What You Do To Me (Unexpected Love) (30 page)

Alex walk
ed over to me and set his bag down. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed
the top of my head. “Abby, please don’t let this be goodbye. I can’t have this be goodbye. I’m g
oing to keep calling and trying. Please workout whatever you think you need
to
because
everything you think of me is wrong. I’m not that guy who will enter your life planning to in
tentionally hurt you.” He kissed my head again, released me and picked
up his bag. I watch
ed him as he climbed
into my dad’s car. I watch
ed
the car turn the
corner,
and
then
I left the
driveway,
walking back
into the house.

“Mom, you have to check this
out.
Look
at all this stuff Alex
put on the iPad for us.” Lily
brought
it over to show me, she wa
s so excited. I look
ed
at Lily and her gift and tears we
re in my eyes.

“Lil, I need to go up to my room for a
second.
Can
you give me a minute and then you can show me everything, I promise.” I
didn’t
wait for an answer and
headed
up the stairs to my room.

Walking through the
door,
I go
t
to the bed planning on stripping it of
its
covers and washing every trace of Alex from my life, starting wit
h his scent in my bed. When I got to the
bed,
I
found
three of Alex’s shirts with a note
that
lay
on top of the shirts
.

Abby,

I know you don’t trust me enough to allow me into your hear
t
, but you have been in mine the minute you walked in
to my hotel room. Having you share in
Sam’s life and mine
was something neither of
us
has
done with anyone
before.
We
tend to keep our private lives private from everyone. Something about you makes it easy to open up and allow you in and that is why I am telling you
this.
Sam isn’t my
real sister, not
by blood. I met Sam when I was ten and s
he was six. We were placed in
the same foster home. She has been apart of me and has remained my only family as long as I can remember.
I love her
as if
she was my blood and I would do anything for her.
So,
you
may think I live in this make
-
believe world, but I know about real life and reality, probably more
than
you w
ill ever understand or realize
.
I know how to love
and most the people in my life I call family have no blood relation to me
.

I’m hoping you realize soon how good we are together, because I already realize it. I left a few shirts to replace the one I took. I hope you wear
them,
because it makes me thi
nk I am apart of you
.

Wanting ALL parts of
your life
, not just you,

Alex

Reading
it
, I felt a pain in my chest, heart and soul, if that wa
s even possible. I hurt, knowing I completely misread and misjudged
him as a person, but I still couldn
’t risk the fact
that
he
might
not be able to love us all or that one day he would get sick of this life and walk out. There was just too much to l
ose and gamble
on.
I just couldn’t take that
risk
.

             
Slowly, things
got back to normal. Over tw
o weeks
passed
s
ince Alex’s visit. I still hadn
’t had
the
courage to answer any of h
is phone calls, but he continued
to call daily. He discovered
my
favorite flowers by the paintings in my bedroom and like
clockwork;
a new arrangement was delivered
daily. I finally had to stop at the flower shop and ask Rita to start delivering the arrangements to the retirement village, because my house was
beginning
to look like a funeral home.

             
Derek was due to
arrive for his visit and I had
n’t told him much or really any
thing
about
Alex’s visit. Lexi knew
that Alex was in town, but I didn’t tell her how things
ended.
I just stated
that
I didn’t think we would see each other again. A few times around
town and at the
pub,
people had
asked me about my mystery man, but I just
told them that
he was an old friend and left it at that. The girls
overused
Alex’s
gift,
and when I finally looked at the
iPad,
I noticed Alex had set up a playlist on it for me with lots of love songs and ballads from the 80’s. He included
Heaven
by Boyce
Avenue, one
of my favorite slightly unknown bands.
That
made me
realize,
he did listen to me when we talked and when I shared little things I loved, like
the group
Boyce Avenue, a complete 180 from his band.

             
When Derek finally
arrived,
we were busy doing activities with the girls. We hit the beach and made our trek up the falls for our annual picnic and hike. While we were
there,
Derek and I had our first real conversation of the trip while the girls played on the jungle gym on the playground.

             
“I’m glad I’m
here.
I’ve always wanted to do this
trip with you and the girls, bu
t I knew if I
did,
David would be pissed.”

