Whispers of Love (6 page)

As they ate, Mrs Nelson expounded on the theory of providing Christabel with a regular meal. She pointed out that it would mean extra shopping and that she would need to know if there were any foods that Christabel didn't like. By the time Christabel went back up to her room, however, a deal had been made.

 

With hardly any shopping necessary, no cooking and very little cleaning to do, Christabel found it difficult to occupy her time until her baby was born because she had no money to spend on entertainment, and was now paying Mrs Nelson for her meals.

After she'd attended the clinic as Lewis had told her she must, and made quite sure that they understood that she wanted to have the baby adopted the moment it was born, she didn't see the necessity to buy a layette for the child. Anyway, she told herself, she couldn't afford to buy wool for knitting and she wasn't much good at sewing.

Wilcock Court was only a couple of turnings away from Scotland Road where there were plenty of shops and a large market but they were not the sort that interested her. Most days, she made her way to the city centre and walked around the shops there, making sure that she avoided the really high-class stores like Henderson and George Henry Lee and the fashionable places in Bold Street, in case she bumped into her mother or someone who knew her.

She usually settled for a coffee and a snack in a Lyons Corner House or the Kardomah Café at lunchtime, just enough to keep her going until the evening when Mrs Nelson would have a hot meal waiting for her.

Sometimes in the afternoons, if it was very cold or raining, she went to a matinee, sitting in the cheapest of the seats.

It was warm in the cinema and watching what was happening on the flickering screen took her mind off her own plight. She watched anything and everything. When it was a romantic film it sometimes brought back so many memories of Philip that she had to walk out.

Even though she'd hardened her heart to the past, she knew she was still vulnerable. She was also racked with guilt about what he would think about her giving up their baby. There were days when she worried deeply about this and wondered if perhaps Lewis had been right when he'd wanted her to tell her mother, but she knew she hadn't the strength to face up to her father's wrath. Perhaps, if she had told Hilda Henderson, she would have understood. As Lewis had said, it was their grandchild, after all, and once they were over the shock of what had happened they would have helped her.

As Christmas approached she felt homesick. She was also worried that her mother might not believe Lewis when he told her that because they'd received so many casualties at Hilbury after the terrible British defeat at the battle of Ypres, she wouldn't be able to come home for Christmas.

However, the newspapers were so full of reports concerning what had happened at Ypres, and how the British soldiers were digging themselves into the trenches on the Western Front, that both Mabel and Basil accepted what Lewis said.

‘It's going to be a very quiet Christmas for them with only Lilian there,' Lewis told her as they sat in a Lyons Corner House catching up on what was happening in the family.

‘Not really, you and Violet will be there for Christmas Dinner,' Christabel pointed out.

‘I'm not too sure about that, it will depend very much on how Violet is. She doesn't really feel well enough to go visiting. Unlike you, she has to spend a great deal of her time resting in bed.'

‘At least she is in her own home and can fill in her time doing things that interest her. I have to exist in a pokey little room where it's impossible to even cook my own meals,' Christabel grumbled. ‘What's more, it's in such a horrible, slummy area that I am almost too scared to go out. In the evenings, all I can do is sit and read and the newspaper is full of dreadful accounts of what is happening to our soldiers who are at the Front.'

‘Really?' He looked surprised. ‘Violet is always knitting or sewing things for the baby when she feels well enough to do so.'

‘There's no point in me doing that, is there, since I am not going to be bringing my baby home. You have made all that clear to the clinic, haven't you, Lewis? I am counting on you being there to deal with all the paperwork immediately the baby is born.'

‘Don't worry, the matron at the clinic will let me know as soon as you go into labour and I promise I'll do my utmost to be there,' he told her stiffly. ‘I still don't agree with what you are doing because I still feel that you should go home and tell Mother that you are expecting a baby, but if you are sure it is what you want, then I will stand by your decision,' he told her
abruptly, pushing back his chair and standing up to leave.

