When He Cheatin' and You Still Love Him (9 page)

Chapter 11

Shanair

It’s been a week since I came home to find Kendrick here alone, and I haven’t spoken to Terry since that day. He called the house phone and left a few messages, and even texted me a couple of times, but because I had turned my cell off I didn’t get any of them until later that night. On the voicemail Terry expressed his love for me and stressed just how sorry he was, but even after listening to the message, I never bothered to respond. He even attempted to call the following morning. I kind of liked the fact that he was chasing me, and wanted to see just how long it would continue. It didn’t last long at all, because he hasn’t called since that day. Now I’m sitting here looking stupid as hell and missing him something terrible.

I can’t help but wonder what it is that he’s doing, where he’s staying or who he could be with. Knowing Terry, he’s probably laid up with one of his hoes, not even thinking about my ass. Meanwhile, I’m at home going through it. He’ll never know that though because I refuse to call him. I’ll be damned. He’s the one who messed up, not me, so he should be the one begging for my forgiveness, no matter how long it takes. That’s not Terry though, and I know this. I don’t even know why I am expecting more. I knew that he would eventually apologize; maybe he’ll do it a few times trying to get me back, but kissing my ass for too long wasn’t going to happen. I guess he knows that he doesn’t have to. He realizes that I ain’t going anywhere, and I’ll be here whenever it is that he wants to come back.

It’s fucked up I know, but it is what it is.

Although I’ve been sad, I haven’t been too down in the dumps, because I’ve been busy with life in general. I’ve also been busy trying to make myself feel better. I’m almost at one hundred percent now, and ready to go back to work. That’s why I haven’t called Sharon yet, because I want to make sure that when I go back to work, I can actually stay. I can’t imagine what I’d do if I had to hear her mouth about me calling off again, this time because I’m the one sick. I’d fuck around and end up fired anyway from cursing her ass out. My thoughts are interrupted when my cell phone rings.

After stretching I sit up in my bed, reach over to the nightstand and pick it up. When I see Terry’s name flash across the screen I get butterflies in my stomach.

“Hello,” I answer, trying to be as casual as I possibly can. I can’t have his ass thinking I’ve been stressing over here, even though I have.

“What’s up?” his baritone voice speaks, and instantly my body temperature goes up a few degrees.

This is the type of affect that he has on me.

“Nothing, just sitting here watching TV,” I tell him picking up the remote and hitting mute on the TV.

“How’s Kendrick?”

“He’s doing a lot better.” I roll my eyes when a flashback of him being home alone occupies my mind. “He’s been back in school for the last few days.”

“That’s good.” I hear him clear his throat. “Well I’m about to come over there and get some stuff,” he pauses. “We need to talk anyway.” 

As soon as I hear that he’s coming to get ‘some
stuff’, my heart drops into the pit of my stomach.  I continue to sit on my bed trying to process what exactly is it that he’s saying?
Is he moving out? Is he leaving me? Has he found someone else in a week? What could we possibly have to talk about?
More and more questions bounce around inside my head until I feel like I’m going to scream.
Did I play too hard to get or has he finally realized that he doesn’t want to date a woman with a child?
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.
Are we breaking up this time for good?

“Nair?” Terry calls out.

“Yeah,” I respond, not able to say anything else.

“Did you hear me? I said that I’m about to come over there. Is that alright?”

Say no, say that you’re busy. Say anything to prolong him from moving out. You gotta think of something, Shanair.
My mind is all over the place. Terry can’t leave me.

I won’t let him.

Since I’m not sure of exactly what to say, I just go with the first thing that comes to mind. “Naw, I’m not at home,” I lie. “You can come over another time.”

Terry laughs, “So, you’re not home huh?”

“Nope,” I tell him, leaning back against the headboard satisfied with my fib.

“Shanair stop bullshitting, you just told me that you were watching TV.”

Now realizing that I have been caught in my life, I blurt out, “I never told you I was at home though.”

