What about us? (42 page)

A sad little voice spoke in the
back of my mind.  “Now we won’t of course; we never will.”

The tears started to fall again
and I couldn’t stop them.  I blindly found my way back to the apartment and
just wasted time there, drinking tea and crying.  I didn’t even get ready for
bed; I just fell asleep still fully dressed on the couch.

It was Suri that woke me up.  I
was thick with sleep and puffy-eyed from crying so much and for a while I
couldn’t get my bearings, but she saw my confusion without me having to explain
anything.  She ran me a bath and when I came out, there was a cup of tea
waiting for me.  We sat in the kitchen and I asked her where Hector was.

“He’ll be here soon.  He has one
or two things to sort out before he joins us.” she said.

“Actually, I’m glad he’s not
here now.  Can I give you a message to take to Jack?” I asked.

I felt she’d be more
understanding of emotional stuff, not just because she was a woman, but because
Hector had so obviously been uncomfortable with it.

She looked at me for a moment
with her head to one side and then smiled slyly.

“I could, but you could always
give it to him yourself.”

“What...?”

A surge of raw excitement
suddenly rushed through me, making me feel alive again.  If I could see him
once more, just once more, that’d do me.  I knew I’d be able to deal with
anything if we could just finish things right, without any ‘if onlys’ and
things left unsaid.

“He’s at the cafe, waiting for
you.” she said.

I threw my arms around her.  “Thank
you Suri, thank you.”

I heard her laugh as I charged
into the bedroom to get dressed.

I put on the same dress that I’d
worn the first time; the one I’d left on the bed at the hotel as a clue.  Suri
held the front door open for me and I ran the few streets to the cafe, holding
my skirts up.

He had his back to me and was
hunched over the table
.  As I approached, I saw that he
was older than when he’d been taken from me in
Moscow, but not that much, and my heart lurched at the sight of him. At the
same time I felt shy; a lot had probably happened to him that I didn’t know
about, so I didn’t rush up and throw my arms around him, much as I wanted to. 
And anyway, I couldn’t be sure how he felt about me anymore.  Time had passed
for both of us after all
,
and it was
possible that all he really felt was responsible for the situation I was now in. 
I took a deep breath,
then
walked up slowl
y and
slid into the empty chair beside him.

“Hello Jack.” I said quietly.

He turned to look at me and I
thought he was going to cry.

We sat there like a pair of
lemons while the waiter took our order.

“Are you alright?” he asked
finally, his voice a bit hoarse.

“Of course I am.”

“It’s good to see you Grace.”

“You too, Jack.”

With that all sorted out, we
sat there quietly, just looking at each other and then looking away again.

The waiter returned with our
food, but we didn’t touch any of it.

“Lost your appetite?” I asked.

He smiled and nodded, but it
was a sad smile.

“I wanted to come sooner Grace,
really I did.  But having asked for the blasted investigation, they told me
that things could have turned out bad for you if we didn’t let it run its natural
course.  I had no choice, but they assured me you were safe and that they’d
make sure you stayed that way.  After what happened with Javier though, I
wasn’t sure I could believe them.”

He sounded crushed and I patted
his hand as it lay on the table between us.

“I’ve been safe.  They told you
the truth.” I reassured him.

Despite this he still didn’t
look at me, instead he stared at the ground just in front of him.

I knew what was bothering him
and I wanted to make it alright.  He had to go back to his own time.  Maybe he
really wanted the life that was on offer and maybe he also felt that he’d let
me down.  I wanted him to go with a lighter heart, he deserved that.

“Jack I understand, really I do. 
Javier explained everything; you are going to go on and do great things.  Maybe
that’s what all this has been about; it’s not about us, it’s about the work you
still have to do.”

“So it would seem.” he said
flatly.

“He tried to kill me, so you
watch him.” I warned.

“Actually, he broke the Golden
Rule more than once.  That’s how he knew so much; he moved between realities,
taking the memories from his other selves and probably from my implants too.”
he told me.

That made me laugh, which made
him turn to face me.

“Apparently Grace, so did I, I
broke it too, but not in this reality; in another one.  It’s all quite
confusing.  They didn’t tell me everything; I’ve had to piece it together
myself.  I think that ‘that me’ must have done it to save you and he probably
made a mess of it, exactly as I have.”

“Humph, I think we’ll let ‘this
me’ and ‘that me’ be the judge of that mister.  Jack, I’m sure that both of us,
this me and that me I mean, would agree that any mess that was made was made by
you and me together and any clearing up that needs to be done, well, we’ll do
that together too.”

All this talk of different
‘us’s’ was more than I could cope with.  I was still feeling quite fragile and
I needed to get back onto firmer ground.

“How did you find him out?
Javier I mean.  What did he do that made you think that things weren’t right?

“He reminded me of the day he
sent me to the street where the car was going to hit you.  He said that he’d
been clever, asking me if I’d wanted an assignment where ‘nobody dies’.  Of
course I did.  I was jaded, tired of having to witness so much death and
destruction; never being able to help anyone, not a single person.  But then as
I was leaving on that mission he said something else, almost in passing,
something like, ‘You will achieve great things Jack.  Rules are for ordinary
people; for those of us who can see further, they’re an unnecessary encumbrance. 
You can always be sure that I will be there to pick up the pieces and put you
back on the right path.’

“I hadn’t given it a thought in
years, but it bothered me for hours once I’d remembered it.  Then I had an
insight of my own.  When he sent me to the time and place of the accident, he
already knew what was going to happen.  But he shouldn’t have; it was my future
and therefore hadn’t happened yet.  I went straight to The Board.  They
couldn’t ignore me once I’d told them that somehow Javier had used knowledge of
the future in the past.  He’d broken a rule that’s almost as sacrosanct as the
Golden Rule.”

