What Matters Most (17 page)

“I’ve always liked Norah Jones and Corinne Bailey Rae—kind of jazzy, bluesy, you know?”

“Totally.”

“And Natalie Merchant and…” I began listing off a bunch of others. And she added some of her favorites to the list, and I could tell we had similar taste.

“Okay, I don’t want to tell you what to do, Maya. But it seems to me that if God has really called you to be part of Redemption, your heart will be in it.”

I swallowed my last sip of now lukewarm mocha, then nodded.

She was digging in her oversize bag now. “Here,” she said as she slid a pale green CD across the table.

I read the title aloud:
“Falling in a Beautiful Place.”

“That’s the first CD I ever made.”

“I didn’t see this on the sales table.”

“It wasn’t there. But I want you to have it.”

“Thanks.”

“Listen to the first song, okay?”

“I’ll listen to the whole album,” I assured her.

“But really listen to the first song. I think you’ll relate to it.”

“Okay.”

“I know you’re going to figure this out, Maya. And I’ll be praying for you.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that.”

She glanced at her watch. “And now if I don’t hurry, my sweet hubby will think I’ve forgotten him.”

“You’re married?”

She grinned. “Yeah, are you thinking I’m too young?”

I laughed. “Hey, I’m still just sixteen. I’d be the last person to tell anyone they were too young for anything.”

We hugged, and Anna told me that she was going to open for Redemption in Atlanta next month. “So I’ll see you in a few weeks,” she called out as she left. And I took her CD up to the hotel room, popped it in the player, and listened to the whole CD.
Then I went back and listened to the first song with the lyric sheet open so I could sing along. And she was right. It was just what I needed to hear. And something I need to think and pray about.

Here is how it goes.

Y
esterday morning we dropped Elise at the Nashville airport, and then four hours later we picked up Beanie Jacobs, our new chaperon. Here is my first impression of Beanie: she looks kind of like Minnie Driver, and she is New York chic.

“Maya Stark,” she said even before we were introduced. “I’ve been dying to meet you.”

I suddenly felt tongue-tied.

She laughed. “Because of Caitlin. She’s told me a lot about you.”

“Oh.” I smiled. “She’s told me a lot about you too.”

“Beanie’s a famous fashion designer,” Allie said as we waited for her bags.

“You mean
almost
famous.” Beanie pushed a dark strand of hair away from her face and adjusted the strap of what looked like an authentic retro bag from the forties. “I was working with this awesome up-and-coming designer and feeling like I was on top of the world, and then,
wham, bam
, I got toppled by one of his assistants.” She sighed. “But Caitlin probably told you the whole story.”

“I heard some of it,” admitted Chloe, “but not everything.”

So Beanie proceeded to tell us about how she and the designer, Leo, were really working in sync and how much she was learning from him and how he was totally into green design and fair trade and recycled products (something I personally appreciate) and how they were just developing this new line when his assistant, Monica, began dating him. “Despite my assurances to Monica that my relationship with Leo was purely professional, she started getting jealous. I could’ve handled that, but when she started to use her romance with Leo as an excuse to push her design ideas onto me, I had to put my foot down.” Beanie leaped forward to snag a cool tapestry bag from the carousel. “And finally I decided it just wasn’t worth it. It seemed like God was trying to tell me something—like, get outta town, Beanie!”

“I think God was just telling you to come back to Redemption,” Allie said.

“That’s right,” Chloe agreed. “We’re in need of your fashion advice more than ever now.”

“Wait’ll you see my sketches,” she called out as she nabbed a huge red duffel bag. “Well, that’s all my bags.”

“Man, I hope so.” Chloe frowned at the enormous bag. “Don’t forget we’re traveling on the bus.”

“If you knew what was in that bag, you’d offer to carry it for me.” Beanie hoisted it onto the luggage cart.

As it turned out, her bag was full of fabrics and finds that she planned to use for us. And after just twenty-four hours, she’s already got us looking way better than before. She’s amazing. She just picks up a piece of fabric along with some interesting notions and then attaches them to a recycled T-shirt, and, voilà, it’s a one-of-a-kind incredible creation. Not only are we dressing way better than before, but it’s like she brings this whole new zest and energy to the band. And I feel like I’m fitting in better now. Like maybe I’ve made it over some kind of a hump or just turned a corner and this really is the right thing for me. It’s possible I was just having the jitters before. But even as I write this down tonight, I’m not totally sure. And that bugs me. Still, I’m praying about it. I am committed to do all I can to be a highly functioning part of Redemption and do my very best. Really, what more can I do?

Yesterday I turned seventeen. A small step for most teenagers but a giant step for Maya Stark. For some reason seventeen feels so much older than sixteen to me. And it feels good.

“Sorry you can’t have your birthday off,” Chloe told me as we ate breakfast in the bus. We were on our way to Raleigh, North Carolina, where we were scheduled for three concerts. Last night our band performed alone. Tonight we’ll perform with Iron Cross, which has got Chloe all charged up. She’s been missing Jeremy a lot since Nashville. But back to yesterday…my birthday.

“Anyway,” Allie said, “we decided that since it’s your birthday, you can pick the closing song for tomorrow night’s concert. So what’ll it be?”

I just shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“What about one of the Anna Gilbert songs?” asked Chloe.

“You’d have to get permission,” Beanie called out from where she was stitching something together.

“Bruce can do that,” Chloe called back to her.

“But we haven’t practiced her songs,” I pointed out. Although I have to admit the idea of singing one of Anna’s songs in a concert was appealing.