“So you’re telling me you not at home?”

“Yes, I’m not at home. I’m at Walmart.” The lies continue to roll off my tongue. “I’m getting something for dinner tonight for me and Kendrick.”

Terry laughs again. “You know you’re something else.”

“Why is that?” I ask wondering what’s so damn funny.

“Because I’m outside your house and I see your car parked right out front, so unless you caught a ride, yo’ ass is in that house.”

I sit up quickly and crawl over to the window. When I peep out of the blinds I see that just like he said, his car is sitting directly in the front of my house.
Damn, I knew I should have pulled into the garage.
I duck down when he looks up at my room window, and hope that he didn’t see me.

“What, you got company or something?” Terry questions, while I crawl backwards from the window. I can hear the anger in his voice. “Is there another nigga in there?”

“No, nobody is here,” I tell him glad to hear that he’s jealous.

At least that shows that he still cares right?

“Well, come open the door,” He orders.

“Huh?”

“I said come open the door.”

“Why can’t you use your key?”

“Nair, just come open the damn door.”

Without saying anything else, I hang up the phone and climb out of the bed. Since I was lying there in nothing but my panties, I slide my robe on and secure it around my waist. With my legs swung over the side of the bed, I slide my feet into my slippers, and proceed to make my way down the stairs. As soon as I open the door, I’m greeted with a dozen of pink long stem roses. A bright smile covers my face, because Terry hasn’t gotten me flowers in forever.
This nigga ain’t going nowhere,
I think smiling inwardly to myself.
I take a step back and allow him to come inside the foyer, and when he does he hands me the arrangement and a card.

“I know I fucked up Nair and I’m sorry.” A look of remorse covers his face. “I honestly didn’t know that Kendrick was here. I never would have left him here by his self.”

“I know you wouldn’t ha—”

“No, let me finish,” Terry cuts me off. “I haven’t been here much, but that’s all going to change. I’m going to get better. I’m going to be the man that you need me to be. I love you girl.”

Tears form in my eyes as I look up at the man that I’m head over heels in love with. His handsome face is so serious, and his words are sincere. I didn’t expect this at all. What I expected was for him to storm past me, go upstairs, and grab all of his shit. I pictured myself crying, while screaming and begging him to stay. None of that happened. Instead he hands me flowers and not only apologizes, but expresses his love for me as well. Each action melts my heart a little more, and instantly all is forgiven. He said that he didn’t know that Kendrick was home and I believe him.

“I love you more,” I respond, and mean it from the bottom of my heart.

“Get dressed. I’m taking you to breakfast.”

“You got it,” I wink, and hand him the flowers to put in some water.

When I turn around to head towards the stairs, Terry pops me lightly on the butt with his free hand. I snicker like a school girl as I trot up to my room.

We ended up going to the Denny’s not far from our house. Terry opened the door of his car for me, and pulled out my chair once we were inside. It was crazy, because I felt like I was out with a stranger. He hadn’t done things like that in forever. When our food came, we ate while talking about everything under the sun. While we conversed, Terry continued to apologize and tell me how much I mean to him. I just sat there soaking it all up. He could be such a great guy when he wanted to be, and earlier today was one of those times. I don’t think I’ve smiled so much in months. It took me back to when we first got together. Back then there was no cheating, fighting or bullshit. Everything was perfect. I’ve been trying to get back to that place since then. Hopefully this is what I’ve been waiting for.

We stopped at the grocery store on the way home, and by the time we got back, there was only an hour left before I had to pick up Kendrick. Terry brought the bags into the kitchen and came back out and sat on the couch. Once I put all of the food away, I joined him and snuggled up under his arm. It felt good to be back in his presence, because I’ve missed him so much this last week. Terry’s eyes were glued to the TV screen, but mine were focused on him. While I observed him all I could think about is how much love I had in my heart for the man sitting beside me, and how I want so badly for things to work out for us.

