What I've Done (27 page)

I won’t see Eli again. He is gone and had given his newly acquired mortal life to save me from giving in to something we both know I didn’t want. The overwhelming sorrow raging through me causes silent, broken sobs that shake my entire body. Kalia holds onto me until I once again pass out.

* * *

Later in the afternoon I am cleared to return home to Svetlana and Markus’s home. My new family waits on me faithfully although I am basically unresponsive. Rose spends hours sitting beside me and telling me about things that happen at school. I can’t even find the will to smile back at her, even though I am happy that she is alive and still enjoying life.

Too many days pass by to count before I am able to make myself climb out of bed. When I come hobbling into the kitchen where Svetlana is preparing breakfast one morning, her face falls with relief at seeing me functioning once again. She is dressed for the day in a pair of plain white shorts and a fluttery yellow top, but her hair is uncharacteristically un-kept and there are dark circles under her eyes. She has clearly been worried about me.

“You are hungry?” she asks casually, not wanting to overwhelm me with attention. Her smile this morning is not as bright as usual and seems to be forced. The guilt for all the rough days I have caused her is almost too much to bear.

I shake my head. “No thank you. Where’s Rose?” My voice sounds hoarse and dry as I have said very little in the past few days.

She pauses to watch me for a moment before turning back to the stove. “Putting on her birthday party dress. She cannot wait to show you all these decorations we buy.”

I had forgotten that it is Rose’s birthday. A few days earlier Svetlana had invited me to shop at the party store with them, but I still hadn’t been able to get myself out of bed for that. I try to form a smile, but the mourning is still so deep inside me that my lips only quiver. Kalia comes in from the patio and rushes forward to help me sit on a kitchen stool.

“You’re up!” she says in her usual merry tone. “How are you feeling today?”

Something twists inside of me. After Kalia told me of Eli’s death we had not spoken of that day again, but I need to know the whole story and hope I’m not still in danger of being under Gabe’s influence.

“What happened to Gabe, Kalia? Why was he on fire like that?” I hold my voice low, not knowing how much Svetlana has been informed of. Surely she knows something extraordinary is going on after what she had seen go down in the shop.

“It was another one of his abilities that he learned to harness,” Kalia explains without expression.

My stomach turns uneasily. Hopefully this is not a skill I will be capable of—the fire had made Gabe appear to be a total monster. “Where is he now?”

Kalia’s eyes darken with sadness. “Eli ended him, Lily. He’s gone.”

I hold my breath. “You mean he’ll never come back?”

There is a part of Kalia that hurts too much for the friend she has lost to answer. While I appreciate everything Gabe had done for us in the beginning—despite everything else—I am not the least bit sad. Maybe I do mourn a little for the friend that he had once been, but all of that had been a lie to entice me to join his side.

“But how did he do it? Eli was human. How did he kill Gabe?”

“I don’t know the answer to that,” she says to me with a deep sorrow set in her eyes. “I don’t know what I saw – it all happened so fast. I’m so sorry, Lily. I didn’t know Gabe was capable of so much evil. He was so caught up in wanting you to be his that he apparently let his inner demon win him over.”

Whatever Eli had done, I hope it had not caused him pain. I wonder just how much Rose saw and what must be going through her little mind. Not only did she witness something terribly inhuman, but then I had been unresponsive for days afterwards. Kalia had most likely thought of something to tell Svetlana and Rose to make them accept things, even if they didn’t understand.

I glance back at Svetlana, who is still busy cooking and at least pretending not to listen to our conversation. “Now what? What will happen to my future that everyone was so worried about? Without Gabe…or Eli…” His name gets stuck in my throat and I begin to weep again.

Kalia places a gentle hand on my shoulder. She may not have her angel abilities anymore, but her sympathy has a way of radiating onto me and instantly makes me feel a smidgen better. After all, she knows exactly how I am feeling—she had once lost the love her life, too.

