Where You Least Expect It (17 page)

Christian buried his head on Matt’s chest. “Maybe.”

Matt laughed. “You’re insatiable.”

“You love it.”

“Maybe,” Matt echoed.

Christian laughed and gave Matt another kiss. “I’m sticky.” He crawled out of bed and headed into the bathroom. “I think we need to buy more towels.”

Matt cocked an eyebrow. “We do?”

He could tell Christian was blushing.

“You need to buy more towels?” He cleaned up the come on the sheet and tossed the towel back in the direction of the bathroom.

“Come here.”

Christian pulled the blankets up around them and curled back into Matt’s arms, settling down sleepily.

“Thanks, babe.” Matt kissed Christian’s temple.

“Anytime.”

***

Matt woke a few hours later from his first nightmare in weeks. It wasn’t as bad as some, but it disturbed his sleep enough that he needed to get up and distract himself. Thankfully, he hadn’t woken Christian.

Christian found him in the living room a little while later. “Hey,” Christian said sleepily as he sat down next to Matt.

Damn. He didn’t want to talk about this. “Hey.”

“What’s wrong?” Matt felt Christian’s hand on his arm.

“Nothing.” Maybe Christian would take the hint and go back to bed.

“You seem really upset, Matt. Do you want to talk?”

“Look, I said nothing’s wrong. Go back to bed.” The words came out harsher than Matt intended, but they had the desired effect.

“Fine. You don’t have to get all snarky at me for being concerned.”

Feeling like an ass, Matt briefly considered following Christian to apologize. But that would only lead to questions Matt wasn’t ready to answer.

Morning came quickly; Matt managed to doze a little on the couch but was wide awake well before his alarm. He was already showered and getting dressed when Christian rolled over. “Time is it?”

“Almost seven. If you want a ride home, get ready.”

Christian yawned. “It’s early.”

Matt didn’t respond, but Christian kept asking questions.

“Did you sleep at all?”

“I’m fine, Christian.”

Christian sat up, concern clear on his face. “Matt. Don’t shut me out.”

That just pissed Matt off more. “What the fuck are you talking about? I told you, there’s nothing wrong.”

“Matt —”

Matt cut him off. “Do you want a ride home or not?”

Christian sighed. “Okay, yeah. Can you wait until I get dressed?”

“I’ll be in the living room.”

Matt left the bedroom without giving Christian a chance to respond. He waited impatiently, eager to drop Christian off and get to work without any drama.

“I just need my books.” Christian wasn’t looking at him, but Matt nodded anyway. Neither of them spoke until Matt pulled up in front of Christian’s apartment.

“So, should I meet you after work or do you want to call me?” It was the first time in weeks either of them had explicitly made plans about meeting after work and Matt grabbed the opportunity.

“I’ll call you.”

“Okay.” Christian leaned over and kissed Matt’s check. “Have a good day.”

Matt didn’t go out for coffee in the afternoon and he stayed late at work to avoid running into Christian, feeling cowardly even as he did it. He knew he was intentionally shutting Christian out to avoid an uncomfortable conversation — and he knew doing so would probably increase his stress and make the nightmares worse, but he didn’t seem to have the energy to stop himself.

He saw Christian’s name flash on his Caller ID around seven-thirty, but he let it go to voicemail. It took another two days of avoidance for Christian to show up at the condo unannounced.

Matt answered the buzzer reluctantly, knowing it was either Sam or Christian, and not wanting to see either of them.

“Hey. It’s me. Can I come up?” Christian sounded hopeful even through the tinny speaker.

“Now’s not a good time.”

Christian’s response surprised Matt. “Alright, you know what, fine. It’s not a good time. I won’t stay, I just need to get a couple of things that I left and then I’ll leave. Okay?”

Matt pressed the buzzer and waited the few minutes it took Christian to get to the door and knock. Matt pulled the door open and moved out of the way to let Christian in.

Christian looked hesitant. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Matt watched as Christian walked halfway into the living room before turning to face Matt. Matt crossed his arms defensively. “What do you need, Christian?”

“I need you to tell me what’s wrong, why you’ve been ignoring my phone calls.”

Matt shrugged. “I’m busy.”

