Wanting Reed (Break Me) BOOK 2 (39 page)

“I’ve heard those words from you before, Reed.” Her voice and presence make my brain melt. I close my eyes clenching my hands at my sides. Damn. It’s been so long since I’ve heard her say my name. I open my eyes as she turns away from me, fighting back the well of tears threatening to flow. “I gave you that chance because what I felt for you was unlike anything I’ve felt for anyone in a long time or ever. You stripped it all away. You crushed me…my heart…like it was nothing, like I meant nothing to you. You abandoned us and what we could have had.”

“I never meant for it to happen,” I say, attempting to keep it together, but failing miserably.

“You’re the piece of me I wish I didn’t need,” she declares in a small, barely audible voice.

“What are you saying, Elle?” I whisper as I stand behind her, mere inches from touching her again and kissing her lips. She turns to look at me. Her eyes burn into mine as she fights back unresolved emotions, the same damn haunting emotions that I’ve allowed to wreck me. It takes every ounce of willpower I have left not to pull her to me and kiss her right here and now.

“If you’re going to leave, just leave. I’ll bury you somehow and close the door on everything we shared, because the pain I feel right now from seeing you in front of me is too much to bear. You didn’t think enough of me to tell me everything I needed to know. To trust me.” She wants to be angry, but she’s wrestling internally with her feelings and another emotion is slowly claiming victory.

I gently back her against the brick wall, reaching for her arms and placing them over her head as I lean over her and lace my fingers with hers. She complies, relinquishing her contradicting feelings. Her body wilts under my grasp as she tilts her head back in defeat and shields her eyes from me. This is the first time I’ve touched her in over two months, and my body almost explodes from the jolt of energy that shoots through me. I fucking want to take her right now, feel her naked skin under my fingers, and trace every beautiful curve of her body that I’ve been craving since the day I left her in the airport.

“You’re poison to me. My poison...” she murmurs painfully.

“Am I? Is that what you believe? Is that what you feel? Is that what you see when you look in my eyes?
Poison?
” I whisper against her lips.

She sighs deeply and closes her eyes for several seconds. During that time, I see the beauty in her pain, how much she wants to love and to trust, but she is too afraid to try again.

“Let me go,” she says harshly when she opens her eyes, but I know that’s not what she wants. She’s losing the battle that I lost months ago. I knew I was coming back for her, but she thought she lost us forever.

“Is that what you really want? If it is, I’ll walk away right now.”

She has the most expressive hazel eyes, sincere with a hint of suffering that doesn’t seem to disappear. Her mahogany hair, her perfect delicate features and those lips that I’ve missed so much are only inches away, but still seem so distant. She diverts her eyes from me as the wind blows her silky hair across her cheek. I lean in closer, and her scent hovers all around me as I brush my lips across her cheek.

“Why can’t I let go of you?” she whispers under her breath as she drops her head and looks away.

“I’m sorry. I know I kept things from my past from you. Give me a chance to explain like I should have months ago. Then decide.”

“You broke me completely. Totally. What do you expect me to say now?” Her lower lip quivers.

“Doll, just tell me how you feel.” I hold my breath, waiting for her to say something, anything so I can hear her sweet voice.

“What are you doing to me?” she chokes. “Just please let me go.” She tries to break free from my grip, so I release her. She stands motionless, dropping her eyes to the ground as I take a step back. When the space between us grows, it’s as if a part of me is cracking. Lifting her chin like she feels it too, she grabs my hand and tugs me toward her. I press my body against hers as she gazes up at me with pure passion in her eyes.

“Just kiss me.”

My heart erupts from my chest when she clutches me behind my neck and shyly, almost fearfully, brushes her lips over mine like she’s touching fire. All I want is the taste that her lips allow. They’re soft just like I remember them, but so much sweeter and full of need. I can’t even explain how she makes me feel anymore. I just know that I crave it. I’ve never felt like this or had this kind of reaction to anyone in my entire life. The time away has made it even more unbelievably powerful. She’s destroying me. This is not fucking just falling in love; this is fucking crashing into it. Complete destruction.

