White Nights (17 page)

She remembered her conversation with Sofia and she knew she couldn’t deny any of them this chance for a new beginning. Her hand crept up her chest, felt the burn scar tissue she’d bear for the rest of her life. Her hand clenched into a tight fist. Using all her strength, she shoved the memory away, steadied her breathing and reminded herself that it was over, past.

But part of her wondered if she’d ever be free of the past, of the pain. What if she couldn’t put the nightmares of her marriage to Birk behind her? She’d never be able to forget those six years of hell she’d endured, and she would always bear the physical marks. How could she go on, move forward with so many reminders of the brutality she’d borne?

Love.

That was her answer.

Love and a gentle, sensitive man named James Jones.

An intense desire to move forward took hold. Somehow, she’d fight her demons. To have no hope, dreams or love, to never laugh or know joy in her life made existence pointless. She wanted it all, and the only way to get it was to go after it, not run from it. Eirica smoothed her hair, then shook off the crumbs from her apron, as if shaking off her fears and doubts.

Hours later, the children were finally asleep. Eirica emerged from the tent, groaning at the thought of having to tackle the dirty pile of dishes. To her surprise, the plates were washed, dried and put away along with the foodstuff. Her gaze flew to James. “You didn’t have to do that.”

He shrugged. “You cooked. Seemed only fair.”

She shook her head. “Why in heaven’s name hasn’t some woman snapped you up?”

He winked at her, a twinkle in her eye. “I was saving myself for you.”

Her heart fluttered and a warm, cozy feeling swirled through her! Just being near him took her breath away, but to hear him say things like that made her go weak in the knees. “You, James Jones, are either full of blarney or you are one of the most romantic men the world has ever seen.”

He shuffled his feet, put his hands behind his back and muttered, “Shucks, ma’am, you’re going to embarrass me.” He then ruined his pose by glancing up, his lips twitching.

“Oh, you!”

He held out his hand. “Found a right nice spot by the river. Care to join me for a spell?”

Eirica placed her hand in his, her heart thudding against her chest. “I’d love to, James.” She glanced at the tent.

“We won’t be far. We’ll hear.” He led her past the stump to where an old, stunted tree flanked by waist-high bushes formed a secluded nook. On the ground lay a thick layer of quilts.

Eirica stared at it and remembered the last time they’d sat together by a river. Just thinking about kissing James started her blood pumping. She bit her lower lip, anticipation running through her.

James drew her into his arms and tipped her chin up with his fingers. “I’d like to kiss you.”

Eirica chuckled at the familiar request and wrapped her arms around his neck, threading her fingers in the soft waves of hair falling below his collar. “Some things don’t need to be asked.”

James didn’t need any further urging, but before he could lower his head and claim her waiting lips, he felt a jab to his lower abdomen. Startled, he glanced down between them, saw movement in the swell that kept him from pulling Eirica tightly against him. He realized he’d felt her baby kick. “Was that—?”

Eirica’s mouth curved. “Yes.”

With Eirica still holding on to him, James slid his hands down her sides and across her extended belly. The baby within her moved again, a gentle rolling motion. He pressed a little harder and received a jab back. “Wow.” He glanced up at Eirica. “Did you feel that?”

She rolled her eyes and he felt silly. Of course she’d felt it. But she didn’t laugh at him. She stroked the side of his face, her eyes intent, even if her lips trembled with the effort not to laugh.

“James, that was probably an elbow and if you don’t get back up here and kiss me, I’m going to jab you with my own.”

He tipped his head back and roared with laughter. “Ah, a woman who knows what she wants. Let’s sit. I want to hold you close, but
somebody
is in the way here.”

James pulled her down across his lap, her baby forgotten as he stared at her mouth. Without another thought, he lowered his head. As before, their kiss started off slowly. Each took their time relearning the touch, taste and contours of the other. Then it wasn’t enough. He needed more. Lifting his head, one hand cupped the side of her face, his thumb brushing against the corner of her mouth, his fingers stroking the sensitive skin behind her ear.

“I love you, Eirica.” Though he’d said he wouldn’t push her, had tried to hold himself back, the words slipped out, needing to be said as much as his body needed air to breathe.

