Wheels of Steel, Book 2 (39 page)

Belinda took her wrist and turned on the water again, holding her hand under the flow as she picked out the gravel. She met Robin’s distant eyes once. Belinda recognized that look. Her foster sister Lisa had the same look, and she supposed that she had as well. This time her voice was calm because that is how it had to be in order to stop the rage from taking over. “Who did this?”

“The man at the Eldercare facility where…where my friend died.” Her light colored eyes looked down. Belinda took a deep breath. She felt like breaking something or somebody. But she kept her calm. Now she could see that Robin wasn’t right—not by a long shot, and maybe she had never been in all of the time that they had known each other. Which actually caused Belinda some comfort; because weren’t they all misfits in some way?

“Sweetheart, what happened?” Belinda turned off the water and dried her friend’s hands, watching her intently. She still wasn’t sure if she needed to call the police, or an ambulance. But she knew that she couldn’t push. No one that had fresh bruises on their neck as if they had been choked should ever be pushed to talk.

“Mrs. Babb died.”

“I see. Mrs. Babb?”

Robin lowered her hands. “I used to take care of her before Jason.”

“Ok. I’m sorry. Was she sick?”

Robin nodded slowly.

“Robin. I need you to tell me something. Did someone choke you?”

Robin nodded.

Belinda walked out the room digging into her pants pocket for her cell phone.

Robin’s head swung around. “What are you doing? You’re not calling Jason are you? You can’t tell Jason!” She followed Belinda to the other room.

“No. I’m not calling Jason. I’m calling Chauncy. I’m about to get some boy’s together and we gonna roll on that muther fucker.”

Robin placed her hand on her friend’s wrist. “Belinda. No.” She took a deep breath. “Don’t. Please.” Belinda stared at her but then pressed end and shoved the phone back into her pants.

“Fine.” It took her a moment but she continued. “Why did this man choke you?”

“I guess he was the security guard, or something.”

“Security guard?”

“I don’t know…he might have just been the front desk guy. He didn’t have a gun.”

“Okay, you’re not making sense…but its okay. I think you’re in shock. So…tell me why the front desk guy would choke you?”

“Because I was about to hit the nurse that murdered Mrs. Babb.”

Belinda felt weak. “Should I be calling the police?”

“No. She is hiding behind the fact that Mrs. Babb was old and had pneumonia and was kinda sickly.”

Belinda frowned. “And that wasn’t what caused her to die? I mean…murder is a strong allegation. But that front desk guy still had no right to choke you! I mean…you are a girl!” Robin covered her face again and sighed and started crying softly. Belinda rubbed her shoulders.

“Okay, let’s just sit down.” She led them to the couch. “What’s the name of that place?” Robin told her. “What’s that guy look like?” Robin looked up quickly and shook her head.

“Just…let it go, please.”

“Sure.”

“You’re such a bad liar.”

“I’m not lying.”

“Liar.” Robin said, the hint of a smile finally appearing on her lips.

“I don’t make promises, so how is it a lie?” Both girls smiled. Then they were laughing, maybe a bit too hysterically for Belinda’s liking but it was better than hysterical sobs. Robin got up and got water and then pills. She took them while Belinda made a quick call to Amberly. Robin gave her a quick warning that she better not be calling in Chauncy. Amberly was still working on the DVD and though she seemed relieved that everything was okay she did not seem overly concerned. Once she had determined that Jason was not in any way involved in Robin’s hysterics, then she was fairly blasé about it all.

Well she would not have been had she heard the panic behind her words, is what Belinda told herself. She didn’t mention the bruises. When she was finished with the conversation she gave Robin a grim look. “Look, Robin. Do you want to talk about it?”

Robin shook her head in embarrassment. “I’m okay now.”

It wasn’t okay. Normal people didn’t go all shell shocked because an old sickly lady died. Normal people did not vomit blood and have freaking ulcers that chewed through their guts. Normal people didn’t get manhandled by some asshole and then act calm and…passive. What in the hell was wrong with her?!

Belinda came to a sudden decision and she looked up at the ceiling gathering her courage. She closed her eyes and began talking. “I’m…I’m only telling you this so that you can open up and let me be a true friend to you. You can trust me. So I’m going to just tell you about this.”

She sat down next to Robin on the couch as the girl looked at her curiously. “When we were in the hospital, and your mother was there and she was fighting for you, and being angry for you; I was so envious.”

Robin looked surprised. “She embarrassed me. The things she said that day—it was so mean.”

Belinda was shaking her head. “You have a mom that will say mean shit, and maybe even thoughtless shit because she loves you just that much. Remember that dumbass song that Will Smith made all those years ago; Parent’s Just Don’t Understand? Well it’s not parent’s that don’t understand; it’s kids. If you have someone that gives a shake about you then you have something that I never had.”

Robin looked down. She did know that her mother loved her enough to say things that she should let go. It was hard to be conscious of how thankful she should be when her mother was beating her over the head with the same topic for the millionth time! Still, she understood what Belinda was saying.

Belinda stared at her seeming to read each of her thoughts and a mirthless smile crossed her lips. “I grew up in foster care. I knew I could unseal my records and find out about my birth mother and whether or not I had siblings once I turned eighteen. So…” Belinda shrugged, “When I was a kid I never did things that kids did. I just waited. I waited until I was old enough to find my mother.”

Belinda didn’t ask permission, she dug into her purse for a cigarette. She did, at least, move to the window, opening it as she sat cross legged beneath it. Staring outside, she took a long puff before continuing.

