When She Wasn't Looking (23 page)
She leaned her head on his shoulder. “I think I could sleep for a week.”
“Longer.”
The idea of running off with him and enjoying the sunshine and the water brought a smile to her face. “Any chance you have vacation time coming?”
He flinched at her words.
She lifted her head. “What is it?”
“I almost got you killed.”
Here it was, the guilt she knew was pinging around inside him. Until they moved past this, until he dealt with his past and agreed to put it behind him, they were stuck treading water.
“No, you saved me. Kurt tried to kill me. And more than once, which is something I still can’t believe.” The words tasted foul in her mouth.
She’d grieved with him and his family, spent holidays at his house. The whole time he hated her and wanted her dead. She had no idea how to deal with that information. She could write him off as crazy, but he wasn’t. The answers were just not that simple.
“Cade made sure you didn’t get injured while you were in that room.” Jonas had filled her in on the whole plan but repeated it now.
Cade went in so the other men could get set. When he said Jonas’s full name, that was the signal to start moving. Falling on her was Cade’s way of protecting her when everything went nuts.
“I didn’t know what side he was on when he walked into that room. But I knew Walt’s pretending not to know that you and Cade were working together was a good sign.”
“I’m not sure what to say about the Walt piece.” Jonas rubbed his chest with his free hand. “But Cade insisted on being there and protecting you. I think it was his penance.”
“He didn’t have to do it, but I sure appreciate it. Before he leaves town I have to figure out a way to apologize for what I did to his father.”
“His father made his own choice. That wasn’t your fault.”
“Think Cade will see it that way?”
“I think he will now.” Jonas lifted their hands to his mouth and kissed her wrist. “We all owe you.”
“For what?”
“I made you go with Walt—”
It was all too much. She pulled her hand away and stood up. “Stop.”
“What?”
“I’m not doing this.”
Jonas frowned, which was all that he’d done since he watched the workers load Walt into the ambulance. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She’d lived so many days in the dark. Now she wanted to walk in the light. She wanted to be healthy and have a future. She wanted all of that with Jonas, but he had to meet her partway.
“I know it’s ridiculous and I don’t understand it myself, but I love you.” There, she’d said it. The words came out and she had no regrets either for what she felt or for saying them.
“Courtney—”
“But I’m done living with what could have been. It’s time to restore what I can and move on from the rest. I need to forgive myself for being the survivor.” She choked back a sob that rushed up on her and threatened to overtake her voice. “And you need to let yourself off the hook for all the horrors of the world.”
She waved him off when he reached for her. If he touched her, her resolve would crumble. She had to say it all first. “You didn’t kill Henry. You didn’t make Walt turn or take Kurt’s money offer. You didn’t hurt me.”
Jonas’s head dropped. “It’s not that simple.”
“Yeah, it actually is.” She picked her purse off the floor.
“Where are you going?”
“Home. Come and get me when you’re ready to move on.” She took the hardest steps of her life. The ones that took her away from him.
* * *
T
WO HOURS LATER
Jonas slammed his car door and headed for his front steps. He’d been all over the county. He waited at Courtney’s house. Actually broke her back window to get in when no one answered. He’d called Ellie and even checked in with Cade to see if he knew—
“About time you got here. I was beginning to think you were going to be thick about this.” Courtney’s voice floated down to him from above.
Jonas looked up, convinced he was dreaming.
She was on his porch. Sitting on the big lawn chair shivering as the wind whipped across the porch.
She pointed at the door. “I’m going to need a key.”
“Done.” He’d give her the deed to the place if she wanted it.
She smiled and laid her head against the back of the chair. “That was easy.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Ellie said you were looking for me.”
“Where were you?”
“Here the whole time.” Courtney exhaled, giving him her best you-are-so-clueless look. “Technically I know this is your home, but I think of it as mine now.”
The words erased the anxiety that had been humming through him since she walked out. “I can live with that.”
“It’s comfortable. You’re comfortable.”
“Never thought I’d be so happy to have a woman call me that.” He jogged up the steps.
Crossing the threshold to the porch was like breaking through a barrier. Once he got close to her, he saw the shy mix of a smile and wariness on her face. She actually thought he might push her away.
Not going to happen.
“How’s Walt?” she asked.
Jonas wasn’t ready to talk about that topic. Not yet. But he knew with her help the pain would ease. Everything else pulsed and grew brighter around her. It was only right that the hurt would dim.
“He’ll pull through. Rich is getting his statement. Cade is answering questions from his superiors, but I don’t care about any of that.”
“What do you care about?”
He lifted her out of the chair and sat back down with her curled on his lap. “You.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Good answer.”
“I want what you want.”
Her fingers slipped into his hair. “What is that?”
He put a hand on her legs to keep her from squirming. Much more of that and he wouldn’t say what he needed to say. “A real life.”
“With me.”
“Yeah, since I love you, it makes sense it would be with you.”
Her mouth dropped open and her eyes filled with tears. “Love?”
“I’m pretty sure I started falling when you ran from me and climbed over that fence.”
“That was pretty sexy, huh?”
“The combination of strong and smart and beautiful felled me.” From the beginning he didn’t have any shield against her. She rushed through life and around his rules, and he found her irresistible.
“What happens now?”
He brushed his lips over her mouth and marveled at how quickly the heat built between them. “First, we go upstairs and spend a little time in our bed.”
“It’s a good mattress.”
He put his hand over hers to stop her from unbuttoning his shirt to his waist. Though it was tempting to sit out there naked, the good people of Aberdeen needed a better example from the deputy police chief. There would be enough problems with whispering thanks to Walt’s poor decisions.
“After the bed, which I’m thinking will take four or five days, we’ll talk about the big things.” He nibbled on her neck.
Her head tilted to the side to give him more room. “Like?”
“Living arrangements, our future, marriage and possibly expanding the family.”
She stared at him, her big eyes wet. “Family.”
He put her hand over his heart and made the most important vow he’d ever said. “I can’t replace them, but I can be your new family.”
Her tears fell then. “My parents would have loved you.”
He kissed the wetness away. “And I love you.”
She stood up and held a hand out to him. “Let’s go upstairs and start that new life.”
And they did.
* * * * *
ISBN: 9781459227644
Copyright © 2012 by HelenKay Dimon
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