What If ... Your Past Came Back to Haunt You (10 page)

SEARCHING FOR MR. METZGER

If orange plastic cones were an endangered species, Annie Armstrong would kill them off for good.

“C
areful, careful . . .” Haley couldn't help quietly coaching Annie from the sidelines during the overachiever's final driver's ed lesson. Annie was a few dozen yards away, with her teacher beside her in the passenger seat. She jerked the student-driver car into position to practice parallel parking. The windshield wipers suddenly came on, fluid squirting over the windshield.

Oops. Haley doubted Annie had meant for that to happen, on such a crisp sunny day. Every time Annie went for the turn signal, something else happened.

“I don't know if she's ready,” Haley confided to Dave Metzger, who stood beside her in the school parking lot, supposedly watching his girlfriend's driving lesson but actually more caught up in the information flashing from his handheld Web device. “She's going to the DMV next week, you know.”

“A whole week,” Dave said spacily. “That's plenty of time to master the fine art of piloting a motor vehicle through the streets of America.”

“Not for Annie,” Haley said. “Look—she's going for it.”

“Uh-huh.” But Dave's eyes were still glued to his handheld. He was currently sifting through every possible missing-persons database and identity-search site for some sign of his father. Finding his real dad was Dave's new obsession—actually the word
obsession
could not begin to describe the lengths Dave could go to when he had a problem to solve. It was more like a suicide mission. He was the most obsessed, well,
obsessive
Haley had ever known.

“Hey, look at this,” Dave said, leaning toward Haley to show her the small screen in his hand.

Haley stared at the images for a second before they began to make sense. Then she recognized the video immediately: it was a home movie of Haley, age ten. She knew this clip all too well—in it, she rode on an inner tube pulled by a speedboat, laughing and happy, until the tube hit a wave and it knocked off her bathing suit. The boat sped on while Haley, screaming in embarrassment, was pulled along after it, half-naked.

“Oh my God,” Haley muttered, horrified. “I can't believe this! Dave, where did you find this video?”

“On Hillsdale Hauntings,” Dave said, referring to the site everyone had been talking about lately. Who needed a gossip column in the school paper when you could post dirt on a blog anonymously, far from the prying eyes of teachers, parents and Principal Crum?

Haley was in full panic mode. “How did it get out?” she shrieked. “How many people do you think have seen this?” And that's when she remembered her father's most recent project: archiving the Miller family home movies and transferring everything to digital at a local post house, for easier storage and access. And guess who was assisting him on the job: the class cutup and skatehead Garrett “the Troll” Noll.

“Judging from the number of downloads you've gotten, I would say . . . a lot,” Dave replied.

Haley was mortified. Dave Metzger and who knew who else had now seen her naked. It was her younger, predeveloped naked self, of course, but it was still Haley.
However long it takes,
she silently vowed,
I am going to get back at Garrett for doing this. When he least expects it, I'll be waiting.

“Uh-oh,” Dave blurted out. “I think we might have an even bigger problem on our hands.” Haley glanced up as Annie awkwardly began to back her car into the space between two parked cars—one of which was a shiny black sedan that just happened to belong to Principal Crum. Annie's car lurched backward, heading straight for a collision with Principal Crum's front bumper. “I can't watch.” Dave covered his eyes.

At the very last second, Annie slammed on the brakes and screeched to a halt. Her car just barely kissed Principal Crum's, leaving only the very faintest of marks. Just then, Shaun Willkommen jogged by, waving at Haley. “No time to stop,” he shouted. “I'm off to get
Deoottat
!”

“What?” Haley said.

“Deoottat,” Shaun repeated, showing off his ability to speak backwards. Haley still hadn't mastered the art of deciphering this special Shaun language. “Come watch me mutilate my skin. It'll rock.”

Now Haley understood what he meant: tattooed. Without giving Haley a chance to answer one way or the other, Shaun dashed over to Devon's beat-up convertible, which was waiting for him, engine running, in the junior parking lot. The top was up, so Haley couldn't quite make out who else was in the car, but she wondered with a twinge of jealousy whether Devon's perky blond neighbor Darcy Podowski was riding shotgun.

“I wish that kid would say everything backwards all the time,” Dave said, still tapping his computer with his thumbs.

“Why?” Haley asked.

“So I wouldn't have to know what he's saying,” Dave said, trembling, before whispering, “He frightens me.”

Annie got out of the student-driver car and ran over to hug Haley and Dave. “My last lesson! Thanks so much for waiting for me, you guys.”

“No problem,” Haley said. “Way to, uh, drive, there, Annie.”

“What did you think, Dave?” Annie asked. “Am I ready for the DMV?”

“I thought you handled that car like a professional stock car racer.”

