What about us? (41 page)

Not all of it made sense to me,
but I grasped enough to know that clever though Javier undoubtedly was, he’d
stitched himself up nicely and it made me smile.  I was sure that he’d get his
comeuppance and I didn’t need to know what it was going to be.  It was more
than enough to know that he hadn’t got away with trying to play god.  And of
course I knew he
wouldn’t be allowed to come after me
again.

They also didn’t
need to tell me that Jack had understood my message.  He had put together the
seemingly random letters and numbers that I had underlined on the various pages
and come up with ‘1901, waiting for my music box and enjoying the
roses.’

He’d always liked a puzzle and
I’d known I could rely on him to make sense of the message.  But none of this
explained why it had taken them so long to come and find me.

Hector coughed again, to get my
attention.  “Do you have any more questions?”

“Just one more,” I replied.  “Why
have you waited so long to come and get me, if you’ve known where I was all
this time? I mean, I’ve been living my own life and meddling in other people’s
lives on a daily basis for more than eighteen months.  I know that’s not
allowed.  I suppose that’s another thing you’re going to have to punish me
for.”

I think I knew the game was up
at that point, but strangely enough I didn’t much mind anymore.  I mean, Jack
wasn’t going to be allowed to come back, even if he wanted to and thankfully
neither was Javier.  They’d all got what they wanted and I was the last loose
bit of string that still needed tying up.  I was certain that they were not
going to do anything bad to me and I knew from Javier that they couldn’t unexist
me anymore than he could.  So I just had to wait and be patient.  Once I knew
what their plans for me were, I could make my own, but it was possible that
theirs would be good enough.  I wouldn’t be able to have what I wanted, that
wasn’t going to be allowed.  So in that case, anything else would probably do.

Hector smiled for the first
time and there was nothing unpleasant in it.  He looked a bit grandfatherly, but
in a nice way.

“Grace, we learn; we don’t
punish.” he said, as though I were a child.

It was my turn to laugh.  “That
all rather depends on your definitions of learning and punishment doesn’t it?”
I answered softly, not expecting him to understand.

I’d obviously confused him for
a moment, because he shook his head ever so slightly as though to brush my
words away and then went on as if I hadn’t spoken.

“But to answer your question,
this investigation has been very complex.  We have had more than one timeline
to follow and more than one reality to untangle.  We decided to use a linear
approach to time, to be sure that we didn’t confuse things even further.  If we
required time, then we had to give you the same amount of time.  Had we
completed our investigations linearly and then just popped back to the day when
you arrived in 1900, we may have inadvertently changed something crucial to our
findings.  We determined that you would do less damage by living your life and
meddling in other people’s than we could do by popping back on ourselves.  Time
is a funny thing Grace, as you are beginning to understand.  Our greatest
mistake perhaps, was that we thought we understood it.”

“Oh...” I said, knowing that I
now had even more to think about later.

It was clear to me from his
expression that he didn’t want to explain any of this in a way that might
actually make some sense to me, so I didn’t ask.  But then after a minute or so
he turned to me again.

“Grace, I am curious.  Do you
have any recollections of anything that is perhaps at odds with what you think
to be true?”

I looked up at him in surprise. 
“What, you mean like déjà-vu?” I asked.

“If you like,” he said.

I thought for a moment, needing
to find the right words.

“Sometimes I have feelings that
I can’t explain; that something is different, not quite right.  There was that
strange shimmer just before Javier arrived.  It was nothing to do with him, or
with him winding time back; it was to do with me.  I just knew in that moment
that everything, I mean completely everything around me had changed, but I
don’t know how or why.  I also think that you two and Javier are not the only
people I’ve explained my life to; but I don’t know who else it might have been,
when it was, or again; why.  Then of course there are the times that lots of
people have; when you think that you’ve met someone before, or gone somewhere
and it’s been vaguely familiar.”

As I was saying all this, he
was nodding slowly.

I paused for a moment,
wondering if I should tell them the other bit, then after a moment of dithering
I quickly carried on.  I knew that what I was saying was daft, but I had the
strangest urge to let it all out; maybe then it would stop haunting me.

“Sometimes, when I used to look
at Jack, I’d know what he’d be like as an old man.  He was always sad and that
wasn’t right.  Then there were other times, like at the beginning when we first
met; I just knew that I’d known him forever, that I’d been waiting for him.  Please
don’t laugh.  I know it doesn’t make any sense but still...”

I looked away, sure that they
would think I was being foolish.

“Most interesting,” he said,
looking over at Suri.  “I wasn’t going to laugh Grace, I can assure you it
really is most interesting.”

While I was wondering what
Hector might have meant, Suri crossed the room to the door and beckoned him
over.

“Excuse us a moment.” he said.

He joined her and they left the
room.  I could have tried to escape of course, but I didn’t see the point.  And
anyway, I still wanted to know how it was going to be played out.  I sat there
for a minute or two and then felt the need to walk about myself.  I was a bit
confused about how I felt; everything inside was jumbled up and trying to get
out.  I felt deflated, miserable and hurt, but there was also an enormous sense
of relief.  One way or another, it was finally over.  The cloud of despair that
had been hanging over me ever since Jack had been snatched away hadn’t gone,
but it was starting to lift.

My only regret was that I would
never see him again; I would never get the chance to tell him personally just
how much I loved him and how glad I was that he’d come into my life.  I
wouldn’t have given up a minute of it, not for the world and I really wanted
him to know that.  For a moment it didn’t even matter that much if his feelings
for me had changed.  The simple fact remained; I had lived a different life and
I had known love.  Neither things had ever really been on the cards for me, not
even in my wildest dreams, so in one sense I did feel grateful and in another I
also felt rather pleased with myself.