Holding her face in my hands, I deepen the kiss and a soft moan falls from her mouth as I savor the sparks on her tongue. I run my fingertips down her neck to her collarbone and feel her shiver under my caress. She combs her fingers through my hair and pulls as I groan in response. The physical ache is growing. Touching her and tasting her lips again are making me crazy, feeding the strong emotion that I can’t fight anymore. I fucking love this girl, and I’m never letting her go again.

She brings her hands to my face, and our eyes meet for the briefest of moments before she kisses me so hard we both make a hurt sound. My brain shoots out signals to every part of my body. I weave my hands through her hair, and she presses her body tighter against mine, and then as quickly as it started, she slides her hands down my chest and gently pushes me away, breaking our kiss. It’s a kiss that I wish would go on because I’ll never be satisfied if this is the end. She consumes me, but at the same time, she strips me bare of everything. Gasping, I step away from her. The expression on her face tells me nothing has changed between us, and it’s going to take more than a passionate kiss to make up for what I did to her. All I know is that I’ve been waiting months for that kiss. Even though I told myself I could walk away, I know I can’t.

I have no grounds to ask for anything. The ball is in Elle’s court. She has the power over me now. It’s up to her what happens between us and if she can forgive me a second time. Reclaiming my breath, I watch her chest rise and fall painfully. I hope she didn’t just get caught up in the moment. I need her to give me and us another chance.

“Doll? Why are you resisting?” I plead with her. I don’t know what more I can say or do to get her to listen to me. I want to fight for us, but it feels like a battle I’m losing.

“I’m sorry. This can’t happen.” Her voice is layered in pain.

“What do I need to do to prove this to you?” I reach for her hand. “Tell me.” Her eyes are pools of hopelessness when she lifts them to mine.

“I don’t know! I hate you for doing this! Do you understand?” she cries. “I hate all the time that’s been wasted and the people I’ve hurt. This was not just about me! There were other people involved.”

There is truth in her words. Truth I didn’t want to hear.

“I’m here. Now. Tell me. I want to know. I want to make this right if I can.”

“It’s not that easy now! You don’t make this easy. I thought... I thought I could do it. I really did, but you make me so angry. I love you, but I need to hate you,” she chokes, fighting back her tears.

My heart rattles in my chest when I hear those words leave her lips. Fuck. What did I do to her?

I don’t think twice and abruptly take her in my arms. I need her close. I don’t care if she fights, punches or scratches me. I hurt her and I’m trying to find a way to make it up to her, but words aren’t enough. I don’t think I’m enough. She trembles in my arms, and her chest heaves with sobs. Closing my eyes, I bury my nose in her neck and breathe in her scent.

Her shoulders slump subtly, and she gradually pulls away from me. She tries to turn around, but I hold her firmly in place. I need to say things to her, and I need to do it now while she is close to me. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I know I hurt you.” Her lips tremble from her effort to keep her sobs from escaping. “What are you thinking, Elle?” I sense that it’s as hard for her as it is for me, but she is fighting this pull between us. It’s unfamiliar, so fucking insanely extreme, that it leaves me reeling. She’s stronger than me, but just as weak.

“You need to leave me...now. Please,” she begs, pulling away from me. This time I can’t restrain her. It’s not fair. “Please.”

“Fuck, Elle. I’m tired of walking away from you! Do you know what this is doing to me? I’m trying to make this right,” I grit out, clenching my teeth so damn hard it hurts. “I’m not leaving.”
Fuck.
I’m not turning my back on the woman I love. She said she loved me and the next minute she tells me to walk away. No fucking way is that happening. I came all this way to fight for her, to get her back and she doesn’t want me. I know she’s having a hard time with this. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy.

