Who We Are (7 page)

As she approached the store, a familiar sense of trepidation filled her. She anticipated another disturbing encounter with Nathaniel. She slipped into the store, not paying much attention to anyone around her. When she got into line, she noticed Constance a few feet ahead of her. Desire tried to capture her attention to tell her about her Fun & Games Committee, but Constance didn’t seem to see her.

If I didn’t know any better, I would think that she is ignoring me. What was wrong with her? What did I do to make her dislike me so?

As she stood there puzzled over the cold shoulder Constance was giving her, she heard a familiar voice from behind her. “Hi Desire, how are you today?”

Johnny definitely had a voice one wouldn’t quickly forget. It was deep and strong yet smooth as honey. What the other girls might have thought was creepy, she found quite attractive. She flushed a little, and felt secretly happy that he was there. Desire realized that he hadn’t told anyone about finding her in the forest, which confirmed his promise made to her in this forest.

She turned around and smiled demurely. “Good morning. Johnny. I am very well, thank you for asking.”

“Shopping for the Celebration?”

“Yes. I have a long list that Mama needs. She has so much to do to prepare. I am in charge of the fun and games for the children and Mama is going to make some caramel popcorn balls for prizes.”

Her excitement couldn’t be concealed as she told him. He grinned in response to her excitement. “Well that sounds like a big job.” If she didn’t know better, he wanted to help her out.

She couldn’t resist adding, “On Sunday, at the social tea, I will have a sign-up sheet for volunteers who would like to be on my committee.”

Desire didn’t say anymore, but deep down inside, she hoped he would sign up for her committee. She couldn’t explain how she felt because she wasn’t quite sure herself. Ever since their last encounter in the forest, she had started to feel a strong connection to him. It made no sense to her logically, but it felt like she belonged close to him. Thoughts of him the past few days had stirred up feelings she didn’t know existed. It was all quite peculiar to her, but at the same time, it just felt right.

“Well I am pretty handy. Maybe I’ll join your committee to make sure the children have some small wooden toys to go with that candy. I am pretty busy though, so I will have to think about it.”

Desire played coy. “It’s voluntary Johnny, so whether or not you join makes no difference to me, it’s all about the children and the Celebration.” Then, without consciously realizing it, she looked him in the eye and smirked a little.

Oh please, please, please join my committee!

Finally, it was her turn in line. Desire felt dismayed to find Nathaniel behind the counter. He greeted her with a sly smile that made her stomach turn over in knots. There was something about him that just made her feel sick.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Desire. I thought I felt the heat rise a little in here.” He leaned over the counter a little. “I wish you would let that fiery red hair of yours down because you are so beautiful, it is sinful. What I wouldn’t give to get you alone.”

She looked away, not sure how to respond. She didn’t understand what he meant but she was sure it wasn’t something nice. Then she instinctively turned her head back to look at Johnny. Whether he noticed Nathaniel’s inappropriateness or Desire’s unease, he immediately walked over to her.

              “We will wait outside for you to bring Desire her goods.” His voice had a little bit of an edge to it but when he came over to stand beside her, she felt better with him at her side.

Johnny put his hand on her upper arm and led her out of the store. They sat down on a bench to wait for her goods. She was not sure what to say. She could feel him looking at her and she felt a blush rise in her cheeks.

“You should stay away from Nathaniel,” Johnny said. “I don’t like the way he looks at you.” Johnny sounded annoyed. Desire nodded in agreement.

“Do you need some help pushing your cart back home?” Johnny asked.

I would rather we ran into the forest together to frolic all afternoon!

She must have blushed a little because her cheeks suddenly felt warm. She cleared her throat, “That would be very nice, Johnny. Sometimes I have a hard time when it’s really heavy. And today we have so many baking supplies I would have to be a donkey to get it all home.”

Oh no, did I just call him a donkey?

“Oh, I didn’t mean… it’s just that…” She felt very silly. “I am sorry, Johnny. Sometimes I say stupid things. I didn’t mean to imply that you were a donkey, only that I wasn’t a donkey. Well, no. That’s not it, either. It’s just that they are so strong and sometimes that is what a girl wants. Oh gee…..I don’t want a donkey but a man that is like a donkey.” The more she tried to explain, the worse it got!

“Ssshh. Desire, you don’t have to explain I understand completely what you want.” He paused for what seemed like an eternity. Once again, time stood still while they gazed into each other’s eyes. “I am happy to help you home.”

Suddenly, their gaze became interrupted by Constance and a few of her friends coming out of the store. She half smiled as she passed Desire, and when her eyes met Johnny’s, her face twisted into a sneer. As they walked away, Constance and the girls all turned around, looked at the pair on the bench and then turned their heads away again and started giggling and chattering.

Johnny noted Desire’s disconcerted look. “Ignore those girls, Desire,” he said softly. “They are just sheep anyway.”

Desire looked at Johnny, confused. She had no idea what he meant.

I guessed we are all getting animal references today.

“If you prefer, Desire, you can run along and catch up to your friends and I will bring your goods to you at your home. I don’t want you to alienate yourself from your friends because of me. I know what those girls think of me and I don’t give a shit about that, but I do understand that in social circles these things do matter. I don’t want you to feel left out.” He looked sincere, but a little disappointed too.

He said he didn’t give a shit? What was a shit?

Deep down, she really didn’t like those girls anyway. It’s like they were all the same.

Maybe that’s what he meant by calling them sheep.

“No.” she declared. “We will walk together and I don’t care who sees. If you do not give a shit, then neither do I!” Her declaration had a lot of conviction in it. Johnny looked relieved, but worried too. He looked around to see who might have been close enough to hear.