Because of Jack I knew it was
possible to hope for better things and it was only right that he had the chance
to do all those things that Javier had told me about and be successful.  I was
certain that he would make the world I had saved an even better place and I
knew that my sacrifice was worth it too.  When they came back into the room,
I’d pretty much made my peace with it all and I turned to them expectantly.

“So, what happens now?” I
asked.

“I think we have everything we
need,” Hector said.

They were both smiling, but I
held my breath, trying not to imagine what might happen next.

“We have to present everything
to The Board,” Suri explained.  “And it may take a few days.  Would you prefer
to wait here or would you like us to take you home?”

I hadn’t been expecting that.

“You’re just going to leave
me?” I asked, incredulous at the thought that they would just go.

Hector looked surprised.  “Well
yes, why shouldn’t we?”

He had a point I suppose.  What
exactly could I do?

“Where would you be more
comfortable while you wait for us, here or back at home?” Suri asked again.

“Home...?” I said stupidly,
realising that I didn’t belong anywhere, or in any time, not really.

I came to a decision.  “No, you
can leave me here.”

But then there was another
question.  “What day is it?” I asked warily.

“It is Thursday.  The apartment
is quite safe until next Wednesday.  We shall return before then, I can assure
you.”

She smiled as she spoke; she’d
obviously picked up what I’d meant.

I nodded.  “When you come back,
I suppose...”

Hector cut me short.  “When we
return, we will have The Board’s decision.”

“I’ll be here.” I told them.  “But
now I’m curious.  If, because of this investigation, time has to be linear, why
did you bring me to 1912?”

Hector smiled, clearly pleased
with my question.

“Because this is where you and
Javier met and it is also the point in time when he meddled in a way that he
should not have.  We had to re-establish you before that happened.  The Board
wishes to return things to how they should have been, or as close to it as we
can approximate, given the circumstances.”

I just nodded and moved away
from them as they set their watches.  That was when another thought occurred to
me.  I realised that they were going to come back on another day, not just in
five minutes.  They would return when this Board, whoever they were, had
finished their deliberations.

“Wait!” I cried.  “Is time
passing for everyone now?”

“Time always passes Grace, it
never waits...” he answered cryptically, as the shimmer enveloped them, leaving
me alone in the apartment that was as much home as anywhere.

Later, in the bath I looked at
my hands and understood what he meant.  They showed the effects of the work
they’d done and my mind told me I was no longer the same Grace that had
shimmered away from Lyme Regis on my twenty-first birthday.  I’d been all over
time, but there was no escaping the fact that time had passed for me.  I wasn’t
twenty-one any more.  It was difficult to be sure, but adding it all up, I
reckoned I was around twenty-eight.  For my Mum and everyone else, 11
^th
September 2001 passed normally, but not for me.  In fact it would never happen
for me.  In a strange way it was like being dead; I no longer existed in my own
time.

Whatever happened in the days
and years that followed my birthday in 2001 would always be a mystery to me, so
I didn’t need anyone else to tell me that I could no longer be returned to the same
moment I’d left.  I had to assume that this option wasn’t open to The Board and
quickly pushed it out of my overactive imagination.  There was no point
dwelling on what their other options might be.  I’d find out soon enough, after
all.

“Oh well, no one gets to live
forever!” I said to myself as I got out of the bath.  And under the
circumstances, I decided it was a jolly good thing.

By then it was around seven pm
and I’d last eaten in my own kitchen hours ago, or was it a decade ago...?
Anyway, I wasn’t hungry and I had no inclination to go out.  I just moved from
room to room aimlessly, staring out of the windows, not allowing myself to
think about anything except what I could see right in front of me.  I stayed
out of the maid’s way while she worked.  She didn’t speak any English and I
don’t like to be rude, but it made it easier not to even attempt much
conversation.  I had every right to be there and something about me made her
accept the fact.  I thanked her when she was finished and closed the door
firmly behind her.  Then I crawled into the big bed and cried myself to sleep.

In the morning I was at a loss
as for what to do.  Even the wardrobe didn’t hold its usual appeal, but still, I
made myself get up, get dressed and go out.  I wandered the streets without any
real purpose for several hours and when my feet hurt, more from the heat than
anything else, I stopped at a fancy restaurant and ordered lunch, but only managed
to eat a few mouthfuls.  Then I carried on wandering aimlessly until it began to
get dark, in a city that I usually loved to be in, but at that moment, one
which held no attractions for me at all.

I’d spent almost two years
waiting, but those hours were the worst.  I didn’t even know what I was waiting
for anymore.  Whatever it was, I just wanted it over.  At least while I’d been
waiting in Lyme I had hope, but since being back in Paris in 1912, I had none. 
In fact, very little seemed to matter anymore.  I was numb from it all and
despite all the things I’d learnt about the past and the future, I realised
that really I knew nothing.  What’s more, I didn’t care.

The second night, the heat was
stifling.  There was no breeze, so despite opening all the doors and windows,
there was no escape from it and I couldn’t sleep.  Try as I might, I only dozed,
waking up every ten or fifteen minutes.  By dawn I was exhausted, but I was also
unable to stay in bed; I was still so full of nervous energy.

Saturday passed in the same
pointless haze as Friday had done.  I went for a walk along the river.  I tried
a different place to eat, but I still wasn’t hungry.  Late in the afternoon I
bought milk and some nice looking cakes in a bakery, only it had a much fancier
name and set off in what I thought was the right direction for the apartment. 
Somehow, I found myself outside the hotel.  I didn’t go in though, I just stood
outside for a minute, because I couldn’t be sure whether or not we’d taken the
room yet.