When Will I See You Again (26 page)

“Do you hear me complaining?” Alexx reached up, gently stroked the lightly stubbled cheek. “Being with you is much more important than any dinner. I just hope I made a decent impression on your parents. I want them to like me.”

Raoul turned Alexx’s hand over and kissed the palm. “I’m sure they do. What’s not to like? Especially if they told you where to find me.” Good deductive reasoning on their part, considering he’d not set foot on the spot for twenty years. He stopped short as Alexx shook his head.

“They didn’t tell me. They just said find him. Go to him. That’s all.”

The back of Raoul’s neck prickled, a shiver descending his
spine. “Then how did you know I was out here?” He indicated the isolated area with a wave of one hand. “This is a private beach, you know.” He knew it wasn’t possible Alexx had stumbled across it by accident. He held his breath, locking his gaze on Alexx.

“I just knew,” Alexx replied in a hushed voice, his eyes apprehensive.

“Then someone must have mentioned the beach house to you.

That must be it.” Raoul grasped at straws, but before the words had even left his mouth, Alexx was shaking his head again.

“I’m not a beach person, and no one told me about it. I…I was panicked after you ran like that. All I knew was that I had to find you. I had to. I didn’t know where to look so I just looked all over.

Then I forced myself to stop running and calm down and I focused on you. I kept thinking about you, how I felt about you, and the answer just sort of…appeared.”

“Appeared? You mean like it was written somewhere?” Raoul tried to make light of the admission, but his heart was thumping far too loudly, fearful of the response.

Alexx considered the question carefully for a long moment.

“Sort of,” he admitted at last, his voice dropping to a whisper. He placed one hand against his chest. “I felt the answer right here, in my heart. What do you think that means, Raoul?”

Raoul started to make a flippant comment, but stopped himself before he’d gotten the first syllables out. “I don’t know,” he finally conceded, his tone as subdued as Alexx’s. “I wish I did. Wish I could give you a better answer than that, but I honestly don’t know.” He held Alexx closer, unmindful of the sand or the dampness, or the slightly sour salt scent that clung about them.

Even as his arms were full of Alexx, it was thoughts of Jamie that filled his mind, thoughts he’d repressed for twenty years.
He’d never allowed himself to mourn Jamie’s death. He’d switched himself off immediately after it had happened. He’d held in all his feelings and refused to deal with any of them, including the guilt. He wouldn’t discuss it with anyone, not even his parents.

As if not acknowledging what happened made it less real. The tragic event had shattered Raoul completely. It changed the course of his entire life, derailed every plan he’d ever made because those all involved having a future with Jamie and he couldn’t have that now and he wanted nothing else. So he’d eventually slipped into a mindless existence—sex with no strings attached and reckless behavior, pushing the envelope to go higher, harder, faster.

Despite the passage of time, the guilt that he felt over his inexcusable negligence—how could he have fallen asleep when he was supposed to take care of Jamie, keep him safe—and the knowledge of the responsibility he bore for Jamie’s death, suffused him with unbearable pain. The vast pain he’d pushed down for twenty years had finally surfaced.

Was it very selfish of him to wonder, to speculate—to dare to hope? To grasp at this glimmer of a possibility that had breached the walled-up fortress that surrounded his heart. To want this possibility to be real, despite his words to the contrary? Could Alexx Jameson be Jamie McKenna reborn, sent to Raoul to resurrect his very soul? On the surface it appeared to be a ridiculous idea but, in his heart, it was the application of balm to his weary spirit.

He didn’t know. He just didn’t know. And the not knowing was a sweet agony.

“It doesn’t matter,” Alexx soothingly murmured against his chest. “Nothing matters but this. Us. As long as we’re together, I think we can handle anything, don’t you?”
“Amen to that,” Raoul whispered a fervent prayer, and for a long moment nothing more was said.

Reluctantly, Raoul lifted his face to the night sky, but there were no answers written there. “Ready to go?”

“Any time you are.”

