What if I Fly? (21 page)

“Who lives there?”

“No one anymore.” She stops and walks up to the wrought iron gate. “It was built by the DeWolf family and the Colt’s lived here for years, but now it’s a museum and event space. People have weddings and parties here.”

There are dozens of people socializing on the lawn.

“What’s going on now?” Ted asks.

“Every year people with too much money pay a small fortune to attend a party here on the Fourth.” She rolls her eyes, “They watch the parade behind their private iron gate, away from we plebes.”

Julia steps up onto the stonewall and looks through the bars of the gate and her breath catches in her throat.

Will is on the lawn of the mansion.
With Avery.

Her eyes open wide in horror and she loses her balance, almost falling onto the crowded sidewalk. Ted steadies her and she quickly steps down. Will is at the parade with Avery. She’s nauseous, her stomach churning.
I have to get out of here.

“Come on, let’s go,” she grabs hold of Ted’s hand.

“Julia!” Will quickly walks to the gate separating them.

She’s a caged animal, trapped by the people surrounding her. A marching band is playing in front of them and the revelers have stopped to listen, boxing her in. Her throat is closing and her survival instincts have taken over rational thought.

Escape!
She needs to run, but she can’t move. Julia turns away from the sound of his voice, hoping the band with block it out and tries to catch her breath.

“Jules,” Ted elbows her, “Someone’s calling you. The dude with the bowtie.”

If I turn to look at him, will I turn into a pillar of salt?

Julia plasters a smile on her face and slowly turns. Will’s standing three feet away from her, but they’re light years apart.

He’s with his tribe, she’s with hers.

She takes a moment to take in his outfit. He’s wearing navy blue pants, a white short-sleeve button down shirt and, sure enough, a patriotic bowtie.
Who picked out this costume?
Avery, of course.

Will reaches through the iron bars surrounding the grounds of the mansion and Julia stares at his hand for a moment, the fingers that know every inch of her so well, and instinctively places her hand in his.

The electricity is still there.

She hasn’t felt it with any of the lovers she’s taken over the past year. She blinks and forgets where she is, that Avery is somewhere on the lawn, ready to stake her claim. The sound of her heart beating and the blood rushing to her head drowns out the noises around her. Their eyes lock for what feels like minutes, but couldn’t have been more than a few seconds. For this brief moment, they’re alone, just the two of them.

“Hi,” she says.

“Hi,” Will smiles.

“Hello, Julia. What a surprise.” Avery joins them at the fence, her face pinched, and Julia quickly releases Will’s hand, and remembers she’s not alone.

“I’m sorry. This is Ted. Ted, this is Will and…” she blinks, her mind a blank.
What is her name?

Ted gives Julia a strange look, then raises his hand in greeting. Will’s gaze is fixed on her face, and doesn’t acknowledge Ted, just continues to stare at her in silence.

“Hello, Ted. I’m Avery, Will’s fiancé.” Avery holds up her hand and flashes an enormous diamond solitaire engagement ring.

Julia’s heart stops and her mouth drops open. There is absolutely no way she can hide her dismay. She turns to Will in confusion, not bothering to hide her pain.

You’re marrying her?
Her eyes fill with tears and Will looks down, rubbing his hand across his brow.

“Congratulations,” she murmurs, then turns to Avery, “Good work.”

Avery’s eyes narrow and she smiles, gratification and smugness oozing from her pores.

“Goodbye, Will.”

Julia swallows hard and grabs hold of Ted’s hand, pushing her way through the crowds. They weave through the marching band, across Hope Street and down the nearest side street to the water.

As soon as the crowds part, she breaks into a run and finds herself at Rockwell Park, on the same dock she sat with Will the night they met, and buries her face in her hands.

They’re getting married! Will and Avery are getting married! How could he marry the woman who tore us apart? This isn’t happening
, she cries into her hands,
he can’t do this!

“What happened there, Julia?” Ted asks, catching up to her.

“I’m sorry Ted. I just need a minute.” She can’t stop crying and is desperate to be alone.

“I’ll be over there if you need me.” Ted points to the swings, and squeezes her shoulder before he walks away.

She’s in agony, trying desperately to make sense of this. Will is marrying Avery.
He’s marrying her!
The words reverberate, a relentless ringing in her head. Julia covers her ears, praying for the words to fade away.
Please stop!
She can’t bear the thought.

