What Happens at Christmas (14 page)

“I thought you’d be with your dad, Sean? Were the trains not running?”

“Um, I’m not sure…. I just figured it would be easier to visit him when the snow’s gone.” Sean shifted uncomfortably. He resented the guilt he felt for not contacting his dad. It wasn’t like his dad had been in touch with him either.

“So, Mum, I meant to ask you. How do we cook a turkey crown? Is it the same calculation as you use for a whole turkey?” Justin deftly swooped to his rescue, and Sean was grateful. He didn’t want to think about his dad today.

As he listened to Liz rattling on about meat thermometers and skewering the meat to check the juices, he found himself wondering what his dad would think if he knew about him and Justin. His dad had never liked Justin, and he’d liked him even less after he came out and started wearing T-shirts with unicorns on them and rainbow laces in his Converse.

Luckily Sean was old enough and thick-skinned enough now that he didn’t give a flying fuck what his dad thought. If this fling with Justin turned into more, his dad was going to have to put up with it or get out of his life for good.

Christmas Day was perfect.

It wasn’t perfect in that nothing went wrong—they burned the potatoes, because they underestimated the time for the turkey crown, and the gravy had lumps in it. Then the food was ready later than planned, so by the time they finally dished up Christmas dinner they’d eaten too many mince pies and were pissed on the sherry that Justin had insisted on buying.

Despite all that, Sean had never enjoyed a meal more. Sitting at the desk they’d set up as a dining table, he watched Justin opposite him. The flickering golden light from the candle softened Justin’s angular features and made his hair gleam. Unguarded, Sean stared at him, allowing himself to be happy in the moment, refusing to think about what-ifs and what-nexts.

Justin glanced up and caught Sean’s gaze, and he smiled. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Better than okay. Thanks for today, for everything. For letting me stay.”

“No need for thanks. You know you’re welcome, right?”

“You’re the best.” More words rose, fighting to the surface, and Sean’s voice was rough as he added, “Love you.” He couldn’t look Justin in the eye as he said it. He knew Justin would hear the words but not the depth of the feelings behind them.

“Love you too.” Justin kicked him lightly under the table and left his foot there, hooked around Sean’s ankle while they finished eating.

After dinner they left the washing-up and collapsed onto the sofa.

“Ugh. I need to get out of these jeans, but I’m too full to move again,” Justin complained.

“Undo the button?”

“Already done, halfway through the Christmas pudding. It’s not enough.”

“Take them off, then,” Sean said.

“This is the best thing about spending Christmas with you. It’s clothing optional.” Justin wriggled out of his jeans and kicked them onto the floor. “Oh God, that’s better. I recommend it.”

So Sean took his trousers off too, and they cuddled under the sofa blanket, spooned together, with Sean behind. Justin grabbed his arm and pulled it around him, holding Sean’s hand against his chest.

“Can we watch
The Sound of Music
?” Justin asked.

“Really?” Sean sighed.

“Please? It reminds me of being a kid. It doesn’t feel like Christmas without it. Then after we can watch
The Wizard of Oz
. Tempting though the partial nudity going on under this blanket is, I’m too full to do anything more exciting than watch TV.”

“Is this part of the whole pretend-boyfriend thing?” Sean joked as Justin scrolled through his recordings and lined up the first film. “Although I feel more like an old married couple now. Maybe this is my future.” He meant it in general terms rather than with Justin specifically, but then his stomach lurched when he realised how it sounded.

“Hey, you’d be lucky to have a future this awesome,” Justin said lightly.

Sean breathed a sigh of relief. “Yeah. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad. But I’d rather we were watching
The Avengers
.” He snuggled closer and breathed in the scent of Justin’s hair. It was addictive. He wasn’t a fan of either of Justin’s film choices, but he was okay with the idea of a nap with Justin in his arms. Full of food and sleepy from drinking all afternoon, he was asleep before Maria even reached the Von Trapp house.

Sean woke hours later with a crick in his neck. The TV was dark and silent, and Justin was asleep. The clock said it was past midnight.

“Hey.” Sean shifted gently, trying to get out from behind Justin. “Sorry, but I need to pee, and I’m aching all over.”

