We Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (12 page)

He tilted her chin up so she couldn’t avoid his eyes, which were more intense than usual. “How can you blame yourself for that?” he asked. “What Terry did probably had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He’s not exactly used to denying himself.”

“If I’d been enough to satisfy him, he wouldn’t have felt the need to go elsewhere, right? I mean, he wouldn’t have had any desire for other women. It’s only logical.”

“Logic doesn’t necessarily apply when things like ego are involved,” Cole said, using his thumb to wipe away the second tear that fell down her cheek. “You’re woman enough for any man, Jackie. You’re the only woman
I’ve
ever wanted.” Then he lowered his head and kissed her, a kiss so warm and tender it nearly melted Jaclyn’s bones. His mouth moved slowly on hers, as the hot water swirled around their legs, making her feel giddy, almost weightless. She could have pushed him away if she’d wanted to, but the thought never entered her mind. Letting her eyes drift closed as his arm came around her, she tried to take in every sensation separately so she wouldn’t miss one, start
ing with Cole’s mouth and how he tasted. One hand cradled her jaw and lightly caressed her cheek….

Suddenly he broke away. “It’s getting too hot in here. We’d better go,” he said, leaving Jaclyn to wonder if he was as unaffected by what had just happened as he seemed, or if the world had stopped turning for him, too.

I
T WAS TOO MUCH
,
her sitting there, her big eyes staring up at him, filling with tears. No man could have resisted kissing her, right? A kiss wasn’t anything, not really. It certainly wasn’t any kind of commitment.

We’re just friends,
he assured himself as they crossed the parking lot to the motel entrance.
I didn’t cross any lines. I was only comforting her.
But the heat in his groin attested to exactly the opposite. He wanted to do a lot more than comfort Jaclyn. He wanted to take her to his room and—

Suddenly Jaclyn stopped.

Surprised, Cole looked up to see Terry, and three of the guys Terry had hung out with in high school, leaning against his Navigator, watching them.

“Look, boys, it’s Cole Perrini. Quite an upgrade since high school, huh?” Terry angled his head toward Cole’s SUV. “What’d you do with the old rattletrap, Cole? That hunk of junk finally die?”

Cole ignored him. He was too busy taking stock of the odds. He could tell immediately that this wasn’t a friendly meeting, and he wanted to have a plan in case a fight broke out.

“Terry, what are you guys doing here?” Jaclyn asked.

“Just thought we’d drop by to say hello. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen Cole. The boys and I have missed him, haven’t we, guys?”

“Oh, yeah, we’ve missed him, all right,” someone muttered. Cole thought it was the kid they used to call Rocket.

“Haven’t you missed your children?” she countered. “Why aren’t you home with them?”

“They’re fine with Grandma and Grandpa. You saw to that so you and your new boyfriend here could do your thing in the hot tub.”

“We didn’t do anything in the hot tub.”

“Don’t look to me like you’re carrying any swimsuits.”

Jaclyn felt a blush rise to her cheeks. “Cole’s my boss, Terry.”

“Right. Why would I think anything else? It’s perfectly natural for a woman to get naked with her boss, don’t you think, Jimmy?”

Jimmy Hansen, who looked, more than any of the others, like the stereotypical redneck, grinned and nodded. He used to play center for the high-school football team, Cole remembered, and wasn’t surprised to see he’d only gotten larger with the passing years. “I like it when my secretary gets naked with me,” Hansen said.

“What Jaclyn and I do or don’t do is our business,” Cole said.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Perrini. Everything Jaclyn does is my business,” Terry countered. “She’s the mother of my children. And they’re not going to have any father but me. You understand that, we can avoid a lot of problems.”

“You should have thought about being their father long before now,” Cole said. “Maybe she’d be more than the mother of your children. Maybe she’d still be your wife.”

Terry stepped away from the car to stand directly in their path. The others moved forward, too, congregating behind Terry and smirking.

“What about you, asshole? What about all the times you screwed around on Rochelle? You think we don’t know about that? You think we don’t know why she tried to kill herself?”

The unfairness of Terry’s accusation caused Cole to clench his teeth against an instantaneous flood of anger. It was Rochelle’s twisted thinking that had caused her to at
tempt suicide. He wasn’t about to take responsibility for that. And he refused to let Terry taunt him about it. Especially when Feld’s spoiled rich kid and his friends didn’t really care about Rochelle. This was about Jaclyn.