If you frustrate love, you get an ocean made out of lovers' tears. What else is love? It’s a wise form of madness.
A form of madness…Shakespeare nailed it again.

This news is madness and she cries an ocean of tears, sitting in the spot Will first showed her the constellations in the night sky.

When she’s regained control of her emotions, she sits on the swing beside Ted, thankful he gave her the space she needed.

“He’s my ex-boyfriend. I’ve had a tough time getting over him. His engagement… threw me. I’m sorry.” She makes an effort to smile, but fails.

“It’s okay, Jules.” He wraps his arm around her, “I have an ex too. She broke my heart. It gets easier with time.”

“Thanks, Ted.” She smiles weakly, leaning into him for comfort.

“For what it’s worth, that guy’s still in love with you.”

“It doesn’t matter.” She shakes her head, “He’s getting married.”

Julia’s done a lot of soul searching since July and it’s time to let go of Will and move on with her life. After the parade, Ted drove back to New York and Julia took to her bed for the remainder of her vacation. Gabby came over every day, trying to snap her out of her depression, but it was her mother who finally helped her rise above her pain.

“Sweetheart, it’s killing me to see you like this.”

“You were right all along, Mom. Love makes you weak. I’ll never let another man do this to me again. Never...” she cries, and curls into a ball under her comforter, her eyes red and swollen.

“Julia, I never said that! When did I ever say that?”

Didn’t she?
She’s sure her mother must’ve said those exact words a thousand times. Her mom suffered for years after her father left, she saw it with her own eyes!

“Julia, listen to me. I don’t regret marrying your father. He gave me you. And I’m not sorry he left. Of course it was painful, but it made me strong. I never dreamed I’d be put in the position of having to take care of myself. That just wasn’t done in my day. Women graduated high school, maybe went to college, then got married and had babies. I never questioned that.”

“When your father left I was upset, but mostly, I was paralyzed by fear. I didn’t think I could do it Julia, for years I doubted myself. But I was wrong. I can take care of myself, and I feel good in a way I never did before my divorce. You know better than anyone how long it took me to get here, but I did it.”

“Didn’t you love Dad?” She sits up in bed, her brow furrowed. She’s never heard her mother talk about her father or her life like this before.

“That’s a tricky one, Julia. I loved him, but I don’t think I was ever ‘in love’ with him. At least, not enough to marry him. But I was twenty-one, and that’s what was expected of me. I was old enough to get married, so I did. I just happened to be dating your father. That sounds callous, but like I said, it was a different time.”

Her mother strokes her hair and smiles.

“But you, Julia? You’re an independent, strong, intelligent young woman. No one is telling you what to do with your life. You can make it whatever you want, and whatever you chose, I’ll know it’s because it’s what you want, what you love. I couldn’t ask for more. Honey, don’t be afraid to love. It’s a beautiful thing, whether it lasts a day or a lifetime. Love can only make your life richer.”

“It hurts so much. Why won’t it stop hurting?” Julia cries into her hands.

“It will stop eventually, sweetheart. One day, you’ll look back on this period in your life, and you’ll realize you’ve learned something about yourself, that you’ve grown in some way. Don’t let the pain harden you, baby. Let it remind you that you’re capable of loving deeply, and you will love again, Julia.”

The world didn’t end when she broke up with Will, and it’s still rotating now that he’s engaged to Avery. Gram said it wasn’t often you meet someone who fills your heart and feeds your soul, but she didn’t say there was
only one
.

Julia has to believe there are other people in this great big world who are able to light her heart and soul with love and possibility, and it’s time to meet those people. She’s always wanted to travel and explore Europe and can think of no better time to start.

She’s young, she’s single, she’s childless. Julia’s free to do as she pleases.

Italy will be her home base. She’s flying into Rome in late October, her first destination on a very long list of places to explore. She’s kept track of all the cities she wants to visit on a world map hanging in her bedroom at her mom’s house. Red pins for places she wants to go, green for those she’s visited. There are a lot of red pins on her map, but that’s about to change.

She’s flying out of Boston so she can spend a few days visiting with friends and family in Rhode Island before her journey. She has no idea how long she’ll be gone but has enough in personal savings to last several months if she’s frugal. It’ll be the trip of a lifetime.

