Who We Are (8 page)

              As Desire fumbled around to get back on her feet, her mind wandered to thoughts of Johnny. She still didn’t understand why she felt the way she did when she was around him. She suddenly wondered what it would be like to kiss him. As she did, a warm charge ran up and down her body.

              Her mother’s voice intruded her thoughts. “Desire, can you hurry up please?” She snapped out of her dreamy thoughts and headed back upstairs.

              “Goodness me, I thought maybe you got lost down there.” Mama smiled as she said this.

“Oh no, Mama” she said. “All the dust made me sneeze. Then I tripped and fell. Plus, it was so dark, I could barely see the jars in the cold room.”

“Well then,” said Mama, inspecting the jar her daughter handed her. “You did a fine job. Our pizza would have tasted pretty funny topped with strawberries preserves or blueberry jam!”

They finished preparing the pizza and slid it into the brick oven. Papa didn’t care for pizza so they only had it when he didn’t come home for dinner. Papa said that after a hard day’s work, he wanted a full meal and not a piece of dough with messy fixings slopped on top. While the pizza baked, Desire set the table and then made some lemonade. Mama frosted some bite-sized cakes for them to have with their tea after dinner.

              The pizza was almost perfect, Just a few spots of the crust got a little extra crispy. Mother and daughter sat together on the big comfy couch in the sewing room after dinner. Mama brought in her recipe book. Her recipe book was a cherished possession. The book had been passed down through the generations in her family. It always went to the eldest daughter. Mama had said that some of the recipes were almost four hundred years old. It had been transcribed numerous times over the years as it became worn from use. The current copy was covered with thick, brown leather ornately decorated by little flowers and leaves etched right into the leather. A leather strap bound the book together when not in use. Mama told her that the one rule was that the old books were never discarded and whomever determined that it was time to re-copy had to vow not to change a single word. The goal was to maintain the integrity and authenticity of the recipes. It would be up to each user whether or not they altered the recipes to suit their own tastes when they used them. This particular copy had been recopied by Mama’s great-great-great-grandmother back in the 1950’s. Mama laid the book on her lap and proceeded to tell her daughter a story.

“Desire, when I was a little girl, my Mama loved to cook and bake. She told me that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. My Papa loved my Mama dearly, and you could always see the excitement in his face when he came home from work. He couldn’t wait to see what she had prepared for dinner.

My Papa often got himself into a little trouble in the community. He loved my Mama so much that his emotions often overwhelmed him in public. He would hug Mama and kiss her, right out in the open. He would hold my hand walking through town and chatter and laugh the whole time. My Papa, sadly, was an odd man out in this community. He had masterful skills, which is what I think helped him to avoid too much trouble. My Papa was a master carpenter and he designed some of the prettiest buildings and furniture in our community. He built all the latest furnishings for our church and hand-carved the designs.” Mama stopped for a minute. “In fact, Desire, I believe that my Papa worked with Johnny’s grandfather on his father’s side.”

              Desire had heard these stories so many times, she could probably recite them herself, but Mama seemed to love talking about her parents.

“Because my Mama could cook meals that were so heavenly, she was always in charge of community meals, church meals, and would often be called upon to mentor younger ladies to become good cooks for their husbands. Mama let me help with everything she did. Unfortunately, although I fancy myself a good cook and baker, I am nothing compared to my mother. She rarely had to open this book up because all the recipes were in her heart. She cooked with so much love you could taste it in her food. I found this book, wrapped in a lace doily in my Hope Chest.”

Mama opened the front cover and ran her fingertips over the beautiful, curvy letters said that read,
To my beautiful Faith, may you cook with love and live gracefully in God’s bounty. Forever the light of my heart. Love, Mama.

              Every time Mama got to that part of the story, she got a little teary-eyed. Desire knew she missed her family dearly. When her Mama was 14 years old—Desire’s current age—a terrible tragedy took place in the community. Mama’s entire family had gathered at her grandparent’s house for Sunday dinner after church. Before the family sat down to eat, Mama had to take dinner over to the church for the Elders, who were having a meeting. While she was at the church preparing their food, a fire started in the kitchen of her grandparent’s home. It burned so quickly and fiercely that the house burned to the ground within minutes. Everyone inside perished. Desire couldn’t help but wonder how no one could get out of the house, but who was she to question. It was such a sad story. Poor Mama. Only 14 years old when she lost everyone that she loved. Without a home and without a family, Papa came to Mama’s rescue. Papa was ten years older than Mama. Mama said the very next Sunday in church, he stood in front of the congregation and asked permission to take Mama as his wife. Papa had already begun the process of trying to court Mama, but Mama said her own Papa would not agree to it.

