When Tomorrow Never Comes (18 page)

Dear Diary,

I don’t know what to believe. Do I believe what I’m seeing or do I follow what my heart is telling me? Please give me a sign, Cole. Is it Liam or is it Jayce…

Sitting down on the familiar bench I rub my hands along the worn wood as I close my eyes and imagine Cole sitting next to me.

It was becoming hard to picture him.

“Please, don’t leave me.” I whisper into the breeze.

I was grasping for any hold I could keep on him and his memories.

“I’m sorry for what I did, Cole. I never meant to fall in love with him. I never knew it had happened until it was already too late.” I whimper as a few tears escape my eyes and roll down my cheeks.

Allowing myself to admit everything out loud felt like the right thing to do.

It was the perfect time and place to spill every thought and feeling that I had hidden inside of myself.

“I should have stopped him. I should have run away but I didn’t and it cost me everything. I lost you because I couldn’t choose.” I cry.

“You gave me the choice and I lied. I’m so sorry.” I confess softly as my tears spill faster down my cheeks.

That had been something I had held in and buried deep within myself.

There had been a moment when Cole had asked me if I had growing feelings for Liam. He had confronted me about it and I had lied to him.

I had hidden everything even though it was clear in his eyes that he hadn’t believed me.

Cole could have easily ended things between us, but my heart told me that he just wanted to hang onto me for as long as he could.

I knew how he felt because I was doing that right now. I was holding onto him and my memories of him for as long as I could.

I didn’t want to let him go.

But in order to move on I had to.

I was just waiting for that sign that would tell me when it was the right time. It was a sign that wasn’t going to come. It was going to have to be a choice that I made for myself.

As much as I wanted it to be easy it wasn’t going to be.

My heart was being torn between Jayce, Liam, and Cole.

As my tears slow down I open my eyes and wipe my face with my hands before lying down on the bench with my book bag under my head.

I stare out at the water, trying to focus my mind.

It was an almost impossible task. All I could think about was the choices I was going to have to make ahead of me.

A voice behind me suddenly has me bolting upright on the bench.

It was dark now and nearly impossible to see anything around me.

Suddenly a bright light shines in my direction nearly blinding me. I raise my hand over my eyes to shield them from it as I struggle to see past it.

“There she is.” Liam calls out. “I found her, Eric.”

He rushes over to me before taking my face into his hands. “Are you alright, Eve?”

I nod. “I’m fine, what’s going on?”

“No one knew where you were, Eve. You’ve been gone all day.” Liam explains as Eric rushes up to me before pulling me up into his arms.

After a moment he leans back from our embrace. “What were you thinking, Eve? We were worried sick when you didn’t come home and when you didn’t answer your phone.”

“I didn’t realize I would fall asleep. I’m sorry, Dad, I never meant to worry you.” I whisper.

I felt like I had disappointed them yet again.

“I’m just glad that you’re okay.” He replies softly as he hugs me tightly again.

Out of nowhere I’m suddenly pulled into another set of strong arms before I’m spun around to face Jayce before he kisses me.

He leans back with anger in his eyes. “Don’t you ever do this to us again, Eve.”

I nod as tears begin to fill my eyes.

God, I felt like such an idiot. All I had wanted to do was sort through my thoughts and all I had managed was to make a mess of everything.

Eric was disappointed in me and Jayce was angry.

Liam was the only one who seemed to be indifferent to what was going on. He was worried but not to the extent that I felt bad for what had happened.

“Dude, just because she’s your girlfriend doesn’t mean you should talk to her like that. She fell asleep. It’s not like she was intentionally making us worry about her.” Liam barks out abruptly.

“Stay out of this, Liam. You could have found her first, you know. You knew where she would be but you were too busy with your own girlfriend to bother telling us where to find her.” Jayce clips out.

“Enough. Both of you need to stop.” Eric snarls as he tugs me from Jayce’s arms. “We found her, so now both of you can go home. I’ll take care of her from here.”

Without an argument both boys nod their heads before leaving me and Eric alone.

“Let’s sit down and talk for a few minutes.” Eric insists as he lightly pushes me in the direction of the bench.

As we sit down next to each other a comfortable silence surrounds us briefly.

“Eve, what’s been going on with you lately? Something big has been bothering you, I can tell.” Eric begins gently.

Taking in a deep breath I stare out absently at the water as the moon causes the small ripples to sparkle with light. “I’m confused, Dad.”

“Confused about what?” He pushes for me to explain.

“I’m confused about Jayce and Liam.” I admit softly. “My heart is being pulled into two different directions, not to mention Cole still has a firm grasp on it as well.”

