What's Done In the Dark (12 page)

She doesn’t know anything
, I told myself.

“Greg, it was nice to meet you.” She took out her iPhone. “Felise, give me your number so we can . . . catch up.”

“Uh . . .” I began.

“Oh, I know today isn’t a good day. I can call Paula later and get it from her if you prefer.”

I quickly took her phone. “No, I’ll put it in.”

She stood there with a stupid grin on her face as I programmed my number in her phone.

“Cool,” she said, taking the phone when I was done. “I’ll be in touch.”

She flashed one last smile before she took off. As she walked away, Greg put his arm around me and said, “I sure hope she can help Paula get some closure.”

I hugged him tighter, but only because I realized what Sabrina wanted. She knew. The question now was exactly what she planned on doing with that knowledge.

22

Paula

MARTIN LAWRENCE DANCED ACROSS MY
television screen. He was in rare form playing his neighbor Sheneneh Jenkins. That used to make both me and Steven crack up laughing. But now I stared blankly at the television. Even if I did find it funny, was I supposed to laugh? Was I supposed to laugh ever again? How could I watch our favorite shows? How could I find joy in the little things we used to do together? How could I do any of that ever again?

My door eased open and Tahiry peeked her head in. “Mom, Grandma Lois said she’s about to head out. She needs to get to the airport.”

I knew that I’d been a horrible host to my mother-in-law, but hopefully, she understood. Steven’s father had passed several years ago, so she knew the pain of what I was going through.

Lois peeked her head in. “You don’t have to get up.”

I was already on the edge of the bed. “No, I need to see you
out.”

Lois walked in the room, and the look on her face told me it pained her to enter her son’s bedroom.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Lois asked.

“I’ll be fine,” I replied.

Concern blanketed her face. “I’m really worried about you.”

I managed a smile, even though I was so unhappy. “My mom is here. Seriously, I’ll be okay.”

“I feel like I need to move back here. We still have the house on Danforth.” Lois had moved to Florida after her husband died, and I knew how much she loved living there.

“No. I’m fine. You don’t need to be worried about me or the kids,” I told her.

She nodded in acceptance. “Okay. I hope I’ll still be able to see the kids.”

I squeezed her hand. “You know I would never keep you away from your kids. You’re their link to their father.”

She seemed relieved. She had always been cordial to me, but we’d never had the relationship I’d envisioned having with my in-laws. I think part of the reason was because she was disappointed in my getting pregnant before we were married. But thankfully, she’d never treated me with ill will. And regardless of how she initially felt, she loved her grandchildren and had always played a vital role in their lives.

“Well, I’m going to keep you in my prayers. I know your mom is here, but you let me know if you need anything,” she replied.

I stood up and hugged her. “I will, and I’ll let you know if I hear anything else about Steven’s death.”

That caused her to stop in her tracks. “What else would you hear?”

It suddenly dawned on me that I hadn’t shared my concerns with her. “I meant when I get the autopsy results.”

“Autopsy? But he died of heart failure. Why are you doing an autopsy? You think it’s something else?”

“No, I just want to be sure, that’s all.”

That seemed to pacify her, and she squeezed my hand one last time. “You let me know if you need anything.”

I waved good-bye and returned to my bed. I tossed and turned, but was unable to go back to sleep.

Five endless days had passed since we put Steven in the ground. They say the pain is supposed to get easier, but it hadn’t. I didn’t know how I was going to find the strength to move on. Having a job might have helped. I needed something to take me away from sitting around here, wallowing in self-pity.

I finally gave up my quest for sleep and picked up the phone to call Felise. Maybe we could go have lunch. Her phone bounced to voice mail. I hadn’t seen her since the funeral, which was pretty frustrating. I know that she was grieving, too. I know that she was hurt by losing Steven. But we would heal better if we grieved together.

I hung up and made my way downstairs. The kids were in the kitchen, sitting quietly at the table.

“Hey,” they muttered in unison.

Every one of them looked sad.

“Do you guys want me to fix you something to eat?

“Grandma Lois cooked for us before she left,” Tahiry said.