“
Mmph
.” Justin grunted in protest, but he moved, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “Bed’s more comfy.”

“Uh-huh.”

They stumbled sleepily to Justin’s room, and Sean went into the bathroom to empty his bladder and brush his teeth. When he came out, Justin was sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed only in his boxers and socks.

Sean hovered awkwardly for a moment, unsure whether he should stay or go and make up the sofa bed.

“Make yourself useful. Get in and warm it up.” Justin made the decision easy as he stood, stretching. His ribcage lifted, belly concave as he yawned on his way to the bathroom.

So Sean stripped down to his underwear and did as Justin asked. By the time Justin came back, Sean was almost asleep again. Justin burrowed in behind him, snaking a chilly hand over Sean’s waist. Their skin warmed quickly where they were in contact, and the heat lulled Sean into sleep. The last thing he remembered before drifting off was Justin’s hand stroking his belly, like someone petting a cat.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Justin woke to a hard dick pressed up against his arse. He wriggled back against it, but Sean didn’t respond, so Justin guessed he was still asleep. He shifted his hips again as his own cock thickened and filled.

He wondered what the etiquette was for waking a not-boyfriend with a blowjob and figured there might be consent issues. He had no clue what was going on in Sean’s head, and he knew they needed to talk about things soon.

Christmas was over and they just had two more days before Justin would be back at work and this perfect little bubble of stolen time together would be over. Reality would crash in like an unwelcome guest at a party—and then what?

He pushed those thoughts away, preferring to concentrate on the now. Sean was still hard, and he stirred in his sleep as Justin moved again, deliberately letting Sean’s erection settle in the crack of his arse. Damn, why hadn’t they taken their boxers off before getting into bed last night?

Justin pushed the waistband of his underwear down so he could get his hand around his dick. He teased himself with lazy strokes, relishing the slow build of arousal that heated his skin and drew sweat to the surface.

“Are you doing what I think you’re doing?” Sean’s voice was a husky whisper in Justin’s ear that made his cock throb in his grip.

“Depends on what you think I’m doing.”

Sean reached around and wrapped his hand around Justin’s. Justin bit back a gasp as Sean’s fingers slid between his, adding to the friction.

Sean was moving too now, grinding against Justin’s arse in a way that must feel good for him. It would feel even better with a few adjustments.

“Hang on.” Justin reached for the drawer by the bed and passed a tube of lube back over his shoulder. “Here.”

“Um… what about a condom?”

“Not to fuck me. Just… rub off on me like this.” Justin shoved his underwear down further. “Or stick it between my legs if you want.”

Sean took his hand away and shuffled around behind Justin for a moment. The bedclothes rustled, there was the snap of a cap, and then he was back. Skin on skin, slippery with lube, his cock skated up Justin’s crack with a squelching sound that made them both laugh.

“I think I might have overdone the lube a little.” Sean reached around, and with his wet fingers, he started to play with Justin’s nipples.

“Better than getting friction burns on your dick,” Justin said breathlessly as Sean’s fingertips sent spikes of sensation from his nipples to his groin. He fucked into his fist, pushing his arse back against Sean’s dick before thrusting forward again.

They managed to find a rhythm that worked. They panted and laughed their way to orgasm, distracted by the sticky sounds of the lube, but only enough to slow them down a little. Sean came first, pressing tight against Justin with a groan as his cock pulsed and spilled in the small of Justin’s back. The hot splash on Justin’s skin made Justin moan too, his arm working furiously as he jerked himself to the finish.

Afterwards they made a half-hearted attempt to mop up, but the sheets were a mess. Still reluctant to get up, they lay in a damp, sated tangle. Justin lay on his back with Sean in the crook of his arm, one leg thrown possessively over Justin and tracing his fingers over the smooth skin of Justin’s chest.

Everything felt so achingly right, like this was exactly where Justin was meant to be. A fierce surge of honesty rose in him, and he couldn’t contain it anymore. “This doesn’t feel like pretending. This feels real.”

Sean’s fingers stilled, and Justin’s heart pounded in his ears like a drum as he waited an unbearable few seconds for Sean to respond.

“Yeah,” Sean finally said. “It does to me too.”

