What I Didn't Say (10 page)

“Does that sound okay?” the principal asked, giving me a cautious look.  I hoped people wouldn’t always look at me like that for the rest of my life.  Like I might break or have a meltdown at any moment.

Sounds good,
I wrote.

“Great,” Principal Hill replied, looking a little relieved.  He wrote a few more things down.  “I’ll be right back.”  He walked out and into the other administrative offices.

I slouched back in the seat when Principal Hill left, feeling like I was finally breathing for the first time since I had woken that morning.  Everything was happening so fast, there was so much going on, it felt like I hadn’t had time to actually process everything, to figure out where my life was going to go.  But here I was, already thrown back into it all, feeling like I hadn’t even gotten to bob my head above water.

Reality hadn’t really sunk in yet, I knew that.

I didn’t want to know what life was going to feel like when it finally did.

“Here you go, Jake,” Principal Hill said, reentering the room.  He handed me a sheet of paper.  My new class schedule.  “A few of your classes have switched hours, to adjust for that independent study class, but a lot of them are still the same.”

Well, about half of them were.  Physics, AP English and US Government were all different hours.  And I no longer had a single class with Rain and Carter besides Weight Training. 
Great,
I thought.

“So do you think you’re feeling up to your first class today?” he glanced at my schedule.  “Calculus?”

I clicked my pen again. 
If that’s okay, sir, I think I’ll wait ‘til next period.  People are going to be staring enough without me walking in on the middle of a class.

I watched Principal Hill’s face as he read my sloppy handwriting.

“Understandable,” he said with a nod.  “I’ll let Mr. Sue know you’re excused from first period today.”

I nodded. 
Thanks.

“If you need anything, you’re always welcome to come and see me,” Principal Hill said, standing and walking me out the door.

I just nodded.

It felt weird to be talking to Principal Hill like that.  Troy had been like another dad to me all my life, Carter and I having been best friends for forever.

My muteness had changed every relationship in my life in one way or another.

That was the first time I’d thought that word about myself.

I tried not to pair the word “mute” with “broken”.

The halls of the high school were long silent as I worked my way toward my locker.  It rattled deafeningly loud when I pulled it open.  A single sheet of white lined paper fell onto the ground.  It must have been folded up and slid between the vent slats.

I bent down and picked it up off the cold tile floor and unfolded it.

See you third period,
was all it read.

It was a girl’s handwriting, that was for sure.  Neat and organized looking.

Third period was my new independent ASL class.

Wondering who my new classmate was going to be, I stashed my books for my later classes and swung the locker closed.  Heading toward the stairs to the upper level, I heard someone call out behind me.

“Jake, wait up!”  I turned to see River jogging up behind me, coming from the direction of the girl’s bathroom.  She smiled when she saw me, only briefly glancing at my beautiful scar.  “Rain said you might be coming back to school today.”

I just nodded, trying to manage a smile.

“Must be kind of awful, huh?” she said, her nose scrunching just a little.  “Talk about attention.”

Seriously,
I wrote on my pocket notebook.

“Hey, look,” she smiled.  To my surprise, she started signing, her hands moving slowly and cautiously.  “I learned that on the internet a few days ago.”

I gave a silent chuckle. 
Sorry, I have no idea what that means.

She laughed at me, giving me a disbelieving look.  “It means
you’re a jerk
.”

I gave her a puzzled look and a hard glare. 
Jerk?  Excuse me?

“For leaving me hanging about the Homecoming dance,” she said in a very girl tone.  It only took me a second to realize she was joking.  She laughed all the harder.  “You really thought I was serious for a minute there, didn’t you?”

I just shook my head, rolling my eyes at her. 

“Hey, I’ll see you at lunch or something,” she said, turning in the opposite direction.  “I’ve got to get back to class.  And Jake, just be prepared for sixth period.”

Before I could ask her to explain, she took off down the hall.

With nothing else to do, I made my way to the upper floor, toward second period, Physics.  Dropping my backpack on the ground, I sank to the floor next to it.  I fished my cell phone out of my pocket, barely getting one bar of service on this middle-of-nowhere island.   There were two text messages, one from Mom and one from Jordan.  Mom was going to kill Jordan for texting during class.

How’s things going?
Mom’s first text read.  
You doing okay?
the second said.

Jordan’s said practically the same thing.

I had just finished texting them both that things were fine when the bell rang, signaling the end of first period.  I pulled the hood of my jacket up over my head and tried to sink into the floor as much as I could as students came pouring out of class rooms and into the hall.  As soon as I was sure the classroom was empty, I slipped into Physics.

Mr. Roy didn’t even glance up at me as I settled into a seat near the back of the classroom, grateful that he didn’t assign seats.  Hopefully I wasn’t stealing anyone’s regular seat.  I couldn’t be sure since this was one of my rearranged classes.  I pulled my book out and started rummaging through my notes, attempting to look busy and keeping to myself beneath the protective cover of my hood.