He picked up my hand.

“But let’s not bother with
him.  He’ll be dealt with by The Board; moved to a different department I
shouldn’t wonder.  What about us though Grace? We did have a great time, didn’t
we?”

He sounded unsure and I
realised that he’d given me my cue.

“Yes Jack, we did and it seems
that we turned the world upside down, set it on fire and managed to save it,
all by just loving each other.  There are not many people who can claim even
half that much.”

I looked into those lovely blue
eyes and said what I knew Suri had sent me to say.  I had to let him go.

“But it seems the world always
needs saving.  I did my bit somehow, although no one has actually explained
how, so we’ll just have to believe them.  But now it’s time for you to do yours
and you do it with my blessing Jack; I’m going to be so proud of you.”

He nodded, but he didn’t smile,
he just looked away.

“Are you happy Grace?”

I suppose I could have been
less than honest, but our relationship had never been built on lies, so I
wasn’t about to end it on one.

“I’ve been happier.” I told
him, but didn’t look at him as I spoke.  Instead I traced patterns on the back
of his hand with my fingers.

“Me too.  In fact, I’ve been a
lot happier.”

 My heart went out to him; it
was all so unfair.  I heard my Mum’s voice in my mind.  ‘No one ever said that
life has to be fair...’ It was one of the very few things she’d said that had
made sense.

I didn’t say it though, there
was no need; he knew it as much as I did.

It was then that I noticed that
he wasn’t wearing a watch.  Not on his wrist or in the pocket of his waistcoat.

“I’ve been grounded.” he explained. 
“Not just me; everyone.  Hector brought me here and he will take me back.  For
a while at least, this is the last time mission; the one that is supposed to
leave everything as it should be.  It seems that Javier and The Board agree on
one thing; you and I have to stop messing time up.  Despite all our knowledge
and technology, we didn’t understand as much as we thought.  Until such time as
we can be sure that we know how to use it without even minor meddling, time
travel will no longer be allowed.  In ten minutes or so, when we get back to
base the system will be closed down.  Then it’ll be back to what we have in the
libraries.”

“Oh...” I mumbled.

There didn’t really seem much
else to be said.  But then it did make me wonder if it meant that Jack wouldn’t
be in the year 2000 when it came round again.  And if he wasn’t going to be
there, who would save me? I shook my head, thinking that it had already happened. 
But it had, hadn’t it? Somehow, as far as I could see, it would have to happen
again, but I was getting into a right muddle with it all and wasting what
precious little time we had left.

Both of us were lost in maybes
and what ifs and we sat there for a minute or two, just holding hands and
staring in front of us.

He slowly turned to face me.  “Have
they told you The Board’s decision yet, about what happens to you, I mean.”

“No, not yet.  Suri was waiting
for Hector when I left.  Do you know what they might have in store for me?”

I wasn’t entirely sure that I
was ready to know, but really, it didn’t matter.

“No, they didn’t tell me.” he
said sadly.  “They said that you had to be the first to know.  Hector and Suri
haven’t even told me what recommendations they made.”

“Fair enough.  I don’t think it
will be anything to worry about, hopefully all that knowledge won’t have
affected them the way it did Javier.”

I didn’t want him to worry. 
Whatever it would be, he couldn’t change it and I really believed it wouldn’t
be so bad.

“What about you?” I asked.  “What
will they do to you?”

He shrugged.  “I have no idea. 
All they said is, ‘It will follow a natural course of events.’ They didn’t
explain and I didn’t ask.  I don’t really care to be honest.”

I bit my lip and tried to think
of something reassuring to say.

It was then that he said the
words I’d convinced myself I’d never hear again.

“Grace, I love you.  I want to
be selfish; I want to be part of your life.  My world is a better place when
you’re in it and I can’t make anyone else’s world better if you’re not there.  But
if there’s someone else, I’ll try to understand.”

I wondered, after everything
we’d done together and everything we’d been through, how he could still think
that there would be men queuing up at my door.  I didn’t want them and anyway,
they weren’t there.

Again, I wasn’t prepared to lie. 
“There’s no one else Jack.  How could there be? Half of me has been missing
since you’ve been gone.”

He ran his hands through his
hair.  “Me too, what a mess.  I’m so sorry Grace...”

I cut him off.  “Jack, wait.”

He’d said ten minutes and that
had been at least a couple of minutes ago.  Getting caught up in how it’d all
been his fault was just wasting what little time we had left.  I wanted him to
use his brain.  After all, he had rather a good one.

“Yes...?” he said, coming back
to me.

“I’ve been thinking...” I said
slowly.

He turned to me again and
picked up my hands once more.

“Yes, and what have you been
thinking...?” he said, with a smile on his lips.

“Well... only that I did save
the world and that I couldn’t have done it without you.  So it means that in
effect, we saved the world together.  Maybe you’ve already done your bit
towards making the world a better place
. 
What I
mean is, we didn’t set out to do anything grand or impressive and well, it
doesn’t seem too much to ask that we get to stay together.  If that’s what you
want of course.” I said, watching him intently as I finished speaking.

I knew Jack and I knew the
truth when I saw it.  I didn’t want him with me through any feeling of pity or
responsibility or anything like that.  I only wanted him with me because he
loved me more than he wanted anything else that was on offer.  Nothing less
would do.  Not for me and not for him.