Eirica used both her hands to frame his face, her fingers feathering lightly over his features, lingering against his lips as if to stop the words, then sliding up into his hair. Her lips trembled, and her eyes held a sheen of moisture.

“I love you, too, James.”

Those words were the sweetest James had ever heard. The knowledge that she loved him rocked him. They stared at each other, barely able to see as clouds blocked out the light of the moon and stars. But he didn’t need to see her. He felt her, felt the love she’d spoken of. It was in her touch, in her breathless whisper and in her body’s response as she pulled his head back to hers.

Her hands fell to his shoulders, trailed down his arms and back up the front of his woolen shirt, freeing each button in turn. A breath of cold air made him gasp but the warmth of her palms sliding against his bare chest heated him to the point where he longed to shrug out of the shirt.

His hands followed her lead, finding the buttons down the front of her bodice. But when he began to unbutton them, she tore her mouth from his.

“No.” She gasped for breath, her features stricken.

“Eirica?” Disappointment laced his words. He wanted her so much, wanted to show her how good it could be between them but he didn’t want to scare her. He took one of her hands in his and brought it to his lips. “I want to see you, touch you—but I understand if you aren’t ready.”

Eirica uncurled her fingers and traced his lower lip. “You don’t understand. It’s not you. I—I don’t want you to see—I’m ugly.” She lowered her head in shame.

“No, you’re the most beauti—” She stopped him with her fingers against his lips.

“Not there.” The stark, pained words hung between them.

Sensing there was much more going on than shyness about her body, James forced her to face him, seeing only the glitter of tears in her eyes. “Why not there? Tell me, Eirica.”

She drew in a sharp breath. “I can’t. I don’t want to ruin this. I don’t want
him
to ruin this.”

“Birk?”

She nodded, tears falling down her cheeks, splashing onto his hands. “You couldn’t understand. I’m not pretty there. I’m ruined. He ruined me.” She covered her face with her hands.

James felt a cold calm go through him. What had the bastard done to her? Knowing they had to deal with this, he pulled her close. “Tell me. He can’t hurt you or us unless we let him, sweetheart. He’ll always be there, always a part of you, a part of your children, but he doesn’t have to come between us. Not if we talk about it and learn to deal with it. If you don’t, in a small way, he’d still own you.”

Eirica used her skirt to wipe her eyes. She settled into his arms, her face resting against his bare chest, her breath warming the spot just above his heart.

“You’re right. I don’t want him to ever come between us.” Her words came out fiercely.

Slowly, haltingly, she told him how Birk had thrown boiling water at her and the damage he’d done to her. But that wasn’t the only scar she bore. “So many scars,” she whispered. “They’re mostly from bites, and sometimes he used his nails to cause pain.”

She shuddered. “Birk liked to see his marks on me the next day.”

As she talked, her voice grew fainter, nearly drowned out by the rushing river. James formed a picture of a sick man intent upon not only beating his wife, but mutilating her as a way to keep other men from ever wanting her. His fury rose, his heart pounded and he wished with all his might that Birk was alive for one last fight. He would kill the man for what he’d done to this sweet, helpless woman.

Imagining her fear, her pain and humiliation brought tears to his eyes. Eirica lifted her head and saw them. “James, I don’t want you to pity me. It’s done and there’s no way to repair it. You don’t have to look at me there or touch me. I understand.”

James shifted her around so he could look fully at her. “I’m not pitying you, Eirica. I’m grieving for you. No one should have to go through what you did. If your father or brothers were here, they’d get a piece of my mind—and maybe feel my fist. They failed you, Eirica. Your family betrayed you and the shame is theirs for dishonoring their responsibilities.” He glanced up, and around them. It was dark, and no one was near.

He spoke quietly. “No matter what’s been done to you, you are still beautiful, because it’s what’s inside that counts. I love you, all of you.” Lowering his hands once more to her bodice, he asked, “Will you trust me, allow me to prove it to you?”

Eirica nodded. She held her breath as James undid the buttons one by one, then pulled the bodice away and slid it down her shoulders. Next he untied her shift, the only undergarment she owned. She closed her eyes.

