Who We Are (18 page)

              “Once I had them convinced that I was who they wanted me to be, they untied me from the bed. They converted the experimental drugs they gave me to pill form and they threw me in a dark solitary cell. I now know that they were trying to break my spirit. Each day, they would yank me from the cell and beat me and fed me only scraps of food and water.

              “After about a week, they transferred to the Clinic so I could recover and determine whether I was responding to their treatment. It wasn’t until I was returned to Hemac that the gravity of the situation sunk in. Tobias had heard that I had been asking odd questions around the community before I disappeared for a while. Tobias had been failing the experiment for years, but like me, he quickly learned how to play along. We were both witnesses to the vile things They do to folks who fail the Experiment and neither of us had any intention of suffering more at the hands of our captors.”

              Desire rubbed her head and gripped her own neck. She felt her pulse there beneath her thumb. . She wasn’t sure what to think of this incredibly bizarre story. “I don’t understand, Johnny. Are we not real?”

              Johnny squeezed her hand. “Darby, we are real, and we are all caught in a very precarious and dangerous situation. We are test subjects in an experiment to evaluate the possibility of biological and psychological mind control. Our observations have led us to conclude that we are trapped in some kind of sophisticated terrorist or government lab. We don’t know who is behind this. We have a few ideas, but we do not know for sure. We do know that They are using us to test their theories. Our best guess is that this is a complex study of human behaviour and the success and effects of various interventions.”

              He paused there to give Desire a chance to process what he had said. She just sat there deep in thought.

             
What a bizarre story! Could it be true? Why am I not more shocked to hear this?
She didn’t really know how to respond, or if he even expected her to. All she could think was that he said his real name was Aedan. She remembered calling him that once by mistake. She had thought it was just a silly mistake at the time, but now it seemed the one thing that made her believe everything he had just told her. She looked up at him and then closed her eyes and tried to force herself to remember things, things from her supposed past, but nothing happened. “Johnny, I don’t remember anything except growing up here in Hemac with my parents. How did they get here?”

              “You can call me Aedan here, okay? And I can call you Darby. Here, we are safe.”

“Okay.”

“Darby, you need to know that the people you think are you are your mother and father are not. They believe they are as well, but know that they may be part of this twisted world we live in. Try as we might, Tobias and I have not yet figured out a way of knowing who is a part of this experiment and who has been planted here to observe us. We have a lot more to discuss, but before we go any further, you must promise Tobias and me that you will not breathe a word of what we have discussed with anyone. Do you understand me? If They find out that you are on to them, I am certain that they will kill all three of us, and I am sure it will not be quick and painless. When I was in the Lab in solitary confinement, they beat me without mercy. I heard the screams of many others around me who I assumed were other folks who had failed the Experiment.”

              He stood up in front of her and removed his shirt. He placed his shirt on the couch and turned around. She looked up and gasped at what she saw. Johnny’s back was a horrible road map of scars. It looked as though he had been whipped hundreds of times. Some of the scars even looked like blade slashes. How had she not seen these before? She stood up and ran her fingers along his back. It was almost as if she had to touch them to know that they were real. Tears started to trickle down her cheeks as she imagined the pain brought on by each of these ugly scars.

              Johnny turned around and put his shirt back on. He wiped the tears from her face. “Darby, please don’t cry. They don’t hurt anymore, but they do serve as a constant reminder of our precarious and grave situation.” He sat back down on the couch and Desire sat back down beside him.

              “To the best of our knowledge, they use chemicals disguised as vitamins to alter our memories; however, they will also use pain and fear to establish new patterns of memory for us. Take the forest for instance. They left this unsecured for a reason. It is a big part of all of this. The folks here in the community are taught that the forest is evil and that they will basically burn in hell if they enter. You are a perfect example of how you have had many positive experiences in the forest.” He paused for a moment and winced. He was sorry he had said that, given that Nathaniel had attacked her there just a few days before.

“It’s okay Johnny, I did have a lot of positive experiences there.” She placed a hand on his.