“Tahiry’s food tastes nasty,” Mason said.

“Forget you,” Tahiry replied.

“Where’s Charlene?” I asked.

“I don’t know. She went out.”

I sighed. “Where’s Mama?”

“In her room, same place you were, in the bed,” Tahiry said. It seemed like she had an attitude.

“I’m sorry, guys. This is just hard.”

“We know,” Tahiry said.

I rubbed Marcus’s hair. “Just bear with me, okay? It’s not going to be like this forever.”

“I miss Daddy,” Mason said.

Unexpectedly, in the middle of playing his handheld video game, Stevie let out a huge sob and laid his head down on the table. He had been so strong. He’d cried silent tears at the funeral and, at one point, tried to comfort me by telling me he would now be the man of the house. I realized at that point I wasn’t the only one grieving. And if nothing else, I needed to find the strength to help my kids get through this
as well.

23

Felise

I KNEW THAT PAULA NEEDED
me. So I had to pull myself together so that I could be there for her. Fran was right. It would start to look suspicious if she kept turning to me and I shunned her.

“Mom, can I—?”

“What?” I snapped. “Why aren’t you in the bed?”

My daughter flinched. “I just wanted to ask you something. Never mind.”

I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

My precious daughter stared at me through innocent eyes. Even though she was thirteen, she wasn’t like a lot of her friends—she was mature for her age. With her long, naturally curly hair, underdeveloped chest, and long, athletic legs, she hadn’t come into her looks yet, and that was fine with me.

“I was just asking if I could go over to Tahiry’s house in the morning,” Liz said.

“No,” I replied. In the week since the funeral I
hadn’t been back over there. Liz had been over there every day. But between trying to figure out Sabrina’s sarcastic comments and stewing in my own guilt and grief, I hadn’t been able to make the trip myself. “There’s a lot going on right now.”

“But Mom . . .”

“What did I say?” I snapped. “When I say no, I mean no!”

She took a step back as Greg eased into the room.

“Liz, sweetie, go on to bed. We’ll talk about it tomorrow,” Greg said.

“What is there to talk about? I already said no.”

He waited for Liz to disappear down the hall, then closed our bedroom door. “I understand that Steven’s death is weighing heavily on you. But taking it out on your child is not the answer.”

I rolled my eyes. With his work schedule, he was hardly the one to lecture me about our daughter. “I’m not taking anything out on anyone.”

“Yeah, you are.” Greg sat down on the edge of the bed. “I know you’re upset, but you are taking it out on us and that’s not fair. We all are sad about what happened.”

I couldn’t disagree with him about that. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m not trying to be difficult.”

“It’s understandable. You’re going through a lot.” He scooched closer on the bed and began massaging the back of my neck. His touch felt like an invasion, and I flinched, then ducked away from his touch.

He held his hands up. “Sorry.”

I let out a long sigh. “No, I’m sorry.”

“I understand, baby. You got a lot going on.” I sensed the edge in his voice. He had thought he’d won out over Steven, but now he could see how deeply I was affected.
His phone rang, and he reached into his pocket to cut it off. “I was just saying, I know you are going through a lot right now, but I want us to be able to pick up the pieces and move on.”

That sounded less like comfort and more like a threat. Or maybe I was imagining things.

The phone rang again. This time Greg glanced at the display and said, “I’m sorry, babe. Gimme a second. Hello,” he answered.

I narrowed my eyes at the sound of the woman’s voice.

“Hello . . . Um, yeah, I’m in the middle of something. Okay. Will do. I’ll call you back.”

It took everything in my power not to go off as he hung up the phone.

“Who was that?”

“What?”

“I didn’t stutter.”

“That was Donna from work.” He had the nerve to look appalled that I was questioning him.

“Who is Donna?” I snapped.

“
Really?
” he said. “You know me better than that, Felise.”

“I know I’m not going to let you make a fool out of me,” I said, snatching the phone from him. I glanced down and saw several text messages on his screen.
Need u now
, I read. I looked up at him in shock. “ ‘Need u now’? Who the hell is Donna, and why is she talking about needing you now? Tell your hos not to call you in the middle of the night!”