“Eirica, look at me. Trust me. Don’t hide from me.”

The bitter bite of bile rose to the back of Eirica’s throat. She trusted James, loved him, but she longed to be perfect for him. He deserved that. But, she thought to herself, he also deserved someone who loved him, and she did. How she loved this sensitive man. And for the first time, she realized she deserved the love he offered so freely. The tenderness in his voice made her meet his shadowed gaze.

He gave her a reassuring smile. “That’s it. Now breathe.”

Holding her gaze, he slid the shift from her shoulders, baring them, then the generous swell of her heavy breasts. His fingers swept over her collarbone and upper chest. She knew when he felt each scar, for his fingers trembled slightly. He edged beneath the shift, pushing it down inch by inch. And when he felt the raised, rough mark of her burn, he paused and did the unexpected. He leaned down and kissed her blemished skin, starting with the small round scar just below her throat. He lowered her to the ground and kissed each and every scar he encountered.

And as he revealed her breasts, James gave them the same care, the same soft, tender kisses as a mother might use to kiss away the pain of a hurt child. Finally, he returned to her mouth. “Don’t ever be ashamed of your body.”

Before she could accept or protest, his head slid back down to her breast. This time, his mouth closed over the swollen nipple. His tongue circled and laved, his lips suckled, not to ease past pain but to give new pleasure—and the promise of more to come.

One hand held the flesh to his mouth while his other hand kneaded her other straining breast. Eirica bit her lip to keep from crying out with the sheer joy of his touch, but when his thumb and forefinger rolled her nipple, a moan slipped from her lips.

James covered her mouth with his, swallowing her soft cries of pleasure. The air brushing against her wet breast intensified the feelings surging through her. She shifted her legs, trying to ease the growing ache.

“I want you, sweetheart. I want all of you,” he breathed into her mouth.

Eirica slid her palms over his chest, greedy for the feel of him. He slid down beside her, half leaning over her. Soft, springy curls cushioned her palms and hid his male nipples. She found them. Each forefinger rubbed a hard bead so small, but oh so enticing. His low moan made her smile. “I want you, too, James.”

He gasped for air when her fingers slid down his taut belly. “I don’t want to rush you.”

“Maybe I want to be rushed.” She tried to capture his lips but he held back, his look a mixture of amusement and pain and intense desire.

“Not a chance,” he murmured, “I’ve waited a long time for this.” He ran his palm over the rise of her pregnancy. “I’ll stop anytime you tell me to.”

When his hand shifted to her thigh and down to her knee, her insides fluttered with the need to have James make love to her. She lifted one knee. “Don’t stop, James.”

Her plea ended on a gasp when his lips reclaimed hers and his palm slid up her leg then back down: thigh to knee, around the back, finding a sensitive spot that made her sigh. Then down to the curve of her buttock. Over and over he caressed her, gave her time to adjust to his touch. So lost was she, she never gave thought to her state of undress or the fact that they were making love out in the open.

Then his hand changed course, shifting to her inner thigh. Desire shot from his hand to her center with such a jolt she’d have cried out had his mouth not been on hers, leaving her too breathless to do much more than gasp. Of their own accord, her raised knees fell to the side. From one inner thigh to the other, he traced her softness, brushing against her center with just enough of a touch as to make her jerk with need. Her hips moved, circled, seeking his touch, but he stayed just out of her reach.

“James—”

“Shh, slow. I’m going to give you pleasure tonight.”

“If you don’t kill me first,” she groaned.

“Rest assured, I’ll be right behind you, sweetheart,” he said, bending back down to swallow her breathy cries. Finally, he slid his hand beneath her skirts and covered the part of her that ached most for his touch. Instantly, her hips lifted, pressing her mound hard against his palm. Thank God she didn’t have drawers to worry about. She didn’t think she could have waited a moment longer for his intimate touch.

James held his hand still, allowing her to respond to the soft pressure of his touch. Her hips rose, they circled, they jerked until it wasn’t enough. Her hands fluttered to her side, her mouth tore free from his and her head moved restlessly side to side.

