What to Expect the Toddler Years (112 page)
Read What to Expect the Toddler Years Online
Authors: Heidi Murkoff
Pegboards, with pegs of varying shapes and sizes.
Building blocks and systems, such as Duplo. Pieces should be large enough so your toddler can handle them easily and won’t choke on them if mouthed. Avoid sets that require building a particular model—if your toddler can’t follow the directions (with your help) or build to match the picture, the result could be excessive frustration.
Arts-and-crafts materials, including: play clay; materials for making collages; poster paints to be used with brushes (see page 657).
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Alphabet blocks or magnetic letters; color lotto; very simple number and letter games; an abacus.
All sorts of musical toys, including drums, tambourines, maracas, play horns and other wind instruments, xylophones, simple keyboards, toddler cassette players, and microphones. Favor instruments over music boxes and musical toys that require only the push of a button and offer no real musical challenge.
Climbing toys, such as backyard gyms (the local playground can serve as well, of course).
Sandbox and sand toys.
A real tricycle (check for size before purchasing).
A “balance beam” (a narrow board placed on the ground, on which your toddler can practice walking to improve balance and build confidence).
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Be sure all art supplies are nontoxic and safe for use by children your toddler’s age.
Be on the look-out for boredom.
Having “nothing to do” is a common cause of whining. While it’s important for small children to begin learning how to entertain themselves, their capacity for independent play is still quite limited. When you sense that your toddler has exhausted her resources, step in with an activity before the whining begins.
Fend off frustrations.
Some frustration is a necessary part of growing up and of learning new skills. But be sure that you aren’t pushing your toddler, demanding a level of performance she’s not capable of, or giving her toys and other playthings that are beyond her. When you see she’s becoming overly frustrated, help her with what she’s doing—or distract her. (See page 384 for more on dealing with frustration.)
Head off hunger and fatigue.
At least when possible—and you’re bound to head off some of your toddler’s most persistent whining.
Provide voice lessons.
Children often don’t realize the negative effect of whining on other people—until they hear it
for themselves. So the next time your toddler whines, take a moment to tape record the awful sounds. Then tape her speaking in her regular voice. When she’s in a good mood, sit her down and replay the tape, pointing out the difference between her “whiny” voice and her “regular” voice. Besides getting a good chuckle from the differences in the two voices, your toddler may even discover that she can’t bear the sound of her whiny voice. Reinforce that discovery by explaining “People don’t like to hear whining. It hurts their ears, so they stop listening.” With that realization fresh in her mind, make a game out of practicing your “regular” voices together.
Applaud a “regular” voice.
Whenever your toddler asks for something nicely, let her know how much you appreciate her tone of voice (even if you don’t appreciate her request). Say, “When you talk so nicely, in your ‘regular’ voice, it’s such a pleasure. You make me and my ears very happy.”
Watch out for whining yourself.
Some parents, without realizing it, make requests of their children (and their spouses) in a nagging, whiny tone. Try always to use a “regular” voice yourself (albeit a firm one when you mean business). After all, if you can’t avoid whining, how can you expect your child to?
Encourage sharing feelings.
A child who can talk about her feelings is less likely to whine (see page 196). Help
your toddler to get the words out when she’s having trouble.
Avoid labels.
Don’t label your child a “whiner”—children are notorious for living up to parental expectations.
When, despite your best efforts, your toddler starts to whine, you can deal with it more effectively in the following ways:
Eliminate any obvious trigger.
If the whining toddler is hungry, feed her (but don’t reward whining with sweets or other treats); if she’s wet, change her; if she’s tired, help her to nap or rest; if she’s bored, involve her in an activity. If she seems generally out-of-sorts, consider that she may be coming down with something or simply need some extra attention and treat her accordingly.
Don’t yell.
A shrill “Stop that whining!” doesn’t get to the root of the problem and often perpetuates it, helping to entrench the habit. For a toddler who’s seeking attention, even negative attention spells success.
Don’t capitulate.
When the whining starts, make it clear to your toddler that it won’t get her anywhere—you’ll listen only if she uses her “regular” voice. As long as the whining continues, avoid eye contact and don’t respond. If she switches to a regular voice, do what you can to fulfill her request—at least, discuss it and offer options: “No, you can’t have a cookie now, but you can have an apple or a banana.” When you can’t oblige at all, explain why: “I can’t sit down and play with you now because I have to cook dinner. But you can help me set the table. And we can play after dinner.” (Be sure to keep your word.)