Christian threw up his hands. “Matt, come on. Tell me what the fuck is going on. Three days ago, things were fine and now you’re shutting me out, blowing off my phone calls, and avoiding running into me in the parking lot. Either something’s wrong or I imagined the last month. You can’t treat me like shit and expect me to ignore it.”

“There is nothing wrong,” Matt repeated. “Do you need to get something or not?”

“Fuck. Is this how it’s going to be? Something’s wrong and you just ignore me until, what, until you feel better? Or is this your fucked-up way of getting rid of me?”

“Jesus, Christian, you don’t have to be all fucking melodramatic.”

“Melodramatic? Nice. Fine, I give up. Can I get my stuff out of the bedroom?”

“Go ahead.”

Christian stormed past Matt into the bedroom. Matt let out a frustrated sigh and ran his hands through his hair. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He knew he was about to blow it with Christian if he didn’t do something now to fix it. He had wanted Christian to just go along with Matt’s distance and wait patiently for Matt to decide he was ready to talk, but that clearly wasn’t going to happen.

It was a stupid, childish idea anyway. Matt made himself walk into the bedroom and try to give Christian some kind of explanation, even if Christian was still pissed.

“I have nightmares,” he said without preamble.

Christian jumped and turned around at the sound of Matt’s voice. Matt held eye contact as he walked the rest of the way into the room and sat on the bed. “They don’t happen a lot, but… I don’t sleep for a couple of nights.” Matt shrugged, not sure how to explain and not wanting to go into detail.

“About the Army?” Christian asked.

“Mostly. Sometimes there’s other stuff mixed in, random stuff that doesn’t make any real sense. They’re not horrible, but they remind me about…” Matt made a vague gesture with his hand, unsure how to explain. “Just remind me of things.”

“Matt.” Christian crawled into the middle of the bed and sat by Matt’s side, rubbing a hand across his back. “Why didn’t you want to tell me?”

Matt shook his head. “It’s not something I talk about. Sam’s the only one who knows and I’ve never given him a lot of details.”

Christian kept rubbing Matt’s back. “What can I do? Can I help?”

“I don’t know.” Matt finally looked up to meet Christian’s eyes. “Will you stay?”

“Of course I will.” Christian reached up to cup Matt’s jaw.

“I’m sorry.” Matt rested his forehead on Christian’s.

“I know, honey. But you can’t shut me out like that.” Christian shifted and brought Matt along with him so that they were lying in the center of the bed facing each other, legs entwined.

Matt reached out and wrapped his hand around Christian’s waist, rubbing his thumb in circles.

“Do you want to talk about them?” Christian asked after a short silence.

“Not really. It’s not like they’re all that bad, just —” Matt paused, looking for the right words. “I don’t wake up screaming and shit like that, it’s just images, really, and impressions. Sometimes it feels like I’m trapped, sometimes there’s gun fire. I’ve seen guys have a lot worse.”

Christian kissed him. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about them if you don’t want to, but I don’t mind if you do. You can wake me up, or you can call me if I’m not here.”

Asking for help or comfort wasn’t something Matt was accustomed to doing, but he said anyway, “Yeah? I might just do that.”

Matt leaned forward and kissed Christian, pulling him close.

“I am sorry,” he said once they parted for air. “I told you I wasn’t good at this whole relationship thing.”

Christian smiled again and stroked Matt’s cheek. “It’s okay. I think we just need to remember to talk about stuff. I’m kind of used to talking about everything with Trent, so I kind of run my mouth off sometimes. I was just feeling really shut out and — I — I didn’t know what had happened, if you were having second thoughts or —”

Matt kissed him suddenly, hard, cutting off the flow of Christian’s words. “No. Absolutely not, I promise. And I wouldn’t do that to you. I told you, I want this to work. I guess I just need you to be patient.”

“I can be patient. I just need you to not completely shut me out.”

Matt nodded. “Okay. I warned you this wouldn’t be easy.”

“That’s okay, too.” Christian leaned close enough so that their noses were just touching. “I haven’t really done this before, either. We’ll just have to figure it out as we go.” He kissed Matt, pressing closer and wrapping his arm around Matt’s neck. The kiss started slow but built quickly, stress and relief and emotion taking over.

Matt took control, thrusting his tongue into Christian’s mouth and gripping Christian’s ass in his hands, pulling them together before rolling so the smaller man was underneath him. Christian thrust up, cock as hard as Matt’s. Matt could feel fingers teasing along his crease through his jeans.