             
I look
ed
at Derek and smile
d
, “I’m glad
you’re
here.
I’ve done this trip for the past three years alone. I’m glad to know someone wanted to be with us on the trip.”

             
“You know you don’t have to do everything on your own
.”

             
“
Yes,
I
do.
I know I can rely on you and Lex, and of course my parents, but
it’s
just the four of us a
nd that’s how it will be.” I said that and tried to sound like I was
okay
with what I was
saying,
but in a
way,
I was
sad.
I was
sa
d
not
to have that person who would
be
in it with me and who
wante
d
to share the responsibility 50/50 with me. “
Derek really,
it’s been this way
forever.
David was never a part of any of this stuff,
because
he didn’t care, so in a way
,
things haven’t changed.”

             
“Abbs, that’s where you are wrong, things have changed. You don’t need to be that strong person anymore who does everything alone. You can let others in. You can let Alex in and let him help you and be a part of this.” I look
ed
at Derek and
I was
pissed
. He knew
nothing about
Alex and
me.
He
might
think he knew, but he didn
’t.

             
“It’s better
this way. Plus, tell me how
Alex
will
help when he
’s
across the country and one of the girls is sick and I need to be at work? Or how can he help when I forget it’s one of the
twin’s
snack days and he’s on tour? I’m better doing it myself, because I’d be doin
g it myself anyway.” Derek grabbed my hand and squeezed it
.

             
“Maybe he doesn’t want
that, Abbs.
Have
you talked to him
? Maybe
he’s
ready for all of that
.”

             
“I haven’t and I’m
not.
I’m not talking to him,
so there’s
nothing more to say. You were right, I need to be caref
ul.” I remove
d
my hand from Derek’s
.
“Now drop it before you ruin the day.”

             
That was the end of the conversation. The days went on and we celebrated t
he Fourth of July by watching the
local
parade.
The
girls participated in the
kid’s
games at the park and we watched the fireworks. Derek’s visit was relaxing and good for the soul.

             
The night before Derek
left,
we had a bonfire in the yard with the girls. After we put the girls to
bed,
we sat out back and
after a few glasses of
wine,
I let my guard down. “Abbs, what really happened with Alex?”

             
“Ugh, Derek, why, why do we keep reliving this? Can’t you just let it rest?”

             
“Yes, I
can,
or I could if I knew it wasn’t hurting you. Let it
out and
you’ll feel so much better.”

             
I let out a loud and dramatic sigh, “Fine, he came to visit a few weeks ago, which I am guessing you kno
w because you and Lexi keep
talkin
g behind my back
.
” I was
looking right at him now.

             
“We talk behind your back because we care about
you.
Let’s
make that clear and we’ve never hid
den the fact we do it.” He winked
at me and I roll
ed
my eyes.

             
“While he was here, I realized it wouldn’t
work.
Allowing
him in the
girls’
life would be
selfish on my part.”

             
“I’m not following. How is it selfish to allow another person to care about them
and letting them
into their lives? If
anything,
they will benefit from the relationship. A happy mom and a male in their lives, sounds like a win, win.”

             
“What if he doesn’t care about them, what if he can’t. They aren’t his kids. God, their own father might not have even loved
them, as
he should have. Do you know what Lily asked
me?
She
asked me if her daddy loved
her,
because she didn’t know
since
he never told her. Honestly, it’s my fault. I stayed and I knew he didn’t want us
,
any of us, but out of
obligation,
he stayed and I wasn’t strong enough to leave. I couldn’t leave and now my child feels unloved by someone who should have been one of the most l
oving people in her life.” I
put
my head
in
my hands and sob
bed. Derek walked over to my chair and picked
me
up,
placing me on his lap.

             
“This is what it is really about, not the distance and the lifestyle differences, but you don’t think he ca
n love them like his own?” I couldn
’t even manage a
response, because
I was
cry
ing so hard. Hearing Lily say
it was tough, but me saying it to someone else made it even more real. “David was an asshole and he didn’t deserve any of you. All he cared about was himself, his job and his golf game. I really don’t think David knew what love
was, Abbs,
and it isn’t your fault.”