Where Secrets Lie (19 page)

As soon as they sat down, a man entered the room from a back entrance and approached them with a solemn smile. He was dressed in a dark suit and was not much older than they were. His blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and his mustache and goatee were trimmed short. He introduced himself as Mr. Andersen, shook hands with them both, and sat down on the couch across from them. He opened a large binder on the coffee table and explained how it was organized with packages in the front, which included pictures and elaborate explanations, and a detailed list of individual options in the back.

“
We have a showroom of our more popular caskets if you prefer to see them in person.”

Lee shook her head and began to look through the binder. Only yesterday Paul was alive, and as far as she was concerned, he still should be. The idea of choosing a particular casket for him to be encased in for eternity was difficult enough for her to adjust to. She couldn’t endure being bombarded with a whole room full of caskets.

“
Would you like me to guide you through the options, or would you prefer to look through them privately?”

Jack looked at Lee, but Lee was engrossed in the binder.

“
We’ll look privately,” Jack said to the funeral director.

“
All right.” Mr. Andersen handed Jack a folder. “There are forms in here that you can use to list your choices as well as a complete price list. I’ll be back shortly to answer any questions. Meanwhile, please let Ms. Dwyer know if you need anything.”

“
Thanks,” Jack said. Mr. Andersen left the room.

Lee was in awe at the sheer enormity of the binder and the vastness of choice it represented. She never imagined this would be so complicated.

“
Oh my God, Jack, how am I ever going to decide this?”

“
Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out. I know it’s a lot, but we’ll take it one step at a time.”

Jack looked through the folder the funeral director had given him and pulled out a form.

“
Here, this is a good place to start. It lists the basic fees to begin with. Let’s flip to the back, and you can tell me which services matter to you.”

“
Ok.” Lee turned to the last few pages.

When they made it through the list of services, Jack suggested Lee look at the pictures in the front of the binder.

“
Don’t pay any attention to the other stuff listed. Just look at the caskets and see what you like. Are you sure you don’t want to see the showroom? It might be easier to choose that way.”

“
God no, looking at pictures is hard enough.” Lee flipped through the pages without commenting.

“
What do you think?” Jack asked. “See anything you like?”

“
I don’t like any of them.” Lee’s eyes filled with tears. “They’re all horrible, they’re caskets.”

“
I know.” Jack reached over to close the binder. “Let’s try it another way. Pretend you’re picking something out for Paul, a desk maybe. Just think about Paul and what he’d like, ok?”

“
Ok.” Lee was willing to try anything that might distract her from the dreadful caskets.

“
Would he prefer metal or wood?” Jack asked.

“
Wood.”

“
What was his favorite wood?”

“
Oak.”

“
Light or dark stain?”

“
Medium.”

“
Ok, how about hardware? Gold or silver?”

“
He liked brass.”

“
Good,” Jack said.

Next, they went through the possible features for the casket, and Lee chose what she thought was important. Jack totaled the cost of everything Lee had chosen.

“
Ok, this gives us a ballpark. I think we should look at the packages and see if any of them offer what’s on your list. You may get a better deal.”

Lee agreed and held the list while Jack compared it to the packages.

“
This one is similar,” Jack said, “and it’s eight hundred dollars cheaper.”

“
All right.”

“
Do you want to think about it some more? You could take it home, maybe talk to Ruth about it?”

“
I don’t want to think about this anymore, let’s just do it.”

Jack found the funeral director, informed him of Lee’s choices, and went back into the private room to wait for the contract to be drawn up.

“
Will it take long?” Lee asked.

“
I don’t think so. They just have to input your choices into the computer and print it out.”

“
Then we can leave?”

“
Once you sign it and pay.”

“
Good, I can’t wait to get out of here.”

“
You’ll be home before you know it.”

~

The doorbell rang, and Ruth went to answer it. Lee stayed in the kitchen and surveyed all of the food people had been dropping off for the last few days, which covered all of the counters and the island. Ruth returned with a casserole dish and made room for it on one of the counters.

“
It’s from the Laytons,” Ruth said.

Ruth opened a drawer next to the refrigerator, pulled out masking tape and a pen, wrote a label, and stuck it to the bottom of the dish. She was determined to keep track, so she’d know who to return each dish to.

“
We’re running out of room,” Lee said. “What are we going to do with all of this?”

“
You’re going to have a crowd here tomorrow after the service. We’ll use most of it for that. The rest we’ll put in the freezer in the basement. It isn’t full, is it?”

“
Practically empty, but I’m not sure I have enough Tupperware for what we’ll need to freeze.”

“
Oh, I’m pretty sure you do, and if you don’t we’ll run out and buy some more. Don’t worry, dear, we’ll get it all in there, and you won’t have to cook for weeks.”

“
That part sounds nice.”

“
Doesn’t it? Now, let’s see. We should start by separating this into groups. You know, entrees, sides, desserts. That way, it’ll be easier to plan what’ll work best for tomorrow.”

Lee was grateful to have her mother around to take charge of these mundane tasks. It was embarrassing to admit they were too much for her to face by herself. Even the simplest tasks required an enormous amount of effort. She’d never felt so depleted in her life.

“
It’s too crowded in here though,” Ruth said. “Can you get the leaves for the dining room table, dear, so we’ll have some space to organize?”

“
Sure.”