“Your daddy must not be keeping you busy enough kissing his ass, Terry, because you’ve had plenty of time to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong,” Cole said. “You don’t know what happened between me and Rochelle, so don’t pretend you do. Looks to me like you’ve got enough of your own problems.”

Terry’s face purpled, and Cole fully expected him to take a swing. He knew he shouldn’t have provoked Terry, that even now he should take Jaclyn and walk away, but he couldn’t. He had too much emotional baggage left over from those years in Feld, and these people and how they’d treated him. He didn’t think they’d let him go peacefully, anyway.

“You spoiling for a fight, trailer trash?” Terry taunted.

“Terry, please. This is so unnecessary,” Jaclyn interrupted.

Cole put a hand on her arm and pulled her slightly behind him, just in case. “You fellas been out drinking and now you’re looking for trouble. But you don’t want to look here.”

“Oh, yeah? Why not?” Terry demanded. “A few of the guys have a bone to pick with you. You broke Jason’s nose thirteen years ago, remember?”

Cole let his gaze flick toward the man on Terry’s left. “I remember the day he stole my brother’s lunch for the last time, if that’s what you mean. He want to fight about that again?”

Jason’s eyes lowered, but Terry’s remained hard and glittery and eager for violence. “Maybe it’s time we settled the score between us once and for all.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!” Jaclyn said, outraged. “Haven’t any of you boys grown up since high school?
My God, Terry. Cole was nice enough to drive the kids out to see you, and you bring your friends here to start a fight with him? When are you going to stop being a child and start being a man?”

Her words stung. Cole could tell by the way Terry reared back.

“I’m more man than you can handle, sweetheart,” he said. “I think we’ve already established that.”

“Then, prove it and walk away,” she said.

“Come on, she’s right,” Jason said. “I’d rather drink than fight.” He started to leave, and Rocket followed.

Jimmy and Terry remained, but Cole was starting to feel a little better about the odds. At least he had a chance of surviving a fight now, if one broke out.

“You guys leaving, too?” he asked.

Jimmy glanced at Terry, then back at Cole. “He’s not worth it, Terry,” he said at last. “You want to spend the night in jail?”

“Old LeRoy’s not gonna throw our butts in jail.”

“He might not put
your
butt in jail, but my daddy doesn’t own half the town, and Georgia would probably leave me if I got into trouble again. Come on, let’s go,” he said, clasping Terry’s shoulder. “Come on, man.”

Terry gave Jaclyn a cold, hard look. “I used to think you were too good for trailer trash like him, but maybe you two deserve each other,” he said, then let Jimmy pull him away. They got into the truck parked next to the Navigator and peeled out of the lot.

It took a few seconds for the adrenaline pumping through Cole to subside. When he felt calm again, he reached for Jaclyn’s hand.

“I’m sorry about that,” she said.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for. What happened was Terry’s doing, not yours.”

“I didn’t mean the pissing contest,” she said. “I’m sorry
about what he called you. You’re not trailer trash. You never have been.”

Cole made an effort to shrug it off. “Don’t worry about it.” He started walking to their rooms—which were on the ground floor, next door to each other—but she pulled him back.

“I do worry about it. I feel badly because I let that go on when we were in high school.”

“Jaclyn, you couldn’t have saved me from anything.”

She smiled, remembering that he’d handled things pretty well on his own. “I could have tried,” she said. “I wish I had.”

Cole studied her face, tempted to tell her how crazy about her he’d been back then. But he decided it would only make her feel worse. “It didn’t bother me,” he lied.

At their rooms, Jaclyn unlocked her door and stepped inside, then hesitated when he said good-night. “Are you tired? Or do you want to come over in half an hour or so and watch a movie on Pay Per View?” she asked.

All Cole’s warning bells were going off. After everything that had happened tonight—dinner at her place, the confrontation with Burt at the ranch, the…kiss by the hot tub and the showdown in the parking lot, he’d be smarter to call it a night. But since when had he been one to do the sensible thing? He’d proved that by being willing to go skinny-dipping with Jaclyn in the first place. Now he was going to her room at ten o’clock where they’d be alone for hours….