Several times over Christmas her gloomy little room was so cold and dreary that Christabel wondered if perhaps Lewis was right and she should go home. Then the thought of the shock and horror she'd see on her parents' faces, the explanations she would have to make and the admonishment she would receive, especially when they heard that she intended to have the baby adopted, stopped her.

She'd stuck it out until now, and there were only a couple more months to go, she told herself. She made a chart of the days left and began marking them off each morning but, even so, the time still dragged.

 

By the end of January, her only contact, except the fortnightly meetings with Lewis, was with Maggie Nelson when she went down for her evening meal. She felt so big and cumbersome that she no longer had the energy to go into the city centre any more and she still felt nervous of walking around the Scotland Road area on her own.

Lewis was sympathetic, but he was very worried about Violet, who had been confined to bed by their doctor and was far from well. At the end of January he told Christabel that he couldn't spare the time to meet her any more.

‘You will come to the clinic, though, Lewis, when I have to go in there?' she asked in alarm.

‘I told you I would, and you know I always keep my promises,' he said stiffly.

‘Yes, but what about if Violet needs you to be with her? Her baby is due at almost exactly the same time as mine.'

‘Stop worrying! I've said I'll come to the clinic, and I'll be there. It will all work out and everything will fit in smoothly. Now go and pack a bag with the things you will need to take with you to the clinic and as soon as your labour pains start, call a taxicab. Here,' he handed her some pound notes, ‘buy any extras you think you might need and keep plenty of change in your purse so that you can pay for the taxi.'

 

Lewis's optimism was short-lived. There were serious complications with Violet's pregnancy and Dr Ferguson, the Montgomerys' family doctor, warned Lewis that there was every possibility that their baby would be stillborn. Furthermore, he was very concerned about how Violet would react if that did happen, because she was so extremely overwrought.

‘I know you have engaged a resident midwife to take care of her, but perhaps you should also warn your mother; she might want to be with your wife to comfort her.'

‘No, no! Whatever happens I don't want Mother worrying,' Lewis told him, ‘so I beg you not to mention it to her, or to my father.'

‘Of course not, Lewis, if that's the way you
want it,' Dr Ferguson agreed, but he looked rather disapproving.

‘Thank you.' Lewis held out his hand.

‘Try not to worry yourself too much,' Dr Ferguson told him gravely. ‘Your wife is in capable hands, remember, and the midwife will send for me if there is any change and she needs my assistance.'

Lewis stayed at his wife's bedside most of that night; towards dawn the midwife said she thought Dr Ferguson should be summoned. Between them they did everything possible for Violet. Shortly before breakfast time a baby girl was born and Dr Ferguson broke the news to Lewis that it was stillborn.

‘I have sedated your wife to help her recover from the ordeal she's been through,' he told Lewis.

‘Does she know that the baby is dead?' Lewis asked worriedly.

‘No.' Dr Ferguson pursed his lips thoughtfully. ‘I must warn you, though, Lewis, that I'm worried about what her mental state will be when she's told; someone responsible should be with her.'

‘I'll be here; perhaps I should be the one to tell her.'

‘No, Lewis.' Dr Ferguson shook his head. ‘I think she needs another woman here. As I said earlier, perhaps your mother or even your sister. Christabel could be a great help now that she's had nursing experience.'

‘No!' Lewis remained firm. ‘I'll deal with it myself.'

‘Very well. I'll come back again in a couple of hours and see how your wife is. In the meantime, think about what I have said.'

‘Yes, of course,' Lewis assured him as he accompanied him to the door. An audacious plan was already forming in his mind and he wondered if he dare mention it to Dr Ferguson.

Lewis felt that the decision had been taken out of his hands when, an hour later, he received a call from the clinic to let him know that Christabel had been admitted and had given birth in the early hours of the morning. He could hardly believe it when he was told that it was a girl.

Torn between his promise to Christabel and his duty to be with Violet, he told the midwife that he had to go out for a while on urgent business.

