We Shall Rise (33 page)

“No. I offered.”

“Why? You don’t exactly like me,” Kaden reminded Lucian.

“True,” Lucian acknowledged, “but I understand you and, in many ways, I can relate to you. I want to help if I can.”

“Tell me we are not going to have a father and son bonding moment,” Kaden moaned as he scooted further away from Lucian.

“I’m not in a position to distill any fatherly advice. Mine was a complete jackass and up until recently my love life was equally pathetic. My bed had been a revolving door of women. I slept with any woman who would have me just so I could try to erase the memory of your mother. Eventually I settled down and agreed to marry a woman I didn’t love and barely liked, mainly because I wanted to prove to your mother that I was over her. All I ended up doing was hurting everyone including myself. That stupidity nearly cost me everything so if I can help you avoid a similar fate I would like to because I think you deserve better. The problem with you is that you refuse to see it.”

Lucian wasn’t the first person to tell him that, but it was hard for him to imagine more for himself when he had caused so much hurt for those he loved. As much as he wanted to convince the world and himself that he was okay being alone, he knew he wasn’t. He would never be okay again.

Surprisingly, he was glad Lucian was here. He wanted someone to talk to and although Lucian would not have been at the top of his list, maybe he could understand in a way the others couldn’t. Kaden never had an older male to talk to before. Father and son conversations were certainly not an option with Daughton, and there had never been anyone else to talk to other than his mother, Aunt Corinne and Maddie. Although they were always there for him, there were some things only another man could understand. Maybe Lucian was his best option. Ironic how things worked out, Kaden thought. The man he despised—who tried to ruin his life—was probably the only man who could help him save it.

Before he could talk himself out of opening up, Kaden blurted out, “I panicked.” Kaden took a breath and stared ahead. He couldn’t meet Lucian’s eyes as he admitted the truth. “I panicked. When I heard that Reysa was carrying my child, I was consumed with absolute terror. I didn’t know what to do or what to say and of course I ended up doing and saying all the wrong things. I just couldn’t imagine being anyone’s father. I don’t know how to be a father. I had just wrapped my head around trying to be a good mate to Reysa. I finally accepted that I could handle that, but a child was just too much for me. I can’t learn how to be a mate and a father at the same time. I would screw it up. So I left before I could. I took the easy way out and I ran like the coward Reysa accused me of being.”

Lucian sat there for a moment saying nothing as Kaden unburdened himself. Kaden had buried so much pain deep within that Lucian suspected he rarely, if ever, opened up to anyone. He was honored to be there for him this time. Despite his earlier words, he did care for Kaden and not just because he was Olivia’s son. He was his son as well now and Kaden needed a father.

“You’re not the first immortal to panic at the prospect of impending fatherhood. I think it’s natural. It’s supposed to be scary, but it’s also a most treasured gift.” Lucian wasn’t sure how much of his own feelings he wanted to share with Kaden. Like Kaden, he often kept his emotions to himself pushing everyone away who tried to penetrate the steel walls he had erected around his heart. He knew the only way to make a difference for Kaden was to be as open with him as he wanted Kaden to be. “Your mother and I want a child of our own, but it may not be possible for us. The mescah caused damage and although she has mostly healed, a child may not be for us ever. It changes nothing between us, but it makes me appreciate even more what a gift you’ve been given. The fates have been kind to you Kaden Gaspard even if you don’t want to believe it. They are giving you a chance to right the wrongs of the past and to start anew. It’s up to you to embrace it. You will make mistakes and sometimes you will feel like the biggest failure as a father, but you won’t be. You won’t be alone. You have that amazing woman by your side, who will help you be a better father. Her love will make you a better person. It already has in many ways. You have all of this family here who will love you and your child and be there for all of you. Happiness is waiting for you to embrace it, but you have to let go of the bitterness of the past and open your arms to the future that lies ahead.”