Hell, why not? he asked himself. Life was a series of risks. He’d just have to be smart enough not to let this one get the best of him. “Sure. I’ll be over in a few minutes.”

“Give me thirty,” she said. “I’d really like to shower.”

J
ACLYN QUICKLY SHAVED
her legs and rinsed the shampoo out of her hair before turning off the water. Then she stood in front of the mirror and tried to see herself as Cole would have seen her, had she been willing to disrobe at the hot tub. She’d lost weight since the divorce—that was one positive thing that had come from it. She’d had trouble shedding the last ten pounds of pregnancy weight after having Alyssa, but it was gone now.

She turned sideways to be sure, checking the flatness of her stomach and the shape of her breasts—something she hadn’t done in ages—and was encouraged. For thirty-one, she didn’t look bad. But she wondered, if Cole
were
to see her, would he notice the three stretch marks below her navel? Drawing closer to her reflection, she fingered the marks of her last pregnancy and frowned. Cole had no doubt dated some very beautiful women. There was no way she could ever compare.

Which made no difference to her, she told herself firmly. He wasn’t interested in her romantically. He scarcely talked to her at the office, and it was only this weekend that he’d shown any inclination to become better friends. Her sudden interest in how appealing or unappealing she was simply indicated that it was time to get out and start dating.

After putting on some makeup and blow-drying her hair, she pulled on the denim skirt and sweater top she’d brought for the next day, then surveyed herself again. Her hair was getting long and could use a trim, but it had plenty of body.
It fell past her shoulders in a curly mass. She was contemplating whether to pull it up, when Cole’s knock came at the door.

“Jaclyn, it’s me.”

A stutter in her pulse told Jaclyn she was more excited to see him than she wanted to be, but she shoved that thought out of her mind. She didn’t have the kids tonight and was determined to enjoy herself. Even if inviting Cole over to watch a movie did feel as though she was crossing a boundary between them, she knew better than to let things get out of hand.

If only she could stop picturing Cole’s face just before he kissed her….

She wondered if she’d ever banish the image, then decided she’d be stupid to do so. It was already one of her favorite memories.

“Coming.” She flipped off the bathroom light, checked to make sure she hadn’t left any clothes lying around, then answered the door.

“Hi.” He was carrying a bottle of wine and two glasses, and was wearing a snug-fitting pair of faded jeans and a gray sweatshirt—plain, casual clothes, but he looked great in them. Jaclyn doubted he could look bad in anything.

Smiling, she stepped back to let him in. “Hi.”

“Did you have a chance to check the movie listings?” he asked, angling his shoulders to fit past her.

She hadn’t thought about movies since she’d extended him the invitation. She’d been too preoccupied with trying to decide whether or not her breasts were beginning to sag. “Not yet. I just showered.”

He put the wine and the glasses on the table, then sat on the bed closest to the television before facing her. “I was thinking maybe we should forgo the movie and just talk.”

“Okay.” Jaclyn got the impression this evening wasn’t going to be the “fun without the kids” she’d been looking for. She took the seat next to the television, hoping he
wouldn’t read her disappointment. “What do you want to talk about?”

He hesitated, glanced at the wine, then back at her. “I’m not a good bet for you, Jackie. I’m not saying I don’t want to take our relationship to…a more intimate level, but I’m not the marrying kind.”

Jaclyn tucked her hair behind her ears. “So you’re just putting me on notice?”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“Okay.”

Their eyes met for a long minute, then Jaclyn said, “Does that mean you don’t want to see a movie?”

“It means I don’t know if I should stay.”

“Because you think I’ll want to marry you if something happens?” She grinned. “You must be even better than I thought.”

He scowled at her teasing. “Come on, Jaclyn. I’m just trying to be up-front and honest here. You know where what happened at the hot tub could lead.”

“It could lead a lot of places. We could become lovers. We could also become the best of friends. Or we might decide we don’t really like each other at all. You don’t have to take responsibility for decisions we haven’t made yet, Cole. And you don’t have to go around posting Consumer Beware notices for me—‘Caution, I may have sex with you but that doesn’t mean I’ll want to marry you.’ Jeez, I may be naive, but I know sex and love aren’t necessarily the same thing. And if I ever make the decision to get involved with you on those terms, I’ll know better than to hold you to anything deeper, okay?”

