Warrior's Cross (42 page)

Cross… isn’t,” he offered with an apologetic shrug.

Cameron nodded in relief. “As long as you’re Julian, I think I can deal with that,” he admitted tentatively.

“I am,” Julian affirmed hopefully. “And I’m possibly in need of an ice cube,” he added as he licked at his bleeding lip.

“No kidding,” Cameron responded. “Blake warned me it would hurt, but you know, it was a spur-of-the-moment thing.”

“I would advise you not to shake it,” Julian muttered dryly. “First time I hit someone I broke my finger,” he added with a smirk.

“I think I avoided that,” Cameron said, looking at his hand. The knuckles were already darkening to bruises. He sighed and paused, just to look at Julian, soak him in. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he admitted softly, most of the harsh emotions finally draining away.

“Everything I did, every change I made, I wondered… what would you have thought?”

Julian was silent, looking at Cameron closely across the kitchen counter. Finally, he reached across the counter and took Cameron’s chin in his hand. “The only thing that matters is you,” he claimed. “If you’re happy.”

Cameron found his breath hard to catch as Julian’s fingers brushed against his skin. He reached up to grab Julian’s wrist so he wouldn’t pull away.

“Can you forgive me?” Julian asked worriedly.

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Cameron’s shoulders slumped, and his hand tightened on Julian’s wrist. “Maybe,” he whispered honestly. “I just don’t know, Julian. I still hurt. I still want to be angry.”

Julian let out a pent-up breath and nodded. “I can live with maybe for now,” he whispered unsteadily, a mix of relief and pain clear in his voice.

Cameron’s heart thumped as his eyes scanned him over, truly looking at Julian for the first time in so long. He looked tired and worried, worn out and completely spent. His eyes weren’t the same sharp obsidian Cameron remembered in his dreams. He realized that all this time, Julian must have been living on a high wire.

“You haven’t been taking care of yourself,” he accused softly.

“No,” Julian agreed unrepentantly. “You were right. I need someone to do it for me.”

Cameron licked his lips slowly, a frown creasing his brow as he nodded. He looked Julian over, feeling guilty already for the bloody lip he himself had given the man. “What do you need?” he asked softly.

Julian dug into the pocket of his jeans and extracted a bottle of prescription pills. “I need a glass of water,” Julian answered miserably.

“Okay,” Cameron said, trying not to be amused as he turned and retrieved a glass to fill.

Julian took the water with a mumbled thanks. He swallowed the pills with one gulp and then drank down the rest of the water. He didn’t meet Cameron’s eyes until he handed the glass back to him.

Cameron accepted it as he looked over Julian’s flushed face.

“Want some more to drink?” he asked quietly as he reached up and smoothed down the ruffled hair around Julian’s ear.

Julian shook his head in answer. “How are you?” he asked softly.

“Aside from angry?”

Cameron sighed and shook his head slightly. “Hurting,” he murmured. He turned to lift his shirt and show Julian the vivid black-and-blue bruise that ran from his shoulder down to his elbow.

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Julian frowned and looked at it in confusion. “What’s that from?”

he asked softly.

“When I tipped myself over in that damn chair,” Cameron said, still inspecting the bruises that were just now starting to fade.

Julian reached out with his good hand and slid his fingers gently down Cameron’s arm. “I’m sorry you were hurt,” he murmured.

A frown creased Cameron’s forehead as he watched Julian’s unreadable eyes. “Did you ever plan to really kill him?” he asked curiously.

Julian looked up to meet his eyes and smiled sadly. “Yeah,” he answered. “I’ve been trying to kill him for five years,” he admitted.

“There’s a reason I’ve never really succeeded.”

Cameron didn’t understand and couldn’t begin to. He bit his lip and curled his fingers loosely around Julian’s wrist, allowing himself to touch more than he had ever thought he would again. “Blake said you were… together once,” he ventured hesitantly.

Julian’s head jerked slightly, and then he closed his eyes as he shook his head. “No,” he answered softly. “Not like that. I loved that bastard like a brother,” he told Cameron as his voice hardened. “But he got reckless. Put us in danger. I couldn’t have that.”

Cameron released Julian’s hand and began to move, pacing away from the kitchen. “It hurts to lose someone you love,” he whispered as he turned around to look at Julian again.

Julian nodded, turning his head slightly to watch Cameron as he moved. “It hurt more when it was you,” he whispered suddenly.

Cameron stayed quiet for a long moment, warring within himself.

He wanted to wrap around the other man and let himself sink into the comfort of what they had once had. But the mention of Lancaster reminded him that he also wanted answers. “Why did you give me the necklace?” he asked softly. “You said it had meaning to you, but you never told me why.”

Julian flinched and backed away a step, head lowered and eyes closed. “It did have meaning,” he muttered in answer. “It was special to me. It was a symbol of protection, of brotherhood and loyalty. It was a 300

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symbol of the only kind of love I knew before you,” he said quickly as he looked up at Cameron sadly. “The only time I could look at it and not remember how angry I’d been was when I saw you wearing it.”

“He betrayed you,” Cameron said softly. He looked up at Julian, his own face pained. “I betrayed you too.”

Julian met his eyes briefly before a shiver ran through him, and his eyes flickered away. He didn’t say anything in response.

Cameron bit his lip. “It’s gone,” he whispered.

“What is?” Julian asked hoarsely as he turned his head again, almost meeting Cameron’s eyes.

“The necklace.”

Julian tilted his head, his brow knitting as he reached out with his good hand and slid his fingers under the collar of Cameron’s shirt.

