What Happens at Christmas (10 page)

Justin finally turned to meet Sean’s gaze. His grey eyes were hard to read, and there was still a notch of concern etched between his eyebrows that Sean wanted to smooth away with a touch, or a kiss.

“Yeah, it is. I wouldn’t want to fuck up our friendship over one mad—but awesome—night.” He smiled, tentatively at first, but when Sean smiled back, it widened.

Sean chuckled. “It was pretty awesome.”

And then they were both laughing, the tension dissipating like birds taking flight.

“If only we’d known when we were younger, though. All those sleepovers wasted, talking when we could have been….” He didn’t finish the sentence.

“Yeah,” Sean agreed.

If only
.

Justin swallowed down the disappointment that lay on his chest as a heavy, crushing weight. He was relieved that the awkward morning-after conversation was over, but the outcome wasn’t what he’d been hoping for. He cursed himself for being too chicken to be honest with Sean and admit that he’d have liked more than a one-off. To Sean it might be no big deal, but it was a fucking huge deal to Justin.

His teenage crush was out in the open now, but he hadn’t admitted to Sean it had grown stronger over the years, putting down roots and spreading branches instead of fading and withering away like he’d always expected.

Bollocks
.

He stared at Sean’s hands, still holding his. The strong fingers were tanned from distant sunshine and dark hair dusted the backs, thickening on his wiry forearms. Justin’s breath caught as he was knocked sideways by want—for sex, yes, but also for something so much more. He ached for Sean to hold him, but he was too scared to ask for a hug in case it unlocked the emotions he was already struggling to contain.

“Are you hungry?” he asked instead, reluctantly detaching his hands from Sean’s.

“Starving.” Sean patted his belly. “I worked up quite an appetite last night.” Justin raised an eyebrow, and Sean flushed and chuckled. “I meant from all the dancing. But yeah. That too.”

“We can stay here and eat cornflakes and toast, or we could head out to a café for something more substantial.”

Sean groaned appreciatively. “I’d kill for something involving bacon right now.”

“Good idea.” Justin only had a mild hangover, but there was nothing like a greasy fry-up after a night out. “Okay. You have first shower while I grab a coffee. Then we can head out in search of meat.” Justin wiggled his eyebrows, unable to resist taking it further. “I quite fancy a sausage myself.”

“You’re so predictable.” Sean rolled his eyes, but he laughed anyway.

“Meat jokes are always funny. Always have been, always will be. Now get your arse in the shower. If you’re anything like me this morning, you’re probably still a bit sticky.” The words made his cheeks heat, but he refused to pretend last night hadn’t happened. It might just be a memory, but Justin wasn’t going to let Sean forget it.

“I’m more crusty than sticky.” Sean wrinkled his nose.

“Nice.” Justin stood. “Right, I need caffeine. Do you want another one?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.”

Justin couldn’t help the way his gaze skimmed down as Sean stood up, letting the blanket that had been draped over him drop. His focus caught on the bulge in Sean’s boxers, and he had to turn away quickly as his dick thickened in response.

“Have a nice shower,” he called back over his shoulder. “If you’re going to have a wank, don’t use all the hot water.”

“I’ll be quick,” Sean said lightly.

God
. Justin’s cock was at full mast already from simply imagining it. He’d always fancied Sean, of course, but that was in a low-level, theoretical kind of a way. Nothing compared to the way his body reacted now he knew what he was missing. The sooner he could get in the shower and work off some sexual tension of his own, the better.

They went to the Unicorn Café again.

“I know it’s a bit of a walk, but they do a really great breakfast,” Justin said as they set out. “Way better than the greasy spoon on the corner of my road. Plus their coffee’s better.”

“Is it me, or is it colder today?” Sean pulled his hat down over his ears and turned up the collar of his coat.

“Yeah, it’s freezing.” Justin’s breath made a plume in the chilly winter air. “I love it when it’s like this, though. Feels like proper winter instead of the sad grey excuse we get for it in this country most of the time.” He was glad he’d brought gloves, though, and he shoved his hands deep in his pockets too.

The café was warm, bright, and bustling with other people who’d had the same idea as them. The scent of bacon and coffee hit them as they approached, warm tendrils curling out into the frozen street and luring them in.