A few days before she’s due to leave for Europe, her mother takes her out for a farewell dinner at the Capital Grill in Providence and over dessert, she hands Julia an envelope.

“What’s this?”

“Open it.” Her mother smiles, “Go ahead! A little surprise.”

She lifts the flap on the envelope and opens it to find a cashier’s check in the amount of twenty-thousand dollars in her name. She’s dumbfounded. Her mother doesn’t have this kind of money to give away!

“Mom, where did you get this?”

“That, my dear girl, is the money I’ve been saving for your wedding since the day you were born. I thought you’d make better use of it exploring the world than throwing a fancy party one day.”

“Mom...” she stares at the check, her eyes wide. “How big did you think my wedding was going to be?” Julia laughs.

“Well, we have a big family!”

She can’t believe it. With this money she can travel for well over a year, easily.

“Thank you, Mom.”

“You’re more than welcome, baby.” Carol squeezes her daughter, “You’re an adventurer, go see the world! Have the time of your life. And remember to call me at least once a week!”

“I promise.” She closes her eyes and hugs her mom tight.

Before she leaves for the airport, Julia stops to say goodbye to her father, then drives to the cemetery to visit Gram’s grave. She can’t believe her grandmother’s been gone for over two years. She thinks Gram would approve of her impending adventure.

Julia sits cross-legged on the ground beside her gravestone.
Mary Bianco Grasso. 1907-1993. Beloved wife, mother and grandmother.

She believed Will was her Romeo.
Gram, help me move on from Will
. She rests her hand on the side of the cool marble stone.
Please Gram
...

A bird perches itself on top of her grandmother’s gravestone, a robin. Gram used to point out different species of birds and explain their symbolism to her when she was small. What does a robin represent? She stares at the bird and the answer comes to her.

Robin, the sign of Spring, rebirth, new beginnings.

She smiles, that’s exactly what she’s hoping for, a new beginning.
Thank you, Gram
. The bird flies away and Julia watches as it disappears into the sky.

Chapter Eighteen

Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo?
Julia has spent the past three glorious weeks wandering about Italy. She began her journey in Rome, then moved on to Venice, Florence, and Genoa. Now, she’s on the train east travelling toward Verona, Italy’s own ‘City of Love’.

She’s always felt a special connection to this city, the setting of Shakespeare’s
Romeo and Juliet
. She thinks of Gram as the train moves closer to her destination, can hear her voice asking,
Julietta, where’s your Romeo?
Julia smiles.
Ah, Gram, that remains to be seen!

Her vocabulary was limited to the few curse words and terms of endearment she learned from her grandparents, but she has an ear for languages and learns a few new phrases every day. She belongs here, the home of her ancestors, she feels it in her bones.

Every day she takes a step toward her future, and away from her past. She’s filling her journal and her heart with the people and places she’s encountered on her travels.

For at least the next four nights she’ll be sleeping in Juliet’s guesthouse. She splurged and rented a room in
Il Sogno de Giulietta
, literally translated,
Juliet’s Dream
. The room is luxurious, much nicer than any she’s stayed in thus far. She wants to stretch this trip as long as possible, so most nights she sleeps in cheap youth hostels.

Julia has something she wants to do in Verona and needs a comfortable bed and a private bath for the next few days.

A wooden four-poster bed fills most of her room. Rich tapestries adorn the walls and the bed linens and Italian sheets are of the highest quality. Julia sighs as she reclines on the bed.
This is a little bit of heaven.
There’s also a small sitting area and a balcony overlooking the courtyard opposite the real Juliet’s house.

Most people don’t realize the story of
Romeo and Juliet
is based on actual events between two warring clans from Verona, the Capuleti and Montecchi families. She was disappointed to learn the famous balcony affixed to Juliet’s house was added in the twentieth century. Mr. Shakespeare used a little creative license.

Another reason for her stop in Verona has to do with an interesting article she read years ago. For more than two centuries, people from all over the world have written letters to ‘Juliet’ asking for advice and support in all matters of the heart.

Many people send mail directly to the city, their envelopes addressed simply
Juliet, Verona, Italy
. Thousands of others make the pilgrimage to leave their letters of heartbreak and unrequited love on the wall outside Juliet’s house.

