White Dreams (9 page)

Studying the small babies who climbed the sides of the cage, looking for a way out, Renny giggled, mesmerized by their beady little eyes, big ears and skinny tails. The captain reached into the cage and scooped one light brown rodent into his hand and handed it to her.

Thrilled, Renny held the baby rat and gently touched its soft head. “Look at this, Matilda.”

A knock at the door interrupted her before she could ask the captain if she could have one for her very own.

Billaud called out, “Enter.”

“Excuse the interruption, Captain, but I’m looking for—”

At the sound of Grady O’Brien’s voice, Renny groaned and whirled around. As he saw her, her father’s brows pulled together in a fierce frown. He advanced until he stood towering over her. Biting her lower lip, Renny waited.

“Ranait! Matilda! What are the two of you doing in here? You were told to remain in your cabin. It’s late.”

“I wanted to check my horses really quick.” She stroked the rat’s soft fur to avoid her father’s furious look.

“And I distinctly told you that you were not to go down there without me or one of the scouts.”

“Captain Billaud said he’d take me down.
He
thinks I’m being responsible!” Her voice trembled. She didn’t dare mention that she’d been on her way down there on her own before the captain made his generous offer. She avoided Billaud’s gaze.

Her father closed his eyes and his lips moved silently. When he spoke, his voice was tight with restrained anger. “Renny, the captain is a busy man.” He glanced at Billaud. “I apologize on behalf of my daughter.”

The riverman waved his apology aside. “No harm. It’s not every night a lonely old man receives ze pleasure of two beautiful girls paying him a visit. Zey are welcome to visit any evening. I find your daughter very entertaining.” He put Tillie back in the cage.

Grateful for the distraction, Renny put the baby rat back so that it could nurse with the rest. “What are you going to do with the babies?”

The captain rubbed the side of his nose. “Well, zis I have not decided.”

“I could take one. And Matilda might want one too.”

“You must first ask your papa, little one.”

Renny’s heart sank. She turned to her father. “He won’t let me have one, I know he won’t. He probably hates pets—like Aunt Ida who said they were too messy.”

Grady sighed. He reached out and turned her to face him, a funny look on his face, as if he were in pain. “Try asking, Renny. I like animals. If the captain is willing to part with one, you may have it if you like. But Matilda will have to ask her mother’s permission.”

Morning Moon shook her head. “I don’t think I want a rat.” She shuddered.

“Ze babies are not ready to leave zeir mother yet. But you may come back and choose ze one you want and play with it, to get it used to you.” He stood and walked them to the door.

“Oh boy!” Renny whooped.

Her father smiled tenderly down at her, then tweaked a lock of her hair. “Now, off to bed with you two.”

She glanced toward the stairs leading down and sobered. It seemed she couldn’t check on her horses after all. She and Morning Moon trudged back the way they had come, but her father’s voice stopped her.

“Wait.” He let out a loud sigh of resignation. “I shall take you down to check on your horses. Then you and Matilda will return to your cabin. Understood?”

Renny whooped again. “Thank you, Papa!” She grabbed Morning Moon’s hand, and together they ran for the stairs.

Star’s new beginning left a lot to be desired. Though Striking Thunder had warned her about the attitude of whites toward Indians, she hadn’t thought it would be so bad or start so soon. Somehow, donning Emma’s beautiful blue dress and adopting a foreign hairstyle had made her feel different. She’d felt white, not Sioux. In dress, she was no different from the other two women on board. But at supper she had learned just how a person’s skin color and features could influence others. Gripping the wooden rail, she stared down into the inky blackness of the Missouri River. Yes, this was a rocky beginning. Would all of St. Louis be like this? Or worse?

How would she cope? And what about her daughter? Star thought again of her brother Wolf. Would Morning Moon be forced to endure the same treatment that he had received at the hands of whites?

No. Star would keep her daughter home if need be—away from cruel, insensitive people like the mean-minded Smiths. She tried taking Grady’s advice to forget the dinner incident, that fretting over what happened was pointless. He was right. She couldn’t reason with ignorance.

Still, she also couldn’t help the deep-seated hurt and anger seething in her.

