What Endures (3 page)

"Megan?"

She shook her head. She hadn’t realized how caught up in that memory she had become. "Um, sorry. Just. . .thinking of something else there for a minute."

"So the nurse, am I gonna get a say in that?"

She sighed. "Not really. You need someone to help you Jason. And a home-care nurse is the best person." She smiled and indicated the papers. "Besides, I get to make all the decisions now remember? And I vote for the nurse."

Jason didn’t say anything but she recognized the look on his face. Or at least she wanted to recognize the look on his face. It would mean the old Jason was in there somewhere. But she didn’t have the luxury of wishful thinking now so she brushed it off, telling herself that it had been a different look.

Little did she know that her initial assessment had been dead on.

CHAPTER TWO

A few days later. . .

The first phone call Megan had received, she had been worried. The second phone call had surprised her, since it had come so soon after the first call. By the time the third phone call came, her worry was quickly fading, while her annoyance level was shooting up at record speeds. By the fourth phone call, she was completely irritated.

Now, as she pulled up to what used to be hers and Jason’s house in a gated, private suburb of Seattle, she was pissed off. Slamming the door of her BMW with a little more force than necessary, she bounded up the stone steps to the large, wooden double doors, and quickly let herself in.

"Jason!" she yelled out. She didn’t care if he was only a few days out of the hospital and still recovering from his near-death experience. Heck, she was about to give him another near-death experience.

"Megan?" came his all-too-calm voice from the direction of the living room.

With an angry ‘hmpf!’ she strode off in that direction. When she got to the large living room, which was basically just an extension of the even larger kitchen, she found him sitting on the couch, watching ESPN on the large plasma screen television that had been built into the wall. His wheelchair was nearby, and his injured leg was propped up on an ottoman.

"Hi," he said with a calm smile, looking like he didn’t have a care in the world. This, of course, just pissed her off more.

Before she had a chance to say anything, however, a middle aged woman wearing medical scrubs, entered the room from the direction of the kitchen. Seeing Megan, she looked relieved and quickly hurried over, plucking a tote bag from one of the kitchen barstools as she did so.

"Oh, Ms. Williams! Thank goodness you’re here already! I’m very sorry to do this to you but I-" The nurse stopped abruptly and cast Jason what can only be classified as a ‘dirty look.’ “I simply cannot be here any longer. If you don’t want to pay me for my time, that will be fine."

Jason didn’t seem at all perturbed by the woman’s outburst because he was watching ESPN as if nothing at all were going on. Megan felt her anger escalate.

"Mrs. Allen, couldn’t you please just stay on until I can find a replacement?"

Mrs. Allen shook her head vigorously, sending strands of hair flying out of her ponytail. She clutched her tote tightly against her chest as her lips thinned into a firm, determined line. "Again, I’m sorry to do this to you Ms. Williams. But this situation is just not working.”

"But-"

"I’m very sorry, Ms. Williams." And with that, Mrs. Allen swept past Megan. A few seconds later and Megan heard the front door open and close. She sighed angrily and turned toward Jason, who was still watching ESPN as if what had just transpired had nothing to do with him at all.

"Jason!" she yelled, not knowing what else to do.

"What?" He turned innocent green eyes to her.

"What?
What!
" She gestured angrily in the direction that Mrs. Allen had stalked off in a minute ago. "
That
. . .that’s what! That’s the fourth. . .count them, four!. . .nurses you made quit in two days! Two days, Jason and you’ve gone through four nurses! That’s. . .that’s. . ."

She was so angry she couldn’t even form words anymore. So she settled for glaring at him. He didn’t seem the least bit perturbed.

"Why is it my fault that they decided to quit?" he asked, sounding all innocent and reasonable.

"Wh-what?" she sputtered. She forced herself to take a deep breath. "Are you implying they all just upped and quit for no reason at all?"

 He shrugged. "I don’t know. They probably had a reason. I’m just saying maybe I’m not the reason."

