got this job. Maybe I should have waited a little bit longer.”

“No!” They all chimed in at the same time. It still wasn't enough to keep me from feeling guilty.

“Jes, you have put your life on hold long enough. You seem so much happier now that you have something to keep you busy,” Tricia explained as she refilled my cup.

“I just worry about Ben sometimes,” I said, fiddling with my wineglass. “He's still having problems with the divorce. His dad really doesn't come around anymore, and he's acting out in school. The counselors keep telling me that he’s doing it for attention. But all Richard does is just spend more time with the bimbo.”

Bile rose in the back of my throat as I thought about the woman who had replaced me. She was barely old enough to drink, and had an IQ that left me surprised she managed to graduate middle school. The only thing that made her notable was her fiery red hair and boobs that would make Dolly Parton envious.

Before I walked in on her boinking my husband, she used to smile at me every time I came into the office and would ask how Ben was doing. She even came into my house a few times, like when Richard threw an office BBQ. That entire time, as she was smiling at me, she was screwing my husband and destroying the life that Ben and I had. To say I hated her was an understatement.

“It’s okay, Jes. Sometimes it's hard for men to handle two kids,” Melissa informed me, a smirk slowly filling her face. “I mean if he leaves the secretary alone for too long, she might accidentally burn the house down with the toaster.”

The bitter laugh that left me eased the ache on my heart a little bit.

Cindy looked thoughtful. “What about getting a nanny for Ben? I know with the summer months coming up, he will have a lot of free time. I know a great service that might have what you need. I used them when Rose needed tutoring for college. I know they offer other services as well such as nannies, babysitters, tutors, and people to do work around the house.” She dug through her purse and found the card. “Give them a call tomorrow and they'll set you up with someone.”

“Okay. I'll call,” I said with the last bit of cheerfulness I could muster and sat the card on the table. “Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to hit the hay.”

We all got up and said our goodbyes. I hugged each of them close, grateful beyond words that they had been there for me. I knew they loved me. I just always felt like such a mess compared to them. I wished having their hugs and words of support would be enough to satisfy this emptiness I felt, but I still felt like something was missing.

I shut the door behind them, locking it and watching as they walked home. They were everything that I needed, but my heart screamed for something more. There was a hole in my heart where the life I had used to be. The more I looked back on it, Richard had never really filled that hole, but his betrayal only magnified how alone I really was.

I walked up the flight of stairs and got ready for bed. I shook my head at the sight in the mirror as I turned on the sink. Perched atop my head was a bird’s nest of knotted hair, and crusted under my eyes were remnants of my eyeliner.
I really am a mess,
I thought.

After scrubbing my face and trying to run a comb through my hair, I gave up and fell on to my king-size bed. It was the same one that Richard and I had shared as a married couple. It was too big for me. It felt like I was lost in it. I used to have someone there, and now I was alone.

I put up with it because I hadn't been able to buy a smaller bed since the divorce. I did at least change the sheets to a bit more girly pattern. Dark purple sheets and a black and gray chevron bedspread now adorned the massive mattress. My ex-husband would have hated it, and that made me love it all the more. I set my alarm, thankful that tomorrow would be Friday, and Ben’s last day of school. Things could only go up from here.

I
woke up to a tug on my wrist and squinted my eyes in the morning sun coming through my windows

“Mom, it’s time to go to school,” Ben said gently. He stood next to my bed dressed in a pair of jean shorts and a dark red shirt with his school's mascot, a panther, in mid growl. “We're late. You slept through the alarm again.”

I blinked my eyes a few times, trying to focus them. The numbers on the clock blinked back at me with a gentle chirping. Somehow, the alarm volume had been bumped down and I never even heard it go off.

“Oh no!” I yelled, jumping out of bed. We were late. Way late. My alarm clock said it was already eight o'clock. Ben was already supposed to be at school and work expected me in fifteen minutes. I sprinted to the bathroom and threw my hair up into a messy bun, thankful that it was casual Friday and I could get away with not looking my best.

“Hey, Ben, grab yourself a Pop Tart for breakfast, and make sure to have your bag all ready,” I yelled as I applied a quick sweep of blush and eyeliner.

“Can I have a soda too, Mom?” Ben called back as he made his way out of the bedroom.

“Yes, whatever you want, honey.” I wasn't going to win the mother-of-the-year award today.

I quickly grabbed a pair of jeans and shimmied into them. When they didn’t go over my hips I fell on the bed to get a better angle to pull them on and sucked in every inch. I definitely needed to get a bigger pair, but these would have to do. I threw on the first top I found, and slipped on my sandals. As I hurried into the kitchen, I saw Ben sitting at the table with his Pop Tart and orange soda.

