War Torn Love (69 page)

             
We were forced to work until darkness had arrived, with no breaks. This camp was being run on a twenty-four hour a day scheduled, they had so many Jews being shipped here, in order to keep up with the sheer volume, and they were killing us Jews constantly.  Everyday a train had arrived; sometimes there was even more than one train. The added amount of cars they were adding behind the locomotive.

             
The girls ended up nearly collapsing under sheer exhaustion, the extraordinary demands of this job, made worse by both their very young ages, and the fact that they were already so underweight for their ages.  Half the stuff they were to small and weak to even physically be able to
pick up alone, they had to work together as a team in order to lift the items.

             
At the end of the day, the guards led us, and the rest of the Jews, on our particular shift back to the barracks we were to be staying each night.

             
Food was already being served, and to my consternation, there was a rather lengthy line up. There were hundreds of people all waiting for their own share.

             
As we made our way down the line. I began studying the people. The people in this camp were so much thinner than I humanly thought could even be possible. I knew we too had grown extremely thin over the last couple of years, but these people looked like the walking dead, quite frankly I did not even know what was even holding them up still, driving them. How were they able to manage? They looked like skeletons, many of their bones shapes could be made out, like many of their ribs, with skin loosely draped a frail frame; they had so much extra skin, since they lost so much of their body mass, so fast. The women were hard to
distinguish
from the men, since the women had lost their hair, and most of the mass in their breasts.

             
The people’s eyes sunk back deep back in their heads. They were so pale, so sickly looking, so much anguish, and so much hopelessness. They all looked liked they had given up. But they first had traveled a long road to get to this heartbreaking point.

             
I come to find out I was expected to divide-up one potato and a bowl of broth it was boiled in, and two cups of water to drink amongst the girls and myself. That is all we were-supplied to eat for the day. We ourselves are drastically skinny, so this in all reality was not going to assist curing our hunger.

             
The sleeping situation sadly was even more deplorable than it was back in the
work camp
. A coffin would had been larger, and more comfortable, at this point in time, I think I would gladly trade.

             
I felt fortunate when I was told if you are assigned a job, then they are planning to keep you alive for a while, work you until you end up dying, their ultimate goal,  of course if you could even call this living. But without people like us, the camp simply could not operate. That’s why they keep some of us alive.

             
It was early June of 1943 when the Colonel Hoess punished us, by sending us here.  He raped me, then because he did. He felt I should be punished even further.

             
The first night here, while I was attempting to go to sleep. The promise I made to two very special people in my life…. Promising to not give up! Popped up in my mind, only after I had been laying there, feeling hard for myself. This promise was going to haunt me, certainly was going to be hard to live up to, but I would endeavor.

             
They had us packed in so tightly. The rows of beds were stacked four high.  However, it was the amount of people they expected to get in these spaces. There was so
many of us, that we were packed together so close, that it was nearly impossible just to even roll over as we all attempted to slept, without having to climb on top of someone.

             
It was not just the fact that everyone around us was currently starving, but many were also deathly sick, suffering from many different elements. The amount of coughing taking place all around seemed was non-stop.

             
As far as the girls - I had the girls sleeping both on my right side. They were both
so tired
; the workload was proving too much on either of them, they had fallen asleep only just after I had put them both down. Shortly after eating, they did not even make it for their nightly story time, which they never wanted to miss. I was so worried about them both, I watched them sleep, and they were both snoring. Why were they being forced to work I thought, when they were both so young, much too young for this line of work. Why on earth would the Nazis be making a four and a six-year-old perform manual labor? It had not taken me much longer after myself to get to sleep. I too was exhausted. There was one advantage with being exhausted. This was being too tired to think about things that make you miserable, and sad.

             
I got the benefit of the true horrors of this place. Try if you will, to imagine in your mind the very worst, and you would not even be close, such evil, and disregard.  When I woke up in the morning, I was stiff and sore. The young woman lying next to me had passed on. I was surprised to find out her cold arm lying across my chest. I was freaked
out when I realized this! I tried my best to remain as calm as I can, I did not want to upset the girls.

             
Turns out, she was not the only one had died in the night.  I looked around - I noticed people of all ages had died, maybe ten. And yes the girls had asked me about it.

             
Every morning we were put through this, the same routine, seven days a week, we were forced to report to work at seven, and worked to usually around seven each night. 