"Oh, you’re the reason all right!" she retorted angrily as she stomped around the large couch and grabbed the remote to shut off the TV. "Let’s see if I have this correct. The first nurse, David, quit because when he tried to help you change you made, and I’m quoting here, ‘an offensive and derogatory remark’ questioning his sexuality. The second-"

"I told him I could dress myself!"

"The second nurse," she continued, shooting him a warning glare. "A sweet woman with over 20 years experience and has never once quit an assignment according to her agency, quit after only 6 hours with you because you were, and again, I’m quoting here, ‘demanding, rude, abrasive, and demeaning.’"

"She was treating me like a 4 year old!"

"You were probably acting like one!" Megan shot back. "Now let’s see. The third nurse, also highly qualified, lasted the longest with you apparently only because you were asleep for part of her watch! She refused to say exactly why she was quitting but did say something about being a trained nurse as opposed to your personal slave and whipping post!"

"I just made some requests. She’s here to help me isn’t she?"

"And was one of those requests to go and find you some porn?" Megan demanded, her voice rising in anger.

He shrugged. "I wasn’t serious."

She expelled an angry breath. "And then, of course, there is the recently departed Mrs. Allen. She raised 4 boys, Jason. And she lasted a whole-" Megan stopped and checked her watch. "A whole 3 and a half hours with you! What the hell did you do to the poor woman?"

"Nothing," he said, looking at her with an innocent expression. "I might have been cranky but I’m not a morning person."

"Cranky does not cause that kind of reaction in someone, Jason!" She ran her hand through her hair in frustration. "What the hell are you doing? Why are you deliberately driving these people away?"

"Who says I am?" he said mildly. "Maybe nurses and I just don’t mesh."

She eyed him and suddenly, she remembered that look he had given her in the hospital. She had dismissed it at first but could now see that she had been right. That was the look Jason usually gave someone before he went into his stubborn mode and began a battle of wills with them. She and Jason had exchanged looks like that frequently in their relationship, and some of their battles had been epic. She sensed another epic battle taking shape right now.

She didn’t know if she should be happy or angry that he had also retained this aspect of his personality. She settled on angry, because it was easier to deal with at the moment.

"Jason, you need a nurse here!"

He shook his head. "No, I don’t. I just need someone to help me with things at times. I don’t need a 24 hours-a-day babysitter!"

"That’s what they’re doing! Helping you, that is if you’d let them!"

"I don’t like nurses."

"Who else is qualified to help you?"

He didn’t answer right away, and she thought for a second that she had won, or at least made a very sizeable dent in his argument against nurses. But then, he looked at her and she knew she hadn’t won anything. "You."

And just like that, the anger seeped out of her, replaced by emotions she was unprepared to deal with. "W-what. . .J-Jason, I-" she stammered. “I can’t.”

"Why not?" he asked calmly.

"Lots of reasons."

"I’ll settle for one."

"I can’t."

"That’s not a reason."

She expelled a short, quick breath in frustration. "Jason, I. . .I’m not a trained nurse and you need a nurse. I mean, who’s gonna make sure your medications are right? What if you accidentally fall? Or something goes wrong? You need someone who will be prepared in the event of an emergency."

A look of irritation passed across his face. "Megan, I had a brain injury, I didn’t become an incompetent idiot." His jaw clenched, a telltale sign that he was digging his heels in. "I told you, I don’t need a babysitter, or for someone to treat me like a baby. I just need. . .” He sighed. “I just need someone I feel comfortable around here to help me out with things, like reaching for stuff on the shelf, making sure I don’t trip and bang my head and lose even more of my brain function."

The last part was said with a small smile, but the trauma of it all was still too new and raw to her. "Not funny."

"Sorry," he said sincerely. "But I’m fine. You had this house modified really well. I mean with the ramps and handrails and all, I can get around fine on my own. I really don’t need a nurse."

"So you think," she said, refusing to give in. She could be stubborn too, especially when she knew she was right.

"Fine," he retorted, sounding equally stubborn. "Then let’s ask my doctor. Whatever he says, goes.”

