War Torn Love (67 page)

             
Once I heard, the kitchen door shut behind her, I was still lying on the floor I found I was unable to get up, pity was holding me down like heavy weights. I began to cry hard. I just could not believe it. I was missing him so badly - it had been feeling like my heart was being ripped apart. First, my whole family was taken from me, but now it would seem Abram too. I had never felt more alone than I did at that particular moment. I had been constantly been worn down. How could she do this to me anyway? How would she feel if her own husband had been taken from her, and it was she that was not allowed to go see him?
             

             
I had been working so hard all week, so I could go to see him. I think deep down, I somehow knew she would have pulled something as wicked as this; it had been my heart telling me otherwise. I could not believe it all the same, I had been pinning everything on this one visit. Then there just was not me to consider. What was this going to do to the poor girls? They had been talking about this all week. Then another person to be considered is my husband, he will surely be devastated when he finds out we were not allowed to come to him. I had my hand covered over my mouth, trying to hold back the dam of emotions now uncontrollably pouring out!

             
“Why I thought!” I cried out!

             
Then I gathered myself up, pushed those emotions back down once more. I could not allow myself to feel bad at the moment. I knew there was nothing I could do about going and seeing my darling husband. I still had to try surviving.

             
Then I just so happen to realize in all her haste to leave for the fight, she actually broke her own protocol, she did not realize she never bothered even examining me. I then thought about what foods I could take from this kitchen without actually sending up alarm bells. I carefully proceeded to gather up as much food as I possibly could to take up to the girls, knowing I would only be able to see all the night skies odd darn it we were going to be feasting if I had anything to say about it, and I did not care. I went ahead and grabbed as much food as I could without wanting to draw noticed that the food was absent. My biggest source was the left over dinner I had been forced to throw in the trash container. There was quite a bit there. I left a quarter of it, just in case she was to come back and check the can later on.

             
Once I had an arm full of amazingly tasting food, I went to the door, put my ear up and listened to see if I could hear anyone. Knowing the
repercussions
if I was to get caught, it could spell a death sentence, so when it was all clear; I snuck straight on up to my room, creeping my way up the flight of stairs, bypassing the creaking step
altogether
. Then carefully observing if anyone was out of their respected rooms.  Then not wanting to wait around any longer, quickly I shut the door behind me. I had been
fearing the entire time I was going to run into someone else, my knees were shaking.

             
Soon as the girls saw me, I whispered as a precaution, “Hi Girls I need you not to make a peep, now listen to me.” I held my finger to my mouth so they would know to be quiet. Since there was no locks installed on the bedroom door, for safety I went ahead and sat with my back prompted up against the door. I knew they would be excited when they spotted the food I had brought up with me. With food, we had all become more like vultures - I had become willing to do just about anything to get my hands on it. If we were, going to eat what I managed to get my hands on, then we would had to not waste time and eat it right away. It had turned out to be so good. I pretended it was a lovely picnic. We made a game of it, we pretended we were beside s lovely brook, something Abram and I use to always do before the war.

             
Whispering I explained the game, we were going to be playing; “Now come here children we need to eat, I was able to sneak this food tonight without being caught. However, we have to hurry along and eat it up, just in case someone surprisingly shows up at the door, and girls listen up, this is very important, we must never tell anyone of this wonderful secret picnic, or we could get in big trouble. I will tell you what; let us make it game girls. ”

             
I thought it was prudent to break the bad news to the girls only after they had a chance to eat, get food in their tummies!  I thought they would take it better if
we’re
not hungry – amazing what it had come to.

             
The girls and I had not had this much to eat since the last meal my whole family
and I
had been together. The girls did not take the news so well. But even though they were sad after receiving such devastating news, all the torment they had been going though had certainly made them both very strong, and numb. After they calmed down, I put them both to bed and because they were both behaving so well, I then rewarded them by telling them their favorite bedtime story, the one Abram would tell them. It was about all I could offer them these days. With the food settling in their little tummies, they both became sleepy, in the middle of my story they were both out like a light.

             
Now asleep, I headed off down to the bathroom. I really needed to be alone by this point.  I wanted to take a warm bath, and had a good cry, which I did not want to do in front of the girls. I could not show how much I was hurting in front of them. I was hoping this was going to make me feel better.

             
There I was soaking in the water, once again my hand placed over my mouth. Knowing I was all alone, I began to wail! I did not want to get out of the water. I was an emotional wreck. I did not know what I was going to do.

             
Just when I had decided to get out of the tub, the bathroom door shockingly busted wide open on me; I thought it was probably one of the other Jewish women staying here, just having to go the bathroom all the time, but not expecting him to be standing there. I did my best under the circumstances to endeavor at covering myself up, but I was not near a towel, so I was rather helpless, I did
not know what to do, a loss for words. I was traumatized to see it was the commander standing there, he was clearly drunk. What was he doing here anyways? Was he bringing me news of my husband? Oh, I hoped so; maybe he changed his mind after all, about allowing me to go see him.