“James,” she whimpered, feeling herself climbing toward an unfamiliar peak.

“Soon. Soon, just feel.” He lifted his hand, but before she could voice her protest, his fingers returned to caress the swollen heat of her. He stroked, rubbed and played his fingers over her, stroking from her a response as sure as he coaxed a melody from the strings of his guitar. He matched the frenzy of her rotating hips, then he deepened the pressure, sped up those hip-lifting circles until she felt as though she’d scream. Each breath became a low gasp as she panted and climbed, higher than she’d ever imagined. Pleasure turned to pain, but not the kind that hurt or frightened. This was different. She sensed it led somewhere and she desperately wanted to go there, had to go there. She wanted whatever was just beyond her reach. She wanted it all.

Then, without warning, her hips lifted high, her legs stiffened, then her body flew apart in a burst of color and incredible sensation. She soared high, sure that time had come to a standstill in a place where there was only beauty and wondrous music. How long she hovered in that marvelous state, she couldn’t have said. Then it faded, and she floated back to reality slowly, becoming aware of her surroundings, of James, his lips pressed to hers as he’d muffled her cries. “That was—incredible.”

She felt his smile against her cheek. “There’s more. But we won’t go all the way. I don’t want to hurt your babe.”

She reached up to stroke his cheek, then turned onto her side to face him. Her knee slid between his legs, resting against the hard bulge of his erection. She felt the same pressure there, his squeezing, his need. She didn’t want to bring Birk into this, it was just too wonderful, too beautiful; she had to relieve James of his worry.

“You won’t hurt the babe.” She hesitated. “B—he never paid my condition any mind.” She sensed his fear, his struggle with his own desire. “Trust me, James. You won’t hurt me or the babe.” She moved her knee against him. He jerked in response. The idea that she could cause him the same pleasure, the same all-consuming need, thrilled her. Reaching downward, she stroked the hard ridge beneath his woolen trousers.

He shuddered and lowered his forehead to hers. “Are you sure?” His voice was hoarse with need.

“I’m sure.” To her delight, his hands moved to stroke her anew, this time sliding inside her and out and around her sensitive, swollen bud. As he touched and roused her, she did the same, touching him through the fabric of his trousers. Her tentative touch grew firm when she felt him respond. It pleased her beyond measure to hear his own breathless gasps and moans when she stroked the hard ridge from root to the soft tip. Soon, they were both gasping. Freeing himself, James turned her gently onto her other side and curved his body up against hers.

Eirica couldn’t help holding her breath against the expected pain. No matter how much it hurt, she’d give this to James. But to her surprise and delight, when he entered her moist sheath from behind, there was no pain, only a smooth entry that left her trembling with need.

“God, you feel so good around me.”

Eirica tipped her head back, rubbing her cheek against his. “You feel so good inside me.” She should be embarrassed to be talking during this most intimate act between a man and woman, but she wasn’t. His whispered words excited her, drove her closer again to the brink.

With each careful thrust, he stoked her desire to the breaking point. Hovering on the edge, she whimpered. James’s ragged breath fanned her ear. “Now, sweetheart, now. With me.”

He gave one final thrust that touched off her own release. “James,” she sobbed. And with that, she let go to soar with him to that special place he’d shown her.

A short while later, James sat and adjusted his clothes, leaving his shirt open. Then he helped Eirica rise and buttoned her bodice. Gathering her close, he drew a blanket around his shoulders to ward off the night chill and pulled it tighter around him to engulf the woman he loved. He crossed his arms below her breasts, holding the woolen blanket in place.

She leaned back, her knees drawn up. Neither spoke, each content to watch the silvery sheet of river as it flowed past. The clouds above alternated between thick and thin, releasing narrow beams of light to tease the land before enclosing it once more in darkness.

He shut his eyes, feeling incredibly happy, so full of joy he didn’t know if he wanted to shout it to the sleeping world or just weep with wonder. The thought of a man weeping tears made him grimace. Unlike his brothers who vented with outrage and fine shows of tempers, he’d always held his emotions deep within himself. He had a sensitive soul, his mother had often said, before he’d learned to hide that weakness from the outside world. But right now, he didn’t care who saw or who knew. Eirica trusted him.