“Really?” Annie said.

“Yeah, really?” Haley echoed.

“Yllaer,” Dave said, imitating Shaun's backwards style.

“Wait a second,” Annie said. “If you say ‘really' backwards, does that mean you meant the opposite of
really
?”

Haley thought she ought to put a stop to this logic-fest before it got out of hand. “I think Dave was just copying Shaun—and when Shaun speaks backwards he doesn't mean the opposite of what he's saying. So I'm sure Dave was totally sincere.”

“Yllatot,” Dave said.

“Don't start that, Dave,” Annie said. They all walked across the parking lot toward the main school building. “One backwards speaker at Hillsdale High is enough. So Haley, guess what!”

“What?”

“You're never going to believe it.”

“Try me,” Haley said, only half interested. She couldn't get the horror of that video, or her rage at the Troll, out of her mind.

“I got an invitation to Coco De Clerq's birthday party!” Annie nearly shrieked. “It's a tea at the De Clerqs', on the lawn! The governor will be there!”

Haley was of course invited to Coco's party too, but she had been afraid to mention it to Annie, who was perpetually barred from all Coco functions and had been for over a decade. Haley wondered how Coco could have had such a drastic change of heart. Was she just inviting everyone in their class? And if so, why would the Queen of Mean be so uncharacteristically nice to a longtime frenemy? “Isn't your birthday the same day as Coco's?” Haley pointed out. “And anyway, who wants to sit outside for three hours in New Jersey in December?”

“I'm sure, knowing Coco, it will feel like the tropics,” Dave sighed.

“I don't see why any of that should stop me,” Annie protested.

“I don't know, Annie—”

“Don't you have your driver's test booked for that day?” Dave interjected.

“Yes, Dave, I was planning to take my driver's test on my actual seventeenth birthday,” Annie said. One of the quirks of living in New Jersey was a driving age of seventeen, instead of the usual sixteen. Haley could hardly stand to think of it. If she still lived in California, she could have been driving for nearly a year already. “But—”

“You would consider blowing off your driver's test just to go to a stupid birthday party?” Dave said. “And Coco's, at that—a girl who hasn't exactly been kind to you over the years?”

“I have my reasons.”

“Your driver's test is way more important, Annie,” Haley advised. “It's not easy to get an appointment at the DMV. You might have to wait weeks before another slot opens up.”

“I know,” Annie said defensively. “But don't you know what kind of opportunity this is? When else will I be able to corner the governor on her environmental policies? This is my one and only chance at a real tête-à-tête.”

“I highly doubt that.” Dave scoffed. “Do you really think the governor will want to talk business, if she even shows? Or that her security detail will let you near her if you so much as whisper a word about global warming? Besides, you won't exactly be able to present your case very well when it's forty degrees and you're shivering your butt off.”

Annie frowned, considering Dave and Haley's points. Begrudgingly, she said, “You're probably right. The driver's test is more important.”

For Haley, of course, the answers wouldn't be so simple. A terrible humiliation from the past had come back to haunt her. She realized she'd have to make the same decision as Annie: to go or not to go to Coco's major bash. Could she prove to the world that no silly little scandal would send her to hide under her bed? Or was she too embarrassed to make a public appearance now that everyone at school could see her naked, online?

She glanced around the parking lot and noticed a group of boys clustered by a car, pointing at her and whispering. Just then, a trio of freshmen walked by and giggled at the sight of her. This, Haley was sure, was just a taste of things to come.

So the mystery of the raunchy Web site is solved: one of the girls baring all is our little Haley! True, she was a flat-chested ten, but that's almost worse. If you think Haley is going to sprint home and hide under her covers, go to,
TOTAL MORTIFICATION.

Coco's not exactly loaded with talent, but one talent she certainly has is the ability to stir things up and put people into quandaries. Haley sincerely believes that Annie should celebrate her own birthday by getting her driver's license—and not by kowtowing to the First Girlfriend of New Jersey. But does that mean Haley has to miss the party of the year too? How much sacrifice does friendship require? Does doing the right thing for a friend mean missing out on all the fun yourself? Complicating matters, what if Annie needs Haley's support at the DMV? And what if Annie decides to celebrate her birthday on her own—and has no one to celebrate with, because everyone else is at Coco's?

To have Haley stick with Annie for moral support on her birthday, and maybe even give her a few much-needed last-minute parallel parking tips, go to
BUMP AND GRIND.
To ditch Annie for Coco's sure-to-be-decadent birthday gala, turn to
TEA AND SYMPATHY.
Finally, if you think Haley should skip the birthday pressure altogether and run off to the TATTOO PARLOR with Shaun, Irene and Devon, go ahead to
TATTOO PARLOR.

