What Endures (24 page)

“Hey.”

She jumped and would have screamed if she hadn’t been so scared. She spun around and glared. “Are you crazy! Don’t sneak up on me in a cemetery!”

“Sorry.” He smiled at her apologetically. “You were pretty lost in thought though.”

She drew in a deep breath, waiting for her heart to stop beating so fast. She hated cemeteries in general, but this was a visit she wanted to make. Needed to make. At least it was the middle of the day and the sun was shining brightly. It made things a little easier. In the daylight, the cemetery was almost peaceful.

Jason remained standing a few feet away,  watching her. He was wearing what seemed like the remnants of a suit, black slacks and a pale blue dress shirt with his collar unbuttoned and sleeves rolled up. Even as he squinted in the sunlight, she could make out the intense greeness of his eyes. He looked as handsome as always, but there was something different about him now. What that was, she wasn’t sure.

She hadn’t seen him in months, not since he had come to Harbor Bay to celebrate Tyler's birthday. That had been fun, with the three of them hanging out like old times. She remembered how much she had hated it when Tyler had to return to California, and Jason to Florida. No matter how often she did it, or even if she knew she would see them again soon, saying goodbye to Tyler, but especially Jason, was one of the hardest things she did.

She looked down at the headstone again.

David and Karen Williams. Beloved Parents. You Are Always Missed.

She had read that inscription many times since her parents had died. Her aunt had purchased a plot in the Harbor Bay cemetery for her parents' ashes so that Megan didn't have to go to South Carolina to visit them. She was grateful for that, to have her parents nearby. Over the years, she came here for birthdays and other big occasions. Like her marriage, and divorce, from Jason. Then there was today.

She looked at Jason again. Their relationship had been changing lately. He had started calling and e-mailing her regularly and she soon found herself looking forward to those communications. Soon, not a day went by without either of them calling, e-mailing or text-messaging the other. She told herself he was just being a good friend, but the hopeful part of her heart couldn't help wondering.

In all that time since they had divorced, she hadn't fallen in love with anyone else. She had dated, had serious boyfriends even. But no one had made her feel the way Jason had, no one had made her think about anything more permanent. And now that Jason's presence in her life seemed to be increasing, any chance another man had was slim. It was probably stupid, because if Jason didn't intend to be anything other than a friend, she was going to end up with a broken heart again but she couldn't change how she felt. But she also knew that she wasn't imagining things either.

Her mind went back to the last time she had seen him. They had had fun hanging out with Tyler, but when they were alone, there was this energy between them. More than once, she had caught him looking at her in a ‘more than friends’ kind of way. And then there was the flirting. They had flirted with each other to the point where even Tyler had said something and Tyler was pretty used to their interactions.

But for once, she didn’t analyze any of it. She was happy, and that was more than she had ever hoped for at one point. She was glad to have Jason in her life so she didn’t want to rock the boat. For her, status quo was perfectly fine.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“Tyler said you’d be here.”

“Yeah,” she turned toward her parents' headstone. “I just uh, wanted to come by today to-“

“I know,” he said quietly. “They would have been proud of you Megan.”

She felt tears prickling her eyes and looked away. She wasn’t going to cry today. Today was going to be happy. “How come you’re here? I thought you said you couldn’t be here. Didn’t you say you had a game? I thought you said you had a game, or maybe I heard it wrong?” Jason smiled. He did that when her rambling amused him and he had no intention of cutting her off. She forced herself to stop. “What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t miss your graduation.”

“You were there?” she asked, surprised.

“You looked beautiful up there. And magna cum laude huh?” He smiled. “I’m really proud of you, Megan.”

She could feel the heat crawling up her cheeks and had to look away. It was moments like these that she wondered. But every time she felt herself beginning to, she stopped. Don’t rock the boat. She cleared her throat. “So how come you didn’t call to let me know you were coming"

He shrugged. "I wasn't sure I could get away so I didn't want to bail at the last minute.”

“So you do have a game?"

He checked his watch. "I cleared it with management. As long as I get there in time for batting practice, I'm good."

She felt her heart swell at his actions. "Jason, you didn't have to. . ."

"I wasn't going to miss you getting your Masters. Not after all that work."

She smiled. "It means a lot that you were there." She reached out and playfully hit his shoulder. "Plus now that you're an All-Star, I'm sure they give you more leeway, huh?" He grinned. "I'm really proud of you Jason. You've only been in the Majors for two years. That's pretty amazing."

"You've been paying attention."

"You know I have."

He closed the distance between them. “I lied."

"About what?"

He sighed, but his eyes never left hers. "About why I didn't tell anyone I'd be here." He reached out, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ears and her whole body seemed to come alive with that simple touch. "I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come to Harbor Bay.” Her heart leapt to her throat. “Not until I figured some things out first.”

“What things?” she managed to ask in a calm voice.

“Things about us,” he answered.

“Us?”

“What are we doing Megan?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but things have been different between us these last few months. I mean, maybe it’s just me but I feel like we’re not just friends anymore. Like there’s. ..there’s more.” He looked at her fixedly. “That’s what I needed to figure out. And you know what? I couldn’t.” He smiled at her wryly. “But then I figured, it doesn’t matter because what I want is for us to try again, and we can figure it out together.”

She was pretty sure she had stopped breathing at that point. Her brain definitely did because all she could do was stare at him.

"We both have been through a lot since. . ." It was funny how neither of them could still use the D-word. "And the next few months are going to bring even more changes." He sighed. "The Pirates are talking about trading me to Seattle."

"But you're their All-Star outfielder. . ."

