Who We Are (15 page)

Desire suddenly felt very alone and unsafe. She ran around the house making sure all the window latches were secured. She put a chair under the doorknobs of the front and back door. She pulled all the curtains at the back of the house, but not the front as she didn’t want the neighbours to get curious. By the time she was done, she was shaking. She sat in the kitchen chair and put her head on the table and started to cry not even entirely sure why.

Although Nathaniel had hurt her, it wasn’t the physical pain she was crying over. She felt so humiliated and so… dirty. Even worse, Johnny had seen Nathaniel doing those things to her.
Johnny must think I am damaged and ruined now!
She had so many questions, but she didn’t have anyone to ask. She suddenly felt very angry. She remembered her face smashed into the dirt.
Who did he think he was? How dare he?!

Looking at her list on the table, and recalling the pact she made with herself to not waste the day reliving the prior day’s events, Desire decided to get right to work. She scrubbed the floors with a violent fervor. She got every morsel of dirt that had the audacity to stick to her floors. She scrubbed and scrubbed

When she reached the corner of the final room, she suddenly felt unsafe again. She ran down to the cold cellar, hoping she would feel safe there.

When she reached the bottom of the dark stairwell, two manly hands gripped her. She did not feel frightened, though. These hands were familiar to her and the beckoning hands drew her into a reassuring hug. She melted into the embrace and sobbed. . He sobbed too.

“Desire, please don’t cry,” was all he could choke out.

She looked up at him, hugged him tighter, buried her face in his chest and breathed him in. He smelled of sawdust, but to her that was comforting.

“Johnny, I don’t want to imagine what you must think of me. Do you think I am dirty now?”

Johnny looked down at her with the sad eyes. “Desire, you are my one true love and I should have protected you. I should have been there to prevent Nathaniel from hurting you. What he did to you was wrong, very wrong.”

“I thought so. I can’t stand to think that what he did is… normal. Is it?”

“No, Desire. It’s not. But I want you to know that a man’s touch can be gentle and loving. Will you let me show you?”

Desire wanted nothing more than to erase the awful memory of yesterday. She felt scared, but she also trusted Johnny. She knew deep in her heart that he was her soul mate. She told him so. “Johnny, I trust you. I don’t know why but something deep inside tells me so. I love you and I don’t even know why.”

He took her by the hand and led her upstairs. When they reached her bedroom, he slowly began to undress her. As he did, he saw the cuts and scrapes on her back. “Oh baby girl, I failed you. For the rest of my life, I will try to make that up to you.” He placed his hands on either side of her face and kissed her gently at first and then hungrily. He wanted her so badly he felt as if he would explode. He wanted to be gentle, knowing that she had been hurt. He wanted her to feel safe and loved. He was plagued with the flashbacks of what Nathaniel had done to his sweet Darby.

He explored her body and gently caressed her soft skin. His hands travelled downward and paused between her warm and quivering thighs. He gently rubbed her there, trying to find that special spot, as he removed his shirt. Desire kissed his chest, a little desperately.

He guided her to the bed and gently laid her down. He kissed her gently in every place he could. He kissed her breasts, her abdomen and he almost climaxed tasting how sweet she was. He paused to look up at her. He needed to know that she wasn’t scared of him. She responded by wrapping her legs around him and kissing his hands. “Desire, you never have to do anything you don’t want to.” Desire looked down at him with tears in her eyes. “I love you.”

Johnny scrambled back up her body to look at her face to face. She kissed him passionately. He entered her and made love to her for what seemed like hours. They were like to halves that finally became one. He wanted their lovemaking to last forever, but just as he thought he could hold on forever, she screamed out in passion as she climaxed. Hearing her screams of passion brought him to the edge. His body jolted almost violently. He moaned with pleasure as she grasped his buttocks. He melted into her and collapsed onto her chest. He was breathless and lay there in total ecstasy.

Completely spent, they dozed off for a few peaceful moments until they were awakened by noise outside of Desire’s window. They both bolted upright and Desire crept to the window to peek out. “It’s just someone passing by with a huge cart of vegetables, probably heading to the Church.” She walked back over to the bed and lay down beside him. She gazed into his eyes and had never realized how stunning they were before. They were green like hers and were as vibrant as dew-covered blades of grass. She wanted to look into his eyes forever, but burning questions made her stop. “Johnny, I feel so confused lately, not just about you and me, but about everything, it seems. It’s like my mind is all jumbled up. Some things that should make sense logically don’t make any sense at all. Other things that shouldn’t make any sense just seem so right and for no reason except that I feel like they are right.”

Johnny did not need to know what she meant – he knew instinctively. He brushed a rogue red curl off of her forehead and spoke with her seriously. “Desire, now more than ever, I need you to trust me. We don’t have much more time today, but I want you to promise to trust me. I will arrange for us to spend some time together in the next day or two so that we don’t have to sneak around. But please don’t talk to anyone else about any of this and certainly don’t ask any questions that might seem the least bit peculiar or challenging. Your instinct tells you to trust me – go with that instinct. Okay?”

Desire obediently nodded.

“Now, no more questions. We need to get dressed and I have to leave before your Mama comes back home.” He leaned down and gave her a long and passionate kiss.

Before they dressed, he looked at the cuts and scrapes on her back. He pulled a small tube out of his shirt pocket and gently applied some ointment to them. He then helped her to get her blouse on. He looked at the heavy stockings and sweater and looked up at her with a strange look on her face.

“Desire, Nathaniel did not do those things to you because of the way you look. He did those things because he is evil and sick. You don’t have to worry about him hurting you anymore.” He kissed the top of her head and finished getting dressed. She wondered what he meant by that. Had he killed Nathaniel? Part of her hoped so.