Lee went into Paul’s study to retrieve the leaves from the closet where Paul kept them wrapped in old blankets. Paul thought the cold and musty basement did not possess the ideal conditions in which to store wood, so he made room for them in his study. He had them tucked away on a shelf well above Lee’s reach.

Since the only chair in the room was behind the desk and had casters, Lee rummaged through the closet for something she could stand on. The lower shelves were packed with the kind of boxes that had four flaps you folded over to close, which she didn’t think would be sturdy enough to hold her weight.

In the back corner, a dark brown file box caught her eye. It was made of extra heavy duty cardboard and had a rigid detachable lid that held firm when she pushed down on the middle of it. She pulled it out of the corner and stepped onto it. The box held steady.

Lee took the leaves down one at a time and bent down to lean them against the wall next to the closet. When she started to step off the box, her weight shifted to her other foot, which was perched close to the edge of the lid. The unweighted side of the lid popped up, and she slid off the box but managed to land on her feet.

Lee picked up the lid, and as she started to replace it, she noticed the box’s contents. It was full of paperbacks, novels to be precise, all of which had deeply creased bindings and numerous dog-eared pages. Lee knelt down next to the box and sifted through the books. As curiosity segued into recognition, Lee’s eyes filled with tears.

Once the musicians announced the end of their last set, the flow of departing guests became steady. Lee slipped her arm through Jack’s, and they moved closer to the French doors in order to bid their guests goodbye.

The catering staff was busy bringing leftover food and dirty dishes into the kitchen, and Sara tried to stay out of their way while she looked for her purse. Katie walked into the kitchen.

“
Are you leaving now?” Katie asked.

“
Yeah,” Sara said, “aren’t you?”

“
Not yet, where’s David?”

“
Already gone.” Sara opened her purse and pulled her keys out. “We had both cars here.”

“
Can I walk you to your car? I have something I need to ask you about.”

“
Ok, I just need to say goodbye to Mom and Dad.”

On their way out of the kitchen, they ran into Jack and Lee who were on their way in.

“
Are you both going already?” Lee asked.

“
Just me,” Sara said. She hugged her parents.

“
I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Katie said.

“
I’m grabbing another piece of cake,” Jack said to Katie as he started toward the kitchen’s entryway. “Can I get you one?”

“
No thanks, Dad.”

“
Lee?” Jack asked.

“
Not for me either, but I could use some more champagne if you don’t mind opening another bottle.”

“
Be happy to,” Jack said.

“
I’ll grab a glass for you too,” Lee said to Katie.

“
Thanks, Mom.”

Katie followed Sara into the foyer. Once they walked through the front door, Sara asked, “So what’s up?”

“
I’ve decided to tell them the truth about me and Emily.”

“
Really? Wow…”

“
You don’t think it’s a bad idea, do you?”

“
No, of course not, I just didn’t see it coming, that’s all. When are you going to do it?”

“
When I go back in, unless you think it’d be bad timing.”

“
No, I don’t see why it would be.”

“
I’m worried about Mom. What do you think she’ll do?”

They reached Sara’s car, so she laid her purse on the hood near the windshield and leaned against the driver’s door. “Well, it’s not something she wants to hear, so you know she won’t be happy.”

Katie’s face turned ashen.

Sara’s smile was sympathetic. “Don’t worry, Katie. She’s not going to turn on you.”

“
Promise?”

“
She loves you way too much. She could never bear to lose you.”

“
You sure?”

“
I’m certain,” Sara said.

“
And what about Dad?”

“
Dad’ll be fine with it.”

“
Even if Mom’s not?”

Sara knew Lee wouldn’t be fine with it, not at first anyway. She might be with time, though, and Jack would follow her lead. However, Sara didn’t want to discourage Katie, so she accentuated the positive.

“
No matter what, Mom will always want you in her life.”

“
But does that mean she’ll accept who I am, or is she always going to be pushing me to change?”

“
This isn’t something you can change.”

“
I know that, but does she?”

“
Maybe not now, it’s up to you to tell her.”

Katie sighed. “Oh, great.”

Sara took Katie’s hand and squeezed it.

“
I know it won’t be easy, Katie, but you can’t let her think this is a debate. You didn’t have a choice about it, and neither does she. You are who you are.”

Katie smiled. “Now you sound like Emily.”

“
Emily makes a lot of sense.”

“
Yeah, she does, but she doesn’t have to face Mom.”

True enough. Emily might not understand what that was like, but Sara certainly did.

“
You’re scared?”

“
Terrified,” Katie said, and she had the worst headache ever to prove it.

“
Do you want me to go with you?”

“
No, I need to do this by myself.”

“
You sure?”

“
Yeah, I’m sure.”

“
All right,” Sara said. “What triggered all of this anyway?”

“
I couldn’t stop thinking about Emily all day,” Katie said. “I think it really hurt her feelings that she wasn’t invited to this.”

“
I can see how it would.”

“
I’m afraid of what’s going to happen if I keep excluding her this way.”

Sara’s brows pressed together. “She’s given you an ultimatum?”

“
No, she hasn’t, but you know how I’m always included in her family’s stuff.”

Sara nodded.

“
And she’s always wanted us to be completely out. She’s waited a long time for me to do this.”

“
She has, but it can’t be just for her. It needs to be right for you too.”

“
I don’t want to go home and tell her about today when she should’ve been here to share it with me. I want to go home and tell her they finally know the truth.”