Where Angels Tread (14 page)

“Yes, sir.” Shane’s heart leapt in his chest at the thought of being relieved from front desk duty, once and for all. “I’m most definitely ready.”

Palen nodded. “Monday, then, you’re back on the job.”

*

“I’ll write up a police report, and I’ll have one of the officers stop by your house to ask you a few questions.” Shane gave a sympathetic smile to the tearful woman and her sobbing daughter, who had stopped by the station to report that they believed their toy poodle had been stolen from their backyard. “Most lost dogs find their way home,” he reassured them. “You’ve had him microchipped and he’s wearing his collar with identification tags, so that’s a good start.” The little girl gave an almighty sniff, and dragging her stuffed bear by the arm, followed her mother from the station.

As Shane watched them leave, memories of his own lost dog flooded his mind. Kenny, their miniature schnauzer, had run away from home one stormy spring evening. Though the family searched high and low for their little dog, they were never able to find him. His sister Holly, who had been barely out of diapers at the time, had been particularly affected by the dog’s loss, which was one of the things that had prompted her to choose a career as a veterinarian. Holly had been an animal lover for as long as Shane could remember, regularly bringing home injured birds and squirrels and nursing them back to life on the kitchen table, much to his mother’s horror.

Shane tapped his fingers against the counter of the front desk, his eyes roaming to the line of cruisers parked outside. Now that he knew he would finally be back in action next week, he was more eager than ever to escape the confines of desk duty. He knew that Chief Palen was relying on him to be at the top of his game, and Shane was more than ready to show Palen what he was made of.

As he was staring vacantly out of the window, imagining what it would feel like to receive his first call from the dispatcher, a familiar station wagon careened into the parking lot. Shane’s hands immediately flew to his hair, which he smoothed self-consciously. Here she was, he thought with a smile.

His smile immediately turned to a frown when he realized that she was storming into the station with a determined look on her face. Not exactly the reaction he had hoped for, or had been imagining all day. Shane thought that at the very least, Heidi would leap across the room and jump into his arms. Like something out of a romance novel.

He smiled tentatively at her when she pushed open the front door. When she spotted him standing behind the desk, she marched right up to it and spread her hands on the counter. Shane opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, not entirely sure what to say at a time like this. “Hi,” he offered weakly, then took a step back as she continued to glare at him. She looked, he thought, rather dangerous. It was kind of a turn on.

“Hi?” she hissed between gritted teeth. “Is that all you have to say to me? Hi?”

Shane thought fast; clearly, Heidi was expecting a different reaction, but for the life of him he had no idea what it was. “Um, how are you?”

She stared at him in disbelief. “You have no idea what you did, do you?”

Finally, Shane thought with relief, a question he could answer. “I gave you a rose!” he said triumphantly.

For a moment, he thought Heidi was going to burst out laughing, but she quickly rearranged her features into what she apparently believed to be a menacing grimace. She opened her mouth to speak, then stopped, clearly at a loss for words. She threw him a puzzled look. “You really don’t know what you did?” Shane noticed that her voice had softened slightly. A good sign.

“I guess not,” he said. “I thought I did something nice, but since you are so obviously angry with me I must be mistaken. Tell you what.” Shane checked his watch. “I’m going to be done here in fifteen minutes. Why don’t you let me take you out for a coffee, and we can talk about what I did.”

Heidi looked taken aback, then regarded him suspiciously. “This isn’t a date, is it?”

Shane held his hands up in mock defense. “I wouldn’t even dream of it.”

This man is a smooth talker, Heidi thought irritably as she followed him into the coffee shop a block down the road from the police station. Once the shock of seeing those injured police officers had worn off, along with her relief that Shane wasn’t one of them, Heidi had resumed being angry at him. And rightfully so, she thought, her eyes on his back as he stepped into the line of customers waiting to order their drinks. “What’ll you have?” he asked her, a playful gleam in his eyes.

