When Angels Fall (Fallen Angels) (18 page)

The car ride was quiet. Chloe just stared out the window, watching a moist spot appear as her warm breath covered the glass. She watched the world go by, seemingly unaware of the little girl who lie in state and was now gone from it.

Nick reached over and took her hand. “Have you eaten? Do you want to get something?”

“Um, sure. I know you told your Mom that I would stay, but I’ll be okay, really,” she lied. She was afraid to be alone, especially this night. It was the same every year. Now, with this fresh new heartache, the pain would be magnified.

“I know that you don’t mind being alone, but my parents don’t want you to be alone after this.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. I need a distraction.”

Nick could see she was deep in thought. “You did a good thing with Millie. You made her smile when she couldn’t.”

“She looked like she was sleeping, but that is how they always look.” Her voice sounded distant to even her own ears.

When they pulled up at her house, she seemed to freeze. She stared at the dark house.

 
Before Nick could get out of the car, she got out and stood looking at the front door. When he approached her, she looked up at him. She started shivering in the cold night air. “Please don’t leave me alone when we go in there. I can’t be alone in that house tonight.”

He took her hand in his, and as he did, he looked down at her fingers. “I’m here, and I won’t let you be alone tonight, even after we go back to my house,” he assured her.

 
Chloe nodded and led him in. She went into the house and went straight to the bar. She took out a bottle of vodka and placed it on the counter.

“What are you doing?” He looked surprised at her action.

“I need to sleep tonight. It helps me sleep when I’m alone.” Picking up the bottle, she stared up the steps.

“Chlo, you don’t need to do this.” He reached for the bottle.

 
She held onto it tightly. “Tiffany said we all have little secrets. So, here is one of mine. Do you still want that chance with me? You may learn something about me tonight you won’t like.”

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Nick followed her up the steps to her room and she turned on the light. Nick had never been in a girl’s room before. This room was nothing like he thought Chloe’s would be. All the furniture was white and lacy, from the dressing table to the huge rod iron bed. It must have been her stepmother’s doing, because scattered throughout the room were colorful scarves. There was an easel close to the window, with a painting on it, and paint lining a shelf close by.

Chloe went over and sat in the window set. Even though she was in mourning, she still looked pretty with the way she had pulled the sides of her hair back into a loose braid and let the rest fall freely. The tight black dress hugged her body modestly, showing off her curves. She watched him as he came over and sat next to her.

 
He took off his suit jacket and laid it on her bed, then reached for the bottle and took a swig from it. The liquid burned as it went down his throat. “Do you think it will work?” he asked, looking at the half-empty bottle and wondering how much of it she’d drank this week.

“It just makes me numb. I keep hoping it will help, but it doesn’t.”

“I think you’ve had enough of this,” he suggested and took the bottle away from her.

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Chloe just nodded and went back to looking out the window. She could feel the tingling in her body as the warm liquid took effect. That was what she got for not eating all day.

They sat in quiet for a long time; Nick just watched her stare out the window. Her eyes would get heavy, and then she would jump with a start and compose herself. Finally, she looked at him. “My mother died six years ago tonight. That’s another reason it was so hard for me to enter that room at first,” she stated. She closed her eyes to the memories but she had to get it out. It had eaten away at her for so long; maybe if she talked about it, somehow it would be easier.

“No one told me.” He watched her and seemed to wait for her to tell him more.

“Well, Robyn told you a little bit of the story. I didn’t kill her. I was ten. I didn’t know how to do anything like that. No one really knows the truth about what had happened here. My father doesn’t want that to get out. See, he is all about hiding things that make him look bad. That is kinda what he ‘s done with me. I’m to be seen and not heard,” she explained and took the bottle back from him. She took a big swig, wishing the liquid had burned like it had when she took the first drink. Now, it just left a nasty aftertaste.

“Chloe, you don’t have to do this.” Nick took back the bottle and tightened the lid. He placed it on the floor next to him.

“You said you wanted to find out about me. Know my story, that when I trusted you, I could tell you. I trust you now and I have never told anyone what happened here six years ago. I was told not to, because it would make him look bad. It screwed me up for life, but he doesn’t look bad. So go ahead and ask me.” She started to shake. The truth was coming, and with it, he would be gone.

“Chloe—whether you believe me, or not, I do care about you. I can see how tired you are, and I really just want you to try to sleep. I promise I won’t leave if you don’t want me to. Let’s get your things together and go back to my house.”

She picked up one of the pillows and held it to her chest. Her body felt like it was spinning, but still betrayed her in trying to relax. “Do you know what I miss the most about my mother? Aside from the normal stuff moms do. Something, I bet you take for granted. Something, no one has done for me since the night she died and the one reason I acted the way I did when you hugged me.” She was rambling. She’d never had anyone with her when she drank like this. The alcohol was bringing the truth to light. Everything she’d hidden, her fears, her needs. For a moment, she’d forgotten he was even there.

 
“What?”