             
Colonel Hoess then broke the awkward silence, only after staring at my naked wet body for quite some time. His eyes focusing on my naked body. This made me feel uncomfortable. I was thinking how inappropriate this was for him to be looking at me.  The Colonel came all the way in the bathroom, and shut the door behind him.

             
He then said, “I thought you would bother see me tonight, as an alternative of your husband, who by the way fought horribly, the worst I had ever seen him fight, he was off, what did you say to him? He ended up costing me a whole lot of money, which you are going to pay me back in services.  Your husband was knocked out in the second round. I cannot believe I thought a dim-witted Jew could have won tonight’s fight. Now I am going to have to find a completely new boxer to take your husband’s place. You know what the ramifications of him losing tonight’s fight, means for you?  Well if you had not figured it out yet. I will tell you, you no longer offered any protection. You will not staying in my household – you are no good to me any longer, but before I do end up sending you back to the camp tomorrow, I am going to dam well have my way with you, you owe me bitch! I had thought about this since the first time I saw you. You turned your nose up at me - ;
imagine you thought you were better than me. Now get out of that tub and come here!”

             
I looked over at him, he was beginning to undress himself. I was extremely scared what the implications of this meant, I knew he was about to had his way with me, he was going to rape me, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop him, he was a very powerful man, much too big for me to physically fight off! The look in his eyes was savage, the look he was giving me, gave it all away, Either-way, I knew I would end up dying, I pleated with him, not to make me do this,

             
“Please, no please don’t I am happily married women; I have never been with another man but my husband!” I begged him not to! He looked pissed, he walked over to me, and then he hit me in my gut!

             
“I know, frankly I could not care less, the thought of you only being with one man is quite intriguing, besides you’re in for a real treat with me! You finally are going to be with a real man. What are you so worried about anyways, I will be the last man you ever have, so do what I am telling you, and you just might be able to enjoy yourself.”

             
Then the Colonel pulled out his handgun and then forcefully held it to me head. Then he forced my mouth open with his hand, he then proceeded to stick the barrel of the gun inside my mouth.  I was gagging on it, so he pushed it even deeper.

             
“Just so we are both clear, you will make sure you more than satisfy me, or I promise I will blow your brains out right here and now, trust me I will not hesitate. And you will never see your girls again. I will make sure I have them personally tortured before they die, and least you can spare them both that much. By giving me what I want.”

             
And with that, I gave up the fight, I surrendered to him. I went dead inside; it was the only way I would possibly be able to get through this horror. Here standing before me was a sick dirty man, who smelt of alcohol and cigars smoke. I had to think of the girl, above anything, save them with the only way I still had obtainable to me. I let him have his way with me. I did anything he asked of me. I was forced to do all sort of filthy things to him. He made me sick. He did things to me Abram and I had never attempted, I screamed out in pain, as he so forced himself inside me every way available to him. As the monster was all over me, I did my best to block him all out. I did not bother crying out very long after the first penetration! I did not give the satisfaction of moaning, I did not want to get him aroused even more. I was not remotely getting aroused from his actions. As if I would with my husband
. W
ith Abram it is impossible to stay quiet, his manhood is built rather large for my small female frame, this pig of course his manhood certainly is called into question, he was not built anything like my husband - so it was not too hard, that’s why he was forced to thrust it so much harder inside me.

             
He kept saying, “Oh yes, you like that don’t you bitch, you want even more don’t you filthy Jew?”

             
His hot stinking breath in my ear, as he said this to me, as if he had been expecting me to say yes to him, tell him just how much I was enjoying this, as if he was the best I had ever had. Of course, this was far from the truth. He was more violently with me than I could have ever imagined a man could be, towards a woman. He forced himself inside as hard as he could. My head smashed into the wall with each thrust. He was treating me no better than a dog. It seemed like him raping me had dragged on for hours, and hours. I was not even sure what time it was. I was exhausted. He himself was sweating like a pig, all over me, his fat slapping into me.

             
Colonel Hoess finished up, pulled his pants up. He was too drunk to go on any longer; he might give himself a heart attack otherwise the way in which he was breathing. I was relieved when he ended up throwing up in the toilet; I knew he more than likely would not be able to go on any further, to that I was fortunate.

             
After he was done throwing up, he then said to me, “I guess I was wrong about you! I just do not see what the big deal is about you after all, German women knows what a man wants, they certainly fell much better, you rather felt like I was inside a monkey. You are just another filthy Jew now aren’t you! Nothing special at all. Look at you, look how odd you look. The more I look at you, the more sick you make me. You are better than any of the other Jews here. My wife is much more entertaining. I wish you could have interested me, gave me an excuse to keep you around, no I do not think so. Oh well, first thing in the morning, I am having you taken back to the camp. So enjoy your last
night in a regular bed.” He got dressed, cleaned himself up, he then spat on me as he was leaving!