“Desire, you cannot say the word ‘shit’ out loud. It is not something that young ladies are permitted to say. In fact, I could get in trouble for saying it in front of you in public.” He chuckled a little bit, but she just sat there looking bewildered.

Nathaniel came out with a very full cart that was clearly too heavy for her to pull, push or even drag home. He winked at Desire and licked his lips and then he turned to Johnny and scowled. Johnny didn’t notice, but Desire did and she didn’t understand why Nathaniel looked behaved this way.

As Johnny pushed the cart, they chatted about little things. She asked him what he did all day. He said his Papa was teaching him everything he knew about carpentry. He had started learning the trade as a young boy, and now he needed to know how make buildings, homes, fences etc. He said he knew it was not the highest position in the community, but it was an important one.

It didn’t take long to walk to her house. Desire knew Mama was inside so she told Johnny to wait on the porch. Desire found Mama making lunch in the kitchen.

“Hi Mama, I am back. The list was so long I couldn’t push the cart. Johnny offered to push it back for me. Is that okay? Will Papa be mad?”

“Desire, that was very nice of Johnny to help you. Papa would be grateful. That is a very gentlemanly and Godly thing for Johnny to do, helping his neighbour.”

Mama went out to the front porch and asked Johnny in. “Thank you for helping us, Johnny. We have an extra big order today to prepare for the Celebration. Please stay for lunch so we can show our appreciation.”

Johnny helped empty the cart. He carried the heavy items down to the cellar. Mama instructed her daughter to follow the young man down the stairs and make sure everything got put in its proper place. Desire crept down the stairs and saw Johnny fumbling around.

“Mama sent me down here to show you where things go.” She walked over to the cold room door and opened it. “I don’t like it down here,” she said. “It’s so cold and dark.”

She went about placing items in the cold room as Johnny watched her. When she was done in the cold room, she came out and pointed to a shelf at the other end of the room. Together, they put the remaining items neatly on the shelf. Just as they put the last two items up, Johnny’s hand brush over hers and she paused briefly. He squeezed it very gently.

“Desire, when I am here, you needn’t be afraid of the dark. Nothing will ever hurt you when I am around.” She immediately felt warm and flushed. She felt a nagging throbbing in her private parts.

What is doing to me? I can’t stand the way he makes me feel. It’s like I am yearning for something but I don’t know what it is!

He led her to the stairway and back upstairs. He gently guided her by placing a hand on either side of her waist. Every time he touched her, a fire ignited inside of her.

They all sat at the kitchen table and ate lunch. Desire thought that Johnny seemed a little different here in the kitchen. He was probably just being respectful, but Desire wondered if he was more guarded.

Mama had made big sandwiches with pickles on the side. They each had a big glass of milk and chocolate-chip muffins for dessert. They chatted a little while they ate. Mama asked about Johnny’s apprenticeship. Johnny made sure he didn’t look at Desire unless he answered one of her questions. She didn’t feel offended though because she was trying to avoid unnecessary eye contact as well. She felt certain that if they locked eyes, Mama would notice the heat between them.

Mama offered Johnny tea after lunch, but he politely declined. He said he had to get back home to do some work in the gardens, as well as mend a fence. Mother and daughter thanked him again for his help. As he walked the front path, Johnny turned and gave Desire a grin that almost made her faint.

“Take care. Desire. I look forward to that sign-up list for the Fun & Games Committee on Sunday.” He turned and walked in the direction of his house. She watched him walk for a couple of minutes and then went back into the house.

“What a nice young man.” Mama said. “Do you know Johnny well?”

“Well, not really, Mama. All the girls my age told me stories about how creepy and weird he is. But spoke a bit while we waited in line at the Staple store and he didn’t seem creepy to me at all. He seems very polite and friendly. He offered to help me when he saw how heavy the cart was. I felt very glad he did because I don’t think I could have pushed it all the way back home.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I think he might be a little sweet on you, Desire.”

Oh no. This can only lead to trouble.

Desire worked hard to maintain her composure. Her mother looked at her for a few seconds more. She pretended not to notice but felt worried about what her mother might tell her father, nonetheless.

“Well, I will be sure to tell Papa how polite and helpful Johnny was to us today. Your father will be pleased, I’m sure.”

The two finished tidying up the lunch dishes and not another word was said between them.

              Mama spent the afternoon sewing. She said she had some finishing touches for Desire’s new dress. Desire spent most of the afternoon scrubbing the floors, dusting, beating out carpets and polishing the lamps and silver items. She felt pretty exhausted by the time she and Mama had to fix dinner for themselves. Papa would not be home again tonight because he had to work late. He would be home in time for church in the morning, though.

              Seeing as it was just the two of them for dinner they decided they would make a nice big pizza in the brick oven. While Mama made the dough, she heated the oven and chopped up some toppings. They would each top one side of the pizza to their liking, so she chopped green peppers, mushrooms, onions, and ham and sausage. She also shredded up a huge mound of cheddar cheese.

“Desire, would you go down to the cellar and get me a jar of tomato sauce?” Mama asked.

              With sweet memories of her last trip down to the cellar, Desire made her way down into the dark cellar. There was still enough daylight such that it wasn’t completely dark down there. Streams of faded sunlight came in through the tiny windows. She could see ribbons of dust suspended in the streams of sunlight. As she walked toward the cold room door, she had to step over crates of old junk and trunks filled with memories. She wasn’t certain exactly what was in those trunks.

Maybe one day I will come down for a treasure hunt.

The dust made Desire sneeze a few times. She lost her footing, toppled backward and landed square on her behind.

“Are you okay down there?” Mama called.

“Yes Mama, I just tripped over my own feet. I am fine.”

“Okay, be careful in the dark.”