She was starting to get tired now, it was harder to think. “The night she died, she’d been very weak. She asked for tea but could hardly drink it. She could see how scared I was. I kept kneeling at her bedside and praying for help or for my dad to come home. I wanted to call him, and she said no. She knew she didn’t have much time. She told me she was tired; she needed sleep. Her voice was a whisper by then. She’d been in a lot of pain, but she had me climb into the bed with her.” Chloe stopped there. The huge lump in her throat was making it harder to talk.

He sat up and waited for her to continue, his face full of concern.

After a few minutes, she wiped the tears from her eyes again and laid her head against the cool glass of the window. “She told me she was cold, and that she wanted to hold me. She missed holding me since she‘d gotten sick. I fell asleep in her arms. I don’t know what made me wake up; I think it was something that brushed past my cheek. The room had gotten so cold and dark. When I turned on the light, I noticed her. Her lips were blue; her hands were so cold to the touch. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t cry. I just asked her to wake up. I remember trying to put her arms around me, but they were stiff. I couldn’t hold her hand because it had turned inwards and I was afraid I would break her because she had grown so fragile, like Millie had…” Her voice trailed off as she thought of Millie.

“When did you call for help?” he asked her softly.

“I never did. By the third day, I heard the front door. I’d sat vigil by her body, waiting for her to wake up. I promised God I would be a good girl. I promised I would be a nun, whatever he wanted; I just wanted her to wake up. My father came into the room and found us. There was no expression on his face. He looked from her to me, and then called Shelly. He told her how my mother had passed and he would be in touch. All he said to me was to go to my room. He wouldn’t let anyone talk to me. I just sat in here, on my bed, waiting. When you told your mom about Millie, what did she do?” she asked him.

He looked as if he were on the verge of tears. “She took me into her arms and held me,” was all he could say.

“That’s what I miss. No one has held me or calmed my fears since she died,” she confessed. She held the pillow tightly now, wishing she could feel that warmth. Wishing she could have felt the love that his mother had shown him earlier. “This is why I’m so screwed up. I want something that people take for granted. I’m so afraid to let someone close to me, because if I start to feel again, when they leave, I’ll be right back here in the emptiness. That’s why when you hugged me and held me earlier, I was uncomfortable. I don’t know how to react to that. No one has done that for me. I forgot what it was like.”

Nick said nothing. He simply got up and pulled her to her feet. When she looked up to him with tear-stained eyes, he put his arms around her and cradled her to his chest.

She wept hot tears as she sobbed against his shirt.

Gently, he stroked her hair. “Come lie down for a little while, Babe. I’ll hold you. And when we go back to my house, I’ll hold you through the night while you sleep.”

Finally, she nodded and he took her over to her bed. He got on to the bed and waited for her to climb in next to him. When she did, she nestled into his arms. He stroked her hair and hoped that she would feel secure enough to answer him. “Chlo, what happened when you slit your wrists?”

“I wanted to get his attention. I wanted to make him look at me. I didn’t want it to be deep, just enough for him to finally notice me. I went too deep, though. I tried to stop the bleeding but I couldn’t. I just remember sitting there, watching the blood flow onto my skirt and wondered if he would even notice I was gone. Sister MM and Gabbie found me. I don’t remember much about going to the hospital. I just remember the sister yelling at my father in the hall about how worried she was about the way I was handling my mother’s death. When they released me, he yelled at me for taking him out of a meeting. My father wants nothing to do with me and I don’t know why. It was a stupid attempt for attention, I know. But it was all I could think of.”

She could feel the sleep coming on. She was trying to stay awake for a little longer. She wanted to remember what it felt like to be in his arms, at least for tonight. The steady rhythm of his breathing and his gentle touch was lulling her to sleep. “Nick,” she whispered.

“Yes, Chloe?”

“Do you think anyone would’ve noticed if I were gone? If I’d died that day, would anyone have cared?” She didn’t know why she asked him that. She just wanted to hear that there was someone who would have missed her.

“I would have. I know I didn’t live here yet, but I would have missed the girl who butted in front of me in line at the carnival. I would have missed your smile. There is just so much about you, Chloe, I would have missed.” He spoke softly. He kissed her forehead and held her tightly in his arms.

The early morning sunlight woke Chloe from her dreamlike state. For the first time in a long time, she felt warm and safe. As she opened her eyes, she realized she was still in Nick’s arms and he was sleeping soundly next to her. He had stayed. She laid there watching him sleep while taking in every inch of his face.

 
She never noticed before how his hair curled around his ear, or how he had a little stubble around his chin. There was a small freckle beside his left eye that she‘d never spotted before. And his lips were so soft and pink. She wondered how his lips would feel against hers. She reached up and gently ran her hand down his face, watching how his soft, dark curls ringed her fingers. He’d cut his hair recently; she just realized it had not been as bushy as the first day of school, when they had first met.

Suddenly, he stirred. “Hey,” he said softly as he touched her face.

“Hey. We need to start getting up.” She really didn’t want this moment to end. She’d told him her secrets and he had stayed.
Why?
She didn’t know, but she was glad he was still here.

“I know. You fell asleep finally. I had to call my mom and tell her I couldn’t wake you up. That’s the only reason we’re still here,” he informed her.