She shook her head. "No. Even if he says you don’t need a nurse, I still get to make the final decision remember?"

"Yeah, about that. . ."

She sighed. She didn’t want to argue with him. And in fact, it was shocking her just how easy it was to fall back into their familiar bickering. Things like this, familiar patterns that weren’t quite the same, seemed to only make her adjustment to Jason’s new reality all that much harder. She couldn’t move forward if she was always glancing back.

"Look, Jason, I’m not gonna use something you gave to me in trust and lo-" She caught herself just in time and feigned a cough to cover it up. "You gave me your power of attorney in trust and friendship and I’m not gonna abuse that, but I’m not gonna let you have your way when I know that my way is better for you."

"Wow, that sounds so much like the speech my mother gave me when I was 7."

"Sarcasm does not help this situation."

He shot her an annoyed look. "Well, what am I supposed to do? You clearly hold all the cards. Sarcasm is about the only thing I have left."

"That and your unique ability to drive people away?” she asked. "At the rate you’re going, I will run out of willing nurses and agencies soon. That is if word hasn’t already spread and the home health care community hasn’t blacklisted you."

He shrugged. "That would be a real shame."

She gave him a knowing look. "You’re going to keep driving them away aren’t you?"

He looked at her, and she could see him trying to figure out how best to work this situation. "Depends."

She decided to play along. "On?"

"I’ll agree to a nurse only when you can’t be here."

"Jason," she said with a sigh. "First of all, I never agreed to be the one to stay here with you. And second of all, you need a nurse for even when whoever isn’t here."

"And you still haven’t given me a reason why you won’t stay here.”

"Why is that important? I told you I can’t. That should be enough for you."

He studied her for several minutes, not saying anything and she felt unnerved, even as she told herself that Jason didn’t know her anymore and couldn’t possibly read her like he used to. Still, she had to force herself to act calm under his scrutiny which was harder than she thought it’d be. “What?” she blurted out, unable to take it any longer.

"I’m just trying to figure it out," he said with a nonchalant shrug.

"What?"

"What’s going on with you," he said. "Why you’re so resistant to helping me out even though we’re friends. Close friends. Or so you tell me."

"We are."

"That’s it?"

"What else?"

"Like we didn’t have a torrid affair or something? Something that makes you uncomfortable with the thought of being in the same house with me? Even though said house is large enough to house two average sized families comfortably?"

She forced herself not to react. To keep her face blank. "You should stick to ESPN," she said, keeping her voice neutral. "Daytime soaps aren’t good for your overactive imagination."

He grinned. "Looks like I might have struck a nerve."

She stood up abruptly. "You didn’t. And you are still getting a nurse."

"Fine," he said in a voice that indicated it was anything but ‘fine.’

She sighed. "Jason, please do not keep driving these nurses away."

He didn’t respond but attempted to reach for the remote, which she had tossed down on the table out of his reach. "Mind grabbing that remote for me?"

"Jason."

"A little help with the remote, please?"

She stared at him. He was seemingly intent on retrieving the remote, but she knew better. This argument wasn’t over, and she definitely did not hold all the cards in this. She inhaled before sitting back down. "Tell you what. Let’s compromise."

He stopped trying to reach for the remote and leaned back in the couch, taking a few seconds to get comfortable before turning to her. "What do you mean by compromise?"

"You’ll get a nurse, for part of the day and in exchange for you not being an as-. . .” She caught herself and cleared her throat. She ignored the smug smile on his face. Stay focused, she told herself. “For you to not be a difficult patient, someone else will come here and stay with you for the rest of the time. At least until you’re back on your feet."

"Who would that other person be?" he asked, with a smile at her.

"Jason, I really can’t." He looked genuinely disappointed and she hated it, but she was protecting them. Yes, she was protecting herself more but living with Jason, at this stage, was just making a difficult situation worse. She might as well just detonate a bomb inside her chest, it would have the same effect.

"Who else is there?"

"You have a lot of people who care about you. I mean you might not remember them now but you have a lot of friends and your family-"