What You Become (10 page)

Ophelia thinks it’s really funny and will only call me Egghead. The good thing is that it’s made the olds feel sorry for me. Even Dad. He’s definitely softening. He made me coffee this morning for the first time in ages.

My counsellor (never thought I’d have to write that) says my chances of getting back into a mainstream school are good. I mean, I’m easily the best behaved kid at The Bridge. I ignore everything and everyone and just get on with my work, even Geography. I wish I’d tried harder at Fairfields. I thought you had to do something really bad to be expelled, like Ophelia did. I didn’t know they could throw you out for not trying hard enough.

It’s strange having lunch and walking around and sitting in lessons without you to talk to. I’d forgotten what it’s like not having a best friend. How you have to save up all your jokes and hold your laughter in all the time. I keep looking around to tell you stuff. Maybe I’ll get a notebook, and then you can read it . . .
Notes from The Bridge.

Erm, Ophelia’s eight
minutes
older than me. And what gave you the impression that she would ever take the blame for anything? I get in trouble because of her more likely. When Ophelia tried to run off with the till money Dad stopped talking to me for a month because he didn’t believe I hadn’t known what she was planning.

And help with cleaning? She won’t even do the bathroom once a month when it’s her turn. I end up doing it because otherwise Mum does, and then we get a bollocking off Dad. Learning how to be from an ‘older’ sister like Ophelia isn’t the best recipe for success. See
Notes from The Bridge
. Have you even been reading my emails?????

Sorry to hear about your mum. Is she really getting worse? What did the doctor say? Your dad will move back upstairs soon; it probably is just his snoring. My dad sleeps on the settee all the time. I think it must be normal.

He says I can have my break any time between twelve and two, and I can have ninety minutes!

Can’t wait to see your silly face.

Titania ‘Egghead’ Esquire

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, 22 March, 21:33:52

Subject: Re: re: re: Warfare

Oh no! Your poor head! Did you tell the teacher? What a dick Liam Woodhouse is . . .

I’m so sorry but I don’t think Saturday is going to work. Mum came downstairs yesterday (this is a big deal) cos she had to go to the doctors, and when she saw the state of the house she actually fainted. Bit melodramatic, I thought. Not really, I was scared. Obviously it wasn’t the state of the house, but she’s that weak these days. I don’t know why I’m joking about it.

Anyway Saturday is now pegged as The Big Clean. I asked Dad if I could nip out just for lunch, and he started guilt-tripping me. Saying he knows he relies on me too much, but can I just help him out a little bit longer? I couldn’t say no. I’m so sorry! : (

Maybe next Saturday?

The good news is we have a diagnosis. Chronic fatigue syndrome. Not that good news really, but Mum’s relieved to have an explanation. She’s got some drugs that might help, but the doctor says it’s trial and error, so she might get worse before she gets better, if you know what I mean. But she might get better! I might get my mum back! I am gonna row with her so much!!!

Funny that you’re working harder. I’m working harder too. Alisha and Kiaru don’t like to talk while the teacher’s talking or mess around or anything like that, except for Drama, which isn’t a real lesson anyway. They’ll probably still get A*s. They’re super square, nowhere near as much fun as you.

Alisha likes Ava Berry now. She’s bought pink hair dye, hoping that will impress her, and is building up the courage to ask her out.

True or false? Charlie and Alex did the routine for ‘You’re the One that I Want’ at the bus stop yesterday. True! Still cringing.

Okay, and don’t tell Ophelia because it might not mean anything but I saw Mr Whippy hand Chase a note yesterday. Inappropriate? Will keep you posted.

Sad and sorry about Saturday.

Roseroony xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Sent: Thursday, 22 March, 21:40:41

Subject: Re: re: re: re: Warfare

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

How can this be happening? Why is everyone conspiring against us? Did you tell your dad about the Parmigiana? Mum says she’ll stretch to portions for all the family, if it will stop me moping . . .

Titanic Parsnips xx

Nineteen

The truth was that I wasn’t allowed to go to the De Furia café on Saturday. I’d begged and pleaded with Dad, but he’d flat-out refused.

‘We said no Titania until she sorts herself out,’ he said. ‘You’ll stay in and clean the house like you promised. You might not realize it yet, but it’s important to make good on your word.’

