What the Heart Desires (Contemporary Erotic Romance) (16 page)

It wasn’t until she was alone behind a large oak tree in the park that she broke down.

~~~

With Jane married and off on her honeymoon, Kimberly felt even emptier than before.  The diversion of the wedding was gone.  Now she needed to find something else to fill her time. 

Kimberly signed up for a Wednesday night cooking class and found that she actually really enjoyed making soufflés and quiches.  There were a couple of good looking guys in the class, both of whom seemed friendly.  She made up her mind to keep her distance.  The last thing she wanted to do was jump from one relationship to another without taking time to catch her breath.

Every second Saturday, Kimberly started volunteering at the local public library.  There, she spent a few hours each afternoon helping people in the adult literacy program learn how to read.  It was rewarding to see them make progress and slowly build up their confidence. 

Garrett no longer consumed Kimberly’s every waking thought.  She still thought of him often, but the memories were no longer accompanied by an anguished yearning for what could have been.  Sometimes she even managed to crack a smile while recalling a particular joke or story he’d told.  Little by little, her grief was beginning to subside.

When Kimberly thought back to the girl she’d been back when she first met Felix, she could hardly believe she was the same person.  She’d definitely been a girl and not a woman then, regardless of her age.  She’d been naïve, idealistic, immature and sexually inexperienced.  She’d put love and romance on a pedestal – and that had been her downfall.

Kimberly knew now that a partner wouldn’t automatically make her happy.  Felix had been the perfect guy on paper and she still hadn’t been satisfied.  Garrett – well, there was no question that being with Garrett would be full of exhilarating highs and crushing lows.  She craved the rollercoaster ride now…but only because she’d come to realize that love
wasn’t
perfect.

Love was imperfect and unpredictable and full of surprises…and that was precisely what made it so wonderful
.

Kimberly had also come to understand
that she had to come to terms with being on her own.  In the past, she’d expected love to sweep her off her feet and magically make everything right in her world.  She knew now that she’d had childlike, unrealistic expectations. 

She couldn’t expect love to be a magic solution to all of life’s problems.  That mindset was just asking for trouble.

Love took work.  Sometimes it involved compromising or breaking down walls or fighting to get a derailed train back on the tracks.  Sometimes it was hard and gritty and uncomfortable.  But in the end it was always worth it.

~~~

“How was the honeymoon?” Kimberly asked.  “It feels like we haven’t talked in ages!  I can’t believe you’re
married
!”

“I know!”  Jane’s voice on the other end of the phone sounded energized and invigorated.  “The honeymoon was fantastic.  We had a blast and Jamaica is so gorgeous – you seriously have to go there someday!” 

Kimberly smiled.  “Maybe I will.”

“The beaches were so incredible.  We didn’t want to come home!  But now we’re glad we’re back.  Or at least I am.  The Husband is still jet lagged.  I had to make a special coffee run just for him this morning, ha!”  Jane suddenly fell silent.

“Jane?” Kimberly suspected something was wrong.  It wasn’t like Jane to be quiet.  Jane was never quiet.  In fact, the woman hardly ever shut up – not even when Kimberly wanted her to.  Something was definitely up.  “What is it?”

“I don’t know if I should even tell you this,” Jane said
apologetically, “but I ran into Felix at the coffee shop this morning.” 

“Oh?”  Kimberly still thought about him from time to time.  “Did you talk to him?”

“Yeah,” Jane hesitated. “I was going to just stick my nose in the air and strut right past him, but he recognized me and said hi and…well, I felt rude just ignoring him or giving him the evil eye after that.”

Kimberly laughed.  “You don’t need to ignore him or give him the evil eye,” she told her friend, “although I appreciate the loyalty.  How is he?”

“Good.”  Something about the way Jane gave the terse, one-word answer tipped Kimberly off that she was holding back.

“And…?” Kimberly prompted. 