I heard someone slide into the seat next to me as the warning bell rang, other bodies shuffling through the door.  I stole a sideways glance.  My heart jumped into my throat when I saw Samantha was the one sitting right next to me.  She did a little double take, her eyes locking with mine.

“Jake?” she said, leaning forward.  She pushed her bangs out of her eyes in that adorably annoying way of hers.  “Hey, I didn’t realize you were switching into this class.”

I tried to manage a smile and pressed a finger to my lips, glancing around to see if anyone had heard her.  Eyes had flashed to my face, including Mr. Roy’s.  I glanced back at Sam and saw her mouth “sorry” and give an apologetic smile.

“Mr. Hayes,” Mr. Roy said as he rose from his seat and started walking toward me as students continued to fill the classroom.  “Glad to have you back.  Principal Hill called me just a few minutes ago to let me know you were transferring to this hour.”

I could only nod.

“If you need any help getting caught up with everything we’ve gone over since you’ve been gone, just let me know.  Your homework has all looked fine.”

Thanks,
I scratched on the notebook in front of me.

Mr. Roy looked at my page contemplatively for a moment, and then glanced at my face.  He gave a little grunt that I didn’t quite understand, and then sauntered back toward the front of the classroom as the tardy bell sounded.

As Mr. Roy started rattling off about stuff that I really didn’t understand, a folded piece of paper was flicked onto my desk from the right.  I glanced over at Sam as I reached for it.  She stared intently at what the teacher was scrawling on the whiteboard.

Sorry,
it read. 
I didn’t mean to expose you.

I read it twice, glancing back over at Samantha once.  My chest broke out into a weird little sprint.

No worries,
I replied. 
They’re all going to see me eventually. 
I flicked the note back onto her desk.  She very stealthily wrapped her fingers around it and opened the page under her desk.

A small, sad smile spread on her face as she turned her attention back to the lecture.

I had no idea what we were supposed to be learning about that day.

3 hours since stepping into the spotlight

The bell finally rang, ending second period.  I couldn’t decide if the hour had gone by too fast, or not nearly fast enough.  Samantha gave me a little sideways smile as she left the room, her books gathered up into her chest.

I sighed and shook my head as I slid my things back into my backpack, and pulled my hood over my head again.

Man, I’m pathetic.  What am I?  Some love struck girl?
I thought to myself.

Somehow I made it to my next classroom without anyone seeing me, or at least I didn’t see them seeing me.  My independent study class was located at the far end of the high school, in a room that was only used to teach ancient world history one period a day.

Whoever my fellow independent studier was, they weren’t there when I got to the room.  I flipped the light on, the fluorescent bulbs buzzing to life above me.  Pulling my hood down, I dropped my bag onto one of the dozen desks and sank into it.  Rummaging through my backpack, I pulled out a fresh notebook, one with a red cover.

I remembered then how the psychologist had advised me to write in a journal frequently.  Something about how I couldn’t voice what I had to say, and sometimes I would have things to say that I didn’t want anyone else to hear.

It seemed like the normal mumbo-jumbo crap psychologists always spouted off.  But for some reason I wanted to say something about this crazy weird day, and the unexpected benefit that came from my new class schedule.

The door squeaked as it swung open and my eyes jumped from the notebook to it.

The last person I expected or wanted to be standing in that doorway was Samantha Shay.

“Hi Jake,” she said with a small smile, giving a little side wave, even though we were less than ten feet apart.

Out of pure instinct, I tried to say
Hi
back, but instead just felt like an idiot when no sound came out.  I could only give a little awkward wave back.

She was at least kind enough not to smile or laugh at my attempt at talking.  She closed the door behind her and walked to the desk next to mine.  She dropped her messenger bag on the floor as she sank into her seat.

“’K, this feels too weird, sitting side by side like this when it’s just us,” she kind of laughed.  “Let’s turn these so they’re facing each other.”

I felt awkward and weird as we both stood, grabbed our desk/chair combo’s and shuffled them until they were touching each other at the front.  As we sat back down, our knees accidently bumped.  I hoped I wasn’t blushing, or something embarrassing like that.

“So,” she said with a bright smile, glancing at me as she pulled her books out of her bag.  The half dozen rings she wore on her fingers flashed in the light.  She produced a book that looked like it weighed about ten pounds.  Easily.  “You glad to be back in school?”

I gave a shrug, feeling like my stomach was filled with acid or something.  Everything inside of me felt like it was squirming.

Why did my tutor have to be Sam?  I was glad I had more classes with her, but I didn’t want her to be with me, constantly seeing the effects of that stupid drunk night.