I told him he was as bad as Fab, working me like a slave on a Saturday when everyone else was out with their friends, but he only laughed and called me a brat.

‘I’m being punished because Mum’s got CFS. As if her being ill isn’t bad enough!’

‘Please don’t be melodramatic, Rosie. It’s one Saturday,’ he said, but I could tell I’d hit a nerve.

The doorbell went as I was pulling ancient pickle jars from the fridge, and I was delighted to see Alisha and Ava with their best smiles and good girl demeanour at the door. Dad shook their hands with his pink marigolds, and complimented their colourful hair.

‘You must have very liberal parents,’ he said, and Ava laughed.

‘They’re total bohemians,’ she said. ‘They reckon I can’t do anything worse than they did.’

I could almost hear Dad’s sigh of joy at that. There was nothing he loved more than bohemians. If it was up to him, we would be home-schooled and barefoot. We probably wouldn’t even wear clothes.

‘They’re letting me have a fancy-dress party for the end of term,’ she said. ‘So we’re going shopping for costumes, and we just wanted to ask: can Rosie come?’

How impressive Ava seemed, and how unfair it would be if he said yes to her when he wouldn’t say yes to Ti. How absolutely I would forgive him if it meant I could go outside.

‘Just for a couple of hours, Dad.
Please
. I’ll work extra fast when I get back, and I’ll do all the worst jobs. I’ll even wash out the recycling bin.’

Ava and Alisha smiled angelically.

‘Oh
go on then
,’ Dad said, and I leapt up from the fridge, dumping a mouldy jar of jalapeños in the sink and pulling off my gloves. ‘But back for one, I want us all to eat together, your mum too.’

‘Yes! You’re the best! Thank you! I’ll be two minutes. Just let me get changed.’

As I searched for my blue and black checked shirt, I could hear Alisha and Ava charming my dad in a double whammy tag team of well-brought-up-ness, and I thought of how awkward Ti always was when she came round.

I kissed Dad’s cheek and promised Joey, who was clinging to me and whining as I tied the laces of my plimsolls, a present from the charity shop.

‘Don’t worry about us,’ I heard Dad shout like he was falling down a canyon as I closed the door. ‘We’ll be dust-i-n-g!’

Alisha was practically swooning with pride as we left, and as she linked arms with Ava I wondered if she had worked up the courage to tell her how she felt. Ava shrugged as we complimented her on winning my dad over.

‘You were so convincing! You should be a politician,’ Alisha gushed.

‘His hair is exactly the same as my dad’s. He likes Pulp, right?’

Alisha beamed at me, as I admitted my dad was a huge Jarvis Cocker fan, and I tried to smile back, but now the pleasure of escaping was fading, a guilty feeling about Ti was rising up.

Seagulls hounded for scraps overhead, and I reminded myself that I hadn’t lied on purpose, that I
was
supposed to be cleaning. Still, that wouldn’t make a difference if I bumped into her.

The De Furia café was on Dove Lane, just off the main high street. It used to be one of the only shops not boarded up, but now it was the scruffiest-looking place on the road. Since she took over the premises last month, Sophie and Fab were at war. Sophie said Fab’s regulars smoking in their shared doorway brought the tone of the area down, and Fab said it was none of her bloody business.

He and Ophelia flicked their cigarette stubs in her bakery’s direction whenever they could get away with it.

Dove Lane was away from all the charity shops, so there was no reason I would see Ti, since she was working, but what an alien thing to think. When had I ever not wanted to bump into Titania?

Ava pooh-poohed my suggestion to go into the costume shop, and Lettie sided with her.

‘They only have ready-made stuff,’ Ava said, as if that explained it, and I felt a twinge of embarrassment because I hadn’t known that ready-made meant worse. A Saturday not long ago, Ti and me had spent her whole lunch break there, becoming pirates and superheroes and sailors. We’d sworn to save forty pounds each and buy matching mermaid outfits so that we could wear them to school the next non-uniform day, but Ti had got chucked out before we had chance.

The dress had fanned out into a sparkly tail at the bottom that wiggled when you walked, and I wondered what I was doing with these girls that couldn’t appreciate such a thing when Ti was just around the corner.

And then I spotted Kiaru.