Every day Juliet’s ‘secretaries’, as they’re called, gather the love letters from the wall and bring them back to headquarters, where a team of romantics dedicate their time to answering every single letter they receive, by hand. A personal, thoughtful response, not a form letter.

Julia’s writing her letter today. She isn’t looking for advice, she’s seeking closure. Today, Julia’s writing to say goodbye to Will, and even now, a year and a half after they parted ways, the thought is painful.

Her face is tense as she walks across the courtyard, while dozens of tourists snap photographs of Juliet’s balcony. She carries her satchel close, among its contents a fountain pen and stationary purchased specifically for this occasion.

Her stride is purposeful as she passes under the stone arch and walks across via Cappello to the Piazza delle Erbe. Once a Roman marketplace, there are several cafes and dozens of stalls selling fruit, vegetables, herbs, and souvenirs.

It’s late afternoon and the air is turning crisp. She searches for the most secluded area in the square, and pulling her suede jacket close for warmth, she selects a table outside the Tosca Café Nuova and reaches into her bag for her pen and a sheet of thick ivory paper as a handsome, young waiter approaches her table.

“
Buon pomeriggio bella signorina
. May I take your order?”

“
La bicchiere de vino rosa, per favore
.” She repeats one of the many handy phrases she’s picked up over the past week.

“Yes, miss.”

“
Grazie
,” she says.
Mille grazie!
Julia looks to the sky and once her red wine arrives, she raises her glass.

To me. To new beginnings.

She swallows the contents of her wineglass in three sips and stares at the paper. She knows what she wants to say and begins to write.

Dear Juliet…

An hour later, she sits back in her chair, seals the envelope containing her letter and is filled with relief. It’s done. I said goodbye. Julia doesn’t expect to magically forget Will’s existence, but she feels freed from the overwhelming sadness that has gripped her heart since she learned of his engagement to Avery.

Julia walks back to Casa de Giulietta where she finds about a dozen men and women sitting on the cobblestones, pouring their hearts out on paper. More than a few of them are crying. A woman about her age is sitting on a bench, scribbling away, her face intense.
What’s brought her here? Who broke her heart?
Julia wonders.

A statue of Juliet stands next to a wall covered with dozens of letters, and a young man is posing for a photograph with his hand on the statue’s bronze breast. The gentleman standing beside her must have noticed her confusion and explains, in a hushed voice, that people touch her breast for luck in love.

Really? Luck in love?

She lingers in front of the statue, debating whether to touch the bronze breast of good fortune, unsure if she’s ready for love just yet. Reluctantly, she places her hand on the statue, then quickly turns and approaches the repository wall, resting her hand against it. This wall has been the recipient of so much heartache. She can only imagine the tales it would tell if it could talk, though the smooth, worn bricks speak volumes.

A woman carrying a large straw basket enters the courtyard and begins to remove the letters from the wall.
She’s one of Juliet’s secretaries!
Julia wants to ask her a million questions, but this place has a church-like quality.

When the secretary reaches her, Julia holds out her letter. The woman is young, maybe thirty? Her face is gentle and kind. She must have read and replied to hundreds of these letters. Now, she takes Julia’s letter in one hand and places her other hand on her arm, a light supportive squeeze. The secretary solemnly nods and finishes removing the evidence of hundreds of broken hearts.

When Julia returns to her hotel room, she draws a warm bubble bath, pours herself another glass of wine and soaks for almost an hour. She’s exhausted though it’s only seven in the evening. Saying goodbye was as draining as she expected it would be. Tonight she’s grateful for her cozy bed with the soft sheets and down comforter, and falls into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Before the clock strikes noon the following morning, Julia takes a seat near the fountain in the piazza and orders espresso, because that’s what you do in Italy. She never drank it back home but the taste is growing on her.

Chewing on her pen, she mulls over todays possibilities. She’ll be in Verona for several days and has plenty of time for sightseeing, so she decides that today, her only plan is to relax. She bought some postcards from a vendor in the piazza and wants to write home to family and friends, and maybe wander about and see what the day brings.

Julia opens her journal, her constant companion, and begins to write. She doesn’t want to forget anything about her journey and carefully records the details on its pages several times each day. Absorbing the sounds and smells around her, she closes her eyes and smiles.