“A hot chocolate.” She glanced around the room for an open table. She found one way in the back of the shop, a little round bistro table with two spindly chairs. It was a tad too cozy for her liking, but she would rather not have to stand outside in the cold. She made her way over and dropped her purse on the floor before settling onto one of the chairs.

Shane joined her a short while later, setting down one of the paper cups in front of her. “I hope you like whipped cream.”

“It’s fine. Thanks,” she added grudgingly, then blew on the top of the cup for something to do. Anything to avoid looking too closely at Shane; once she did, Heidi was perfectly aware that her last ounce of resolve would melt away.

Shane settled into his chair, then observed her with bright eyes. “Please. Tell me what I did to make you so upset so that I don’t do it again.”

“I shouldn’t have to say it,” she shot back stubbornly, and took a sip of her drink. More liquid came out than she had expected, and it was piping hot. She started choking, then quickly tried to cover it up with a hacking cough.

Shane watched her with mild interest. “Might want to let it cool off a little bit.”

Damn him, she thought furiously, her cheeks burning. So Shane Kensington was one of those guys, one of those confident, cocky guys who knew the effect he had on women. Well it wasn’t going to work on her. She ignored him and took another sip of her drink, careful to avoid meeting his eyes. When she glanced up, she saw that he was staring at her. “What?”

Shane shrugged. “I’m just waiting for you to tell me why you’re upset.”

Heidi heaved a sigh and shook her head. Where should she even begin? “I thought you were dead,” she blurted out.

He looked taken aback. “You thought I was dead so you’re mad at me?” He sipped his latte, then pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Seems logical.”

“No,” Heidi said. This conversation wasn’t going how she imagined it. “I’m mad because of the rose.”

Shane traced his finger along the rim of his cup. “I’m sorry if that was being too forward,” he said. “I was trying to do something romantic, like Maribel said.”

Now it was Heidi’s turn to be confused. “Who is Maribel?”

“My partner Buddy’s wife. She told me that I needed to woo you.” He glanced up at Heidi with a pained expression on his face. “Clearly, you aren’t interested in being wooed. At least not by me.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’ve been out of the dating world for a long time now and I’m not quite sure what to do anymore. When you turned me down, I was going to back off, but then Maribel convinced me that I just didn’t try hard enough.”

Despite her annoyance, Heidi was touched that he had gone to such lengths to try and impress her. “It’s not that I’m not interested in you. I just can’t date you.”

Shane nodded his head. “I understand.”

“No, I don’t think you do, but that’s not your fault. I should have been a lot clearer when you asked me out, but I was taken by surprised and didn’t know what to say.” Heidi drew in a breath before continuing. “I can’t date you because it would upset my son. It has nothing to do with my feelings for you.” She described the heartbreaking conversation she had with Zachary after they had returned home from the hospital while Shane listened intently.

When she had finished, he was quiet for a few moments, lost in thought. “Can I ask you something?” Heidi nodded uncertainly, unsure of where the conversation was headed. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Where do your feelings come into consideration?”

Color filled Heidi’s cheeks. “Look, you’re not a parent, so you don’t understand. My son comes above everything, including myself. The last thing I want him to think, especially now when he’s so vulnerable, is that I’m in any way trying to replace his father with someone else.”

Shane sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. “I get that,” he said. “But what happens five, ten, fifteen years down the road? Zachary’s off doing his own thing, and you’re alone. Aren’t you going to regret it?”

Heidi drained her cup and tossed it into the garbage can, then stood up and swung her purse over her shoulder. “I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.” Then, without a backward glance, she hurried out of the coffee shop, trying to get as far away from Shane as possible.

*

Later that night, alone in her bedroom, Heidi replayed her conversation with Shane over and over again in her head. She had been so flustered that she had neglected to tell him why she was even upset about the rose, which was the whole reason she had stormed down to the station that day. Now, she was no closer to understanding why he had rejected her advances. Heidi decided to put that particular problem out of her mind for the time being; she had far too many other things to think about.