Depressed and feeling lost, she followed the rail around the ship. Every so often, she plucked at her gown. Dealing with new people and new situations was bad enough without suffering through this hated corset and these yards of material, which hampered her every movement. She longed to slip into her soft deerskin dress and feel the breath of night air on her arms and legs.

Tipping her head back, she let her mind roam, soaring freely across the night sky, lost among the bright, twinkling lights and the silver-white moon. Though where she was had changed, the sky, with its vast array of stars, was the same. That one small consistency soothed and calmed her. Too bad she couldn’t sleep out here beneath the comforting heavens.

Sighing, she left the rail to return to her cabin. The girls should be asleep by now and, proper or not, she was going to wear her Indian dress to bed. Passing a dark shadow, she paused. A fowl stench issued from it. Her heart froze, until she realized she was in no danger.

It was Zeke, one of the three scouts Colonel O’Brien was friends with. Exhaling, Star decided to talk to Grady about instructing the men on the art of bathing—especially if he intended the brothers to share his home.

Home.
Farther along the deck, she paused once more at the rail to stare out the way they had come. She couldn’t see the
Paha Sapa,
the Black Hills. Night cloaked them, but they were there, as was her family, her son—awaiting her return.

“Where’s lover boy,
squaw?
”

At the sound of the scornful voice, Star whirled around. Before her, Bobby Smith, the son of the woman who’d insulted her at dinner, was close behind, a leer on his face.

His gaze fastened on the gentle swell of her breasts. “You sure are a looker for a savage. I thought squaws were fat and ugly.”

Star backed away. “I suggest you leave, Mr. Smith.”

He grabbed her arm. “You can’t tell me what to do. You’re a nobody.” He stared down the front of her bodice. “What’s the matter? Aren’t I good enough for you? Judging from them clothes you’re wearing, you must be real good on your back.”

Shocked by his vulgar behavior, Star yanked her arm out of his sweaty grip.

“Hey!” the Smith boy said. “Don’t you get uppity on me. Show me how good you are and I’ll treat you really nice—nicer than that old man.” He reached out to grab her again.

Suddenly, something spun him around. Zeke! Her assailant yelped as the scout’s thick fingers dug into the material of his shirt collar, his large knuckles jamming into his windpipe.

Zeke lifted the boy off the ground with one hand, until his feet dangled a foot off the ground.

“The
lady
don’t want nothin’ to do with horseshit like you,” the scout said, then glanced at Star. “You okay?”

She took a brief, perverse enjoyment in the Smith boy’s terror as Zeke fisted his other hand and held it in front of his face, then said, “I’m fine, Zeke.”

“I should toss yer worthless hide overboard.”

“No,” the boy gasped, his voice cracking beneath the pressure on his throat.

“Apologize to the lady.” Zeke gave him a rough shake.

“I’m sorry. I meant no harm,” he wheezed, his hands flailing at his sides.

And then, suddenly, Grady was there. “Release him, Zeke,” he ordered, his voice cold.

Star stepped forward when she saw the fury glittering in the colonel’s eyes.

“Grady—”

“Are you all right?” He pulled Star close, looking down at her with an intensity that made her shiver.

“I’m fine. He didn’t do anything.”

“Not for lack of tryin’,” Zeke growled. “It’s a good thing you ordered me to be out here, sir. Can I hit him, Colonel?”

“Hitting might be too civilized for the
boy.
”

“How ’bout we take him down below? Maybe we can leave him with the roustabouts. Bet they can teach him some manners.”

The Smith boy’s eyes grew wide and his face paled. Star opened her mouth to protest, then bit her tongue. It would do no good to try to stop Grady; she knew the colonel would have his way in this matter.

Also, she felt a strange pleasure at the thought of the boy being punished. Bobby Smith needed to learn that he could not go around grabbing women and treating them like this. And the sooner he did, the better.

She watched Grady clasp his hands behind his back, staring down the youngster. He was every bit a commanding presence and it made her heart flutter. “Not a bad idea, Zeke. Is that what you want, boy?”

Smith shook his head, almost in tears. The terror on his face was plain. Grady relented, “Let him go, Zeke.”

The scout dropped Bobby to the deck. The youngster would have gotten up, but Zeke pressed his huge foot into the boy’s groin—obviously anxious to make sure that he got the message.