“Sorry Darby. But my point was, because you had associated positive experiences with the forest, their fear tactics did not work on you. However, one Sunday in church, I believe you were home ill that Sunday, they had our seats wired with electrical impulses. As the Minister preached about the evils of the forest, they would administer electrical shocks to the members of the community. So as the Minister preached his, words and warnings were associated with physical pain. The offering that week was a “special” vitamin, which was actually an amnesiac pill. As a result, the pain inflicted in relation to going into the forest was implanted into everyone’s long-term memory, but the events of the church were erased. So what was left was an association of pain with entering the forest. Naturally, this dissuades any members from going into the forest. By that time, I had long since perfected the art of appearing to take medication; I actually hide it between my fingers. So They had no idea that my memory of that day in church was intact.”

              Tobias spoke. “Desire, my dear, this is a lot of information to give you and there is no easy way to tell you. I think that for today, that is enough. If we overload you with information, there is a risk of memory collision in your brain and we want to carefully re-introduce reality to you. Before we stop though, it is important for you to understand a few things.” He looked so sincere and caring as he spoke to her. “First of all, your mother and father do love you. We are not certain what their involvement is in this, but we suspect that they are victims too. For all intents and purposes, they do believe that you are their daughter. Please be careful around your Papa as we haven’t determined for certain whether he is a Subject or an Observer, but even if he is an Observer it doesn’t mean he is one of Them. What I do know, is that Aedan and I are the only two here that you can trust, one hundred percent. We have a plan for you two to escape and we must put that plan in motion soon. If we don’t, we run the risk that the real you, Darby, will be lost forever.”

             
A plan for an escape? When? How?

              Tobias stood up to leave. “As hard as it may be, outside of these walls you must continue to conduct yourself as usual. Do not behave any differently. If there is normal mischief you would get yourself into, don’t stop all of a sudden. Don’t ask any unusual questions or talk to people you normally wouldn’t talk to. Please know that we are here to protect you and not hurt you.”

He hobbled over to her and gave her a gentle pat on the head. He nodded at Aedan and then disappeared through the sliding wall door.

Chapter Fifteen

              When Tobias left, Desire sat still on the couch, not sure what to think. Over the past three days, this young woman had fallen in love, been attacked and humiliated, and felt more pleasure than she ever thought possible. Now here she sat on Johnny’s couch trying to figure out what the heck was going on. She rubbed her eyes and tried and tried again to remember something from her past, but nothing came to mind. She felt frustrated, but only for a moment – it was a feeling she had become very accustomed to.

She looked over to Johnny and saw the leather book on his lap. He did not resist when she reached over and took it. She untied the leather straps and started to leaf through the pages. She saw lots of notes and diagrams. As she examined the first few pages, she surmised that this was a very detailed record of their community. When she got to about the sixth page, she noted an entry at the top. It said, “I saw my Darby today, she is here.” The following pages contained a lot of entries about observations he had made of Darby’s integration into the community.

              Before Desire could really examine what was in the book, Johnny gently closed the book and took it from her. “That is enough for today, Darby. I want you to process what you have learned so far.” Aedan got up from the couch and replaced the book under the floor board. He then pushed the couch back into place.

              Darby didn’t say a thing, she just sat there. Something inside of her told her not to feel scared, but just to trust him. She could tell by looking into his eyes that he was sincere. If he had wanted to hurt her, why tell this tale? He could simply overpower her and have his way with her.

              Aedan sat beside her on the couch and she climbed into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and she leaned in to kiss him. When their lips met, an electrical charge pulsed through her body. The kiss was long and slow, but hungry. Her body started to heat up and in his arms she felt safe.

              She got up from his lap and gave into her desires and impulses. Standing there in front of him, she slowing started to undress. First, she unbuttoned her blouse and let it fall to floor. She unwrapped her bosom. Her firm nipples felt tingly. She unbuttoned her skirt and let it fall to the floor. She was about to remove her panties when Johnny got up off the couch. He lifted her up in one easy sweep. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her off to a little room she had not yet seen. It contained a bed and small table. He laid her gently on the bed.

              He looked down at her for a moment, his eyes ablaze with passion. Darby’s whole body ached for him to lay down with her and touch her all over, especially in that one special spot.