She laid her head back against her pillow and closed her eyes, willing sleep to come. Heidi had spent far too many restless nights since Shane had come into her life, and tonight, she realized, would be no exception. She couldn’t shake his last words to her from her mind; images of her, old and alone, kept creeping into her brain. He was right, of course, and she knew that perfectly well. More than anything, she feared having to be alone, forced to watch life pass by from the sidelines, never fully able to participate.

Leaning across her bed toward her nightstand, she picked up the framed photo of her and John on their wedding day. The sun had broken through the clouds just long enough for their photographer to snap some spectacular pictures against a backdrop of the famous rolling green hills of Santa Ynez. This particular shot was taken during the magic hour, right before the sun set, and the two of them were bathed in a warm golden-red light as they stood with their arms wrapped around each other, the smiles on their faces holding the promise of a long and happy future.

“What am I supposed to do, John?” she asked the photo, pressing it against her chest and allowing the tears to fall hard and fast on her pillow. “I’m lost.” She sat like that for a long time, rocking back and forth and feeling sorry for herself, for Zachary, and for John. Life had been brutally unkind to her little family, that much was certain. But time had marched on nonetheless, and whether she and Zachary liked it or not, they had to pick up the pieces and move on.

It had already been happening, slowly but surely. Heidi remembered, not long after the accident, meeting with a lawyer to discuss her options for suing the driver of the other car. She had marched into the office with swollen eyes and ice in her heart, resolved to make that person pay for what he did to her. For ruining the lives of three people.

The lawyer had been sympathetic, but determined. “I believe we can collect a large settlement,” he had said, shuffling through a pile of papers on his desk. “The man who did this…”

“Stop,” Heidi had croaked, holding up her hand. “Please don’t speak his name. I have no interest in knowing who this monster was. It won’t bring my husband back.”

The lawyer nodded. “Fair enough. So this man was clearly the responsible party and, like I was saying, we should be able to sue for a considerable sum. Enough to keep you and your son afloat for a very long time, if you manage it wisely.”

“Tell me,” Heidi said, covering her hands with her face. “What caused the accident? Drugs, drinking, talking on a cell phone? Why did the car veer into our lane and crash into us?”

The lawyer pressed his fingertips against the edge of his desk. “It’s my understanding that the driver fell asleep at the wheel and lost control of the car.”

Heidi’s mouth dropped open. That was not at all what she had expected to hear. She came to the lawyer’s office fully intending to crucify the person who had stolen everything from her. But this? It all seemed so human, something that could easily have happened to her, or to John, or to anyone else. How many times had Heidi herself sat behind the wheel after being up all night, nursing Zachary as a baby or cooling his fevered forehead with a wet towel when he had the flu?

She sat there for a long time, staring at her hands. “Mrs. Griffin?” the lawyer finally asked into the silence. “Are you okay? I know this must be very difficult to hear.”

Heidi wiped a few tears from her eyes and pushed the stack of legal documents the lawyer had set in front of her across the desk. “I can’t do this,” she whispered.

“Sorry?”

“It was a mistake, and ruining this man’s life isn’t going to bring John back. I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to sue.”

The lawyer stared at Heidi in disbelief. “You realize that you’re giving up a financially comfortable future for you and your son by doing this, right?”

Heidi nodded as she gathered up her things and prepared to leave the office. “I know, but I have to learn now how to make it on my own. There’s no one for me to rely on but me. I’m sure the person who caused the accident is going to be haunted by what he did for the rest of his life, and I’m willing to bet that’s punishment enough.”

That very same night, clutching a half-empty bottle of wine and rolling John’s wedding ring around in her palm, Heidi had made the decision to go back to school and become a nurse. Shortly afterwards, she emptied her bank account of the few thousand dollars that she and John had managed to set aside for a down payment on a house of their own and used it to pay for the first year of her tuition.

Now, three years later, Heidi was amazed at how far she had come. Sure, things had been rough at first, living in a tiny one bedroom apartment and existing on peanut butter sandwiches, but now she had a house, a career, and a stable, if somewhat lonely, life. At this point, what more could she ask for?