They walked slowly up the boardwalk together, arms about one another’s waists, leaning in to shore one another up. Unable to stop touching, as if to do so would break the fragile thread that bound them as one.

“I was wondering something.” Alexx slowed his step. He tilted his head, regarding Raoul. In the moonlight, Raoul caught a glimpse of bright blue eyes.

“What’s that?” He leaned in, brushing his lips over Alexx’s.

“Do I look like him?”

Raoul grew thoughtful. Not because he needed to ponder the answer. The two looked nothing alike. No similarity of facial feature, no resemblance to the late Jamie in looks or even voice, drew him to Alexx. It was something much deeper than that, something he couldn’t explain, even to himself. Something he felt in his soul, even on short acquaintance. He could understand why Alexx felt compelled to ask though. He probably would too, were the situation reversed.

“Not at all,” he assured him. “Not at all.”

“Can I see a picture of him? You have pictures, right?”

“Not on me,” Raoul replied evasively. “Maybe later I can show you.” He did have pictures of Jamie. And more. But he didn’t feel ready to share that yet.

When they arrived at the nightclub, there was the usual line of hopefuls waiting to get in. Charisma had quite the reputation. It drew customers from great distances, attracted by the glamorous
aura of the werewolves that frequented it, especially the charismatic owner. Now that the lycanthropes had the means to control their natural inclinations—and once people had gotten over their initial shock that such dual-natured people existed, as well as vampires—there was a certain fascination with these supernatural beings that brought people in droves to bathe in their mystique.

Even on a Sunday night.

As a rule, Raoul did not hobnob with his customers except when he was looking for a quick fuck, and that was a temporary liaison at most. He’d sit at the bar, dressed to the nines, drinking more than was good for him, allowing himself to be gawked at with unabashed admiration, well aware that his mere presence encouraged the patrons to spend their money more freely. Many hoped to gain his attention and/or favor. A lucky few succeeded.

Those who came to Charisma knew who Raoul was but, for the most part, they were strangers to him, and he held them at arm’s length.

As he and Alexx walked past the line of hopefuls, he noticed more than a few smiles and friendly waves directed toward them, to his surprise. He chalked it up to high spirits as he hailed Paolo, who shot him a huge grin of his own.

“Hey, Raoul!” He turned to Alexx and gave him a thumbs-up.

“See you found what you were looking for!”

Why was everyone smiling like that? Huge Cheshire cat grins, like they all knew the world’s biggest secret, one he’d not been let in on. Raoul arched a brow and shot Paolo a suspicious glance. The bouncer affected utter innocence in return. He decided to ignore the look.

“Listen. We’re heading upstairs to clean up. Give us about half an hour, then come up and give me a report on what’s been
happening.”

“Yes, boss!” Paolo snapped a smart salute, one aimed at both Raoul and Alexx.

Raoul felt the beginning of a growl in the back of his throat but when he opened his mouth, Alexx tightened his arm about Raoul’s waist, and the urge passed as quickly as it had arisen.

“Thanks, Paolo,” Alexx smoothly interceded. “Much appreciated.” With a nod of thanks, Alexx steered Raoul toward the door.

“You’re very diplomatic,” Raoul commented, but there was no real bite to his usual bark. They’d traversed the main room, threaded their way between tables filled with satisfied customers, and reached the hall containing the elevator. He punched in the code and they stepped inside before Alexx replied.

“I try to be.” A heartbeat later, he asked, “Raoul, are you all right?”

Raoul pulled up short just as he’d pressed the button for the third floor, caught by surprise at Alexx’s question. With everything that was going on between them, with the turmoil that surely existed in Alexx’s own psyche at this unexpected turn of events, the knowledge that he just might be the reincarnation of Raoul’s long dead lover, with all of that—his concern was for Raoul and his welfare? He was beyond amazed, he was stunned, the last traces of ice melting from around his heart.

“I’m better than all right,” he responded, directing his earnest gaze into Alexx’s eyes. “I’ve never been so all right in my life, thanks to you.” He kissed Alexx tenderly, words momentarily failing him. The doors opened again and he unlocked the door that led into his office.