The sun feels good against her skin. It’s warm for mid-November, in the low sixties, and she’s wearing a long-sleeved white cotton shirt, her favorite soft ivory cable-knitted cardigan sweater, and faded jeans.

A few moments later she opens her eyes, and someone is standing still a few feet in front of her, but the sun is blinding and the person is in silhouette.

“
Si?
” she asks and reaches for her sunglasses, shading her eyes with her hand.
It can’t be!
she gasps, sitting straight up in her chair. Confused, her eyes wander the piazza.
Where am I? Am I hallucinating?
She blinks again.

No, it’s Will
. All six feet, two inches of him, wearing khakis and a light blue, long sleeve polo shirt, a sweater thrown over his shoulders. His piercing blue eyes search her face and neither of them utters a word.

Her body turns cold, a knot forming in her stomach as she pulls her sweater close and tries to catch her breath. She wants to escape, to run as far away from him as possible, but she’s paralyzed. All she can do is stare, her lips parted, tears filling her eyes.

Seriously Juliet? Is this some sick cosmic joke?

She came to Europe to start over and make new memories. To get Will out of her heart forever. The journal sitting open in front of her is full of new and beautiful experiences. Now, the words are swimming around, mocking her.

Goddammit, I wrote the letter! I said goodbye.

Julia shakes her head in denial and closes her eyes.

No. He can’t be here.

***

Lowering himself into the empty chair beside Julia, his legs are shaking and he has to steady himself. He’s wanted to talk to her so many times over the past year and a half, but never thought he’d have the opportunity to be alone with her again. He has to be careful with his words, she’s in flight mode, he can see it on her face. He doesn’t want to scare her away, but is well aware he has no right to ask her to stay.

He’s been in Italy for the past five days. Avery is spending the semester in Florence taking art classes at the university, and he’s halfway through his trip. He’s trapped, just going through the motions with this engagement. No matter how long and hard he prays, he can’t find peace within himself.

But he can’t break off his engagement to Avery, he wouldn’t do that to her after everything he’s already put her through. And he wouldn’t do that to his parents. It would be a major embarrassment. The announcement was published in the newspaper, and his parents threw an engagement party for them in September before Avery left for Italy.

The wedding is set for June and her mother’s planning everything. Will and Avery just have to show up.

His train arrived in Verona about an hour ago. Avery has an all-day seminar and later tonight they’re supposed to go to a party. “Signore Medici throws the best parties,” she said. It seems to him all Avery does in Florence is go to parties and visit art museums and galleries. They haven’t had an evening alone since his arrival, and that hasn’t bothered him at all…which can’t be a good sign.

The first night he was jet lagged and she went out without him, but over the past three nights they’ve attended various parties and she’s introduced him to dozens of people. Will understands his role perfectly. It’s taken him a while to get it, but it couldn’t be clearer.

He’s a prop on Avery’s arm.

No one expects him to participate in their conversations, thank god. All he has to do is smile and tune out while she and her international group of friends discuss art and travel all night long. After three nights of this, he’s just about partied out.

Today presented Will with the opportunity to escape and visit Verona. Avery will be busy with school all day, so he’s free to roam wherever he pleases.

“Why would you want to go there?” she asked, “There’s so much to see in Florence.”

“Shakespeare set several of his plays there. I’ve always wanted to go,” he said, casually, flipping through the tour book of Italy he brought with him.

“I didn’t realize you were such a fan,” Avery laughed.

Will shrugged. He’s really not a huge Shakespeare fan, but the story of
Romeo and Juliet
means a lot to him. His Juliet read the play to him one snowy afternoon a lifetime ago.

His motives for going to Verona were not pure. A week before Will left for Italy, he bumped into Gabby and she told him Julia’s in Europe, that she flew into Rome a few weeks ago. He asked if she knew exactly where Julia was, and after some consideration, her friend said Julia called earlier in the week from Venice and was heading toward Florence, then Verona. He knows it’s a long shot, but…
it’s possible
.

Knowing Julia’s in Italy has made him hyper-aware every time he sees a woman with long, dark, curly hair. He’s resigned to the fact that there are a lot of women in Italy with long, dark, curly hair, and Julia won’t be so easy to spot. Over the past few days he’s stopped in his tracks dozens of times, thinking,
maybe this time it’s her.