What I Didn't Say (9 page)

Bacon had never,
never
tasted so good.  It burned a bit as it went down, but it was totally worth it. 

Real food was so much better than food pumped directly into your system.

After school, I was going to the family doctor here on the island to get the stitches and my IV line removed.

“Joshua, James!” Mom suddenly yelled, making me jump and nearly slop orange juice down my front.  “Get down here!  You’re going to be late for school!”

Their footsteps thundered down the stairs.  James tripped down the last two and landed flat on his face.

Nice!
I quickly wrote, shaking my head at them.

“Shut up,” James glared as he walked to the bar and grabbed a piece of toast.  “I mean…” he stuttered, flushing red.

I just shook my head, and tried to laugh.

“You look like a mime or something when you do that,” James said, his tone totally serious.  “Your body tries to laugh, but nothing comes out.”

I just tussled his hair and grabbed another handful of bacon.  I went to retrieve my backpack from my room.  Loading my books back into it, I then stuffed two blank notebooks in it as well.  I zipped it up and stood there, staring at it there on the floor for a long moment.

This was the final step back to reality.

Taking a deep breath, I picked it up and slung it over my shoulder.

Joshua, James, Jamie, and Jordan were already shuffling out to the family’s eleven-passenger van, piling in, backpacks slamming into each other, irritated morning voices yelling.

I’d never yell at any of them again.

I’d never yell about anything again.

The pity of my siblings was obvious as I climbed into the front passenger seat.  It was normally a race to get there.  They never would have left it for me if they didn’t feel sorry for me.

I stared longingly at my beat-down, red and grey Bronco sitting in the driveway as I buckled.  The deal was Mom could drive me to school the first few days, just to make sure I was okay, and then I could go back to driving.  At least one thing would go back to normal then.  It was embarrassing to have my mom drive me to school.

Mom expertly backed the massive van out of the driveway and started rolling down the road toward the school.

“You got your notebooks?” Mom asked.  She kept glancing over at me, her eyes flicking to my throat.  I nodded.  “You got your cell phone?”  I nodded again.  “You can call me any time today if you need me.  I can come pick you up any time.”

MOM!
I wrote in black ink on the palm of my hand, flashing it at her with annoyed eyes.

“Sorry,” she apologized, completely ignoring Joshua and James’ fighting in the back seat.  “I’m just… worried about you today.”

“He’ll be fine today, Mom,” Jordan said from behind me, reaching up to squeeze my shoulder.  I placed my hand over hers, giving it an appreciative squeeze.

“I know,” Mom said, though it sounded like it was mostly to herself.  “I know.”

The elementary, middle school, and high school on Orcas were all located right next to each other.  Mom pulled into the parking lot of the middle school, in the center of them all.  I sat there for a moment, as my siblings piled out, just watching all the people went their different ways.

I knew as soon as I stepped out of that van the whole world was going to be looking at me.

“It’ll be okay, Jake,” Mom said again, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek.  “Principle Hill will be waiting for you.”

I glanced at her, seeing the worried lines creeping out from around her eyes and mouth.  It seemed unfair of me to make her look so scared after everything she’d done for me the last few weeks.  So I finally nodded, kissed her cheek, and climbed out of the van.

The sun was blinding as it reflected off of the white high school in the distance.  I squinted as I pulled my backpack over my shoulders and took in everything around me.

One advantage to getting out at the middle school parking lot was that the crowd around me was younger, so they weren’t all looking for me.  I managed to get half way to the high school before I started seeing the glances.

“Hayes!” Blake Shaw bellowed from across the lawn, pounding his fist to his chest before pumping it in the air.  I lifted my chin to him, trying to smile. 

Thanks to Blake, I’d been spotted.

“Jake!” my insides turned cold when I heard Norah Hamilton’s voice from behind me.  “Jake, wait up!”

I barely slowed as I continued toward the front doors.

“Jake!” she called as she came up to my side.  “I’m so glad that you’re back!  I was so worried about you.”  She twirled her hair around one of her fingers.

Well, at least the ugly scar wasn’t scaring the girls away.  At least not Norah the Whora.

“So are you all better now?  Oh wait, how are you going to answer that question?”

I tried really, really hard not to roll my eyes at her.

I pulled the small notebook out of my pocket and flipped to a well-worn page that read
I’m fine.

“Oh, got it,” she laughed.  It was seriously annoying.  “Well, if you’re doing okay…”

She was thankfully cut off as Rain wedged himself between her and I.  “Thanks for the concern Norah,” Rain interrupted.  She gave him the look of death, one of those other looks girls are really good at.  “But I’m sure what Jake really needs is his posse.”

“Whatever,” Norah said as she rolled her eyes and walked back to her own group of friends.

“Welcome back, bro,” Carter said, suddenly appearing.  He clapped his hand on my shoulder.  I winced just a little.  “You ready for this?”