“Good,” he finally said curtly.

Cameron jerked his chin up in surprise. “Good?”

Julian nodded wordlessly, his jaw set stubbornly. “Good,” he repeated as he reached up and slid his hand along the side of Cameron’s neck, letting his thumb run along the top of Cameron’s collarbone.

“One less thing hanging between us,” he said as he met Cameron’s eyes steadily.

Cameron found himself getting lost in the emotion in those eyes, and he knew if he didn’t back away now he would be lost for good. He took a slight step back, forcing Julian’s hand to slide away.

Julian remained where he was, watching him silently. “Loving each other isn’t enough now, is it?” he asked, his voice flat and lifeless.

When Cameron looked back at Julian, he couldn’t keep the pain out of his eyes. “I’m afraid it’s too much,” he said, voice breaking.

“There’s still danger, isn’t there? To both of us. What if I lose you again?”

“Then you’ll hurt again,” Julian answered bluntly. “And finally move on just as you were the first time.”

Cameron swallowed hard on the gorge that rose into his throat. “I don’t want that to happen,” he whispered, looking up into Julian’s eyes.

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Julian tipped his head to one side, pursing his lips as he considered his answer. “I lost you before because I lied to you,” he pointed out. “I could tell you nothing would ever happen again, that we’ll always be together and safe, but….” He shrugged helplessly and shook his head.

“You’re the one who said you could be hit by a car on the way to the grocery store.”

Cameron nodded slowly as he closed his arms around Julian’s waist. “I’d rather be scared with you than without you. Being afraid when I knew I could have been with you was terrifying.”

Julian nodded solemnly as he slid his good arm around Cameron’s shoulders and pulled him close. He set his chin on the crown of Cameron’s head as Cameron embraced him. “I’ve found that having someone to watch your back helps you face down the terror,” he said softly.

“Yeah,” Cameron whispered. He closed his eyes and turned his head to press his ear against Julian’s chest so he could hear the thumping heartbeat.

“Preferably with a sniper rifle,” Julian couldn’t help but add under his breath.

Cameron snorted and shook his head. Then he tipped his head back. “Julian, since you’re… dead… will you still be doing… that job?”

Julian inhaled slowly and took a small step back, raising his chin to look over Cameron’s head. “I have no reason to,” he finally answered. “The game’s changed, anyway,” he mumbled as he looked back down at Cameron.

“Changed?” Cameron echoed.

“No honor in it,” Julian answered, almost embarrassed as he spoke.

Cameron slowly smiled. “I knew there was a little bit of a white knight hiding under all that black armor,” he teased gently.

“Don’t kid yourself, now,” Julian warned with a hint of a blush.

Cameron smiled before going on tiptoe to kiss Julian gently.

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Julian tensed against him, his lips parting against the kiss. “Does this mean I get a second chance?” he asked breathlessly.

“Yes,” Cameron whispered in between kisses.

Julian seemed to deflate against him, the relief obvious as he pulled Cameron closer with one arm and hugged him hard. “You’ll stay with me?” he asked uncertainly.

“Would you please not die again?” Cameron said against his chest.

Julian sighed and rested his chin on Cameron’s head again. “If that’s the caveat I’m afraid I won’t be able to comply,” he said wryly.

“I promise to try very hard not to,” he added seriously.

“That’s what’s important,” Cameron said. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. “I love you, Julian. I know I broke both our hearts when I sent you away. But I never stopped loving you.”

Julian nodded and looked down at Cameron sadly. Suddenly his dark eyes lit up, and he broke into a smile. “Have you ever been to Ireland?” he asked with a hint of mischief in his voice.

“Ireland?” Cameron said, leaning back to look up at Julian, surprised by the non sequitur. “I’ve never been out of the Midwest, much less overseas.”

“Oh, we’ll fix that,” Julian promised as he slid one arm around Cameron and began trying to work his way out of his sling.

Frowning, Cameron tried to hunch close. “Don’t hurt yourself,” he cautioned. “So you want to take me to Ireland?” he asked, his voice a little dubious.

Julian finally freed himself of the sling and took Cameron’s face in both hands, heedless of the pain it must have caused him to move. “I want to take you anywhere you want to go,” he told Cameron in a low murmur before kissing him possessively.

Cameron felt dizzy when Julian finally let him breathe. “As long as I’m with you, I don’t care,” he murmured as he moved one hand to cup Julian’s cheek.

“I love you, Cameron,” Julian whispered as he held Cameron to him tightly. “Please don’t ever doubt it again.”

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Cameron tipped his head back, looking into his lover’s eyes and whispering, “I promise.”

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MADELEINE URBAN is a down-home Kentucky girl who’s been writing since she could hold a crayon. Although she has written and published on her own, she truly excels when writing with co-authors.

She lives with her husband, who is very supportive of her work, and two canine kids who only allow her to hug them when she has food.

She wants to live at Disney World, the home of fairy dust, because she believes that with hard work, a little luck, and beloved family and friends, dreams really can come true.

Email Madeleine at [email protected].

Visit Madeleine’s blog at http://madeleineurban.livejournal.com/.

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ABIGAIL ROUX was born and raised in North Carolina. A past volleyball star who specializes in pratfalls and sarcasm, she currently spends her time coaching middle school volleyball and softball and dreading the day when her little girl hits that age. Abigail has a loving husband, a baby girl they call Boomer, four cats, three dogs, a crazyass extended family, and a cast of thousands in her head.

Visit Abigail’s blog at http://abigail-roux.livejournal.com/.