              Aedan removed his shirt and straddled her on the bed, kneeling above her. “You are so beautiful and sweet.” He leaned down and kissed her lips and then travelled down her body. He kissed her neck while gently fondling her breasts and rubbing her nipples. Every time he touched her, a little wave of pleasure washed over her. He moved his mouth down her abdomen and planted sweet little kisses downward toward her stomach. When he arrived at the top of her thighs, he bent her legs and spread them apart, ever so gently. Then he did something strange, but good. He buried his face between her legs. She felt him nibbling and licking her down there. When he found that special spot, her back arched and she moaned. She could hardly believe what was happening and what she was feeling. She was in near-agony over the pleasure that he was giving her; yet, at the same time, it all felt familiar to her. Deep down inside, it all felt right. She gave into the pleasure and as her muscles relaxed Aedan seemed to devour her with more desperation.              He continued until she thought he could bear it no longer, and then he stopped. He looked up at her briefly and smiled. Though she returned the smile, she desperately wanted to shout, “
Why are you stopping?”

              He stood up and removed the rest of his clothes. She admired his manhood, large and firm, waiting to be buried deep inside of her. He lied down beside her and positioned her so that she was on her side with her back to him. She felt him press his erection against her back. She couldn’t see what he was about to do next and that excited her even more.

              His hand travelled around her waist to the front of her body so that he could massage her. She could feel how moist she was down there. His touch excited her and was almost too much for her to bear. He soon turned her over so that she was on her stomach. He guided her up so that she was kneeling on all fours on the bed. Not sure what to expect, she followed his lead.

              Aedan entered her from behind. She could feel him deep inside and while he did this he continue to massage her with one of his hands. This was a whole new experience of pleasure! It didn’t take long for her to scream out in pleasure as the entire bed melted away from her. He thrust himself harder into her, which only heightened the pleasure for her and she gasped in response. Though the tension electrifying her body waned a bit, Aedan continued on. In just a few minutes, she felt her orgasm building again and she gave into this and once again experienced one thrilling climax after another.

Aedan retreated and turned her over so that she was lying flat on her back. “I want to watch you beautiful face while I cum.” He continued to thrust himself deeply into her as he stared into her eyes. She could feel the tension rebuilding up within her so she clenched her thigh muscles and wrapped her legs tight around him. His thrusts became quicker and harder. Suddenly, he thrust one last time, his hips shook and he let out a deep growl. She came with him, and as she did, she squealed in orgasmic pleasure. She felt his body quiver and she tightened herself around him even more. It was like they had peaked as one body. He thrust a few more times as delicious ecstasy surged through him. He collapsed on her chest, breathless.

              Head on her chest, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. She caressed his hair and stroked his back. She gently stroked the scars on his back. As Aedan drifted off to sleep, seemingly exhausted by their love-making, Desire marveled at how re-energized she felt. She tried to count how many times she had summited in sheer delight, but it seemed too many times to count.

              Aedan soon woke up, lifted his head from Darby’s chest and gently kissed her lips. “Darby I love you and I am going to save you. We have a lot to still talk about and things could get dangerous.” The pleasures of their afternoon in bed wore off and reality began to creep back in. As he walked across the room, she saw all the scars from past torture on his back. It was a crude reminder that nothing was what it seemed around here, and that she was certain life was about to be turned upside down even more.

              Aedan went into the little bathroom and ran the water for a bath. He returned to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. He looked at Darby intently. “Darby, I cannot call you by your real name anymore. As far as anyone here is concerned, you are Desire. If we start to call each other by our real names, even in private, we put ourselves at risk. We cannot slip up and mistakenly call ourselves by out other names in public. . Remember what I said: I am not certain who here is part of the Experiment and who is an Observer. So from now on, you go back to calling me Johnny and I will do the same and call you Desire. Do you understand?”

              She nodded.

              “Good. Now, it’s getting late, and although I would love to scoop you up and flee from here, our exit has to be perfectly timed and planned. So, I want you to quickly take a bath and get dressed.” He extended his hand to help her up. He led her into the bathroom where she quickly bathed, careful not to get her hair wet. After she was dried off and dressed again, Johnny led her back into the little living room. She packed up their lunch and they went back into the workshop. She headed over to the little work table while Johnny secured the hidden sliding door once again. She was examining each of the little toys when he came over to the table. He took a couple of jars of paint and opened a few different colours. He smeared a little on her arms and a bit on her fingertips. Then he put one smudge of paint on her left cheek and a wee bit on her skirt. She looked at him as if he had lost his mind. “There you go, now you look like a young lady who has spent the afternoon painting little toys.” He started to laugh as he looked at her. She just stood there, wanting to laugh but feeling a little numb to everything around her. She looked up at him but didn’t say anything.