“So what’s the bottom line?” he asked.

“Exactly what I said. That I’m perfectly capable of deciding whether or not to invite you over for a movie, even if we did kiss.”

“Do you want anything from our relationship, besides a job?”

“I want to be friends.”

“That’s it?”

“Are you asking if I’m interested in something physical between us?”

He studied her for a moment, then said, “I guess I am.”

“No.” Jaclyn’s answer was quick and firm, even though on one level she knew it was a lie. She did want to kiss Cole again, wanted to do more than kiss him. She was attracted to him, and she was lonely—a dangerous combination. But she wasn’t the type to have sex with a man, then smile and wave goodbye in the morning. Which meant they weren’t right for each other, something Jaclyn had known all along.

He didn’t respond right away, making Jaclyn wonder what he was thinking. His face was so shuttered, she couldn’t tell whether he was disappointed. “I understand. What do you want to watch?”

The conversation turned to a discussion of the available movies. They chose
Proof of Life,
and Cole ordered it. Then he poured them each a glass of wine, Jaclyn turned off the lights, and they settled on separate beds to watch Meg Ryan and Russell Crowe.

The next thing she knew, it was morning, and Cole was gone.

F
ELD HADN’T CHANGED MUCH
.
Cole drove around the town in the early dawn, wondering how different he’d be if his family hadn’t moved here. His mother would still have died of multiple sclerosis, his father would have had to work night and day to keep a roof over their heads, and Cole would have had to look out for his younger brothers. Those things would not have changed. But he might have retained a certain amount of anonymity and not felt the need to cover the pain and fear inside him by acting out. And he wouldn’t have met Rochelle.

He thought about Jaclyn and the conversation they’d had
last night, and felt his mood darken. They’d had a good time at the hot tub. Why he couldn’t go to her room and simply enjoy a movie was beyond him. Instead, he’d brought up the subject of their relationship, forced her to commit herself, and now he wasn’t sure he was happy with the outcome. He didn’t know what he’d been trying to achieve, except to stop what had happened with Rochelle from happening again.

Rochelle.
All roads in Feld seemed to lead back to her. Terry had accused him of cheating on her, and he had—once. But that was at the very end, when it was all over, anyway. The secretary who worked for the same trucking outfit he did came over to console him the day Rochelle tried to kill herself, and she was very warm and friendly and forward. Things got out of hand, but his marriage had been destroyed long before that. The reason had nothing to do with fidelity and everything to do with obsession.

Slowing at the entrance to the old trailer park where he used to live, Cole turned in and crept down the main road, studying the beatup trailers he passed. Even the Desert Mirage Trailer Park was the same, he decided. Same people. Same poverty.

He took a right at the first turnoff and pulled to the side of the road to sit and stare at the trailer his family had once rented. It had been a piece of junk all those years ago. It was worse now. Cole couldn’t believe it was still standing.

“Aha! I thought you’d come back one day!” A hand smacked his passenger window, and Cole dipped his head to see the old, wrinkled face of Granny Fanny, the widow who’d lived next to them.

He rolled down the window. “Don’t you ever change, Fanny? I swear you don’t look a day older than you did ten years ago.”

“That’s ’cause I was old and ugly then, boy. Ain’t no-place to go from there.”

“I’ve always liked the way you look,” he said.

“That why you keep sendin’ me money?”

Cole raised his brows in surprise. “What makes you think I’m sending you money?”

She smiled, revealing some gaps in her teeth that hadn’t been there before. “No one else would do it.”

“It’s not me,” he said, lying so she wouldn’t feel beholden to him. To salvage her pride and release her from any sense of obligation, he’d never included a return address or a note. He only wanted to help her out, since her own kids never did. She lived pretty lean; it didn’t take much.

“Bullshit,” she said.

Cole chuckled. Evidently her propensity for swearing hadn’t changed, either. “Why would I send you anything?” he teased. “You’ve always done a good job looking out for yourself.”

“Damn right. But I guess you send it, anyway, ’cause you got a heart the size of Texas. That you’d bother with an old lady like me after all these years might come as a surprise to some, but not to me. You were a good boy.”

“Come on. I was a hell-raiser.”