He shrugged. "They can get more players if they lost my contract, especially since I got that big boost because of the All-Star thing."

"Wow," she said. "Seattle."

"Yeah," he murmured. before he fixed that intense green gaze on her again. "Which is why I was thinking about us so much lately. I mean I'm going to be clear across the country and things are going to change and the last thing I need is to rock the boat even more but. . ." He exhaled and shook his head. "I don't want to do it anymore."

"Do what?" she asked, her voice a raspy whisper.

"Be without you." He cupped her cheek tenderly. "I don’t want to pretend anymore. I’m tired of it. I want to be with you, Megan.”

“Jason. . .” she began but faltered. She had never expected this.

"Megan?” he prompted.

She met his eyes. “I. . .”

“I know I sprung this on you and believe me, I had a really well-prepared speech and everything but. . .” He smiled. “I've never been good with speeches, especially not around you. I just know that I want us to try again. Get it right this time. These past few years, I’ve learned a lot, and hopefully I’ve grown up too. But I hated not being with you. I mean whenever something interesting or great happened to me, my first instinct was to call you up. And being able to do that in the last two months, it reminded me of what we were like, what we could be.” His eyes bore into hers. “I never stopped you know. Not in all these years.”

She felt a wave of emotion hit her. She hadn’t stopped loving him either. She had simply placed it aside. Buried it deep inside of her after their divorce and had willfully ignored it because at first it was too painful and then later, because it seemed like indulging in false fantasies. But in the past two months, she had dared to  wonder, to ask what it would be like if she were to let those feelings come out again. To feel them again.

"I'm excited about the trade." He smoothed his thumb down her cheek. "But what really excites me is the thought of you being there with me. Not as my friend but
with
me. Just like I want you with me at my first game as a Mariner. If we win a pennant, maybe even the World Series.” He smiled. “And I want to be there when you land that great first job. When you get promoted. When you become wildly successful like I know you will be.”

“I know it’s not gonna be easy," he continued, his thumb still gently caressing her cheek. "I know we made mistakes. That’s why I don’t want to start over. I want us to start. . .new. Learn from our mistakes and then move forward. We-”

“Will you shut up?” she cut in, smiling.

“W-What?”

Hazel eyes met green ones and held. “I want the same thing.”

He looked at her for a beat before understanding lit up his eyes, before his whole face lit up. He let out a happy laugh before he swooped her in his arms, hugging her tightly. When he placed her back on the ground, they stared at each other, aware of the new status of their relationship, but neither of them really knowing what to do. Finally, Jason held out his hand and said softly,

“You want to get something to eat?”

“Megan?” His voice brought her out of her thoughts with a jolt, which didn’t help her headache at all. “You O.K.?”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. I was, uh, thinking of something.”

“Look, I’m sorry to just dump all that on you, especially in the state that you’re in but-“

She was still thinking about the memory that had popped into her head. It was eerie how what Jason had said then was so similar to what he was saying now. "It's okay."

He cleared his throat. “So, uh, what do you think? Maybe we can start-“

“New?” she injected with a wry smile.

He gave her an odd look. “I didn’t think of that but actually, yeah, starting new sounds good. Doesn’t it?”

She sighed softly. She could hear that voice in her head saying ‘no’ but it was but a distant whisper now. Since her conversation with him out in the carport of Bruce’s house, she had realized that she and Jason were in the same place essentially. But Jason had it worse, she reminded herself. She hadn’t really realized that until last night. He had nothing to fall back on.

Except her.

And again, she was struck by what he had done last night. It must have been incredibly hard for him to stop, but he had. Out of concern for her. That was Jason. Now and then. The world at large often viewed him as arrogant, distant and unapproachable and part of him cultivated that aloof demeanor. Jason wasn’t one for niceties. But to her, he had always been kind and thoughtful. Protective. He put her feelings before his own. Last night, he had done it again.

Didn’t she owe him the same in return? She was scared, terrified actually. It was hard for her to see beyond that fear sometimes. But things were scary for him too, probably more so because he didn't have the same relationship with anyone. HIs parents weren't the people he remembered, nor were his friends and teammates. He was struggling with a life-changing trauma with no safety net at all.

Plus, a growing part of her really wanted this. The part of her that was getting quite good at ignoring that relentlessly logical voice in her head. The part that had enjoyed being with him this past week in their beach house. Enjoyed it a lot. That could see what could be, instead of what is or what was. The part that didn’t listen to her fears, but instead to the hope she carried in her heart.

She had been scared in that cemetery three years ago. Scared of making the same mistakes, scared to risk her heart with him again, but in the end, it had been worth it. Maybe this would be worth it too.

She needed to take a chance, because she couldn’t afford not to. Jason may be determined, but she knew that if she kept pushing him away, he would eventually leave. And she would regret it. Probably for the rest of her life. A broken heart would mend, but that kind of regret? It would never fade.

She cleared her throat.
Take a chance
, she told herself. “We could do that.”

He eyed her for a beat, as if making sure that she had really said what she did. Then he smiled, that gorgeous, light-up-his-whole-face smiles that was guaranteed to make most females weak in the knees. “I’m glad.”

She smiled. “Me too.”

They sat there for several seconds, just smiling at each other and for a moment, she felt like a giddy teenager again. Specifically the giddy teenager who had stood at home plate, watching Jason Kincaid walk away after their first kiss, where he had kissed the sense right out of her. 

“So what do you say?” he asked at last. “You think you’ll feel up to grabbing some lunch in a bit?” She couldn’t help chuckling. Why did he always ask her to get something to eat after these moments? “What?”