Grady spoke again. “If you catch this boy anywhere near Mrs. Cartier again, you have my permission to do as you please.” He paused. “I think he’s learned his lesson. Now, let’s help him up.”

The two of them lifted up Mrs. Smith’s son, holding him between them. Star watched as Grady let go and reached out to straighten the boy’s collar and cravat. “He just made a mistake, isn’t that right, boy?”

“Y-yes, sir.”

“I thought so. See, Zeke? He’s young and just forgot his manners.” Star had to strain to hear as Grady lowered his voice. “I wouldn’t forget them again, though, Mr. Smith. I might not be around next time—and I’d hate to see Zeke take your John Henry before you get old enough to figure out the right way to use it. You get my meaning,
boyo?
”

Bobby covered himself with his hand, shivering. He nodded vigorously.

“Good. So glad that we could resolve this rationally. I do hate violence.” The colonel relaxed and stepped back. “Now, it’s quite late. In case you’ve forgotten where your cabin is, I’m sure Zeke here will be more than happy to escort you to it. Isn’t that right, Zeke?”

“Uh, no, that won’t be necessary, Colonel,” Bobby squeaked.

Grady nodded. “But I insist.”

Star chuckled as the scout wrapped a bear-sized arm around Bobby’s shoulders and started chatting about the various ways the Indians tortured outsiders who violated their women. To anyone observing them, it would seem as if the two were simply in earnest conversation.

“Thank you, Colonel.” Star wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry, but she was grateful. Between Zeke and Grady, Bobby had gotten what he deserved. “He didn’t do any real harm.”

Grady tipped her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze. “He frightened you. For that he should be horsewhipped.”

“No.” She paused. “He didn’t frighten me that much. He mostly shocked me.” Her voice trailed off and she glanced away. “I guess I have much to learn about your world.”

“I don’t believe he will bother you again.”

Star shook her head and grinned. “No. With you and Zeke out here, he may never leave his cabin again until St. Louis.”

Grady shrugged. “Good. Boys like that should be…” He trailed off and held out his arm. She accepted the invitation and allowed him to lead her around the promenade galley. “Why were you out here alone? It’s late. You must be tired.”

Star didn’t point out that she hadn’t been alone, that Zeke was out here—apparently on Grady’s orders.

He was making certain to protect her, and for that she was grateful. “It’s so noisy, and the cabin is too hot. I didn’t think taking a walk would cause problems.” She blinked back tears of frustration.

Grady patted her arm in understanding. “The cabin is a bit small, I’m afraid, and not what you’re used to.”

“It’s very beautiful.” Her voice trembled. The white man’s world—its boats, its buildings—made her feel so closed in. It had no fresh air, no smoke holes for the stars to peep in and wink down at her. There was no sense of the familiar world on the other side of a thin piece of hide.

The mugginess of the night air, the confinement of her clothing and the animosity during supper combined to push her over the edge. She began to shake.

Grady put his arm around her and drew her close. “I know all this is new and not easy. Between that boy’s mother’s behavior at supper and this, I wouldn’t hold it against you if you changed your mind about accompanying me to St. Louis.” Compassion laced his words, but his tone, deep and low, reassured her.

The fact that he understood and didn’t think she was overreacting took away a bit of her homesickness. Sighing and moving a tiny bit closer, she whispered, “No. I was warned.”

Grady took her hand in his, his thumb moving tenderly over the soft skin of her inner wrist. “You are a kind, gentle, giving woman. If others cannot see what I do, then that is their problem—and their loss.”

His words warmed her, as did his tender touch. She needed both like a starving man would need the nourishment of the
maka
and the warmth of
Wi.
And standing beneath the carpet of stars, Star Dreamer was suddenly very afraid of needing more from Grady than was wise for either of them. She’d lost her husband, and would never risk taking another. She would never allow herself to foresee the death of another mate.

Grady lifted his hand, stroking the edge of her jaw. “We whites are so caught up… The pursuit of wealth and position clouds so many minds and hearts to true beauty—to humanity. It seems like we spend all our days seeking more money, more possessions. We’ve forgotten the simple truths in life.”

His gaze turned inward and sadness filled his voice. “My parents might be alive today had they not been more concerned with their social position…and offending those in power.”