“No one could ever convince me of that. You movin’ back, Coley? Lookin’ for a place?”

“No.” Cole took a deep breath and returned his gaze to the trailer where he used to live. “Just taking a walk down memory lane.”

“Well, I got something for you, then.” She stepped away from the truck, moved the sprinkler that was watering a small green patch of lawn and disappeared inside her narrow home, while Cole climbed out of the truck to wait. When she returned, she was carrying a bottle of pickled beets in one hand and an envelope in the other.

“I haven’t bottled for a few years,” she said, giving him the beets. “Arthritis is finally getting the best of old Fanny. But I saved this for you. Knew you always liked ’em.”

A knot in Cole’s throat suddenly threatened to choke
him, and he glanced quickly away so she wouldn’t see how her gesture affected him. She’d always been kind to him. In her gruff way, she’d stood by him at a time when there was no one else.

“Thanks,” he said. “There’s nothing better than your beets.”

“And there’s this—” she added. “I hate to even give it to you, but here it is.”

The envelope she handed him had his name on the front—and Rochelle’s return address in the upper left-hand corner. Cole tensed automatically.

“She came by here,” Granny explained, “’bout a year ago, cryin’ and claimin’ she needed to find you. She was up to no good, that girl, if you ask me. But I said I’d keep the letter and give it to you if I ever saw you again.”

Cole opened the passenger door and shoved the envelope in his glove box. He didn’t want to touch it, let alone read it. “She tell you anything about what was wrong?”

“No. Just blubbered like a damn crybaby, trying to win my sympathies. But I could see right through her. I’d be ashamed of her if she was a kid of mine.”

Cole nodded. He could have written a book on Rochelle’s manipulative tactics. “Thanks,” he said. “Someone’s expecting me in town. I’d better go.”

“Sure. It was good to see you, Coley. You turned into something to be proud of. I knew you would.”

The lump in Cole’s throat threatened to return. He swallowed hard. “You take care, Fanny.”

“I’m doin’ just fine,” she said. “Don’t you worry none about me.”

I
T WAS ONLY EIGHT O’CLOCK
when Cole returned to the Starlight. He was planning to let Jaclyn sleep in, but when he pulled into the lot, she opened her door, and he could see that she was showered and ready to go for the day.

“What are you doing up so early?” he asked, getting out.

“You were up earlier than me. I thought maybe you’d abandoned me.”

He smiled. If he could have abandoned her, he would have done it the day she’d shown up at his office and asked for work. “I’m not going anywhere. I just didn’t sleep very well last night. Decided to take a drive.”

“I guess the wine put me right out. I slept like a log.”

He remembered. She’d fallen asleep during the first thirty minutes of the movie, and he’d spent the next hour-and-a-half telling himself he shouldn’t move over to her bed and try to change her mind about wanting something physical between them.

“You hungry?” he asked.

“Yeah, but I can grab a doughnut or something, if you’ve already eaten.”

“I haven’t. I was waiting for you. Where do you want to go?”

“I guess the Skillet is still about the best place for breakfast, unless there’s a new restaurant I don’t know about.”

“The Skillet’s fine.” Anywhere they went, they were going to draw attention, Cole thought. He was used to it, at least in Feld. Jaclyn, on the other hand, had always been Terry’s girl and the town darling. He wondered if she was going to mind damaging her image by being seen with him.

“Hop in.” Cole had been planning to shower and shave, but he didn’t want to make Jaclyn wait. He adjusted the ball cap he’d pulled on when he left earlier, figuring he might look a little rough around the edges, but he’d have to do.

Jaclyn climbed into the truck, and Cole pulled out onto Main Street.

The Skillet was an old greasy spoon located right in the center of town. It served breakfast all day, every day, and had always been a popular place, even when Cole lived in
Feld. Today, probably because it was Sunday, it was packed.

“You mind waiting?” he asked Jaclyn, when they entered and he saw several parties ahead of them.

“No. We don’t have anything else to do.”

The smell of hash browns, eggs and coffee roused Cole’s appetite as Jaclyn handed him a section of the
Feld Independent
she’d found spread out on the vending machine next to the door. They stood to the side so others could get by. Cole was reading about Burt Wentworth’s plans to open a car dealership west of town, when one of the waitresses who’d been rushing past them recognized him.