“I’ve heard you practicing them.” Allie refilled her bowl with more Froot Loops. (I’ve already told her that Froot Loops are not real fruit, but she doesn’t seem to care.)

“Not really practicing,” I corrected. “I just like to play some of them sometimes. The lyrics connect with me.”

Chloe spread peanut butter on her toast. “So why don’t you pick one that you’re comfortable with and do a solo, and we’ll do backup.”

“A solo?” I frowned at her. “I thought this was supposed to be a birthday present.”

“You don’t
want
to do a solo?” Allie shook her spoon at me.
“Everyone
wants to do a solo.”

“Not everyone.” Chloe made a face at Allie. “Some people are just better at backup.”

Suddenly I realized I really did want to do a solo, especially if it could be an Anna song. “I think I’d like to do it.”

“Great.” Allie made a face at Chloe like she’d won this round.

“So which song will it be?” asked Chloe.

“Well, you’ve heard the CD, and you know that the songs aren’t really Redemption sort of songs,” I reminded them. “Anna’s style is different.”

“Just put the CD on, and we’ll pick one,” suggested Chloe.

So I put it in, and before long Allie and Chloe both wanted to do an upbeat song called “Give a Little.”

“It sounds like a good birthday song to me,” Chloe declared after we ran through it a couple of times.

And so last night I did my first solo with Redemption. And the response of the crowd was really positive. So much so that I think Chloe felt a little threatened afterward. Okay,
threatened
is not the right word. But I think she was a little concerned. And that surprised me.

“It’s okay doing songs like that once in a while,” she told me this morning. “But we need to remember that Redemption has its own unique sound. Like Willy used to say, ‘Keep the cookies where the kiddies can reach ‘em.’”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“That we need to deliver what the audience wants,” explained Allie. She kind of rolled her eyes then. “But to be honest, it sometimes feels like a sellout to me.”

“The fact is, we’re a girls’ gospel rock band,” continued Chloe. “And that’s what works with our fans. It’s why they buy Redemption concert tickets and CDs. It’s what they want. We don’t want to mess with it.”

Okay, I know Chloe’s not focused only on money, but her comments do make me wonder. It also made me want to sing the chorus of “Give a Little” to her again. Anyway, here’s the song I sang for my birthday solo:

We’ve been on the road for over a month now. In some ways it seems more like a year, and in some ways it seems like a week. But I’m starting to enjoy myself more, and at our manager’s suggestion, I’ve even done a couple more solos. As a result it feels almost like I’m pulling my weight. And the fans seem to agree, because Redemption’s popularity is as high as ever—at least that’s what Bruce says. He also said that it’s okay for Redemption “to evolve.” He said this in response to Chloe’s claim that Redemption needed to stay the same way it had been in the past.

I could tell by the look in her eyes that Bruce’s comment might have hurt her feelings. And I felt kind of guilty, but at the same time, it’s not like I can help what I am…or the way I do music…or even what the fans like. It’s not like I’m trying to take over Redemption. I totally respect that Chloe started this band. I’m fully aware that I’m the newcomer. But it was kind of freeing to hear Bruce
say that. So when we did a joint concert with Iron Cross last night, it felt good to do another solo—this time with a song I’d written. And it felt good to hear the audience respond so positively to it.

Afterward we were having coffee in the hotel coffee shop with some of the guys from Iron Cross, and Jeremy mentioned my performance. “That was an awesome solo,” he told me. “And the lyrics to that song were very cool. Who wrote it anyway?”

“Maya did,” offered Allie.

“You’re a songwriter too?” Jeremy seemed unduly impressed, and I suddenly felt Chloe watching me.

“I just dabble at it,” I said quickly. “Chloe’s the real songwriter of the band.” I turned to her. “Like how many have you written by now? A couple hundred?”

She just shrugged.

“Did you guys know Maya’s dad is Nick Stark?” Allie asked them.

“No way!” Now Jeremy looked even more impressed.

“That’s crazy,” said Michael, another member of Iron Cross. “Wasn’t he popular in the seventies or eighties?”

I nodded. “I know. My dad’s music is a little—”

“His music is great,” Jeremy interrupted. “I kid you not. I’ve been a Nick Stark fan for years.”

I had to laugh at that. “No way. My dad’s music was way before your time.”

“What Jeremy means is that our
parents
were fans,” explained
Isaiah. He’s Jeremy’s younger brother. “But Jeremy was such a music geek that he’d listen to anything.”

“Thanks, bro.” He shook his head.

Isaiah grimaced now. “Hey, I’m sorry, Maya. I didn’t mean to sound like your dad wasn’t any—”

“It’s okay,” I assured him. “I tease Dad all the time about his geriatric music. I’ve even told him that he should cross-market his CDs with Depends.”

This got a good laugh from the table.

“But seriously,” Jeremy said again, “I
was
a Nick Stark fan. I used to sing along to his records.”

“That’s true,” said Isaiah. “Back in grade school, he’d crank up the old vinyl and just rock out. I remember him pretending the TV remote was his mike.” Isaiah continued to tease his older brother until we were all laughing so hard that I thought the manager of the coffee shop was about to throw us out. Then I noticed that Chloe wasn’t really laughing. Oh, she kind of acted like she was, but her eyes were sad. And as we continued to joke around, I realized that Jeremy was paying too much attention to me. I had a feeling that was bothering Chloe, so I tried to put the spotlight back on her. “You guys should hear this new song that Chloe’s working on. It’s going to be really awesome.”