What You Become (15 page)

Kiaru held his hand out for me to go first.

‘Right. If the stairs collapse, the lady takes the spinal injury,’ I said.

‘Girls just wanna have fun times in the hospital,’ he said, and we trudged upwards, passing four different floors of balconies, each littered with the inevitable smokers and snoggers. What Kiaru had said made sense. I would get in touch with Ti first thing tomorrow, no matter what Dad said. I would make him listen and he would understand. The wind blew in off the sea, and it all seemed so simple.

We didn’t stop until we got to the roof, and I moved fast, imagining Kiaru was impressed by my agility and love of heights. I climbed faster, feeling like a mountain goat, the sexy kind that gets the guy.

The wind made us duck our heads, but the roof was perfect: flat and surrounded by a wall that you could sit on, swinging your legs if you had the stomach for it, which I did. I convinced Kiaru to join me, and we sat, refreshing our feet in imaginary water.

Counting the tankers on the horizon – there were always more than you first thought – I sipped my horrible beer. How many teen deaths must result from this precise recipe: alcohol, heights, bravado.

I felt Kiaru looking at me, and turning to him it shocked me for a second how smooth his skin was, and how comfortable we’d become together.

Now it was his turn to stare at the horizon.

In the distance the shadowy sky blurred where it rained over the sea. The wind built and music thumped a rhythm below us, and Kiaru didn’t seem at all concerned about getting wet. Like Ti that first day in the playground: all the best people didn’t mind a bit of rain.

He was looking at me again, there was no mistake. My hair blew on to my face, and he put it behind my ear, sending shivers through every bit of me, and I held my breath, aware of how close he was, and how high up we were. Vertigo, the very best kind, out of nowhere.

‘
Rosie Bloom
,’ he said, as though my name were italicised in his head, and his breath was beery, but not in a bad way, and I was about to say how much I liked him, when I realized that there were other ways to communicate.

His eyes closed as I leaned into him, and the thought of us tumbling from the fifth floor only improved the feeling as we kissed. His thumb stroked the back of my neck, the nerves jangling up and down my spine, and he put his arm round me and pulled me closer, so warm, and somewhere in the distance the rain started. Birds hid and waves crashed, and whatever happened out there, in that black streak on the horizon, I wouldn’t be the one who suggested home.

Thirty

We couldn’t tell the alarm was coming from school until we were so close it was deafening.

We ran up the drive to investigate, remembering it was show night, as teachers, parents and kids streamed into the car park, looking frightened. There was a burnt smell in the air, but it could have been a bonfire, people lit their garden waste all the time. Somebody had set the alarm off for a prank, that was our assumption. Until Chase sprinted out the gym with a frantic expression. In a fifties-style tea dress and high heels, she pushed through the dazed audience, and made for the Drama block.

T-Birds and Pink Ladies from the cast looked around for their families while the screech of the alarm cut through everything, hurting my ears and stressing everyone out. I thought of Dad, flapping his tea towel – I was due home; we had been on our way – but I couldn’t leave without knowing what was happening.

The spring air was icy, and no one was wearing enough clothes, except for me and Kiaru. I pulled Mum’s hat down further over my ears, grateful to him for suggesting it. Mums and dads and grandparents pulled spring coats round themselves, dipping heads into collars.

Kes had walked to the centre of the playground and was shouting orders, but we couldn’t hear him over the alarm and the calls of panicked parents and the wind. Beside him, Mr Miles waved his arms for people to make their way towards him, but nobody moved in his direction.

Petals from the crab-apple trees spun in the air all around us, and scanning the crowd for Alisha, Kiaru and I huddled together for warmth. A petal landed on the furry hood of his parka, and I imagined we were the centrepiece in a Fairfields snow dome as the pink fragments churned round us. Wind roared in my ears and pushed at my back, then my front, tunnelling under my coat and through my layers.

Two fire engines arrived, blasting their sirens. They drove straight from the car park into the playing fields, and we followed the flashing blue lights, in spite of Mr Miles’s orders not to. Word rippled through the crowd: this was no false alarm.

Charlie came up to us frothing with news, still in her Pink Ladies jacket. ‘It’s the Drama block,’ she said, round-eyed. ‘Chase is totally hysterical. Crying and everything. Don’t worry though, Kiaru, Alisha’s over there.’