Justin let out a long shaky breath, dizzy with relief that they were in agreement about that, at least.

Sean started to move his hand again, making ticklish trails that distracted and comforted all at once, giving Justin the courage to keep going.

“I don’t think I was ever pretending. Not really.” He captured Sean’s hand and twisted around so they were facing each other, bare knees bumping. He needed to see Sean’s face, and he needed Sean to see him. To see that he was telling the truth. “I love you, Sean. I’ve been in love with you for years.”

Sean’s eyes flew wide. “I had no idea. I thought a crush, maybe… but nothing more.” A shadow crossed Sean’s features—guilt and discomfort. Justin wanted to kiss it away, but now wasn’t the time.

“I put a lot of energy into making sure you didn’t know. You were my best friend, Sean. I didn’t want to screw that up by making it obvious I had a gigantic crush on you. Especially when I thought you were straight. I tried to forget about you. I dated other guys. But I never stopped loving you.”

Sean swallowed, his face tense. He closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again and held Justin’s gaze. “I love you too.”

“Like a friend?” Justin pressed.

Sean shook his head. “Like a boyfriend.”

Justin’s heart beat faster as excitement rose, but he didn’t want to hope too hard. He needed to be sure. “How long have you felt like this?” he asked. If it was only a recent thing for Sean, Justin wasn’t sure what that would mean. He might change his mind as quickly as this had begun and Justin couldn’t bear that.

“Since you started going out with Will at school. Before that, I knew I was attracted to you, but I was so fucking jealous of him. Knowing that he got to touch you in the way I wanted, that he got to connect with you in a way I couldn’t because I was too scared to be honest. It killed me.” His voice was thick. “And I hated myself for being such a fucking coward.”

Justin reeled at this revelation. Pieces of their shared history slotted into place in a new pattern, explaining things he’d never understood before. “I always wondered why you didn’t like him. I thought you were just jealous because I was spending time with him instead of you.”

“That didn’t help. But no, there was way more to it than that. I thought I’d missed my chance with you. That summer, at the end of Year Twelve, I wanted to tell you. I came so close a few times, but fear of my dad finding out if we started something stopped me. And then you started seeing Will and it was too late.”

“But after you came out, why didn’t you say something then?”

“When? When you were going out with George at uni? Or Conrad after him? Or after you’d started seeing Andy? There was never a time I could have said it without risking our friendship. I was afraid if I admitted I was in love with you, it would make it too hard for us to carry on being mates. Anyway, it’s not like you told me either.”

“Yeah,” Justin said with a sigh. “I guess I always figured if you liked me that way, you’d have said something when we were younger. So there didn’t seem any point in mentioning it after you came out. I thought it would only make things awkward.”

Sean’s face relaxed into a tentative smile. “So we were both idiots, then?”

Justin smiled too. “That’s one way to look at it. Or you could be charitable and say we did what we thought was best at the time.”

They stared at each other, goofy grins on both their faces. Sean cupped Justin’s cheek and moved forward for a kiss. Short, but sweet enough to feed the hope swelling in Justin’s heart.

“Now what?” Sean asked when he drew away again, his face serious.

“I want to be real boyfriends,” Justin said decisively. “No more pretending—although the pretending was fun.”

“I want that too.”

Justin breathed a massive sigh of relief. “Oh, thank fuck.”

Sean frowned, not looking nearly happy enough for someone who’d just agreed to be boyfriends with the person he’d been in love with for years. “How will it work if I end up getting a job that’s hundreds of miles away? I mean… I could turn down an offer if it’s too far out of London, I suppose. But beggars can’t be choosers.”

“We’ll make it work.” Justin squeezed Sean’s hand, lacing their fingers together and gripping tight. “Bloody hell, Sean. We’ve waited this long to finally get a shot at this. I’m not going to let a bit of distance stop us. We can see each other every weekend, and modern technology gives us multiple ways to stay in touch in between visits. We’ll find a way.” There was no doubt in Justin’s mind that they could do this. He wasn’t letting Sean slip away now they’d finally got to this point. “Now, we have a whole weekend to get used to being real boyfriends before I go back to work on Monday. Where do you suppose we should start?”