What Would Kinky Do?: How to Unscrew a Screwed-Up World
Read What Would Kinky Do?: How to Unscrew a Screwed-Up World Online
Authors: Kinky Friedman
Tags: #General, #Political, #Literary Collections, #Humor, #Essays, #Form, #Topic, #American Wit and Humor
CONTENTS
PART I * Advice on Life, Death, and Everything in Between
The Five Mexican Generals Plan
Fictional Characters Killed Off by Their Creators
Strange Times to Be a Jew: Notes on Michael
Chabon's
Latest Novel
Questions From a British Journalist—1999
PART IV * Advice on Going on a Journey
Never Travel with an Adult Child
How to Deliver the Perfect Air Kiss
Robert Louis Stevenson in Samoa
PART V * Advice on Coming Home
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thanks to George Witte and Terra Gerstner at St. Martin's Press, and David Vigliano, agent. Thanks, also, to Sage Ferrero and Max Swafford.
As for the rest of the world, I simply offer the Reverend Goat Carson's Native American Thanksgiving prayer: Thanks for nothing.
A MESSAGE FROM THE AUTHOR
Regarding the Artist
he art and illustrations for this book were created by the world-famous, widely syndicated, often praised, often vilified, paralyzed genius, John Callahan. How does he come up with the ideas? I told you. He's a fucking genius. But how, might you ask, does he actually draw the illustrations? I'll let Callahan tell you in his own words: "I clutch the pen between both hands in a pathetic, childlike manner that endears me to millions of conflicted fans around the world."The author is highly gratified that the illustrations for this book are the creations of the brilliantly sick John Callahan, one of the few modern American artists worthy of the name. Callahan's work is imbued with a rare, primitive, visceral integrity that often creates in me a mild state of sexual arousal.
There are a number of instances, indeed, when Callahan's art so perfectly mates with my prose that it is cause for celebration, and, perhaps quite understandably, causes many to masturbate like a monkey at the zoo.
John Callahan also writes songs. Many people like to sing and record John's songs. He has recently released a new CD that contains one of my favorite Callahan tunes, "Purple Winos in the Rain." As Waylon Jennings once told me, if I had a session tonight I'd cut it. Unfortunately, I haven't had a session in almost twenty-five years, unless you want to count a recent session with a large Bulgarian masseuse.
What Would Kinky Do?,
liberally decorated with Callahan droppings, should provide an entertaining diversion for the many among us who suffer from suicidal depression and whose lives are spiraling downward into tailspins of despair. Others, suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder, may find John Callahan's offerings enjoyable as well. And as for the rest of us? What the hell. Somewhere in all this horseshit there's got to be a pony.
