Want to Go Private? (10 page)

“Hold on!”

I slam the laptop shut and throw on my bathrobe, stuff my pajamas under my bed, and wrap a towel around my head. Then I race to the door and open it.

“Sorry, Mom. I was just in the middle of getting dressed after my shower.”

“Are you feeling okay, honey? You look flushed.”

She reaches a hand to my forehead. Her fingers feel cool against my skin.

“You are a little warm, but that could just be from the shower. Maybe you should take some Tylenol before you go to bed, just in case.”

If Mom had the slightest idea of anything, she’d realize I need
a lot more than Tylenol. But as usual, she doesn’t. Have the slightest idea of anything, that is.

“Sure, Mom. I’ll take some as soon as I’m in my pajamas.”

“Have you done all your homework?”

“Yes,” I lie. I actually still have five more math problems to do, but got a little, um, distracted by Luke.

“Okay. Well, good night, honey. Get to bed soon, in case you’re coming down with something.”

“What’s Abby coming down with?” Lily says, sticking her head out of her room. “I don’t want to get any of her germs.”

I step toward her and fake a cough.

“
Mom
! Did you see that? Abby is trying to give me the plague.”

My mother rolls her eyes.

“Abby, that was uncalled for, and Lily, your sister does
not
have the plague. Besides, you’re supposed to be in bed, and if you were there, Abby couldn’t have coughed on you.”

“Figures you’d take Abby’s side,” Lily grumbles, slinking back into her room and slamming the door shut.

Mom sighs. “It’s been a long day. I’m going to take a nice hot bath,” she says. “Don’t forget to take the Tylenol.”

“Okay, good night.”

I go back into my room and quickly throw my pajamas back on. Then I open my laptop to see if Luke’s still online.

I don’t want to break the connection I have with Luke. I wish I could chat with him all night. But it’s already late, and I really need to finish those stupid math problems.

I shut my computer and bury it under a pillow, hoping to blot out any thoughts of Luke while I finish my math problems. Yeah, right. Like
that’s
possible. Images of his face and … well, other things … keep flashing through my head. It’s well past midnight before I finish what would normally have taken me twenty minutes. Even then I have trouble getting to sleep.

CHAPTER 9
OCTOBER 13

It feels like I’m drifting on a cloud the whole week in school. I keep hearing Luke’s voice in my ear telling me “I love you, baby” and the intense sound of his breath as he told me how beautiful I was and how much he wanted me. It doesn’t even bother me when I pass Amanda Armitage and a bunch of her friends in the hall and they look at me and start giggling after I’ve walked by. Normally, I’d get all paranoid worrying about what they were saying, like if my clothes were all wrong or my butt looked big in the jeans I was wearing or I was having a Bad Hair Day of epic proportions. But it’s like Luke has cast a protective spell around me with his words; none of the idiots at my school can hurt me because I know he loves me. And he’s a mature guy, not some stupid teen Clique Queen.

I find myself doodling
Abby Redmond
in the margin of my Spanish notebook. I know I’m getting totally carried away with that, but I’ve just never felt this way about anyone before. Luke understands me so well. Maybe he’s right and we really are soul mates. It won’t really matter about him being so much older than me when I’m older. Look at Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Or Jay-Z and Beyoncé.

Science lab forces me off my cloud with a bump. Not just because we’re working with chemicals, but because Billy keeps looking at me with a question in his eyes. A question that I don’t want him to ask out loud because I don’t really want to have to answer it. Because I like Billy, I really do. He’s a nice guy, and he’s smart and cute. Faith keeps asking me when I’m going out with him again. I keep saying, “I don’t know, he hasn’t asked me.” I don’t tell her that’s because I keep running away before he gets a chance, and signing off MSN the minute I see he’s online so he can’t chat with me. Like, I guess the thing I should do is just say, “Hey, Billy, it was fun but …” and make up some lame excuse. But I don’t want to do that.

“So, how are things with my favorite lab partner?” Billy says.

“You mean your
only
lab partner?”

He grins.

“My favorite only lab partner then, Ms. Picky.”

I stick my tongue out at him. “Fine.”

“So, whatcha doing this weekend?”

Oh, no. Please don’t do this
.

“Um … I’m not sure.”

“Oh. ’Cause I was just wondering if …”

“Wait. Don’t we have to add the substrate?”

Billy looks confused for a second, then he realizes that I’m talking about the experiment and looks at the sheet.

“Oh, yeah.”

Meanwhile I’m totally freaking out. Because … OMG, it’s so confusing. Like, I’m Luke’s girl, right? He’s the one who loves me and understands me and who makes me feel all these … things … that I’ve never felt before. He treats me like an equal even though I’m just a kid and he’s this grown-up guy, like he
actually respects my opinions, which is something my parents would never do. But Billy is standing right here next to me. Even though I’ve “done things” with Luke that I’d never in a million years think about doing with Billy, I’ve actually
kissed
Billy. I actually spent practically a whole movie making out with Billy. And it was kind of fun, too.

“So, like, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to see another movie or something this weekend,” Billy says, talking really fast like he’s afraid I’m going to interrupt him again, and keeping his eyes on the experiment instead of looking at me.

My thoughts are spinning around so fast I feel like my head’s going to explode. Pictures of Billy’s adorable grin outside the movie theater, the way his lips felt when we kissed. And Luke.
:-l U 2-timing me? I told u, I’m the jealous type
. The strange sensations I felt when he had me touch myself on the webcam, how he makes me feel so grown-up and desirable.

I can’t do it. I can’t two-time Luke. He’d be too upset
.

But how would he find out
?

I’d know. And I’d feel guilty
.

“Uh, gosh I’m sorry. I forgot. We’re going away this weekend,” I lie. “Family reunion. Sorry.”

Yeah, right. Like I even see Dad at the moment. Just having him come home for dinner a few times a week would be enough of a family reunion for me
.

“Oh. That’s cool. Well, maybe another time.”

Billy’s cheeks are flushed and he finally looks over at me. Now that I see the hopefulness in his eyes, I feel bad about lying. I’m turning into such a Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire these days. I never used to be like this.

“Yeah, sure. Another time.”

After I say that I curse myself. Because I can’t do it another time. I can’t do it ever, at least while I’m still Luke’s girl. And as far as I’m concerned, I want to be Luke’s girl forever.

That night, Luke asks me about my day.

I picture the Abby Redmond doodles in my notebook. Maybe they aren’t so crazy after all. Maybe there is a future for Luke and me. Like when I’m older.

OMG, that’s so romantic! And it’s kind of cute that he’s jealous of Billy. Especially since there’s nothing to be jealous of. Well, okay, maybe there’s a little, if I’m honest. But nothing really. Nothing that I’m going to
act
on. Because I’m loyal to my guy.

I shiver, wondering if my face is all Luke is going to want to see. But I turn on my webcam anyway.

Okay, I think. I’ll show him more of my body. I lean back and hold up my foot to the screen.

I feel weird about doing it, and he can see it in my face.

Just me and Luke. Me and my guy. I guess it can’t do any harm, right?

I grab my iPod and search till I find the song I want. Then I stick it in my speaker and as soon as I hear the music begin I start dancing in front of my webcam.

I sing along with Lady Gaga as I slowly take off my sweater and move my hips to the heavy beat. I glance at my laptop screen and see Luke is rubbing his crotch, slowly, as he watches me.

By this time I’m down to my bra and panties. Luke has his jeans open and he’s taken his thing out and is stroking it. I keep dancing without taking anything else off, singing along to the words.

I take off my bra and then my panties. I throw them at the webcam, playfully, and they cover it. Luke won’t like that. I hurry to take them off so he can see me again.