Kaden wanted to believe in Lucian’s words. That if he finally reached out and opened himself up he could feel peace, he could feel pure joy. He could finally rid his life of all the demons mocking him expecting him to fail. He could finally be free. Whether he deserved this freedom or not, didn’t matter. He was being given a second chance at something rare and special and he would grasp it tightly never letting go again if given the chance. Would he be given such a chance? Would Reysa be able to forgive him? Were there any words he could offer to make up for the pain he caused when he failed her when she needed him the most?

Kaden turned to face Lucian hoping he would have the answer to help him repair the damage he thoughtlessly caused. He hated asking for help and rarely ever muttered such words, but this was no time for foolish pride. He needed help and Lucian was here offering it. “How do I undo this mess I’ve made? Can you help me?” Kaden gritted out the unfamiliar words.

Lucian arched his eyebrow in surprise at Kaden’s request. He had expected Kaden to blow up at him at any moment and tell him to mind his business before storming off. The two of them had barely shared a civil word towards each other and Lucian had not anticipated any change to their relationship. But this unexpected request for help was most welcomed. He could not help but be pleased. There had been too much unnecessary hostility between them and Lucian knew he bore most of the blame in light of the way he went after Kaden with a misplaced vengeance. For Olivia’s sake, he wanted there to be peace between him and her sons. They were all family now.

Kaden was taking the major step of asking for help. Lucian gladly offered his advice. “Be honest with her. Tell her what you’ve told me. Admit your fears to her. Be as open and honest with her as you can possibly be. It won’t be easy. It may take time. She may not let you back in right away, but don’t give up. Let her know that you’ll wait as long as it takes.” Lucian punched him lightly on the shoulder. “A little groveling could help as well. When it comes to matters of the heart, sometimes it requires a lot of time on your knees.”

Kaden laughed. “There are a couple of ways to interpret that statement.”

“And both would be accurate,” Lucian teased as they burst into laughter.

Kaden couldn’t believe he was sitting here talking to Lucian of all people and that Lucian was actually helping him. He would have never believed such a thing was possible months ago or even weeks ago, but here they were. Kaden bearing his soul to Lucian and Lucian giving him a renewed sense of hope that he could make things right again.

He may never have another moment like this with Lucian so he wanted to take advantage of this time. There was something he had wanted to ask him, but never felt comfortable bringing up in light of their past contentious relationship. “How did you survive without my mother all these years? It’s only been a few days without Reysa but there’s no doubt in my mind that I couldn’t survive without her. She’s everything to me. I can barely breathe without her, but you spent 175 years away from my mother. How did you live without her?”

"Good question." Lucian acknowledged. He often wondered the same thing year after year as he tried to cope with that aching loss. He remembered the gut wrenching pain that would awaken him as he dreamt of Olivia and imagined her in the arms of another. If it had not been for Lorenzo forcing him back to sanity, he would have destroyed himself and taken many others with him. For years, he had been a dying man without a care or thought for another, but he learned to survive even though the painful misery of the loss of the other half of his soul haunted him daily.

Lucian didn’t want to recall that agonizing time without her, but he couldn’t erase those years. It was a part of him and it irrevocably changed him, but Olivia’s love has helped heal the wounds of the past. He was truly living again. “I didn’t really survive without her,” he admitted to Kaden. “I existed, but I ceased living the moment she walked out of my life. I had no real life without her. I just started living again when I got her back. It’s odd. Everything is different. I used to see things in a sullen shade of gray. I couldn’t see color, couldn’t see beauty. Everything was just gray. Now, I can see the blue of the ocean. I can see the flowers blooming and the burnt orange of the evening sky when the sun sets. The most precious gift is that, every morning, I wake up to the sight of your mother’s vivid violet eyes shining brightly back at me. I am no longer a blind man trudging through another laborious day of life. I am alive again. As alive as a vampire can be,” he admitted. “The thing is Kaden, I am happy to be alive. I want to live now. Really live. That’s the gift of the mating bond for us. It allows us to truly live and to see beyond the darkness that hovers over us. Some vampires fear finding their mates. It seems like prison being bonded to one person for eternity, but they’re so wrong. Finding your mate is liberation. Rather than being imprisoned, you’re actually freed from the shackles of your own darkness and misery. It’s a freedom like no other. Fortunately, for you, Kaden, it’s waiting for you. Most vampires are not so lucky.”