“Christian. Fuck. Missed this.” Matt pushed up onto one elbow and ran a hand down Christian’s chest and stomach, along his hip and thigh, and back up over his cock. The sound that escaped Christian’s throat sounded almost like a whimper. Matt started fumbling with the zipper on Christian’s jeans and kissed Christian’s throat, tongue playing over Christian’s Adam’s apple.

Christian arched back and moaned when Matt finally pushed Christian’s boxers out of the way. He watched as his hand moved over Christian’s cock, feeling the skin move over Christian’s hard shaft. He thrust his own hips against Christian’s body, arching as the friction brought him close.

Christian shifted and suddenly he was opening Matt’s zipper and circling Matt’s cock with his hand.

Matt’s mouth crashed down on Christian’s, tongue plundering his mouth as they pulled and thrust frantically. With their clothes out of the way, Matt could feel heat and precome from both their cocks mixing.

Christian wrapped a leg around Matt’s thigh, grinding them together, hands bumping as they moved.

Matt moaned and pulled away long enough to push their jeans down so Matt could straddle him, body pushing Christian into the mattress. Matt felt the clash of teeth as they kissed.

Christian broke the kiss. “Fuck. Matt. Close.”

“Oh, fuck yes. Do it.” Matt’s voice was husky, harsh with his breathing and his own need to come.

Christian grabbed Matt’s ass, hard enough to leave marks. Matt’s balls were so tight they almost hurt and he could feel his orgasm starting to take over. He threw his head back and shouted as he shot, cock throbbing over and over, come landing warm and wet on his stomach and chest. He heard Christian’s answering shout and felt more come hit his chest a split second later.

They lay there, Matt’s head buried in Christian’s neck and Christian’s arms wrapped tightly around Matt until the need to move finally drew them apart. Matt flopped on his back next to Christian and they both moaned at the lack of contact and cold air.

Matt looked over at Christian and grinned. “We’re a mess.”

Christian laughed. “We’re good at that.” Christian stretched and made a sound close to a purr. “Nap?”

“You’re over-dressed.”

Christian made short work of his already askew clothing and curled up on his side.

“Motivated, I see.” Matt settled next to him and pulled the blankets up, even though he knew Christian would just kick them off in his sleep.

“Hmm. Motivated and sleepy.” Christian snuggled up against Matt and rested his head on Matt’s shoulder, arm wrapped around Matt’s waist.

Matt hoped his conversation with Christian, not to mention the orgasm, was enough that he could sleep without being woken by phantom screams. He had hoped they’d fade away, at least for a while, once he’d admitted he wanted a relationship with Christian, but he realized now that there was still more work to be done.

Seeing Christian waiting for him by the bike rack after work the next day brought a smile to Matt’s face. He quickened his pace.

“Hey, you,” Matt greeted him with a small pang of regret that he couldn’t give Christian a more tangible display.

“Hey.” Christian smiled and pushed away from where he was leaning. “How was your day?”

Matt shrugged. “Decent but getting better. Yours?”

“Buses, classes, fancy coffee drinks. The usual. Busy.”

Matt jerked his head in the direction of his truck. “Come home with me and I’ll feed you.”

“Okay, but I need to go home at some point tonight. I’m pretty much completely out of clean clothes.” Christian fell into step with him as they headed through the parking lot.

“Deal.” Matt could sympathize with the need to do laundry.

“Do you want to do anything this weekend or do you need to study?” Matt asked once they were on the road.

Christian was silent for a moment before saying, “I’ve been thinking.”

Matt frowned. “That doesn’t sound good. What’s wrong? I thought we were doing okay.”

“Oh, shit, I don’t mean like that. I’m sorry.”

“What then?” Matt stole a glance at him. “You’re chewing your lip, you know.”

That got a small smile from Christian. “Sorry. I was thinking that you need to talk to Sam.”

Matt was silent as he thought about that. He knew he’d need to talk to Sam eventually, he just hadn’t figured out what to say. “Hey, I know we’ve known each other for more than a decade, but I think I might be gay and I’m sleeping with a guy.” That certainly didn’t seem like the way to go.

Christian broke the silence nervously. “I figured that’s what’s been bothering you lately, and I know you’re worried about it, but I think it’ll be okay. I mean, he’s known you since you were kids, right?”