He stared at me in disbelief. “Wow. My
hos
? Donna is my supervisor.”

“You must think I’m stupid. I know your boss, and
she
is a
he
.” I was so not in the mood for Greg trying to play me. He’d had
a brief affair nine years ago, and I’d found out this exact same way—from him ignoring her phone calls. Granted, Greg and I had gone to counseling and worked through that, but I wasn’t about to travel down that road again. I pushed Donna’s name on the phone and put the phone to my ear.

“May I speak to Donna?” I snapped as soon as the woman answered. I half expected Greg to snatch the phone away.

“This is she,” the woman said.

“Yes, Donna, this is Felise Mavins, Greg Mavins’s wife. I’m trying to understand why you’re texting and calling my husband at almost one in the morning. News flash, he’s married.”

Silence filled the phone before the woman said, “Umm, I know that.”

“And I guess you just don’t care.”

“Umm, wow, okay. This is Donna Langley—I’m one of the new partners. I don’t think we’ve had the pleasure of meeting as I just transferred in two weeks ago. I wasn’t trying to cause any problems, but my computer crashed and I lost a report Greg did and we need it for a presentation in the morning. That’s all.”

I swear, if I could’ve made myself disappear in a tiny hole in the earth, I would have.

“Ah, ah, I . . .”

Greg snatched the phone away. “Donna, I can’t apologize to you enough for my wife. As you can imagine, she’s very upset about her friend’s husband, and that’s the only reason I can imagine that she would do something like this. So please accept our sincerest apology for disturbing you.” He let her respond, and I could only imagine what she was
saying. “I’m sorry, I was just trying to be by my wife’s side, I was going to call you back . . . Yes, ma’am. I will email you over another copy of the report right away.”

Greg hung up the phone and glared at me. “I know that you’re going through a very difficult time, and for that reason, and that reason only, I’m going to give you a pass. But don’t ever, ever do some anything like that again.”

“But I mean Miranda . . .”

“Miranda was almost ten years ago. We went to counseling. You said you forgave me. And I have never given you reason since then to believe that I am unfaithful.” He was steaming, and now he had another reason to be upset. “You know I don’t do that ghetto foolishness of calling and confronting someone.” He stood, then walked toward the door. “It’s obvious you need some ‘me’ time, so I’m going to sleep in the guest room. Hopefully, when you wake up tomorrow, you’ll be in a better place because this is absolutely unacceptable.”

Greg walked sternly out the room.
Well
, I told myself, feeling helpless,
at least I got him to go away.

24

Paula

I WANTED TO SCREAM AT
the sound of someone tapping on my bedroom door. I wanted everyone to leave me alone. I didn’t want to come out from under these covers. I knew my mother was as much of a basket case as I, so I knew she wouldn’t be much help. But hopefully, my sister was holding it down. I couldn’t deal with her over-the-top behind either, but at least she was handling my children. I’d tried to spend the day with them yesterday after I saw how they were grieving, too, and although I’d made it through the day, today I had retreated back to my safe place: under my covers.

“Hey, Paula, someone’s here to see you,” Charlene said, easing my door open, despite the fact that I hadn’t bothered to answer.

“Ugggh,” I groaned. I didn’t feel like visitors. Why did people always feel the need to come visiting you when you’d lost a loved one? Didn’t they say everything they needed to
at the funeral?

“Who is it?” I moaned.

“You need to get up and come see,” she replied. “They have on plain clothes, but I can smell a cop a mile away.”

I sat up in bed. “Cops?”

“Yeah, I think they’re detectives or something.”

“What do they want?”

“I don’t know. You?”

“Maybe they have some news about Steven.” I threw my covers back and stood up. I knew I looked a hot mess, so I ran my fingers through my hair. I threw my robe over my pajamas and made my way downstairs.

“Where’s Mama?” I asked.

“Same place you were, in the bed.”

My heart was racing as I spotted the two men standing in the living room. I hoped that they had some information, that my husband had been the victim of a brutal robbery gone wrong, something other than that he had died from a heart condition. A condition I knew about when I told him I wanted a divorce.