Kaden knew that few vampires found their mates yet he could be bound to the most perfect gift the gods could have offered any man. He was fortunate to have found her. He couldn’t help but regret that Lucian lost so much time with Olivia and that was at least in part his fault. “I’m sorry that you spent so much time apart from my mother. I should have done something sooner to free her from my father. You both suffered because of it. I can’t fix that, but I want you to know that I will never try to come between you again. You both deserve to be happy. You deserve to be happy together.”

Lucian was relieved to have Kaden’s support. Even though he was confident in his love with Olivia, he didn’t want her to children to be a source of tension for them. Lucian wanted to move beyond the past. In order to do that, he had to be honest with Kaden as well.

“I used to blame you for taking Olivia away from me. I realize now how wrong I had been. I acted like a pompous ass because I was jealous and hurt and too stubborn to admit it. You were never to blame for the choices we made. I have spent too much time blaming you, blaming Olivia, blaming myself rather than just accepting what happened. I could have done things differently, but there’s no point speculating about what could have been. Playing the blame game is pointless. What I should have done when I came back to town was thank you. Had it not been for you and your love for Olivia, I would have lost her years ago. I owe you for helping me get this second chance. From this point forward, let’s move on. We both need to let go of the past.”

Lucian stuck out his hand and Kaden grasped it firmly. “You still are kind of a pompous ass,” Kaden mocked lightening the mood.

“I’m an elitist Italian vampire. Pomposity goes with the territory.”

“I guess that means you will never ditch the Armani suits and wear blue jeans. Are you forever wedded to the preppie look?”

“Don’t blame me. Your mother bought this outfit for me. I wasn’t joking when I told Diamonde that Olivia buys my clothes.”

Kaden could not hold back his laughter. “Most males wouldn’t admit that.”

“Did I forget to tell you the mating bond makes you a romantic fool with no pride or shame? I am proudly whipped, my boy.” Lucian stood up dusting the dirt off his designer black pants. “It’s time for me to get back. You need to figure out what you are going to do to claim Reysa’s heart again. Before I go, you should know that Reysa and Christian are having a party for Tatiana’s fifth birthday on a week from Saturday. It’s at Diamonde’s house,” Lucian grinned as Kaden flinched. “That would probably be a good time to do some groveling. She should be in a better mood by then.”

“Has she been okay?” Kaden asked. He had called the house to check on her, but the only person who would talk to him was Alejandro. Everyone else just hung up on him immediately.

“Physically, she’s fine. Emotionally, she’s been as miserable as you, but she keeps it together pretty well. Tatiana’s party has been a good distraction for her.”

Kaden didn’t want Reysa to be upset, but a part of him was pleased that she hadn’t just erased him from her mind and heart. Maybe there was some hope if losing him hurt her as half as much as it was killing him.

Kaden was so grateful to Lucian for coming here and giving him the encouragement he needed to fight for Reysa. “I appreciate you coming here, but does this truce between us mean that I have to start being nice to you on a regular basis, Stepdaddy?” Kaden didn’t want to lose the bantering he and Lucian often exchanged. Rather than the usual tension behind the words, now they would know that the words just masked this newfound mutual respect.

“No, my boy. You will always be my stepbrat. I wouldn’t want you any other way” Lucian grinned and then his cerulean blue eyes grew more serious. “I’m not proud of how I have handled everything with you, but I want you to know that I am here for you not just because you’re my mate’s son, because now you’re mine. I know it will take a lot of time for you to get used to that, but I will wait as long as it takes.” Before Lucian walked away, he bestowed one last piece of sage advice. “On second thought, I will impart to you a little fatherly advice. I wasted 175 years wallowing in misery, fighting the love I felt for your mother when I should have been fighting for her. That mistake nearly cost me everything. It’s a miracle that I have been given a second chance, but not without causing a lot of unnecessary pain for the both of us. I urge you not to make the same mistakes I made. If you have a chance at love, seize it. Let nothing stand in your way including yourself, your fears, or your pride.”