Who Are You Meant to Be? (17 page)

Mr. Spock, a mixed human-Vulcan, and Data, an android, are two of the most well-known fictional characters from the
Star Trek
franchise. Data has a “positronic” brain that allows him to store, categorize, and compute impressive amounts of information in little time. Data and Mr. Spock both experienced similar difficulties with understanding various aspects of human behavior—unable to feel emotion or understand certain human idiosyncrasies. Data’s dilemma was addressed by the addition of an “emotion chip” to his positronic net. Spock had to find his own way.

Like the Intellectual, both of these characters were able to offer an “outsider’s” perspective on whatever situation they were in. Leonard Nimoy, who played the role of Spock, observed that Spock was “struggling to maintain a Vulcan attitude, a Vulcan philosophical posture, and Vulcan logic, opposing what was fighting him internally, which was human emotion” (Asherman, Alan.
The Star Trek Compendium
).

With all of the curiosity they have about how things work, Intellectuals have little curiosity about what they and others are experiencing emotionally. They have a very low orientation to sharing themselves with others and are unaware that people want and need to know what is actually happening in their lives. When Intellectuals share information, ideas, and expertise, they are giving others their most treasured possessions. However, this is not generally valued in relationships. If you are sick, don’t expect warm, fuzzy comfort from your Intellectual partner or friend—you are more likely to get a carefully generated list of medical articles related to your condition. Intellectuals are more likely to work through their problems privately, keeping even the most important issues to themselves. This leaves those closest to them in the dark about what might be happening with them.

How Intellectuals Satisfy Their Need to Be Knowledgeable

Creating Their Own Worldview

Intellectuals are autonomous thinkers whose unshakable faith in their own ideas and beliefs drives them to keep doing their own thing. With an intense focus on their inner world, they don’t just live their lives; their lives emerge from their ideas, experiences, and the results of their thought processes. They are self-governing, with their own personal “constitutions,” and their behavior reflects these guiding principles and values. Intellectuals allow their reality to unfold, because they see reality as the culmination of ideas. If their ideology is aligned with that of their culture and community, they do extremely well. If not, they can seem out of step with mainstream society or even their own families.

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting sick of pretending to be excited every time it’s somebody’s birthday, you know what I mean? What is the big deal? How many times do we have to celebrate that someone was born? Every year, over and over…All you did was not die for twelve months. That’s all you’ve done, as far as I can tell.

—Jerry Seinfeld

Self-Protective Intellectuals do and say what they want, despite the consequences.
If they don’t value what family and friends value, they can put themselves at odds with the family culture. They don’t mind being the “black sheep” and don’t think that anything they do is weird as long as it aligns with their own internal playbook. They make their own decisions, independent of the requirements or needs of others, or a sense of obligation to traditional commitments. When they feel cornered or pressured to do what others want them to do, they will make a show of compliance and then continue with what they were doing. They use passive resistance to avoid yielding to others’ will; failing that, they retreat into their inner world, doing their own thing, even when this behavior may have negative results.

In the film
A Beautiful Mind,
the math genius John Nash (played by Russell Crowe) inhabited an inner world in which he was a black-suited FBI agent (played by Ed Harris). Notably a brilliant but somewhat arrogant and antisocial man, Nash spent most of his time with his thoughts rather than with people, letting only a couple of people get near enough to connect with him. Gradually, Nash was able to observe his “inner FBI agent” and the mental world it represented with some distance and objectivity, rather than believing his imaginings.

Self-Actualizing Intellectuals stay connected with others.
They come to terms with the ways their “lone wolf ” nature must be balanced so it doesn’t prevent them from maintaining connections with people and other aspects of external reality. They consistently work to break the habit of setting themselves apart as dispassionate observers, on the fringe of society and unable to find their place in the world. They look to others for advice and feedback. They are aware of their tendency to reject anything that doesn’t agree with their carefully crafted reality, and they work toward breaking that pattern. They enlarge their worldview rather than shrinking it to contain only those things that support their ideas. They don’t just think about their view of reality; they work to make it real. They assert their authority, finding their voice during conflict and expressing their needs so that they don’t feel overpowered by others’ demands.

Being the Expert

To the Intellectual, knowledge is power. Intellectuals meet their predominant need by learning about and experimenting with things until they become the “expert,” striving to be the knowledge leader in their careers and their personal lives. In their mind, they always know better or more than others. Never satisfied with a little knowledge, they keep themselves well informed about any subject that interests them. They are able to focus their attention exclusively and intensely on one area of interest, if necessary, letting everything else fall to the wayside as if nothing else exists while working toward becoming the authority. They keep themselves informed so they are never blindsided by new information or made to feel less than the person who knows the most. They communicate logically and directly, regardless of the impact it has on others. The logical and factual communication style of the Intellectual is demonstrated in this short dialogue between Special Agent Sealy Booth (Adventurer) and Dr. “Bones” Brennan (Intellectual) from the TV show
Bones
:

Bones: You enjoy it [being an FBI agent] because you’re a superb agent.

Booth: You think?

Bones: Of course, since I’m the best in my field. It would be self-destructive for me to work with someone who was beneath me.

Booth: Okay, that’s good, because I have to be honest, here. Sometimes I think you feel you’re better than me.

Bones: Well objectively, I’m more intelligent…

Booth: See? There you go!

Bones: In certain areas. And in others, I understand my limitations, and I admire your expertise.