‘Thank god,’ Kiaru said, and we ran over to hug her. At the same moment the whole crowd began running – parents, toddlers, grandparents. We all ran towards the fire. More sirens could be heard in the distance, and a police car drove through the crowd, then an ambulance. Kiaru’s face flashed blue and he grabbed for my hand.

‘Can you smell smoke?’ we asked each other, unsure if we were imagining it, but it was becoming undeniable: a thick poisonous cloud wafted over us, scorching our noses and throats.

Police pushed us back, ordering us to leave so they could do their job, but nobody listened. We couldn’t. There were too many of us needing to know what was going on. Parents clustered in small groups with their kids and their kids’ friends, watching in disbelief as tall men with shaved heads and dirty, yellow overalls pulled out rolls of hose, the textbook choreography of fire.

Water began trickling from the hose, then spraying, then a full gust shot into the Drama block, and the smoke began to blacken and thicken. Head prefects Katy Johnson and Ethan Crisp joined the police and firemen in shouting at everyone to stay back. Red and white safety tape appeared, and still the crowd pushed forward, determined to get a proper view of the school as it burned. We gasped together, as though at a fireworks display.

It was incomputable.

Flames raged out of the top of what had been the Drama block, as a stream of water arced into the building. Droplets sprayed onto our faces and the smoke glowed orange against the dark sky, the wind whipping sparks and ash to land in people’s hair and on their shoulders.

‘The rain,’ I said, and Kiaru nodded. It was coming. We’d seen it.

Kes must have run with the rest of us, because he now stood at the front of the opposite side of the crowd, watching with his hands over his mouth as the windows began to explode. Inside the building, something collapsed, and the crowd let out a wail. Charlie, who I hadn’t noticed was beside me, burst into noisy tears, and then I realized that the men who had gone inside a moment before, wearing safety helmets and fireproofs, had reappeared and that they were carrying something.

A stretcher with a person on it.

Charlie wailed again, and Alex put his arm round her, and I wondered vaguely where Will was, and my body thrilled with horror that someone was hurt.

Nobody was allowed anywhere near, but late-arriving parents who hadn’t found their kids yet rushed the police manning the boundary, clamouring to see who they were pulling from the building. Kiaru squeezed my hand, and I squeezed his back, half hypnotized, glad and then guilty that everyone I cared about was accounted for.

Kes’s hands moved from his mouth to cover his eyes, and people cried openly without seeming to know it. I didn’t have a single properly formed thought until Kiaru nudged my arm, and told me it was five past nine.

‘I have to get you back,’ he said, as though I were a child or Cinderella, and I was too bewildered to protest.

More windows popped like gunshots and glass rained gold with fire, and Alisha was transfixed, resting her head on her mum’s shoulder in the juddering firelight. She barely looked up as we said goodbye, and walking away from the heat, the way my and Kiaru’s fingers wrapped round each other was no longer to do with romance. My teeth chattered all the way home.

Thirty-one

Sunshine flooded my windows, last night’s storm forgotten, and Dad brought me a cup of tea, kissing my head like we were close again. It all came rushing back: the flames, the body, the firemen, ash from above.

‘Have you heard anything?’ I asked, and Dad held my hand.

‘I’m sorry, Rosie. I’m afraid it was your teacher that you saw last night. It was Ms Chase.’

‘What?’

‘She’s in hospital, apparently. I don’t know any more than that. There’s nothing concrete online yet. I’m going to walk down to get the paper. D’you want anything?’

I groaned into my pillow, nauseous. The day was going to be a difficult one, but I forced myself to sit up and face it. I needed to make friends with Ti, that was the first thing, and I wasn’t going to let anyone stop me. Not even her. All this calamity put things in perspective. I would talk to Dad, like Kiaru said, and then walk round there and apologize. Maybe I could take a present . . . or Joey! She wouldn’t be able to hate me if I had Joey with me. He was my secret weapon. The phone rang and then Dad shouted upstairs. ‘Rosie? It’s Fabio,’ and his voice sounded odd because what was Fab doing calling me? A shock through my body, like an anchor dropping, and my heartbeat pounded in my ears. Had something happened to Ti?

I ran to where Dad stood holding the phone in the hallway, with an anxious expression.

‘Rosie? Bella? That you?’ Fab’s frightened voice was like a pin in my neck.