“Ah, I should have known this would be about boys.” Eric chuckles lightly. “Matt would be the better one for this talk but let me try, okay.”

I nod and laugh with him for a moment.

When we become serious again Eric takes my hand in his. “I know how hard it is when you’re being torn in two directions. When I first realized I was gay I was torn between my best friend and the girlfriend I had had at the time.”

“I didn’t want to hurt her but I knew what was between us wasn’t right. My heart told me that it wasn’t. What it told me was that what I had between me and my best friend was what I truly wanted and needed.” He explains further.

“What did you do?” I whisper.

I desperately needed to know what he had done, what choices he had made.

“I messed up. I pushed my best friend away and tried to hold onto the relationship that wasn’t real. I was young and dumb and it nearly cost me something I would have regretted for the rest of my life.” Eric replies.

I watch as his smiles in the darkness. “Luckily Matt was smart enough for the both of us and took charge. He kissed me right in front of everyone in school. He claimed me. From that moment on I didn’t hide, I didn’t have to. I allowed my heart to lead me.”

“What should I do then?” I ask.

“Follow what your heart is telling you, Eve.” Eric answers simply. “Don’t fight it or you might end up regretting your decisions later on.”

“So, I should go after Liam?” I question.

“That’s not what I’m telling you, Princess. I’m not going to tell you which direction to go.” He stresses.

“But I will tell you that I’m rooting for Liam.” He adds with a chuckle.

I snort and shake my head before letting out a soft sigh. “I’m glad you chose to be with Matt. You two are the best fathers anyone could ever have.”

“Me too, and you’re the best daughter I could have ever wished for.” He replies with a fatherly kiss on top of my head while wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

The croaking of frogs and a splash here and there fill in the silence around us as we both stare off absently at the pond before us.

After a little while Eric sighs and then turns his attention back towards me. “We should get home before Matt panics any more than he already has.”

I nod in agreement and we both stand to our feet before walking in the direction home together.

With each step we take I get a little closer to making my decision.

It didn’t ease the apprehension I was feeling towards the situation but it did lighten the load on my heart.

There was only one choice that my heart wanted to make.

And tomorrow I would make it.

Tomorrow I would allow my heart to lead me in the direction I was supposed to go.

Dear Diary,

They say that there’s a reason for everything that happens. When you left me I couldn’t see that reason but I believe I’m beginning to…You’ll always be in my heart.

The night goes by quickly and before I know it tomorrow has already come.

Of course both Matt and Eric had come into my room periodically throughout the entire night just to reassure themselves that I was still there, but I couldn’t blame them.

I had scared them.

However it did make waking up difficult.

I wanted nothing more than to fall back to sleep but I had slept in long enough for a Saturday.

Groaning I fight against the sleep that wanted to drag me back under into its dark depths of peacefulness.

I only manage to roll onto my stomach while burying my face into my pillow.

Pushing up on my arms I give myself no choice but to wake up.

I groan again and then drop back down onto the bed.

“Just wake up already, Evie.” Liam chuckles from beside me on the bed.

I shoot up suddenly wide awake to look down at him. “When did you come into my room last night?”

He only shrugs as he scoots himself into a sitting position against the headboard. “I couldn’t sleep last night so I came over here hoping that you hadn’t locked your window.”

“Oh, well, you need to go before Eric or Matt catches you in here again.” I reply.

“Eric already knows I’m here.” He admits.

“He does, and he was alright with you sleeping with me?” I ask in disbelief.

Liam nods. “He didn’t mind at all considering we both still had our clothes on. I think he would have had different feelings if we hadn’t.”

“He is team Liam.” I mutter under my breath.

“What?” Liam questions with a raised brow.

I shake my head and stand to my feet. “It’s nothing.”

“You should probably go. I have a lot of things I need to do today.” I add gently as I move over to my dresser and begin pulling out clothes.

I pause in place when his hands circle around me and his warm breath fans over my ear.

“You’re still coming over to my party later, right?” He asks.

“I might.” I reply with a mischievous grin as I pull out a light purple, lacey, bra.

Liam’s hands stop mine and then take the bra from my hands, placing it back into the drawer before pulling out a lacy red and black bra and then the matching panties.

“Wear these, for me.” He whispers.

I find myself taking them from his hands unable to say no.

Turning in his arms I search his eyes for a moment before laughing softly. “Why do you want me to wear something that I may never let you get the chance to see me in?”

“I do because I already see it in your eyes that you’re going to be mine.” He replies easily.

There was no way to argue with him.