             
A month after coming here the worst thing happened; I had become pregnant with that pig's baby. How could I possible want to bring such a piece of evil into this world? I never bothered telling anyone. I prayed for God to take this seed away from me. I guess being starved; there just was enough nourishment in me to allow it to develop on any further. I had miscarried a month later. Imagine I was actually happy about this. I knew if this baby had come to full term, I would have never been able to love the child the way he, or she would have needed.  

             
It was around the end of April 1944, when I was beginning to grow gravely concerned when Abiela, who by now was getting quite sick. She was barely able to hold down the food we did get for her. She was so fragile at this point. With no access to a doctor, medicine, or any real amount of food. I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do for her to improve her health, so I turned to the only tool I had left. I prayed day and night for my baby girl. I would never let her give up, I made her fight on, and I became very blinded by this.

             
If one from the outside of these camps was to ever had a chance and glance at the likes of the three of us, we knew there would be a good possibility we would eventually become just like them. Surely, we were unrecognizable. I knew there was not anything I could do for her failing health, and the guards still made her work. I think deep down I knew she was dying, but it was too painful to admit it. I think that was why I pushed her so hard not to give up. And that little girl never did. I knew she was hanging on for me. What parent could honestly sit back and just watch their own child die just a little more each day, I just could not.

             
My niece concerned for her cousins well-being, was trying to be a second mother to her little cousin, she would help her out as much as she could get away with, pulling a bit extra weight, taking some of the pressure off her, she could also see the signs, it was hard not to. I think she knew it was coming.

             
It was because she was my daughter, and was the youngest of us, that it was so hard on her little underdeveloped body.  Coming here, she had all but stopped growing. A couple of weeks after coming down with her sickness, which involved coughing, the run’s, fevers, loss of appetite, her fail body just could not take it any longer. It was failing on her, it was lucky if she had weighed fifty pounds. I know I would do anything if I could if it had meant I was going to be saved.

             
I had just returned, after waiting in the long line for our dinner, I was remotely cheered up being able to get us something to eat. I was afraid to be separated from my
daughter. Abelia was too weak to get up having had arrived back, my niece stayed with her the whole time, never leaving her side.  When I returned back to them, once I had managed to secure the food,

             
I glanced over at my niece, then back to my daughter. I spoke softly to her, “Sweetie look what Momma brought for you back, look sweetie it’s something to eat!” I lifted her head up gently with my hand, so I could try feeding her something to eat; she was just so frail at this point. “They gave us a bit extra tonight!” I was lying of course, but I wanted her to eat, rather than myself.

             
“You should eat something; it will help you fell better!” I had said.

             
There was a moment of clarity about her; she was not speaking to me as a young child would, “No Momma why don’t you go ahead and eat, you both will need your strength to get through all this, you will Momma, you will get through this.” Then she said, “I am not scared anymore!”

             
I was shocked by what she just had said to me, I was curious, I had to ask her, “What are you not scared of sweetie?”

             
Barely able to answer me back, she looked me directly in my eyes, “Momma you must live!  Its time, I love you mamma…” Her hand that she had placed on my cheek during this time to comfort me.

             
Then just like that, she closed her little eyes, her little body went limp, her hand that was placed on my
cheek, lifelessly fell back to the bed below, and with nothing to no longer hold it up. In an instant, I saw the life in her tiny body leave this earth. I felt like my heart was just ripped right out of my chest, as painful as it was to lose my sister, and parents, and especially my husband, but nothing compared to my daughter -it was ten-times worse. I thought it was not possible to have it hurt so badly, but it was. Both my niece and I began crying out. I lifted my baby up into my arms. I kissed her forehead, “I love you my baby, no more suffering, I am so, so sorry. I am sorry I had asked you not to give up on me, you are, were such a good kid. I realize now it was I and your cousin was the reason you held on as long as you had. I thought I was doing you good. I am sorry I had asked so much of you, even when I knew you did not have it in you, now my
baby goes
in peace my love!” 

             
I began to cry, I was conversely quite relieved that she would not have to suffer any longer. it was quite odd that at this moment, the moment that I just lost my only child, that suddenly, I felt a sudden strength dwelling from deep inside of me, I had not had just before her death. Deep down I think I understood the message that she was trying to tell me. Imagine, even in her young age, that she somehow was trying to tell me I must in not to give up, and to live.
It’s
funny somehow my husband, and sister and now my daughter all could foresee something I was not able to, even when they knew they would not make it themselves. Abelia was saying I had to do more than just try to survive. I knew somehow this was truly a divine moment. My own daughter was a true angel! I would not be
surprised if my God had just talked to me though her. She somehow was always able to see the good in people.