“Okay, let’s get to the car.” I quickly filled my to-go cup with coffee and grabbed my own Pop Tart. I glared at the hot pastry, knowing that the sugary and convenient little buggers were the reason why these jeans were a little snug.

“What’s this, Mom?” Ben asked as he held up the business card from last night.

“Oh, thank you, honey.” I shoved the card into my purse. “I was thinking of hiring you a nanny for the summer. Maybe someone who is old enough to drive.”

Ben opened his mouth in protest, but before he could get a word out I was pushing him to the door.

“Okay, let’s go, let’s go.” I opened the door and let Ben scurry out, Pop Tart in one hand, soda in the other. I grabbed his backpack and locked the door behind me.

We jumped into our silver minivan and pulled away. Eight fifteen. It was a going to be a rush for the record books. Ben's school had started at eight, so I had to walk Ben in to excuse his tardiness. We ran to the front door and I brushed the remaining crumbs from Ben’s Pop Tart off his shirt.

“Head to class, honey. Let me sign you in. I'll see you once you're done with school. Love you.” I gave him a kiss on the forehead, followed by a disgusted yuck from him.

The receptionist gave me a disapproving look as I quickly jotted down my name on the sign-in sheet. I quietly ignored it and gave her a sweet smile to show how little I cared.
Judge me all you want, Ms. Manicure Nails and Curled Hair,
I thought to myself.
Not all of us have perfect lives.
I ran out the door and hopped back into my car.

The drive was smooth and allowed me to make great time. I snagged the last parking space and ran in to the office building. Only a half hour late, I thought as I checked my watch. I managed to catch the elevator in time and pushed the 5th floor button.

With a chance to finally take a breath. I checked everything in the mirrored doors of the elevator. I smoothed out my wrinkled blouse and did a little jump to pull my pants up a bit better over my hips. The image staring back at me did not make me happy. There was a slight bulge over my pants because they were too tight. My hair was no longer a messy bun, but a ball of dark hair with more hairs sticking out of it than in it. It wasn’t until I looked down that I finally noticed I had picked two different sandals.
Ugh.
I stared at the mismatched pair, one black and one brown. I hoped no one would notice.

I made my way to my cubicle and sat down. I threw my purse under the desk as I powered up the computer. Since it was my first week, I hadn’t decorated my office yet. I did have a photo pinned on the wall of Ben and me at the beach, right next to my calendar of dogs wearing funny outfits. This month it was a golden retriever wearing a letterman jacket and holding a sign in his mouth saying “School's out!”

I had printed off a few pictures of me and the girlfriends at a wine and chocolate tasting we did for my 35th birthday party, but after looking at them, I realized I looked a bit too tipsy to have them shown in the office. I didn't have any other pictures to put up on the walls. It was hard for me to decorate my office because Richard was in so many of my photos. He was the last thing I wanted to think about if I was having a rough day. He was the last thing I wanted to think about period.

I unscrewed my coffee lid to pour in some more sugar and cream I kept hidden in my desk.

Beep
. The computer finished booting up as I sat the coffee next to my keyboard. Time to get my day started, I thought as I began answering emails and filling out reports.

Before I knew it, it was time for lunch, and I grabbed the protein bar stashed in my purse. As I yanked it out of the bag, crumpled receipts and old gum wrappers fell onto the floor. I shook my head at the trash. It really was a mess in that bag. Like my life.

With a sigh, I bent over and started to sort through it. Receipt, receipt, old gum wrapper, and finally the business card for the nanny Cindy gave me last night.

I really should call
, I thought as I flattened the card out. Images of coming home to a clean house and cooked dinner started to fill my thoughts. At the very least, it would be wonderful having someone to help me out with Ben.

I examined the card closer. It was dark green with leaves embossed in the corners. In bright gold letters was “Season Services” and hours of operation underneath it. The place would be closing before I got out of work today, and the idea of having a moment to breathe when I got home was too good to pass up. My fingers dialed the number.

“Hello. Thank you for calling Seasons Services. Whether you need us for a reason or for a season, we are at your service. This is Megan. How may I direct your call today?”

“Hi, Megan. My name is Jes and I was given your number from my friend Cindy. She said you would be a great source for a nanny.”

“Hi, Jes. Yes, we have many certified nannies that you can use. How old and how many kids do you have?”

“I have one son named Ben. He's six years old. His last day of school is today, and I would really like someone to look out for him while I'm at work.” I slowly started to spin in my chair.

“We have a couple of people that would be a great fit for you. We can have one stop by on Saturday and see if they are what you are looking for. I have Stacey, who was just released from a prior nanny job when the family moved. They gave glowing reviews. Or I have Taylor, who has about a year of experience, but would be available only for part-time work during the next month. They both are Red Cross certified and have passed a thorough background check.”

I thought about it for a moment. I couldn't do part time. “Stacey sounds like a good fit. I definitely need someone who is available full time.”