‘It’s me.’

‘Have you seen Titania? She didn’t come home last night. She and her sister were meant to open up today but there’s still no sign of them.’

I swallowed without meaning to. They didn’t come home? What did he mean? They weren’t allowed out. ‘I haven’t seen them.’

‘No? Neither of them? Tell the truth, eh? We’re worried sick. You won’t get into trouble.’

‘I haven’t seen them.’

‘You’re sure?’

‘I’m sorry, I wish I had. If Ti calls or anything I’ll let you know.’

I’d barely put the phone down when I began shouting.

‘Dad! I need my phone back
right now
! Ti’s missing, I need to check my emails!’

‘Keep your voice down!’ Dad hissed. ‘There’s no need to panic your mum.’

‘Phone and internet,’ I demanded. I was done hiding things from Mum. She didn’t get out of bed either way.

‘What’s happened?’ Joey called, running down the attic stairs in his Superman onesie.

Dad pulled my mobile from his back pocket, muttering about how he’d been planning to let me have it back today because I’d been so mature this week. I snatched it from him, turning it on, watching impatiently as the screen loaded up.

‘I’ll get your computer,’ he said, heading downstairs. ‘Just calm down a bit. I’m sure Titania is fine.’

‘Everything all right down there?’ Mum shouted, and I called up that no, it wasn’t, because Ti hadn’t returned home since last night, and where else did she have to sleep, since she wasn’t allowed to sleep over here any more?

‘Do they think she’s with Ophelia?’ Dad said, returning with my laptop, but I didn’t answer, just took it from him, and headed to my bedroom.

‘They’ll be up to something somewhere,’ he said, and his voice was so unworried it enraged me. ‘They’ll be fine, I promise you.’

‘Oh, it’s fine for Ti to be out all night, is it? So long as I’m not involved it doesn’t matter?’

‘Rosie, come on,’ he pleaded, but I didn’t have time to make him feel better.

‘What’s going on? Is Ti okay?’ Joey asked, trailing me into my bedroom, his pyjamas so faded you could hardly tell which superhero he was supposed to be.

‘I just need to see if she’s been in touch,’ I said as neutrally as I could.

Fat raindrops slapped against the window and I imagined Dad walking down the drive, pulling up the collar of his shirt, off to get the paper. I hoped he got soaked.

Wherever Ti was, let it be warm and dry.

As my emails and messages loaded I felt I would die with suspense.

Finally the list flashed up.

Eleven missed calls. One voice message.

All from Ti.

Thirty-two

‘You have one, new, message. Received at eight, twenty-seven.’

Beeeeep.

‘Rosie? Where are you? Why won’t you answer? I really need you, Rose. Will your parents let me in if I come over? Ophelia’s lost it. Will said the whole thing was a mistake, and Ophelia’s blaming Dad, and I got in the way. I thought he was going to hit her again. He was – I can’t . . . I can’t believe what I’m saying . . . I’m so angry. I feel so . . . stupid, I never thought he’d do it to me. Oh my god, can you hear her? The police are going to be round in a minute . . . He’s locked her in, and she’s going crazy; she’s smashing everything up. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. Oh my god, can you hear her? Ophelia! Ophelia, stop it! Please stop it. Oh god, Rosie, she’s lost it. She’s really lost it; she’s broken in the head. Please answer your phone. I can’t stay here. I don’t know what to do. I can’t live here any more. I don’t know where to go. Rosie, where are you? I need you. Where are you, Rosie? I really need—’

Beeeeep
.

Thirty-three

Ti’s mobile went straight to answerphone, and I guessed Fab and June still hadn’t let her have it back. Her missed calls were all within minutes of each other on Friday evening from the landline. Her voice, babbling and frightened, made me cry.

Where was she? I felt responsible, like I’d lost her myself. Like she was something precious I could have carried in my pocket, which I’d forgotten to take care of.

I stroked Joey’s hair for comfort as I played the message again. He had come in with his handheld computer, to sit beside me on the bed, and his thumbs clicked and clicked. He was the only one that hadn’t lost faith in her, and I loved him for it.

My phone beeped, sending my fingers shaking as I begged the world and fate and gods that it was Ti.

But it was from a number I didn’t have saved in my contacts.

NICE FRIENDS YOU’VE GOT. HIGH-FIVE TI FOR ME