“Is there a table?” Sean asked looking around. “It’s way too cold to sit outside.”

Justin scanned the room. “I dunno. We could get a coffee and wait at the counter. Someone’s bound to leave soon.”

“We’re nearly done.” A black girl—probably in her teens—with a pierced nose and a beautiful smile put her hand on Justin’s arm to get his attention. She was sitting with another girl who had peroxide blonde hair cut close to her scalp. Justin noticed they were holding hands. This was one of the reasons he loved this place. It was a safe space for people of all ages to be out and proud. “You go and order, and we’ll save the table for you.”

“Cheers,” Justin said. “But don’t rush. It looks like there’s a queue, anyway.”

They joined the line.

“I already know what I want,” Justin said. “Full English for me.”

Sean studied the menu written on a giant chalkboard over the counter. “Wow, they have a lot of choice. I quite fancy the breakfast burrito, or maybe the omelette… but full English is tempting too. I haven’t had one since I got home.”

When they reached the front of the queue, the guy taking the orders smiled at them both. Justin recognised him as Frank, the owner. The other bloke, who Justin thought was his partner, was also behind the counter, working the coffee machine. Dark and stocky, he was a little shorter than Frank.

“Hello again. What can I get for you boys?” Frank asked.

“Two full English breakfasts,” Sean said. “And coffee for me, flat white. Justin? Coffee or tea?”

“White coffee for me too. And can I get an orange juice as well? Vitamin C’s good for hangovers, right?”

“Like that, is it?” Frank chuckled. “Yeah, so they say. I hope it was worth it. Did you have a good night?”

Justin felt the smug grin of the sexually satisfied creep across his features. “Yeah. It was definitely worth it.” He nudged Sean, who glanced sidelong at him, cheeks flushing as he smiled back.

Frank studied them both with a knowing expression, and Justin wondered what he was thinking. But Frank didn’t comment. He turned to the man at the coffee machine and gave him the slip of paper with their drinks order. Justin noticed how Frank put a more-than-friendly hand on the dark guy’s hip as he spoke to him, and they exchanged a smile that spoke of intimacy and affection.

“Thanks, baby,” Frank said, patting the dark guy’s arse as he turned back to Justin and Sean. “It’s my husband’s turn on coffee duty today.”

Justin felt a pang of envy. He wanted what they had. He’d spent all his adult life so far looking for that kind of connection, and the only person he’d ever found it with was Sean rather than any of his lovers—his
other
lovers after last night, he supposed. Did Sean count as a lover if they’d only done it that one night?

Frank interrupted Justin’s wonderings. “That’ll be sixteen pounds fifty, please.”

“I’ll get this,” Justin said as Sean reached in his pocket for his wallet.

“Let me give you my half.”

“No. It’s my treat.” He knew Sean was skint. “You can buy me breakfast once you’ve got a job. Take me out to celebrate.”

“I might not still be living in London by then.”

Justin felt those words like a punch in the gut. He’d only just got Sean back in his life. He didn’t want to lose him again so soon. “Well, in that case you’ll have to come back and visit.”

He took the change Frank offered, and Sean picked up the glass of orange juice.

“We’ll bring your coffees over when they’re ready,” Frank said.

“Cheers.” Justin pocketed his change.

The girls from before looked ready to leave. The one who’d spoken to them earlier caught their eye and gave a little wave.

“It’s all yours,” she said when they reached the table, standing and wrapping a colourful scarf around her neck.

“Thanks.” Justin slid into the chair she’d vacated and Sean took the seat opposite. “Have a good day.”

“You too.”

Silence descended between them when the girls had gone. Sean sipped at his orange juice while Justin watched his hands again. It was impossible not to imagine them on his body now he knew how they felt.

“When are you going away for Christmas?” Sean asked once they had their coffees and plates of food.

“My flight’s booked for the twenty-third.” Justin paused between mouthfuls. “And I’m coming back on the twenty-seventh. What about you, have you made plans with your dad?”

Sean didn’t meet his eyes. Looking down at his plate, he cut into a slice of bacon as he replied casually. “Yeah. I’m probably just going to go down there for a day or so, maybe stay two nights at the most.”