To hide or not to hide? To party or not to party? To tattoo or not to tattoo? So many questions, so little time. Haley can't do everything, can't be everywhere. It's up to you to send her off in the right direction.

ART CLASS

The more freedom you have, the easier it is to screw up.

H
aley noticed something different the minute she sat down at her usual table for art class. First of all, there was Mr. Von himself. Dressed in a crisp, ironed button-down shirt, his pants pressed, his hair clean and combed, his stubbly beard trimmed, he looked like a different person, certainly not the mumbling, nutty art maniac Hillsdale students were used to. His desk, formerly a war zone of papers and books, was incredibly tidy and—shocker—the wood surface even had a waxy shine to it. In fact, the whole art room looked as if Mary Poppins had dropped in by umbrella and taken a broom to the place.

“Acid Rick's new live-in love must be implementing some serious reforms in the personal hygiene department,” Irene Chen whispered.

“You know it,” Haley said. “I just can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing.”

“I'm leaning toward good thing,” Irene said.

As the bell rang, Johnny Lane and Devon McKnight drifted in and sat with Haley and Irene at their table. Shaun Willkommen was in their art class too, but lateness was a habit with him, so Haley didn't think much of the fact that Mr. Von started the class without him.

“All right,” Mr. Von rasped in his soft voice. “Let's settle down. Don't worry, I won't make you do anything hard today. I just want you to relax and lose yourselves in your own private worlds. We'll have a nice, easy free draw. It's a lesson in artistic license and self-motivation. Total freedom is not as easy to handle as some people think, you know. It can be a terrible burden, and that's why you all need to learn how to handle it. . . .”

Just then, the door burst open and Shaun barreled in stomach-first, holding aloft a stiff piece of stationery. “Ladies and germs, ladies and bacteria, ladies and streptococci,” Shaun said, waving the paper over his head like a trophy and speaking in his best fake-Elizabethan accent. “It's here! It's here. The queen has spoken. I hold in my very hand an invitation to the seventeenth birthday party of one Miss Coco De Clerq. Oh yes! I do not lie. This is the genuine article. Perhaps you would like to gaze upon it?”

He waved the invitation under the noses of some laughing students. Haley recognized it immediately, since she'd just received one herself in the mail. Mr. Von sat calmly behind his desk, allowing Shaun to express himself by dominating the class.

“The queen has deemed me, young Master Shaun Willkommen, worthy of attending her fete, worthy of existing in her royal presence. What an honor, I say to you, ladies and gentlemen!”

“Lucky you,” Johnny said sarcastically.

“Oh yes! Oh yes! I am indeed a fortunate lad,” Shaun said. “This is the crowning achievement of my young life. The happiest moment I have ever known. For I would love nothing better on this earth than to celebrate Miss Priss's trip through the birth canal”—Shaun took a long pause—
“not!”
The class burst into laughter again. “Indeed, the only thing royal about Mademoiselle De Clerq is the royal pain she gives me in my arse!” Shaun brayed like a donkey, and Irene flinched. In the recent school production of
A Midsummer Night's Dream,
Shaun had played Nick Bottom, a weaver who is turned into a donkey-headed creature by a fairy. He'd taken the tenets of Method acting to heart—be the character, live the role at all times—and Irene was still recovering from the embarrassment of dating a guy who thought he was part mule.

“Sit down, Shaun,” Irene snapped. “The only reason Coco invited you to her stupid party is because she wants something from you, or your parents.”

“What say you, vile woman?” Shaun flared his nostrils to simulate outrage. “The Honorable Coco is only using me? But . . . that cannot be!” He clutched his heart and staggered as if the very thought of Coco's selfishness were mortally wounding him. The class was in an uproar.

“Please sit down, Shaun,” Mr. Von said quietly, struggling to regain control. “Let's all settle down. We're exercising our freedom, but we musn't forget our self-discipline.”

Shaun sat down next to Irene. “What's he talking about? What are we supposed to be doing?”

“Free draw,” Haley told him.

“Awesome,” Shaun said. “In other words, free-for-all.”

“Exactly,” Johnny said.

“I'm going to draw myself a tattoo,” Shaun said. “And you're all welcome to do the same.”

“Thanks for giving me permission, your lordship,” Irene replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

They gossiped and talked while they worked on creative tattoo ideas. Haley had always vaguely liked the concept of a butterfly and started outlining one in colored pencils, even though drawing was not necessarily her forte. When it came to art, she was more of a film and photography girl.

Haley glanced across the table at Devon, who seemed very intent on his drawing. She tore her eyes away before he could catch her looking. Things had been a little awkward between them lately, and she didn't want to make the situation worse.