“When Eli sacrificed himself for you, he changed the future that was already written. He had seen you give yourself to Gabe and turn to the darkness, Lily. He couldn’t stand to see that happen. But I don’t know what will happen to you now. I wish I could see your future and let you know everything is going to be okay.”

Now there will be no chance of having a child with either Gabe or Eli, but I am still part angel—something I know very little about. Fortunately there may be some things Kalia can help me to understand.

Then I wonder—will there be more angels from each side that fight for my affection in the future? As I sit grieving the loss of what I know to be the love of my life and quite possibly my soul mate, I know I will never love anyone as much as I had loved Eli. The thought of having a baby with anyone else, no matter how far into the future, seems unimaginable.

As Kalia and I silently watch each other, assessing my options, Rose comes running in from the patio. She is wearing a rhinestone-studded pink sundress that sparkles in the morning light. Her hair is curled into large ringlets and she wears a sparking pink bow on top of her head to match her dress. Even her new sandals are pink with sparkles. I scold myself for missing out on the shopping adventure she had quite obviously enjoyed with Svetlana.

I hold my arms out to her. “There’s my birthday girl!”

She runs to me with her eyes wide. I can feel her happiness at seeing me out of bed bursting from her. She squeezes me as hard as her little arms can before handing me the plastic bag in her hands that is filled with hats, streamers and all the usual party supplies I had hoped she would one day have. My eyes water in appreciation of all the things Svetlana has done for us.

“What do you think will happen to me and Rose now?” I calmly ask Kalia, knowing Rose is too busy going through her things to pay attention to our adult conversation.

The promise of being taken care of by two angels is gone. We are safe living with Svetlana and Markus, but I can’t expect them to take care of us forever—I am already an adult. There are very few things I can do to make money without a college education, and I can’t expect them to provide such an expense for me. I know children in foster care can apply for loans and such, but I will never be able to provide for my sister if I am forever paying off school debts.

Kalia laughs at me in her usual joyous melody, stopping only to kiss the side of my head. Her eyes sparkle and she leans in close to whisper in my ear. “Silly girl, you have Johnny’s money.”

When she leans back my jaw drops in shock, causing her to laugh once again.

I hadn’t thought about what would happen to the money. It doesn’t seem possible that Rose and I have gone from being extremely poor and on the run to having a home and being well provided for in a matter of months. I had never counted the money but knew there would certainly be enough of it to pay for at least part of a college education and possibly allow me to provide for my sister the way she deserves.

Kalia winks playfully. “I think everything is going to be okay.”

I can’t make an audible noise in response so I only give her what I know to be a dazed and insane-like smile. She giggles and pulls me in for a joyous hug. Our celebration causes Rose to stop rummaging through her party favors to throw her arms around both of us.

For the first time since my baby sister was born, I know we are going to be okay.

EPILOGUE

In the months that follow, Rose and I are happier than I could have ever imagined we would be, and life is good. When I finish the final credits I need to graduate high school through online classes, Svetlana throws a party on the beach to celebrate. Kalia brings hamburger patties that Markus cooks on the grill and we drink frozen, non-alcoholic drinks with umbrellas in them. There are even a dozen of my new friends who stop by.

Rose and I have adjusted to life in California with our foster parents so well that it truly feels like our home. Svetlana took me in for my driver’s license test and after passing with flying colors, Markus bought me a used, but decent car. I am still helping Kalia down at the surf shop through the busy summer months, even though it is difficult for me to be there after everything that had happened.

Kalia had told me not to worry about explaining to my foster parents where I was getting the money for school and promised she would take care of it. Svetlana and Markus discussed the options for my future with me and the three of us agreed in the end that I would go to a nearby community college starting in the fall. I have made more friends through the surf shop who will also be freshmen there and they have offered for me to stay in the house they will be renting on campus. I am anxious for fall to arrive so I can start the next chapter of my life.

On a Friday afternoon nearing the fourth of July I lay on the patio sunning myself in a new black and white bikini Kalia had given me for a graduation present. Markus and Svetlana have taken Rose to the zoo, but I passed on the offer to join them since I have been feeling really nauseated the past couple of days and think I may be coming down with some kind of flu bug.