She doesn’t move; instead, she stands at the corner of the street and stares as cars pass by. It’s like crossing that street means she’s finished with me, but staying shows that she doesn’t want to give up. There may still be hope.

“Funny those words... ‘I’m not leaving’... but that’s exactly what you did.” She twists her long hair around her finger. When her nervous habit appears, I know it could go either way. Tonight I hope it works in my favor. Shivering from the cold, she wraps her arms around her body, the moonlight reflecting off her hair. I’m faintly optimistic when she steps away from the curb and turns to me with more tears in her languid eyes. This could be the best dream of my life or my worst fucking nightmare. I silently wait with bated breath. “I love you more than I can ever hate you,” she says through damp lashes. “I’ve known for a long time.”

It only takes one step for me to reach her and cover her in my arms. I pull her tighter and kiss the top of her head. “I love you, Elle. I’ll be sorry forever for leaving you. It won’t happen again.”

She looks up at me with her striking eyes and touches my cheek with her hand. “I love you, too.” Leaning in, I focus on her perfect lips and gently press my mouth to hers. My pulse increases, drowning out every sound apart from her sigh.

I drink her in, wanting to forever remember this moment. There is no one else like her and there never will be. The minute our lips part I hear cheering coming from every bar on Lansdowne Street. It appears the Red Sox aren’t the only ones who won tonight. Looking up into my eyes, Elle grabs my hand and says, “Let’s go someplace quiet to talk. I want to tell you everything.”

Reed hails a cab when he notices me shivering uncontrollably. Opening the door, he holds my arm and helps me inside. I move to the other end of the seat and he slides in next to me, placing his arm around my shoulder.

He looks down at me like he will never see me again. That won’t happen. We need to talk, but I know in the end of it all, I can’t let him go. I squeeze in closer to him, needing the warmth of his body and unable to take my eyes away from him. Overwhelming thoughts of whether this is real and if he is back in my life again to stay pierce my mind.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing,” I answer. I just want to go someplace where we can be alone and talk and not be cramped inside a musty cab with random Spanish music playing over the radio. Taking him back was so easy. The hard part will be listening to why he deserted me and what secrets he’s been hiding. I’m afraid that whatever secrets he has might be too much for me and that I may not want to stay.

The cabbie clears his throat, waiting for us to give him a final destination. I blink and smile up at Reed whose eyes glint with passion. My stomach twists in knots, and my heart jumps into my throat. He’s undeniably gorgeous: broad chest and shoulders, muscular build, and dark brown hair.
Everything
I remember. Pushing away these new thoughts of Reed’s naked body, I look into the rearview mirror and meet the cabbie’s eyes.

“Seven Amory Street, please,” I reply without hesitation. Reed takes my hand in his and interweaves his fingers through mine, raising it to his soft warm lips. A moan slips from my mouth when his lips travel up my arm. He smiles wickedly and kisses me behind the ear. Slowly, he pulls away and brushes his lips over mine.

“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to be here with you again,” he whispers through soft eyes. They hold mine as I instinctively touch his cheek and lean up to kiss him.

“Me too, baby,” I say. Reed smiles, clutching me closer to him as the cabbie pulls away from the curb and away from the club.

We sit in silence for the twenty-minute ride to my apartment. I stare out the window and watch the skyline of Boston disappear only to be replaced by tree-lined streets in a small neighborhood in Boston. At one point, the cab driver takes a sharp turn and I fall into Reed. I lean against him, feeling his body underneath mine. He squeezes my shoulder affectionately and kisses my forehead. My ear remains on his chest, listening to his heartbeat surge exponentially, a rhythm that is created by our touch. I close my eyes and absorb the low hum of his breathing. His warm breath smells like beer as it lands on my shoulders. The perfect combination of his cologne and skin is arousing my senses. It has been so long since we’ve been together, making the ache for him increasingly unbearable. I rest my hand on his chest, watching it rise and fall against the rumble of his beating heart.