“I've always wanted an armband tattoo,” Irene said. She showed her design, a circle of red ribbon intertwined with silver barbed wire. It expressed her pointed-yet-loyal personality perfectly. Off to the side she'd doodled an octopus with wavy arms.

“That's amazing,” Haley said. She shaded her butterfly drawing with her hand. It looked pathetic next to Irene's designs.

“I like that octopussy over there,” Shaun suggested.

“That's just a doodle,” Irene said.

“Still, it rocks,” Shaun said.

“There are so many things I'd like to try,” Devon mused. “Here's the latest.” His drawing was beautiful: a sweet-looking fish with shimmery blue, silver, pink, purple and gold scales.

“You'd have to find a really talented tattoo artist to do that right,” Irene said.

“Do you know one who works pain-free?” Devon asked.

Johnny's dream tattoo was a flaming heart. “I've already got a few tats,” he said, lifting his shirt and showing off two tropical flowers printed on his impressive washboard abs. “A big one like this would have to go on my back, I guess, and I'm just not sure I'm ready to make that major a commitment.”

“I'm ready,” Shaun said, waving his elaborate drawing of an orange and black tiger. “This is no hypothetical dream tattoo. This one's going to end up right here”—he pulled down his pants and mooned the class, slapping the paper against the skin on his buttocks. The class roared with laughter.

Mr. Von came over to their table to calm things down. “Shaun, let's wait to reveal the posterior after you've gotten the tattoo,” he said. Haley supposed it was Mr. Von's strange way of being reasonable. “Until then, it's pants on.”

Shaun pulled up his jeans. “Got it, Rickster. That's fair. But you're all on notice—prepare yourselves! What creature emerges when the tiger meets the ass?”

“That's one of those unanswerable questions,” Johnny said.

“For sure,” Irene said. “Haley, what's your tattoo?”

Haley looked down at her sad little butterfly sketch. Transferring it into permanent body art would be a major mistake. Everyone else's drawings were so much better. “I'm still working on mine,” she said, folding up her piece of paper.

“Well, you better hurry up and finish,” Shaun said. “ 'Cause we're all going to the tattoo parlor and getting these babies inked up this afternoon!”

“Why don't you get a tattoo of an inner tube?” Johnny suggested with a snicker.

“What?” Haley said. She looked up, worried. She had no idea what he was talking about, but she didn't like the sound of his laughter.

“You know, because you're such a good tuber,” Johnny said. Shaun was laughing now too, but Johnny stopped when he saw the clueless look on Haley's face. He shook his head. “Oh, no. You don't know, do you?”

“Know what?” Haley said, panic rising in her throat.

“About the video,” Shaun said. “Online. Of you.”

“What video?” Haley's voice was getting shrill.

“Hillsdale Hauntings,” Shaun said. “That new Web site everybody's talking about. I have to say it is totally awesome.”

“What are you talking about?” Haley said, but she was getting a very bad feeling. She'd heard people mention some raunchy Web site but she never seriously thought it could have anything to do with her. . . .

“It's an old home video of you from when you were around ten,” Johnny explained. “You're riding on an inner tube being pulled behind a motorboat, and . . .”

Haley didn't have to hear the rest. She knew what was coming.

“You hit a wave or something and your bathing suit comes off.” Johnny paused while Shaun laughed harder, trying to hold it in, pounding a fist on the desk. “So basically you're, you know, naked. . . .”

Haley's face flamed red.
He can't mean this,
she thought.
He's teasing me. He heard about this old video somehow and decided to play a joke on me.

“News
flash.
News
flash.
News
flash,
” Shaun chanted, pounding his fists on the desk. Irene didn't crack a smile; she just kept on drawing, as if she were afraid to look up. Devon somehow avoided glancing at her, but Haley could tell this conversation had made his ears perk up. “I've seen it too.”

No,
Haley thought.
This isn't happening.

It's all true? Johnny and Shaun and who knows who else have all seen me . . . naked?

This doesn't look good. There's still a chance Johnny's making up this story about a naked Haley online, but it's looking like this is for real. If you think Haley is dying of humiliation and can't think about anything but how this video will ruin her life, send her home screaming to see if it's true on (
TOTAL MORTIFICATION
).

Maybe you think Haley would seriously consider getting a tattoo after hearing there's a video of her in the buff circulating online. Hey, maybe she's feeling reckless, like, what's the difference now that everyone in school has seen her naked anyway? If so, send her to the
TATTOO PARLOR.

If you think Coco's birthday party is a good chance for Haley to prove that some silly video won't get her down, go to,
TEA AND SYMPATHY.
The event is sure to be amazing, at the very least—if Haley can stand the public scrutiny.

Just how brave is our Haley? Will she hide out in her room or face the possible scandal like a trouper? The after-shocks will depend on what you decide.