No,
I simply wrote, flashing it to the both of them.

“Don’t worry,” Rain said, squeezing my shoulders.  “We’ll be with you the whole time.  Well, at least until you get to Principle Hill’s office.”

I just shook my head and gave a silent chuckle.

“’K, that really is a little weird when you do that,” Carter laughed, eying me.  I just swung a fist at him, which he too easily dodged.

We were finally at the front doors, a whole herd of students following and staring.  Pretending like I wasn’t terrified, I stepped through the front doors and into the commons.

Everyone slowed just a little when they saw the three of us, their eyes jumping to my face.  Through the mass of people I spotted Samantha, standing in the hall, her books clutched to her chest.  She gave me a small smile, her eyes watching me with an expression that was hard to read.

“Jake,” Principal Hill drew my eyes from Sam.  “Glad to see you.”  He stuck out his hand like I was supposed to shake it.  It felt awkward as I did.  I glanced at Carter who just gave me a quizzical look, his brows furrowed together.

“We’ve got a lot to go over this morning so why don’t you join me in my office?” he said.

I took a deep breath.  Squeezing my hands into fists, I finally nodded my head.  Rain and Carter patted my shoulders and muttered good-byes.

“We’re really happy to have you back, Jake,” Principal Hill said as he draped an arm across my shoulders.  It felt unusually heavy.  But then, Principal Hill was a very fit, very muscled man.  At least I was going to pretend I wasn’t physically weakened by the accident.  “The entire school has really missed you.”

I nodded again. 

The man’s office was small and crowded with stacks of papers, books, trophies, and more than a few discarded ties.  I sank into the only available chair, pushing aside a few books.  Principle Hill sat in his seat across the desk from me, unbuttoning his suit jacket and pulling his tie loose.  He never looked comfortable in a suit.  I had a sinking feeling that I knew why he was wearing it.

“So, how you feeling?” he asked, his eyes automatically going to my throat.  That was just something that I was going to have to get used to.  It was the first thing people were going to notice about me for the rest of my life.

I zipped my backpack open and slid out one of my new notebooks.  Rummaging around for a pen, I clicked it open.

Oh how these slow motion conversations were going to drive me insane.

Fine,
I simply wrote.

“You ready to get back into regular school life?” Principal Hill asked, shuffling through a few papers on his desk.  I saw flashes of my name on a few of them.

I guess,
I wrote. 
I can’t really sit at home anymore and do nothing.

“I would guess that would be hard for an active guy like yourself,” he said with a smile.  “Well, I’m hoping we can make things as easy as possible for you.  I’ve been reviewing your class schedule and there are a few adjustments I’d like to discuss with you if that’s okay?”

I didn’t want anything to change.  I just wanted things to go back to the way they had been, back when my world was boring and made sense, back when the most agonizing part of my life was wondering when Samantha Shay was going to realize how crazy I was about her.

I nodded.

“Most of your classes won’t really require any change.  But I wanted to see if you were still wanting to stay in your Woods and Weight Training classes?  Oh yeah, by the way, you’ve been kicked off the football team if you didn’t guess.”  He gave me one of those looks that teachers were good at.

I figured,
I wrote, giving him a sheepish look.

“I’m not going to lecture you about what a stupid thing you all did, I figure you’ve been punished enough to learn your lesson,” Principal Hill said, resting his elbows on his desk and clasping his fingers together.

Thank you,
I wrote.

“Anyway, back to my question.  Would you still like to stay enrolled in your Woods and Weight Training classes?  They’re a little more physically demanding and I don’t know how you’re feeling in that way.”

I considered for a moment, gauging my physical state, what I felt like I could do.  The whole incident had left me physically weaker than I would ever admit.  But this was part of that whole decision thing I had to face.  I could use this all as an excuse to get lazy.  Or I could take control again and get myself back in every way I could.

I’d like to stay in them,
I answered. 
And I’d like to be back with my team members.

“I figured you’d say that,” he said, a smile cracking on his face.  “Just thought I’d better ask.”  He wrote a few things down on a paper, some kind of form.  “Now, there’s one class that’s going to have to change.  I don’t want to dance around this Jake and make things awkward for both of us so I’m just going to say it.  You’re obviously going to have to drop your Spanish three class.”

I honestly hadn’t thought about that until then.  I didn’t realize that I hadn’t been given any of my Spanish homework until then.

I’d never speak Spanish again.

Not that I was ever that good at it.

“One of our students has actually been taking American Sign Language through independent study for just over a year now and I’m highly recommending that you enroll in the class as well.  Given your circumstances, I think it makes sense that we just go ahead and replace your Spanish class with that.”

Independent study.  In a school as small as Orcas High, that kind of class wouldn’t be taught, but I’d never thought about that option.  I wondered who the student was that was taking it.