“My foster mother was big; tall like me. Scary, too. I went to live with her when I was ten. She was a widow and had a daughter older than me and I also had a foster sister, Lisa. Lisa is a year younger than me and she went to live there first. She was real quiet,” she looked at Robin briefly, “she kind of reminds me of you. We had to sleep in the basement, not the kind of basement that’s a family room or an extra addition. No, it was just a cement floor, exposed beams and cement block walls. We had cots by the furnace and a chest of drawers that we shared. Not that it mattered, we never had any clothes; just shit from Goodwill, and not much to speak of. Wearing clothes from the Goodwill while you’re in High School pretty much seals your fate as a loser. We had freaking…polyester bellbottoms and she wouldn’t let us wear jeans.”

Belinda stood up and held her hand under the ash of her cigarette. She shook it into the toilet and Robin heard her flush. Robin got up quickly and found her a dish to use as an ashtray and Belinda gave her an appreciative nod. She sat back down on the floor by the window and continued her story.

“We slept in the basement, but on the days when the social worker came by we moved upstairs, so twice a month we got to sleep in the real beds. Of course we didn’t get to watch television, but we did get to listen to the radio so that’s all we did, which, I guess is why I like music so much. We just had to come home from school, do our chores and then go downstairs and do our homework. We weren’t allowed to go into the refrigerator or eat any of her food. She made us dinner and that was it. She had all kinds of food but we couldn’t eat it. And I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes we went to bed with our stomachs growling because we only got a little bit to split between us. Fuck, we were the only kids that liked the tuna surprise at school, and I know that we were the only kids that ate every freaking morsel off our trays.” She took another deep drag from the cigarettes. “The only time she ever hit us is when we got caught stealing food, and that only happened once for the both of us. I won’t go into details but we made sure that we never got whipped again. Also, she did have a creepy brother. I’m not saying I ever got molested while I lived there. But I will say that he gave me and Lisa the eye and if he could have…”

Belinda didn’t look at Robin as she talked. She sounded like she was reading a book instead of talking about the horrors of her life. “She had a daughter, right? And her daughter hated us. I mean, this bitch was in her twenties and she was actually acting like she was jealous of us. We couldn’t stand her. But my foster mother thought her shit didn’t stink. And she was always bragging on her; like she was so great because she got knocked up and married the hillbilly that had impregnated her.”

Belinda frowned slightly. “When I turned 18 she kicked me out. And I ain’t kidding you. I came home from school,” She looked at Robin then, “I got held back once, but it wasn’t my fault. I came home and she had my clothes in a garbage bag along with my drawings. And she wouldn’t even let me say bye to Lisa.” Her frown deepened. “I didn’t really have any friends, I didn’t know where to go. I was kind of dumb in the ways of the world. I just slept in my foster mother’s car that night; she didn’t know. Lisa snuck some food out for me and then I went to the social workers to unseal my records.”

Robin was staring at her friend intently as she revealed the story. She went through a rapid succession of emotions from anger to sadness. “What happened?”

“Well the first thing is that I started getting a check from the state. So that was good.” Belinda smiled a little. “Then I got to find out who my mom was.”

Robin prayed that it would be good; that Belinda’s mother was a secret Princess.

“She looked just like me, Robin. It was like looking in the mirror…I mean, she was old; not chronologically but physically. But we had the same exact face. I never…thought I’d see another person with my face.” She smiled broader. “She had a hard life, though. She was a meth user, her teeth had all rotted out.” She grimaced a little. “But she let me move in with her, so I had a place to stay. Then I found out about my brothers. I have three!” Her smile returned. “Sean is sixteen. David is nine and then there is a little one who is just five. His name is Riley. They are all in foster care. Each one that’s born is taken away and put into foster care to adopt. They were each born addicted to meth and with problems. And I can’t see them and they can’t know anything about me or each other until they turn eighteen. I only have two more years before I can meet Sean and I can’t wait! I just hope that he’s okay, you know? Not like me, but better.” Robin nodded.

“Whatever happened to that foster mother and your foster sister, Lisa? And what about your father?”

Belinda squished out the cigarette. “It didn’t work out too well between me and my mother. I tried to help her get cleaned up but she…well you know. So she would steal my money and one day we got into a fight. I’m bigger than her. Once I got away from my foster mother, I just ate everything and…” For the first time her face seemed sad. “I broke her toe. I didn’t mean to.”

“You broke your mother’s toe?”

“Accidentally. And so she kicked me out. I was already in college so I just crashed with friends for a while. I was down on my luck big time. I went to visit Lisa. Our foster mother had kicked her out too, but she was at least prepared. She lived with her boyfriend. They got married and have a kid. I don’t hear from her anymore.” She was silent. “She doesn’t want to remember stuff. I don’t blame her.”

“My mother told me who my father is. He owns a Laundromat and he’s married and old and he’s got like five daughters. So I actually have a pretty big family that I’ve never even met. I called him one day. It took all of my courage but I did. He said for me not to call him anymore.”

Robin gasped.

“It doesn’t matter. I didn’t have any expectations. So anyway…I was watching the news one day and there was a report that some fucked up woman was sitting on the train tracks and was killed. It turned out that it was my birth mother.”

Robin swallowed past the lump in her throat. She looked at the floor and felt her eyes sting.

“I’m not trying…to make you cry. That’s not the reason I’m telling you this.” Robin nodded quickly but still felt the hot tears in her eyes.

“I um…started visiting my foster mother.”

Robin gave her a sharp look. “Why? After all she did to you and Lisa-”