White Trash Beautiful (2 page)

“I’ll get that right out to ya.” I smiled politely and went to place the order. Larry was fuming. He was seconds from ripping into me when the bell above the door chimed. I turned around and caught sight of Jackson.

“Hey, Jax.” I smiled and walked toward him to meet halfway across the room. He ran his hands through his dirty long, brown hair. His skin was flushed and his emerald eyes were glazed over. Drugs had really done a number on him. He was slim but not muscular, tall but always hunched over.

“I need some money.” His jaw was clenched and his voice barely a whisper. He wiped his hands over his stained white T-shirt.

“Jax, I don’t have any money.”

Jackson grabbed my arm just above the elbow, pulling me closer. His breath reeked of liquor.

“It’s fucking important, Cass. I need it now.”

I knew he had no patience. He was impossible to reason with when he was using. I took a step back.

“Can I get a refill, sweetheart?” Tucker called from his table, holding up the bottle.

“Who the fuck is that?” Jackson’s eyes blazed with anger.

“Just a customer,” I whispered. “Just a minute!” I called back to Tucker, who was watching Jackson and me.

“I won’t have any money until the end of my shift, Jax. You know that.” I placed my fingertips on his chest and he knocked them away.

Tucker had moved next to me. His fingertips grazed my back, startling me. “I have to run, so won’t be able to eat, but here is what I owe you, and more than enough to make up for the
trouble
.” His eyes darted to Jackson, sizing him up.

I was speechless. I’ve never known anyone to give something without wanting something in return. The simple touch from his fingertips sent my body into a frenzy, and I struggled to slow my heart rate back to normal, worried Jax could feel it thudding in my arm.

“See you later, sweetheart.” Tucker shot me a wink before popping a toothpick in his mouth and smiling at Jax, sliding in between us to get to the front door.

Jackson didn’t care about this guy. All he saw was the stack of bills in my hand.

“Thanks. Have a good day,” I called after Tucker as he ran a hand through his hair and left through the front door. I didn’t know if he did it out of pity or kindness, but my faith in humanity was momentarily restored, even if the guy was a cocky asshole. The bell signaling the order was ready dinged, and my eyes drifted back to Jackson.

“Perfect timing.” Jax smiled and grabbed the twenty from the top of the small stack of bills in my hand.

“Jax, wait,” I called after him, but he had already turned to leave as quickly as possible.

I counted the money I had left. Just enough to cover the meal. Fucking perfect. A motorcycle revved angrily outside the door and took off, growing quieter as it drove away.

“Order up, Cass,” Larry hissed from the kitchen. Fuck. I grabbed the burger and fries and set it on the farthest table in my section. At least I would get to eat some real food today. I picked up a hot fry and popped it in my mouth, my eyes roaming over the dingy blue curtains that didn’t match anything else in the place. I wanted to be selfish and eat every last bite, but my mind wandered to my mother. I grabbed a to-go box and slipped the food inside. As soon as I could take another break, I would take her the food. She was hungry, I was sure, and didn’t do much of anything for herself, let alone cook.

Another hour slipped by. I was busy, but never enough to
make this job worth it financially. Not that there were any other options.

“I’m takin’ a break!” I slipped off my apron and made eye contact with Marla, the other waitress at Aggie’s. She nodded and I grabbed the box of food I had saved and went out the back. I made my way across the dusty parking lot and through the fence to the trailer park.

“Mom,” I called as I opened the trailer door. “Mom?” I made my way down the narrow hall, avoiding the bucket that sat on the floor to catch water when it rained. I leaned against the wood paneling as I slipped by it. I pushed open the door to the master bedroom. I stopped short. Jax and my mother sat in a cloud of cigarette smoke, dazed and disoriented. A thin rubber tube was tied around her arm and a needle jutted out of her vein.

“I told you not to bring that shit around here again, Jax,” I screamed. Jax’s green eyes were bright and glazed against the bloodshot white surrounding the irises.

Disgusted, I threw the food on the floor in front of me, then rushed to my mother’s side, carefully pulling the needle from her arm.

“She fucking likes it. It shuts her the fuck up.” Jax motioned to my mother, who was practically catatonic.

I was the spitting image of her, only with a thinner body, fewer years on my face, and more self-respect.