It was as though a dam had burst.  Jane began talking a mile a minute, spewing out words so quickly that it was difficult for Kimberly to keep up.  “He was there with a woman.  She was cute I guess but you’re way hotter and I’m not just saying that because you’re my best friend.  But she…she was
pregnant
.  She was
pregnant
with
Felix’s baby
!”

Kimberly was having trouble processing what she was hearing.  “Are you sure?” she finally asked.  “Are you sure he wasn’t just out for coffee with a pregnant friend or co-worker or something?” 

“They were holding hands,” Jane said quietly.  “And I saw them kiss as I was leaving.”

“Well…good for him, I guess,” Kimberly managed to squeak out.  “I’m happy for him.”

It was true.  Well, mostly.  She was glad he’d moved on and found someone who made him happy.  He was glad he was going to be a father; she could only imagine how thrilled he must be about it. 

But still, the news was a surprise to say the least. 
It wasn’t that she expected Felix to sit around pining for her.  She’d be devastated if that were the case.  But it was less than a year since they’d broken up.  He’d moved on quickly, to say the least. 

Oddly enough, what shocked Kimberly
even more than the pregnancy news was the report that Felix had held hands with and kissed his new woman right there in the middle of the coffee joint!

He’d never been one for public displays of affection. 

Maybe he’d changed.

It was weird to think that he’d changed.  It was weird to think he’d been out of her life for the better part of a year.  A wave of nostalgia hit Kimberly hard as she struggled to make sense of everything she’d just heard.  But deep down, she
was
happy for Felix.  He deserved good things.

~~~

After hearing the news about Felix, he started crossing Kimberly’s mind more and more often.  It wasn’t in a longing way; she was long past the days of lusting after two guys at once and Garrett still had her heart.  But she couldn’t help but wonder what her life would have been like had she stayed with Felix.

Kimberly expected it would have been an ordinary, unremarkable life tucked away in a safe, quiet suburb.  Felix would teach all day and be home every night for dinner.  Would she work?  She wasn’t sure.  She knew Felix would have supported her had she chosen to, but he also would have been happy for her to be a stay-at-home mom.

A stab of pain shot through Kimberly’s psyche at the thought of babies.  She wanted to be a mother.  Now Felix was getting ready to be a dad, no doubt picking out baby clothes, contemplating names and setting up the nursery – all with another woman. 

She wasn’t convinced she’d have been completely happy with Felix.  She’d probably go through life sticking to familiar old routines (grocery shopping on Tuesdays, laundry on Wednesdays and housecleaning on Thursdays).  It wouldn’t be exciting but it would work. It would be comfortable.

What would life with Garrett have been like?  Kimberly couldn’t even picture that.  In the past, she’d expected he’d never settle down and change his hard partying, self-indulgent ways.  After hearing about his childhood and his desire to one day provide for a family of his own, however, she had her doubts.

He just might be the devoted husband and father she’d dreamed about.  In the past, he’d been aloof and nonchalant in a desperate attempt to protect his heart.  But if she could just break down those walls he’d built and earn his trust…Kimberly was certain he’d be the family man she’d dreamed about marrying since she was a little girl.

Of course, as a kid Kimberly hadn’t dreamt about a husband who’d tie her up and spank her.  She hadn’t envisioned someone who drank and smoke and told vulgar jokes.  She hadn’t expected The One to tease, challenge and sometimes even enrage her. 

But that’s because a small child doesn’t have that sort of insight.  All a little girl sees is the
princess-style white dress and the smiling, handsome groom at the end of the aisle, not all the less magical stuff that comes after that.

~~~

“We need to do this more often,” Kimberly smiled as Jane plopped down at the kitchen table in Kimberly’s apartment.  Saturday nights were much less lonely when her best friend was visiting for the weekend.

“We do,” Jane agreed.  “Don’t get me wrong – married life is great and I love my husband – but sometimes I just need a
break
, you know?  I guess the honeymoon phase has officially come to an end,” she laughed as she popped a salt and vinegar flavor potato chip into her mouth.