‘Are they both all right?' he asked anxiously when he arrived at the clinic. ‘Can I see them?'

‘Mother and baby are both fine, Mr Montgomery,' the matron gushed. ‘Of course you can see them. Perhaps you will be able to persuade your wife to cooperate with us. She had a perfectly straightforward delivery but now she is refusing to have anything at all to do with the baby; she won't even attempt to breastfeed it,' she went on.

‘Have you made the arrangements for it to be adopted?' Christabel asked him anxiously the
moment Matron discreetly withdrew from the room and left them together.

‘Don't worry, everything is in hand,' Lewis assured her.

‘She's been trying to make me feed it.' Christabel shuddered. ‘She put her in my arms, Lewis, and she is so sweet and fragile that I found it unbearable to hold her for a single moment. I knew I must have nothing whatsoever to do with her or I would never be able to part with her.'

‘Don't worry, you just lie there and recover; I'll arrange the adoption and deal with everything,' Lewis said awkwardly.

Matron was looking very tight-lipped and rather puzzled as she accompanied Lewis to the door when he left the clinic a short time later. In accordance with her undertaking of absolute discretion, however, she made no comment. She merely nodded when Lewis stepped into the waiting taxicab carrying the newborn baby in his arms, saying he hoped his wife would be well enough to come home within the next few days.

A week later, Lewis came to the clinic to collect Christabel and pay the bill. Even though she still felt rather shaky, Christabel was determined to put the past behind her and make a fresh start.

Even so, she felt immensely relieved when Lewis said that there was no need for her to go back to Wilcock Court as he had already told Mrs Nelson that she no longer required the room.

‘I've booked you into a hotel for the night and then you can return to Hilbury tomorrow,' he told her.

‘If they'll have me,' she said in a cautious voice.

‘I've already told them that Mother is better and so they are expecting you in the morning.'

‘You seem to have thought of everything,' she commented, looking at him in surprise.

‘I've done what I thought you wanted me to do,' he said a trifle impatiently. ‘Now, I'll put you in a taxicab and then I must get home to Violet and the baby.'

‘Oh, she's had her baby, has she?' Christabel said in surprise. ‘You could have told me.'

‘I didn't want to upset you,' he said, looking uncomfortable.

Christabel blinked back the tears that were threatening at the memory of the appealing little scrap she had held in her arms a few days earlier. Deep down she knew her decision had been for the best because there was no way she could have looked after it. Not unless she'd involved either her parents or Philip's, and she felt it wasn't right for their reputations to be brought into disrepute because of her actions.

‘What has she had?'

‘A little girl,' he said tersely. ‘We're calling her Kay.'

‘The same as I had!'

He looked at her quickly, conscious of the wistful note in her voice. ‘You're not regretting your decision, are you?' he asked sharply, as he hailed a cab.

She shook her head. ‘No, of course not. You did what I asked of you. Thank you for arranging everything so well, I knew I could depend on you,' she added with a grateful smile. ‘So, when am I going to see your baby?'

‘Whenever you next manage to get time off and you come home for a visit,' he told her as he helped her into the cab. Before he slammed the door, he gave the driver directions and then gave Christabel money for the fare.

 

Apart from an enthusiastic welcome from Peggy, Christabel found that her arrival back
at Hilbury passed almost unnoticed. To her surprise and relief she found she was still sharing a room with Peggy and working on the wards supervised by Sister Speakley.

The only difference was that before she'd left there hadn't been many patients; now the wards were packed to capacity, there were even men lying on makeshift beds in the corridors, and Christabel found being rushed off her feet utterly exhausting.

At the end of the day she felt so drained that all she wanted to do when she came off duty was lie on her bed and close her eyes. A great deal of Peggy's chatter about all that had gone on in her absence went over her head. Peggy mentioned so many new nurses and doctors that most of the time she had no idea what she was talking about and often she let her thoughts drift.