Was this what my future looked like?

My mother used to be a good person before her mind went. When Daddy left us, he took her sanity with him. She soon lost the sparkle in her eyes, and next went any reason or logic. She didn’t bathe or feed herself. She sat in her own filth until I did something about it.

“You promised me you wouldn’t do that anymore. You promised.” Tears formed in my eyes, but I struggled to keep them from falling.

Jax ignored me and tightened the belt around his arm. I balled
my hands into tight fists and stormed out of the trailer, slamming the flimsy door behind me. My mind flashed to all the other girls my age who were just graduating from college, stepping into a bright future full of possibility.

I wouldn’t allow myself to look over my shoulder at the trailer again. I didn’t need a reminder of what I was.

I
WIPED MY EYES
as I slipped back in the employee entrance at the diner. I grabbed my apron and tied it on quickly over my all-black uniform and then began cleaning my empty tables. I scrubbed, taking my anger out on the old, dilapidated beige Formica tops. I hated this place, my life . . . myself. I sighed finally and sank down into a booth, my head in my hands. The bell chimed above the door and I didn’t have any energy left to see who it was.

“Can I get that burger now, sweetheart?”

I glanced up through my hands and stared into Tucker’s dark, stormy blue eyes, which seemed even brighter than they had when I’d last seen them just two hours ago.

“You know there are much better restaurants around here, and I’m still not your sweetheart,” I said drily.

“But the service here is amazing.” He smiled and winked at me, revealing deep dimples in his cheeks as he slid into the booth on the bench across from me. Combined with his great hair and dark brows over those beautiful eyes, it made him butterfly-worthy eye candy. Jax used to make my stomach fill with butterflies when he smiled at me. But they fled with my dreams a long time ago.

“You okay, Cass?” Tucker asked quietly.

How did he know my name? Right, I’d told him when I took his order. I was surprised he still remembered it. Most people left this place and never looked back. It felt incredibly personal having him address me by something other than “Miss” or “Hey, you.”

“I’ll get you that burger.” I sighed as I put my hand on the table to push myself up. His hand landed on mine and I jumped at the unexpected contact. Maybe it was the years of having to shield myself from my mother’s boyfriend of the week, but I hated to be touched, even if that touch caused my heart to race the way it was now. My flinching was now commonplace with any human contact. He glanced at my hand and at me, slowly sliding his fingers back. He swallowed and nodded.

I couldn’t get away from him fast enough. Did he want to watch me cry? Did he not get enough of my humiliation the first time he stopped in? That’s why he’d left in such a hurry, no doubt. I put in the order as Larry eyed me curiously, but he didn’t say anything.

I lingered by the waitress station, not wanting to go back over to Tucker’s table. He was the only customer I had. I was sure it was obvious to him that I was avoiding him. I glanced over my shoulder at him. He stared out the dirty window, lost in thought. I let myself have a minute to eye him up and down. His jeans looked dirty and well worn, but upon closer inspection, it appeared he paid to have his clothes look as if they were falling apart. I rolled my eyes and looked back at the station. What an asshole. He actually paid money to look poor. I looked over my shoulder again, and this time my eyes landed directly on his. I blushed and grabbed a bottle of ketchup, taking it over and setting it on the table in front of him.

“You want a beer?” I tucked a long, straight strand of hair behind my ear. What was I doing? Larry was going to have a fit.

Tucker smiled and gave a quick nod. “You
do
still owe me one from earlier.”

I turned on my heel and went into the kitchen. Larry raised his
spatula as I opened the fridge and grabbed two beers, and I gave him an evil glare, silently warning him not to fuck with me. He wiped the spatula on his tattered apron and flipped the burger over. I owed Tucker for being so generous. That was what I told myself. I was only being nice to return the favor.

I’d had all the shit I could take for one day. With a mental shrug, I slipped out the door. I hoped Larry didn’t see the beers and make good on his threat to get me fired. His wife was only half as mean as he was, and I was sure that was the only reason I still had this job. It was my only escape from the life that sat just across the dusty parking lot. This place may have looked as if it should have been condemned years ago, but it was my sanctuary.

I set the beers on the table and slipped into the booth across from Tucker. He grinned and grabbed my bottle, twisting the cap off for me before taking care of his own. I managed a genuine smile and picked up my beer.