I had made my decision before I had gone to sleep, but first I had to find a way to end things with Jayce. I needed to do it with as little damage to him as possible.

“You’re full of yourself, Liam.” I tease.

He shakes his head while placing his hand against my cheek. “No, I’m not. You want to be with me, just admit it.”

“Not until you apologize for all the crap you put me through after Cole died, and when I came back to live here.” I reply.

He nods as he closes his eyes.

After a moment he reopens them. “I’m sorry, Eve. I was stupid and angry at myself and I took it out on you. I never meant to hurt you the way that I had. All I wanted to do was hold you.”

He sighs roughly before continuing on. “When you came back…I was scared. I was using Amy to fill that hole that had been left behind from Cole dying and you leaving me.”

“I didn’t want to leave, Liam.” I whisper.

“I know that now, but then I didn’t. I truly thought that it had been your idea to leave. No one ever told me that you had been forced to leave.” He replies honestly.

“If I could take everything back that I’ve said or done I would. It kills me to think about what I said to you. Every time I made you cry I wanted to die.” He adds.

Placing my hands on either side of his face I brush my thumbs against the rough stubble growing along his jaw as I gaze deep into his eyes. “Don’t ever think like that. I don’t want to lose you like I did Cole.”

He nods slightly as he stares into my eyes. “I love you, Eve.”

“I love you too, Liam.” I reply with a barely there whisper.

In the next moment his lips crash into mine.

Our tongues tangle in an almost desperate dance to get closer to each other.

Stopping him with a light push after a few moments I sigh and I bow my head. “I need to end things with Jayce before we go any farther, Liam.”

He nods while picking up my chin. “I can wait. Just promise me that you’ll meet me in my room after you come to my party.”

“I promise.” I grin before leaning up to give him one more quick kiss.

“Now, go. I need to shower and get dressed.” I order lightly.

Liam’s eyes heat. “I could help you.”

I snort and shake my head. “Go. I’m not your girlfriend yet. You’re going to have to wait a little bit longer.”

Nodding he backs away from me towards the window.

He freezes in place when someone knocks on my door.

We both glance at each other before watching the door.

“Eve, are you in there? Your dad said that you were.” Jayce grunts from the other side.

Liam looks to me wide eyed before cursing softly.

I point sternly towards the window and he nods before moving towards it, quickly but quietly.

“I’m in here, just give me a second.” I call out.

The door knob begins to turn but stops abruptly.

It was locked.

Saying a silent thank you to whoever locked it I make my way over towards the door before glancing back at the window to watch as Liam climbs out and then disappears out of sight.

I close my eyes for a moment before letting out a long breath while unlocking the door.

Jayce swings it open knocking me back out of his way as he charges inside. “Why was your door locked?” He barks out.

I watch as he searches my room before going into the bathroom.

“I didn’t even realize it had been locked.” I answer truthfully.

He marches back out of my bathroom coming to a stop right in front of me. “You’re lying to me, Eve. I know you are.”

My anger goes from one to a hundred in mere seconds.

I couldn’t believe the way that he was acting.

Gritting my teeth together I growl out at him as I point my finger to the door. “Get out. I want you out of here now. I will not be treated like this, not now, not ever.”

Jayce shakes his head while he reaches out to grab my hips. “I’m not leaving.”

Shoving his hands away from me I step back. “Leave, now, Jayce.”

Again, he shakes his head as he takes a step forward. “I’m not leaving my girlfriend.”

His eyes soften slightly as he stares down at me. “I’m sorry. I’ve been so on edge. I feel like I’m losing you.”

Without letting me speak he leans forward, pressing his lips against mine.

His tongue demands my lips to open for him and before I even realize what I’m doing I open to him and then wrap my arms around his neck while he lifts me up and wraps my legs around his waist.

I was helpless.

My body wanted what he had to give.

It was the pleasure I was after, the bliss that would make everything else fade away around me.

That bliss also made my emotions float away.

I had to stop him now.

This had already gone too far.

Pulling back I bow my head in order to keep him from kissing me again.

I pant for my next breath. “Jayce, we need to stop right now.”

He nods as he sets me down to my feet. “We can stop. I wanted to wait for tonight anyway. I was hoping that we could do something special.”

“We’re going to go to Liam’s party first but I have something else planned for the rest of the night.” He adds.

Before I can say anything he kisses me and then heads towards the door. “I’ll see you over there tonight.”

He then leaves as fast as he had come.

My mouth opens and shuts at a loss for words.

I had wanted to end things with him but I had ended up making a mess of it, again.

The words had escaped me.

God, this was going to be hard.