She went downstairs alone and started to finish her chores. Johnny told her he was going to leave but she didn’t know how. She trusted him, so she did not question him. She had enough questions in her mind right now.

She spent the rest of the day beating the rugs, dusting the furniture and polishing the glass on the windows. It was almost three o’clock by the time she finished everything on her list. The house was sparkling clean and smelled wonderful. She almost let herself feel proud of all her accomplishments until she remembered the late morning’s interlude.
Oh no, my bed!

She ran upstairs and looked at her disheveled room. The blankets were strewn all over and her pillows were scattered on the floor. She quickly fixed the bed and smoothed the sheets and blankets. She dabbed a little lavender oil on her pillows and opened one of her windows just a little to let in some cool fresh air. Looking at her bed, her morning with Johnny flashed before her eyes. She felt sure she was blushing.

She lay down on her bed and closed her eyes. She imagined him touching her and kissing her. When he entered her it was like a thousand fireworks were going off in her body all at once, but it felt so good. When they were one body, she wanted to stay like that forever. As she replayed their lovemaking in her mind, she drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Thirteen

She opened her eyes and saw him lying beside her. There was shattered glass everywhere on the road. His eyes were closed and she feared that he was dead. He had blood all over his face and his left arm was twisted in a funny way. She tried to call out to him, but she could not get any sound to come out of her throat. A large man in a heavy coat and strange hat came over to her. He looked very tough and dirty, but he had kind eyes. Then she saw other men. Someone put something very hard around her neck. She felt she was moving on some type of bed. The men lifted her into another compartment. They had put some tubes in her nose that were blowing air and she felt a sting in her arm. When she looked down she saw a plastic tube sticking out of it.

Another strange dream. Desire opened her eyes and saw that the sun was beginning to set. She stretched a little then sat up to get out of her bed. Knowing her father wouldn’t be home tonight, she decided to bake a meat pie.

She went down the stairs, secretly hoping that Johnny was hiding again, waiting to embrace her. She laughed at herself, thinking she was so silly. She continued down the steps.

It didn’t take her long to mix up a simple pastry crust. She quickly chopped up some carrots, potatoes, onions and celery then started making gravy. There was a plate of chicken already cooked in the fridge which she cut into bite-sized pieces. She threw the bones into the vegetable pot with some spices to add flavour. Once everything was done, she layered the pie and added a top crust and popped it into the oven.

She made herself some lemonade and took a glass out to the front porch. She sat and waited for her mother to return from her check-up and afternoon in the church. She could see a womanly figure approaching the house. It was getting quite dark out so she couldn’t make out details, but could tell it was her mother. There was someone else walking beside and as they approached her heart skipped a little beat. It was Johnny! She was so happy that he was coming back to her!

Her hands began to tremble with excitement – so much so that her lemonade sloshed around a bit. She watched them closely and could hear ever so slightly that they were speaking. Johnny carried a box and Mama carried a plate covered with a cheese cloth.

“Hello darling! Look who I ran into!” Mama cocked her head a little toward Johnny. “He was delivering some new chairs to the church and offered to help me carry all this nonsense home. I have a huge box of linen napkins that need to be pressed and folded for the celebration. I thought you could help me?”

“Of course I will. Good evening, Johnny.” She looked straight at him and surprised herself at how towel she could maintain her composure, despite her thumping heart.

“Good evening, Desire. I hope you are well today.” He paused and she saw his mouth curl up ever so slightly in a grin. “I am glad I ran into your mother today. We need to arrange some time this week to spend a day finalizing the games. Once that is done, we can make a list of what you will need for the games. I was also hoping, with the permission of your parents, that you might come to the workshop and help me finish painting all the toys I made for prizes.”

Desire looked at her mother. “Well darling, we will discuss this over dinner. I invited Johnny to eat with us, I hope you didn’t forget to make us something tonight.”

“I did not forget, Mama. Dinner is in the oven.”

They walked into the house and the aroma answered her mother’s question. “Aw, you made one of your delicious meat pies. Perfect! I will go freshen up while you finish preparing the dinner and setting the table. Johnny, you can just set that box down in the corner over there.” She pointed to the corner by the back of the kitchen and then went upstairs.

Johnny put the box down and walked over to Desire. “What can I do to help?” When she looked up at him, he put a finger over his lips and made a very silent ‘ssshing’ sound. She knew he was telling her to stay calm and act normal.

Easy for him to say! The past few days have been anything but normal!

She asked him to fetch a large bowl from one of the top shelves. He reached up and grabbed it while she started making a salad.

He sat down at the table. She could feel his eyes on her as she finished setting the table and pouring some fresh lemonade. It suddenly felt a lot warmer in the kitchen, and she walked over and opened a window.

Her mother came back downstairs. “Everything smells lovely Desire. Do you mind serving the dinner while I sit here with Johnny and rest a bit?” Her mother looked around the house and smiled. “My goodness, this house is stunning! You must be exhausted from all that work today.”

Desire nodded. She took the meat pie from the oven and saw that it was perfect: Golden brown and bubbly. She put it on the counter and to let it rest for a few moments.

She served up a generous bowl of salad for each of them. They blessed the meal and ate their salad quietly. When the salad course was done, Johnny turned to Mama.

“Mrs. Winthrop, do I have your permission to spend some time with Desire this week? It will be work for the Celebration and you have my word that I will keep her safe and treat her with respect.”

I would rather he do the opposite and rip my clothes off in the middle of the work shop and play some games with me.
Desire’s cheeks flushed a little.
I am a bad girl.
Truthfully, she didn’t care because being with Johnny was the only thing that felt right anymore.