“I hope you know I’d do anything for you,” Alexx said
between kisses.

“I know, my love, I know, and I feel the same way, trust me.

All I ask is that you please bear with me. Give me a little time.”

Raoul clasped both of Alexx’s hands in his, held them against his heart.

“As long as it takes,” Alexx vowed.

*

“We only have half an hour, remember?” he gently reminded Raoul, who nodded. “You have extra clothes here?”

“Yes, but I’m not sure what I have that might fit you.” Raoul’s frank gaze raked back and forth between them, gauging the obvious differences in their physique. “Let’s shower first and then worry about getting dressed.”

“You think it’s a good idea for us to shower together?” Alexx could barely refrain from grinning.

“If you’re worried about my self-control—”

“Actually, I was more concerned about mine.” Alexx couldn’t be sure, but he thought he detected the slightest of blushes cross Raoul’s cheek. The faint flush quickly dissipated, but Alexx knew what he’d seen and he loved it.

They managed to get in and out of the shower in fifteen minutes, a time that was much too short and yet was filled with wet kisses and carefully restrained touches underneath the warm spray.

With great reluctance they disentangled their mouths and their
limbs, climbing out and toweling off before surveying the contents of Raoul’s walk-in closet.

Alexx couldn’t believe the size of the wardrobe that Raoul kept in his office. Neatly organized racks of shirts and jackets and pants, ties and shoes. Even handkerchiefs. The suits were probably custom, not off-the-rack selections, and very expensive. He fingered the sleeve of one soft gray jacket and whistled in open admiration.

“Wow, you must have made some tailor very happy.”

Raoul snapped his fingers. “I didn’t think of that, that’s an idea.

I can telephone Mr. Kyle—he’s always on call for me. He can come right over and alter one of my suits—” He stopped as Alexx threw him a pointed look. “No?”

“No.” He shook his head and turned back to the wardrobe, forsaking the more formal outfits for those leaning toward the casual. “You have jeans? That’s awesome.”

“Of course I have jeans. What, do you think I’m too old for them? They’ve been around a lot longer than you have…”

Smirking openly, Alexx let the protests of the grumbling werewolf wash over him as he rooted through his stash of more informal wear until he found a pair of dark blue jeans that looked as though they might be tight on Raoul. Those might just fit him.

He held them up against his body, his eyes seeking Raoul’s approval. “Think these’ll work?”

“They might.” Judging by Raoul’s smoldering gaze, he was more interested in seeing Alexx out of them than in. Alexx knew it was up to him to keep them focused on the task at hand, but damn, that wasn’t going to be easy. “I haven’t worn them in a while. Why don’t you try them on? I have some shirts that’ll look good with those. And a jacket.”
Within ten minutes they were both turned out to their complete satisfaction in jeans, polo shirts, and jackets. Raoul’s black jeans looked almost as if they’d been poured on to his body. Not that Alexx was complaining. Alexx was grateful the shirts they’d chosen had short sleeves. He had a feeling he’d swim in anything of Raoul’s that came down to his wrist. He decided to keep the jacket open. It looked better that way. He had to admit, as they admired themselves in the full-length mirror, that they looked pretty good together. Raoul caught his gaze in the glass and smiled his own approbation. Alexx felt heat rise through his body. He swallowed, and tried to put his libido on hold.

They took seats together on the couch, and it wasn’t long before they were locked in a heated embrace, and Raoul was trying to remove the very clothing that Alexx had just donned…and starting to make headway. Just in time, a knock at the door interrupted any further disrobing.

“Come in!”

Paolo entered, tablet in hand. He looked from one man to the other. “I can come back.”

“That won’t be necessary.” Alexx rose, tugging at the jacket first, then his pants. He leaned down and kissed Raoul. “Go ahead and take care of business. I need to call Miller anyway. I should probably call my boss too, but I might let that wait ’til tomorrow.”