Self-Protective Intellectuals hoard information.
They hide behind an air of indifference and superiority. They may withhold information that others share freely, which adds to the impression of smugness and arrogance they create. They may also withhold from others information about their whereabouts or activities. Should their SP System be triggered at a party, the Intellectual may simply leave the scene without telling her date she is going. If Intellectuals can’t flee awkward social situations, they may comfort themselves by luring others into intellectual battles over trivial details, where they can demonstrate their mental superiority. If you detect that a party conversation has been steered deliberately toward an obscure topic, you may be with an SP Intellectual who’s challenging you to a mental joust. Intellectuals’ reliance on being the most knowledgeable person in the room can become vulnerability: the more they win, the harder they must fight to maintain their position. You can’t tell them anything they don’t already know, and they may argue that you’re wrong just to keep you in your place.

[I don’t give] enough information so that [people]…absolutely know who they’re dealing with.

—Harrison Ford

Self-Actualizing Intellectuals share their knowledge with others.
They become who they are meant to be when they share their intimate and exhaustive knowledge with others—in words, deeds, and relationships—without feeling depleted by the experience. They allow themselves to experience their lives differently, understanding how they are connected to others and how their knowledge can serve the greater good. They are able to notice when they are staying in control by keeping information to themselves, even practicing sharing information when they really don’t want to. No longer threatened by the thought of having to do something with their information, they complete things they have started and actually finish books, training programs, and college degrees. They also restrict their mental jousting to situations in which others show an interest.

Engaging in Lifelong Learning

With a hunger for learning, Intellectuals use their minds to experience the world. The intense interest they have in learning may not be readily apparent to others; however, they are lifelong learners, relentless in their pursuit of knowledge in areas of interest. Intellectuals enjoy the learning process, whether in a formal educational setting or on their own. Some Intellectuals are perpetual students with multiple degrees who are so enamored of learning that they never actually apply what they’ve learned. Some will consider returning to school later in life but will resist because they find learning in traditional settings restrictive. They are happiest when they can totally submerge themselves in the world of the mind. The following describes some of Intellectual and Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg’s pursuits:

Mark Zuckerberg pursued the subjects he was interested in voraciously. He excelled in the classics during high school, and in college he was known for reciting lines from epic poems such as
The Iliad.
In his junior year at college, he won prizes in science (math, astronomy, and physics) and classical studies. He studied languages and could read and write French, Hebrew, Latin, and ancient Greek. His father taught him Atari BASIC programming in the 1990s, and by the time he began classes at Harvard, where he studied psychology and computer science, he was known as a programming prodigy.

Self-Protective Intellectuals live in pursuit of perfect knowledge.
With their compulsive need to know everything before doing anything, SP Intellectuals get caught up with seeking additional information or further educational credentials with no goal other than to know. They focus voraciously on one area until they know every possible thing about it, and only then will they stop their research. Regardless of being only one credit shy of a degree, for them knowledge is the goal, not its application. They then move on to their next topic of interest. While immersed in their pursuit of knowledge, they live solely in their heads, disconnected from the physical world, neglecting to take care of themselves and their environment. If they have children, their homes are chaotic and timetables are optional. In relationships they are present in body only, going through the motions of being with others, impatient to get back to what is most important to them.

Self-Actualizing Intellectuals try to live in the real world.
This is a lifelong challenge, because it is easier and more comfortable for them to stay in their heads. They know the result of disconnecting from themselves, and they take the time to check in and see how they are feeling. Realizing that they cannot ignore their bodies without consequences, they devote energy to self-care, perhaps even becoming experts at it. Self-Actualizing Intellectuals recognize when their bodies need rest, reflection, cuddling, and connection, and they realize that they can get these things without negative consequences. They can observe their own behavior and see when they are disconnecting their minds from their bodies. They trust that others are giving them feedback to help them, not to make them feel stupid or inferior. They communicate to others when they are going away for alone time, also letting others know when to expect them back.

Being Accepted for Who They Are

With few social needs, Intellectuals don’t spend a lot of time developing relationships or interpersonal skills and, consequently, can appear to be socially awkward. They don’t mind this because they are generally content with their small circle of friends and family. Intellectuals use the Internet to connect with others, as it falls within their comfort zone to engage in data bytes of information rather than interpersonal dialogue. Secure in their intellectual endeavors, they do not require social validation, nor does it affect them when they don’t get it. They have difficulty relating to others who need that kind of validation. They do, however, need people to understand them rather constantly misunderstanding or personalizing their behavior and berating them for it. Intellectuals are amazed at how people can distort their behavior and may have to go off and be by themselves to try to figure the other person out.

You seldom listen to me, and when you do, you don’t hear, and when you do hear you hear wrong, and even when you hear right you change it so fast that it’s never the same.

—Marjorie Kellogg

Self-Protective Intellectuals are there in body only.
Because Intellectuals fail to communicate and stay connected to those around them, they often end up on the receiving end of someone’s frustration with them. They feel misunderstood and don’t see how their behavior has contributed to the problem. They don’t tolerate interpersonal tension or emotional expression well, despite how often their lack of communication triggers it. They will listen to the other person while at the same time planning their escape. Getting angry with SP Intellectuals can cause them to immediately shut down and flee inside themselves. The words “we need to talk” can strike terror in the mind of the SP Intellectual, and their avoidance of emotional issues can create an undercurrent of unresolved tension in relationships. If the tension becomes great enough, Intellectuals will find ways to avoid the person who represents the conflict, such as being at home less often or escaping into books or television.