She loved him.

I love you.
Could any three words be finer? Not to him. Could he be happier? Nope. He sighed with contentment.

“James?”

Eirica’s hands rested on top of his. Feeling the coolness, he covered them with his own. “Yes, sweetheart.”

The endearment made her sigh. “I do love it when you call me that.”

He smiled, his lips against her hair. “Then I’ll have to do so often.”

“I’d like that.”

She hesitated. He felt it in her body, in the subtle dipping of her head. “What is it, sweetheart? You don’t have any regrets, do you?”

Her head snapped up, nearly catching his chin. “Oh no.” She shifted around to look at him. Then, feeling brave, she turned and encircled his neck with her arms. “No regrets. It was beautiful. I wish—”

“What do you wish?”

Her breasts rose with the deep breath she took. “I wish I’d met you a long time ago. Except you’d have been too busy raising your brothers and sister.”

“And you wouldn’t have the three wonderful children you have right now.”

“True. I love my children. They were the one good thing in my life, my reason for living. Now I have you, too.”

“Me and junior here, who should be asleep.” James ran his hand over the bulge of her pregnancy, marveling at the feel of her unborn babe. When Eirica struggled to sit straight, he helped her. To his surprise, she didn’t stand or move away but straddled his legs so she could face him.

“James, you said—” another deep breath. “You said to let you know later but I want to tell you now—I’ll marry you.” The words rushed out.

His lungs collapsed. They must have since he couldn’t breathe. Once again, the clouds parted and all James could do was stare at Eirica. Had he ever seen a woman more beautiful? The shape of her eyes, so wide and trusting, framed by golden lashes and finely arched brows. His gaze drifted down to her nose: small, straight, with a sprinkling of freckles across the narrow bridge and scattered over her cheeks. He ran a finger along her jaw, lingered at her firm and stubborn chin, then reached up to caress skin that felt soft as the wool of a newborn lamb. He could sit there and gaze at her beauty forever.

And he had forever. The thought that she was his, that she’d given herself to him, loved him and now agreed to marry him seemed too much to take in. He feared he’d wake up, find out it had all been a dream.

“James? Do you still want to marry me?”

James laughed with sheer joy. She’d said yes! He wrapped his arms around her, needing to be sure. “Absolutely, sweetheart, but are you sure you don’t need more time?” He squeezed his eyes shut in case she agreed.

Eirica pulled back to look at him. Her fingers feathered over his closed lids, then down his jaw. “No. I know what I feel. You told me to trust myself. Well, I do. But more importantly, I trust you.”

He opened his eyes, feeling moisture gather. Her trust was a precious gift, one he’d treasure for life. “I love you, Eirica. I love you so much.”

She sighed. “Don’t make any mistake, I still have worries and concerns. Part of me is fighting this, the part that fears being helpless again. I wanted my own land so I’d always have a place to call home. When Birk drowned, I vowed to never fall under a man’s dominance again.

“But with you, I know I can find a middle ground. I want to share my life and my children with you. I want what Anne and Lars have, what Sofia had with her husband. Coralie and Jordan worked out their differences, and Jessie and Wolf’s love for each other is so strong, anyone can feel it. I want what they have and with you, I’m willing to take a risk to get it.”

James played with a long strand of her hair that had fallen over her shoulder. Using his fingers, he combed her hair, staring at the silky softness he’d pulled over each shoulder. Bringing a handful of her hair to his face, he kissed the satiny strands, then leaned forward to kiss her. “I won’t let you down. Be my partner, be my friend, be my wife.”

“Yes. Oh, yes.” Eirica bent down to kiss him soundly on the lips.

She ended the kiss way too soon in his opinion. He was hard, throbbing with renewed need, but feared making love to her a second time would be too much for her. He tried to steady his breathing.

“James?” Eirica wore an impish grin.

“Yeah?”

“Just remember if you get too bossy, I’m going to poke you and shout at you.”

He chuckled, then winced when he thought about poking. Damn, he ached. He thought he’d hid his growing desire, but then she reached down and stroked him through his trousers.