Want, more like I need them to work out. I don’t know what I’ll do if he leaves me.

“What?” Terry asks when he catches me staring.

I smile, “Nothing, I just like watching you.

“Well I love watching you,” he tells me, and I blush.

Terry is the only man who’s ever told me that I was beautiful and meant it. Yeah, I’ve heard it a few times, but only from men who were trying to get into my panties. Once they got what they wanted, all those compliments stopped. Terry gets everything he wants from me, yet he continues to let me know just how attractive he thinks I am. That’s another reason why I love him so much. He makes me feel as if I am a catch. Now don’t get me wrong because I know I’m not an ugly woman, but beautiful isn’t a word that I would use to describe myself. I’m more of a ‘cute’, or maybe even a ‘pretty’ when I dress up. Other than that to be honest, I’m not anything special.

The one thing that I do love about myself is my eyes. They are perfectly round and a lovely shade of brown. I’ve always been told that they are my best assets. Then there is my button nose, and full lips that when they part, show a small gap in between my two front teeth. I remember when I first met Terry; I used to cover my mouth whenever I smiled, because I was always embarrassed of it. He quickly shut that down when he told me that he loved it. Now you can’t stop me from cheesing. Just thinking about it, although I’m not the best-looking female in the world, there’s not much about me that I would change if I could. In fact, the only thing that comes to mind is my skin tone. It’s a very dark shade of brown, similar to the color of a cup of expresso. It’s not that I have anything against dark skinned people; it’s just that my issues stem from my background, and when I was a child. Again, I’ll get to that at a later time.

“We have a little bit of time before Kendrick gets out, what you trying to get into?” Terry asks, lifting my chin and giving me a soft kiss on the lips.

“The better question is what are
you
trying to get into?” I moan, caught up in the moment.

Without waiting for him to answer, I take the remote from his hand and cut off the television, because I need all of his focus to be on me. Now that that distraction is out of the way, I stand up and position myself between his legs. After kicking my shoes off, I unbutton my jeans and slowly slide them and my underwear over my butt and down my thighs. Terry has a look in eyes that speaks volumes; he wants me, but I’m sure it’s not as bad as I want him. With my bottoms discarded, I kick them behind me and assist Terry in removing his as well. Now that we are both naked from the waist down, I go to climb on top of him, but he puts out his hand and stops me.

“Uh uh, you know better,” he licks his lips. “You gotta come up outta all that.”

“But we don’t have a lot of tim—”

“You know I don’t care nothing about that shit. We ain’t teenagers, so take off that shirt Nair,” he tells me, pulling his sweater up and over his head.

I follow his orders and remove both my shirt and bra, but it’s not because I want to. It’s because I know that if I don’t, he will get upset and more than likely it will lead to an argument; an argument that I don’t want. Ever since I had my son, my body hasn’t been the same. Gravity has taken its toll, and my breasts are not as perky as they once were. Add in the fact that my stomach is not only riddled with stretch marks, but looks like I could be at least three months pregnant, and you can see why I’m a bit self-conscience about being completely naked in front of him; even after being with Terry all these years. This tends to irritate him because he doesn’t understand that even though he tells me that he loves everything about me, I don’t feel the same way. I’m embarrassed by my body, and if it were up to me, I would cover it as much as possible during sex. 

“Good girl, now come here,” he tells me once my shirt is off.

Terry reaches out, grabs my hands and pulls me toward him. I spread my legs and straddle his, and in no time our lips connect. We kiss for a moment, darting our tongues in and out of each other’s mouth. Without parting lips, I lift my hips slightly and grab ahold of his pulsating dick. Slowly I slide it up and down my moist slit, teasing him by pushing just the head in. Terry breaks our kiss and attempts to push me all the way down on it, but I use my knees to prevent him from doing so. I love seeing him squirm. I continue to torment him, until he can’t take it any longer. This time when he grabs my hips, he lifts up and since there isn’t much I can do to stop him, he slides right on it.