Standing by the phone box on the pier he wore tight jeans and a huge parka, though it was much too warm, with white canvas pumps. His hair was getting even longer, and it looked so cool in a centre parting tucked behind his ears as he stood waiting for us.

Alisha hugged him, and I wished I was like her, able to give people hugs without seeming awkward or desperate, but I was still only just managing to keep my head up when I spoke. Kiaru’s face broke into a smile as he pointed out an ancient couple in matching raincoats like it was the cutest thing ever, which it was. Was he being this adorable on purpose?

Alisha linked my arm, and we walked into the animal shelter charity shop, and maybe Mum was on to something when she said it felt different to be part of a group. We tried on hats and wigs and glasses for each other and considered options for costumes: dinner ladies? OAPs? Monsters? Witches? Wizards? Cats?

Charlie and Mia were outside the milkshake shop, and they sniggered as they saw us leaving, but we didn’t care.

‘They’re just jealous because we’re fabulous and happy,’ Ava said, and I wondered if maybe she was
too
confident, because the word fabulous always made me cringe. If Ti was here, we would be nudging each other, but I didn’t know anyone well enough for that. I scoured the racks for something that might make Kiaru laugh.

‘They’re not good people,’ Alisha said, holding a baby blue woolly cardigan for Ava’s approval. ‘But they’re popular anyway.’

‘No one
actually
likes them, though,’ Ava said. ‘Do they know that?’

‘Chase doesn’t help by giving them the starring roles,’ I said.

‘It makes more people want to be in the show, though,’ Alisha said. ‘That’s why she does it. Hardly anyone used to audition before she started casting the popular kids. Remember, Ki? I played Princess Jasmine in Year Seven,’ Alisha said, and Ava began gushing about how much she would have loved to see that.

It was true that Chase had persuaded Ophelia to audition last year, but I hadn’t really thought about why. Ophelia was so much more interested in dodging lessons and smoking, that Chase had almost had to kidnap her, but she must have been impressed because she cast her as the female lead in
West Side Story
, opposite Will.

‘We had to do two performances last year, because so many people wanted to see the play,’ Alisha said. ‘System works.’

‘System’s rigged,’ I said, and I sounded so much like my dad that I pressed my lips together, afraid of what I’d come out with next.

I dug through a basket of accessories while Ava and Alisha scanned the shoes.

Kiaru held up a white doctor’s coat. ‘Scientists?’

‘We could be crazed doctors,’ Ava said. ‘We could douse it in blood.’

‘Ava, why do you always want to douse everything in blood?’

Alisha’s face looked as though it might split open from smiling, and the way Ava looked back at her, I knew she had got up the courage to ask.

I was listening to Ava explain why Shake it Till You Make It’s peanut-butter-banana was superior to their flake-caramel when I saw her out of the corner of my eye.

Titania.

With her curly hair bunched up in a net and tomato sauce down her black-and-white-checked work shirt, she had the blank expression of someone in their own world, and realizing she hadn’t seen me I dodged into the milkshake shop.

My cheeks flamed, and I must have looked like a real buffoon, but the kid behind the counter was wearing a straw boater, so I let myself off.

‘Rosie?’

At the sound of her voice I was instantly out of breath. The boater watched us like we were an al fresco performance of
A Midsummer Night’s Dream
, and I wished for an invisibility cloak or just to be more skilled at being a person.

‘Thought you were spring-cleaning.’

Ti looked angry, but her tone gave away her hurt, and I knew I couldn’t explain. With her hair pulled back tight, hands on her hips, she was just like Ophelia.

‘D-dad let me off. He said I can do my bit later. He reckoned it could be the last sunny day for a while,’ I stammered.

Ti blinked, and I could almost hear her thinking:
So why didn’t you come and see me?
I felt so awful.

Kiaru, Alisha and Ava were now in the shop too. Kiaru turned his attention to the board, and Alisha followed his example, squeezing Ava’s hand so she would stop staring.

Ti’s eyes were accusing, and I wanted to make it all right, but what could I say? How would I have felt if I’d caught Ti dodging into a shop so she didn’t have to talk to me? It wasn’t imaginable. Ti would never do it.

I felt so ashamed I wanted to cry, but everyone was looking at me and I couldn’t think of any words. Then, for some reason, Ava stepped in.