              “Desire, I know how you must be feeling. I felt confused and perplexed when I started to figure everything out. But please trust me: I will make everything all right. Well, as all right as they can ever be again! Right now, it is critical that when we leave here today, everything is as usual. No suspicious actions okay?” She hugged him tight and closed her eyes. As she inhaled the smell of him, a vision flashed before her eyes. She saw him in beautiful Sunday suit standing beside a glorious waterfall. The waterfall was bigger than anything she could imagine. \before she could focus on it more clearly, it vanished from her mind.

              “Johnny, have we ever gone to a giant waterfall before?”

              His eyes lit up and he held her at arm’s length. “Why yes, the summer before our accident, you and I took a road trip Niagara Falls! You took a picture of me with the water falls behind me!”

              She hugged him tighter. It was a relief to know that buried deep inside of all of this mess there was some truth.

              They strolled back to her house, careful not to walk too closely together. Desire carried the picnic basket and Johnny had a little wooden box with some of the toys inside; “proof” of their afternoon of work. As they approached Desire’s house, she started to feel a little bit anxious. She worried that she might give something away. Even if not with words, would she be able to manage her usual facial expressions and actions? She took a deep breath and continued to walk. As they reached the steps of her house, she turned to Johnny and took the box from him.

              “Thank you very much, Johnny for helping me to make all these lovely prizes. I will see if my Mama is home, otherwise I cannot invite you in. I am sure you understand this.”

              She went inside the house and her mother was in the kitchen cooking some stew and biscuits.

              “Hello Desire, you are right on time. Dinner is almost ready. Did you and Johnny have a productive day?”

              “Yes, Mama. He escorted me home and we brought some of our work to show you.”

              Her mother put her spoon down and approached Desire. As she got closer, Mama’s expression turned to dismay and Desire nearly fainted. Feeling sure that her mother could read her secrets, she felt instantly nauseous. To her surprise, Mama’s dismay erupted into a laugh.

              “Oh my dear, you have paint on your face, neck and even on your skirt! You look a little silly right now. Run upstairs and wash yourself off. Has Johnny gone home?”

              “No Mama, he is waiting outside. He wanted to make sure you were home before leaving.”

              “Well, he is welcome to join us for dinner. Hopefully, his parents won’t think we are trying to steal him away.” Mama headed to the front door to invite Johnny in and Desire went upstairs to freshen up.

              When she got up to her room, she lay down on her bed. Her mind swirled with information and events of the past few days. She felt like she couldn’t even sit still to process everything. Her body and mind were so tired, she couldn’t even muster up the strength to try to ready herself for dinner. She pulled her quilt up over herself and closed her eyes.

             
She was walking through a hallway with lockers on either side of her. She had books under her left arm and her pom-poms in her right hand. The football game tonight was spectacular, but she couldn’t wait to see Aedan for their own private celebration. She was heading to the faculty lounge. When she got to the door, she saw it was propped open with a pen. She snuck in and removed the pen. When the door closed, she engaged the deadbolt. Once safely inside, she shed her cheerleader outfit and headed to the faculty shower. She could see the steam rising from the cubby before she got there. Aedan was standing under the hot and steamy shower waiting for her. She rushed to him and he picked her up onto him. She felt him enter her and she was instantly filled with pleasure. The combination of warm kisses and water flowing over her was almost too much to bear. She loved him so much.

             
Desire woke up confused. Where was she? Who was she? She lay back and recalled her dream. It was so real! In her dream, the young man she knew as Johnny was actually Aedan. Were they the same people in reality? Was she dreaming or remembering?

              She got out of her bed and looked out the window. It was dark, and surely she had missed supper. She turned around to go to the bathroom to freshen her face when she saw her figurine standing on her bedside table. Picking it up, she untwisted it anticipating a message from Johnny/Aedan. Inside, as she suspected, was a little note.

             
Hope you got some much needed rest. Stop taking your vitamins in the morning, they are actually memory-altering tablets. Love J.

             
Whoa! She had taken vitamins for as long as she could remember. But how long was that? She sat down on her bed and tried to remember when she was little, but could not. It was like her memory started as a teenager. But according to what Johnny had told her she was really almost 20 years of age and not only15 like she thought.