“You sure you don’t want to come with me to Scotland instead? My mum and dad would love to see you. You could catch up with your dad another time.”

“No, it’s fine. I ought to get it over with.”

“Okay.” Unease twisted in Justin’s chest. He knew Sean had a difficult relationship with his dad. He hadn’t taken it well when Sean had finally told him about his sexuality, and Sean had hardly seen him since. But Christmas was the time for duty visits, and maybe they could build some bridges. At least Sean had Justin’s place to escape to if it got too much.

CHAPTER TEN

Sean heard the sound of Justin’s key in the door.

“Hi, honey, I’m home,” Justin called as the front door slammed shut. “Wow. Something smells good.” He came into the kitchen and grinned when he saw Sean at the cooker.

“Don’t jinx it.” Sean stirred the pan. “Your saucepan is shit and it keeps sticking.”

A warm hand landed on his waist, and Justin’s chin poked into his shoulder as he peered over. “What’s for dinner?”

“Chilli.”

Justin’s hand lingered and Sean’s skin tingled at the contact.

During the week since the party, they’d slipped back into their friendship as though nothing had happened, on the surface at least, but Sean hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that night. He lay awake at night, burning with the desire to creep through the flat to Justin’s bed and get his hands and mouth on him. So many times he’d thought about flirting, hinting, blatantly asking if they could do it again, but fear of damaging what they already had stopped him before the words formed on his lips.

Occasionally he caught Justin watching him, and he wondered whether Justin was thinking the same, but Sean was too afraid to ask. Even if the answer was yes, Sean wasn’t sure he could have sex with Justin without strings attached. He wanted the strings; he needed them. The only way he could be with Justin was if he knew it was for keeps.

After dinner they slouched on the sofa together, watching some sci-fi movie on Netflix. Sean wasn’t really following the plot, preoccupied by thoughts of Christmas. Justin was leaving the day after tomorrow, and Sean hadn’t checked whether Justin would mind him crashing here while he was away.

“Is it okay if I stay here while you’re in Scotland?”

“Of course.” Justin’s gaze was still on the screen. “You can spend as much time here as you need.”

Sean bit his lip, then admitted, “I’m probably going to be here the whole time actually—if that’s all right with you?”

“What?” Justin paused the film and turned, frowning. “Of course you can stay here, but I thought you had plans with your dad?”

Sean flushed. “Yeah. About that. I never got around to contacting him. He thinks I’m still abroad. I can’t face seeing him yet.”

Justin put his hand on Sean’s thigh and squeezed. Sean swallowed against the lump in his throat, grateful for Justin’s silent support. If anyone understood how difficult Sean found it to be around his father, it was Justin.

Sean’s father’s disapproval at his coming out had driven a wedge into their already fragile relationship. Sean almost wished he’d never told him, but he’d been tired of fielding questions about non-existent girlfriends, of pretending he was playing the field before he settled down. When Sean had told him the truth—that if he settled down with anyone, it was going to be another man—his dad’s initial reaction had been one of denial and disbelief, swiftly replaced by anger and unhappiness when he realised Sean wasn’t going to miraculously see the error of his ways. If he’d reached a place of acceptance, Sean hadn’t been there to see it. He’d hardly contacted his dad while he was away beyond the occasional quick email to let him know he was still alive, and his dad’s responses had been similarly brief.

“But you shouldn’t be on your own for Christmas,” Justin said. “Please come with me. My parents love you. They’ll be thrilled.”

Sean shook his head. “I can’t afford the flight.” Justin opened his mouth, but Sean cut in again. “And don’t even think about offering to pay it for me. Anyway, it’s probably too late to book now. You know what it’s like at this time of year.”

“But won’t you be bored here on your own?”

Sean shrugged. “You’ve got video games I haven’t played yet and there’s Netflix. I think I’ll cope. Plus I have plenty of job applications to keep me busy. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Justin said unhappily. He patted Sean’s thigh. “If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

Sean didn’t think he could handle spending Christmas with Justin and his parents anyway. It would only remind him of all the things he didn’t have.

The following day Justin got home late.