“
Well it has been eight months,” Kimberly pointed out.  “That’s a pretty good run for a honeymoon phase if you ask me.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Jane agreed.  “I can hardly believe it’s nearly May!”

“Me neither.  What do you want to do tomorrow?” Kimberly asked.  She was eager to plan a lazy, leisurely Sunday and show Jane a good time in the city.  “We could go shopping or hang out at the park as long as the weather’s warm enough – early springs are the best!  Oh, and there’s a movie on right now that’s supposed to be good –”

“Please don’t hate me,” Jane replied, “but I’ve sort of already made plans.”

“Oh!”  Kimberly was surprised.  Normally when Jane visited they hung out together nonstop the entire time.  “No problem,” she said.  “What are your plans?”

Jane flashed her mischievous Jane smile that could only mean one thing: she was about to say something Kimberly wouldn’t like.  “The plans aren’t for me,” she said.  “I mean, I’ll probably just go hang out in the park and work on my tan if the weather cooperates, but whatever, that’s not important.  The plans I’ve made are for
you
, my dear.”

Kimberly tipped her head to the side and looked at her best friend suspiciously.  “What sort of plans are they?” she asked, not liking the direction the conversation was taking.  Then a terrible thought occurred to her.  “Oh God, it’s not a blind date, is it?” she demanded.  “I know you keep pushing but I keep telling you I’m just not interested right now…”

“Just trust me, okay?  He’ll be here around noon.  I’ve already taken the liberty of ordering lunch from the catering place down the street.  They’ll be dropping it off a few minutes before lunchtime.  And I’ll make myself scarce well before then.”

“You invited some guy to my place?” Kimberly demanded.  This was just getting worse and worse.  “What if he’s a serial killer?  Oh God, what if you’ve set me up with an axe murderer?” 

“Now you’re just being ridiculous.  I’m your best friend.  I’m not going to do anything that will put you in danger.  Just trust me, okay?”

Kimberly glared at Jane.  “
Fine
,” she said icily, “but if you come back to a scene that looks like something out of a horror movie and I’m not alive to say it then:
I told you so
!”

Kimberly’s stomach was in knots.  She was furious with Jane for putting her in such an awkward situation – the last thing she wanted was some strange guy barging into her apartment and trying to flirt with her! 

As Jane unapologetically left for the park wearing oversized sunglasses and carrying a raunchy romance novel, Kimberly considered leaving too.  It wouldn’t be nice to stand some poor guy up, but running seemed like as good an option as any.  But before she could think that possibility through, the
buzzer rang.

“Dammit!” she hissed, throwing a deep purple sweater on over her simple green cotton dress.  She definitely wasn’t going all out with her date preparations, but she looked presentable, at least.  She hurried to the door and flung it open, expecting to see the catering guy there to make a drop-off.

“Garrett!” she exclaimed, not knowing what else to say.  “You’re…here.”

He gave her a strange look.  “Well you did ask me to come over,” he reminded her.

Kimberly didn’t know what on earth he was talking about, but she was too excited about seeing him to care.  “Come in!” she urged.

Garrett
did walk in.  This time he took his shoes off at the door.  When he walked past her, Kimberly caught a whiff of him.  He smelled faintly of expensive cologne rather than alcohol.  That was a first.

Then she noticed the crumpled brown paper bag in his hand.  “You brought booze?” she asked somewhat incredulously.  That seemed very much like the old
Garrett she knew, but she was surprised that he’d expect her to just drink with him like they were still old buddies.

“Oh,” he said, looking down at the crumpled paper bag as though he’d forgotten about it.  “No.  When I didn’t hear from you…well I assumed the baby wasn’t mine,” he said.  “But I wanted to bring you something anyway, so…I got baby clothes.  I wasn’t sure what you had so I got one for a boy and one for a girl,” he said apologetically, pulling the tiny, adorable clothing from the bag.  “The bag they gave me at the store was neon pink and had hearts all over it,” he explained, wrinkling his nose in distaste. 
“Naturally, I trashed it and stuck the clothes in something a little less ridiculous.”