Tucker took a long drink from his beer before sighing and tilting the bottle in his hand to read the label. “So . . . that asshole from earlier . . .” His voice trailed off and his eyes stayed glued to the label of the bottle as if it had the answers to his questions. I took a drink and eyed him suspiciously. Why did he care? Was he just making small talk? That’s all this was. Clearly I was his entertainment for the night.

“Boyfriend,” I sighed, and began to peel the label from my drink. The alcohol warmed my body quickly. On an empty stomach, the effects took hold much quicker.

Tucker nodded and drank his beer until the bottle was empty. “That’s a shame.”

“His bark is worse than his bite.” That wasn’t the least bit true, but I wasn’t about to admit how weak I actually was to a total stranger.

“Maybe someone needs to muzzle him.”

“What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?”

He laughed and spun his bottle in his hand before his eyes connected with mine.

“Depends.” He leaned forward on his elbows. “You gonna leave that asshole?”

I sat back in my seat, completely shocked by his forwardness.

The bell dinged, signaling his food was ready, and I jumped. “I’ll go get that.” I smiled awkwardly as I rushed to the kitchen.

“Tryin’ to make you some extra cash tonight?” Larry made a disgusting motion with his hips that made bile rise in my throat.

I shook my head. “Fuck off, you old perv!” I grabbed the food and stormed away angrily. I was mostly angry at myself. Why did I sit down with the guy in the first place? If Larry decided to make small talk with Jax about this, there would be hell to pay.

I set the food on the table and nodded politely at Tucker before turning to leave.

“Wait! You aren’t going to keep me company?” I could hear the smile in his voice. It pushed me over the edge. I knew what guys like him wanted; it was what all guys wanted.

I turned around and took three steps, closing the gap between us. I placed my hands on the table and leaned in closer to him. He smelled of coconut. That caught me off guard. It was the beach, the scent of freedom wafting from his hair.

“I’m not some fucking whore. You can’t buy my time.”

He sat back in his seat, taken aback by my remark. I knew I was taking out my anger at Larry on him, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“I just wanted some company, and you looked like . . .”

“I looked like what? An easy lay?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Nothing about you is easy, that much I can already tell.” He grinned as he picked up his burger and took a big bite, then dropped it back on his plate, his eyes staring ahead of him.

My stomach growled with hunger, and I turned and stormed away, completely taken aback by his response.

I didn’t approach Tucker again until I was certain he was
finished eating. I dropped off his check without a word. I watched from the kitchen as he dug some cash out of his wallet and dropped it on the table. He looked around one last time and left. The sound of his motorcycle growled in the distance.

I sighed and went to his table to collect the money so I could cash out my final table of the evening. I grabbed the money and reached for his plate. Spelled out in ketchup was the word
sorry
. I sighed and wiped down the table. I needed sleep.

I cashed out quickly and yelled to Larry that I was leaving and set off across the dark dirt lot toward home. The trailer was quiet, and I knew that Mom and Jax were probably passed out. At least, I hoped they were.

I tiptoed inside and made my way down the hall. Just as I had hoped, they were both fast asleep. A drug-induced coma would be a more accurate description. I pulled off my red Chuck Taylor sneakers and tossed them into my room, then made my way back to the front door, grabbing my cigarettes on the way outside.

I didn’t hesitate this time to light one. What was the point of maintaining my health? Did I really want to live any longer in this hellhole? It was a relatively quiet night. If I closed my eyes, I could almost pretend I was someone else. Almost. Off in the distance, a dog barked wildly and I could hear the Hansons a few trailers down fighting or . . . whatever it was they did that made her sound like that. Gross.

After a last drag, I threw my cigarette out into a puddle on the road and headed back inside. I waited a few minutes until my nerves could not take any more. They were asleep. No one was watching. I tiptoed into my room and slipped my old, tattered teddy bear from my dresser. My father had given it to me when I was little. That was before he forgot about me. I slipped my fingers into a hidden slit in his back and pulled out a small wad of money. I had been saving for what felt like a lifetime. I needed enough for first and last months’ rent for a new place. Somewhere a few towns away. I smiled. A few more weeks, and I might be able to pull it off.
Someone stirred and I slipped the money back inside the safety of my bear.