The day is downright hot for San Diego, which does nothing to calm the queasy feeling in my stomach. The beach is packed down near Kalia’s shop-the voices of the little children playing in the water over that way carry over to where I lay, their laughter making little musical sounds that drift through the air. I am considering taking a dip in the ocean to cool off, when I feel a strange tingling crawl from my spine up to my neck. I sit up with a start, but seconds later I feel the old warming sensation I would know anywhere.

I draw in a sharp breath when I realize what this means.

“Eli,” I whisper, closing my eyes.

The warmth of him surrounds me and eventually feels like it will swallow me up. My longer, now naturally colored hair begins to move until it is behind my shoulder and I feel another tingling follow from my shoulder up to my neck. From the corner of my eye I can sense a flash of bright light and the tingling stops, only to be followed by the touch of fingers that are soft and warm against my face.

My eyes flutter open to discover Eli smiling down on me.

I jolt in surprise but he continues to stroke my face lovingly. His graceful smile beams brightly against the bright blue sky. Although he looks just as he had before, wearing a local rock band t-shirt with cargo shorts and flip flops, there is something else about him that appears more radiant than ever.

All of a sudden I realize it’s his eyes-they have returned to their usual brilliance.

Reaching out, I take his face in my hands and feel bewildered when I am able to physically touch him, confirming that he is really flesh and blood. Warm tears spring to my eyes and begin to stream down my face.

 “How is it you’re here?” I ask.

He laughs, continuing to tenderly rub his hands along my cheeks. “It doesn’t happen very often, but it seems the elders have changed their mind about my fate.”

My heart fills with so much love and joy at I am surprised when I don’t burst from all of it. My grip on his face tightens. “But you’re not human. Does this mean you get to stay?”

His smile turns into a devilish smirk and he raises his head slightly in confirmation. “I’m afraid the human thing didn’t last for very long. The elders allowed me to return for the time being, anyway. Things are different now.”

I narrow my eyes suspiciously. “Different as in…?”

He dips his head, allowing his lips to meet mine. Desperation strikes me so suddenly that even I am caught off guard by my ravenous reaction. I knock him down onto the sand and he wraps his arms around me as the intensity of our kiss increases to a level of passion I have only felt once before in my life.

The burning in my stomach spreads through me like wildfire and I know I want nothing more than to be with him again, the way we had been the morning before he died. He first holds on to me tighter as we all but devour each other, but after a few minutes he pushes me away, gasping for breath.

He laughs and brushes my hair from my face. “Does this mean you missed me?”

I gasp along with him, my breath still caught in my chest. “I thought I had lost you forever.”

His eyes are filled with the same affection and love that I’m sure to be reflecting in mine. “I was sent back to protect you, Lily.”

I push off on my elbows to a sitting position and narrow my eyes in suspicion. “Protect me from what exactly? Kalia said Gabe is gone.”

He rolls to his side, resting his head on his hand. “She was right, but Gabe isn’t the only angel of darkness out there. There may be more that will try to influence you.”

This news that I may have more angels vying for my attention is not welcoming, but I shrug my shoulders. “Didn’t the elders already know that? Why did they decide you would be the one to protect me? Believe me, I’m not complaining, but couldn’t they have just sent another guardian to protect me?”

A slow smile creeps onto his face and he holds my gaze. “You really don’t know, do you?”

I look up to the sky impatiently. “This is so typical of you, Eli. Just spit it out already.”

His hand reaches out to take mine, the electricity between us stronger than ever. I am not sure if it is the angel inside me or if he is somehow able to project his thoughts on to me, but in that moment I know.

The queasy feeling I have been having is not from any virus I had contracted.

My period the month before had been lighter than normal but I hadn’t given it much thought. The realization of what is happening slaps me in the face with lightning fast speed. My free hand flies to my stomach and my eyes jump back to Eli’s.