Because Mama had no family now, the church became her family. The Minister had become her legal guardian by default, at least until she got married. Papa’s noble gesture was quickly approved and one month later, they were married.

              “Desire, sometimes our memories are the happiest places to be.” That always marked the end of the story. Mama flipped through the big book a little bit and then stopped somewhere near the middle. “Ah, here we are: The sweet section!”

Together, Mama and Desire looked at various recipes and decided to make peanut brittle, lemon-drop candies and fruity nougat. They also decided to make chocolate lollipops. They had some special molds that they could pour the chocolate into to make funny little shapes like balloons, kittens and hearts.

              Sipping on their tea, they wrote lists of things still to do before the Celebration. They had two weeks left to prepare. Desire could hardly wait for church tomorrow. That was unusual for her because secretly she really didn’t like church.

It was getting late so she gave Mama a hug goodnight and headed upstairs for bed.

“Don’t forget to take your bath, sweetheart. You want to be fresh and clean for church tomorrow.”

              When she got to her room, Desire’s mind immediately went back to that night in the bath tub. Just thinking about it made her inner thighs quiver and her privates throb a little.

How could something that was supposedly wrong feel so good?

She thought of the Minister’s teaching. “
The devil will trick you whenever he can. He makes evil deeds feel good to trick us into straying from God. For God, our servitude and goodness shall be rewarded when we are granted a place in his heavenly paradise.”

              While she warmed the water for her bath, Desire undressed and put on her bathrobe. Once the tub was ready she added some lavender oil. She stood in front of the mirror, removed her robe and hung in on the brass hook on the back of the door. Her breasts were silky smooth and her nipples were firm and tingling just a little as she stood there naked. She gently caressed her nipples and little waves of pleasure washed over her body. While she did this, the tingling in her privates got more intense and she couldn’t help herself. She quickly lay down in the tub and immersed herself in the warm lavender-scented water. She resumed caressing her nipples with one hand and her other hand slowly drifted its way down below her abdomen. She gently separated the skin and gently explored and rubbed until she found that one spot that made her want to scream out loud when she touched it. Her gentle touch became quicker and harder and she could feel her whole body tingly in anticipation. The muscles in her thighs tensed and her breath quickened. Her whole body was on fire and a little moan escaped from her mouth.

              She held off as long as she could to relish pleasure rippling from within her and outward to her whole body. At the height of her arousal, out of nowhere she saw Johnny’s image in her mind’s eyes. He was standing there, smiling at her with his shirt partially unbuttoned and a hint of his sun-kissed chest exposed. At that moment she felt a familiar burst and her whole body was shuddering and shaking. Ripples of sheer pleasure pulsed through her entire body.

Exhausted, she rode the final tingles of pleasure as they slowly subsided. She enjoyed the afterglow she felt sure would stay with her for days to come. She lay there for a while before finishing bathing and getting out of the tub. She wondered briefly why Johnny’s image had come to her when it did, but savoring her secret pleasure and feeling completely exhausted, she didn’t explore these thoughts too much.

              She stepped out of the tub to dry and dress for bed. This time she didn’t started bleeding and didn’t pass out on the floor. She smiled to herself on the inside. She crawled into her bed and fell right to sleep.

Chapter Six

She was running through the forest in her nightgown, her long red locks flowing and loose down her back. Her nightgown was very delicate; all silk and lace It was short too barely reaching her mid- thigh. She felt glorious and sultry as she ran to greet him. He stood beside the creek wearing nothing but a pair of old denim jeans. When Johnny turned and saw her, he smiled and extended his arms out to her. She ran toward his bronzed, firm body and couldn’t bare the anticipation of melting into his arms. The thought of his kiss and gentle caresses created a thirst in her groin she hoped would soon be quenched.

              She landed in his arms with a slight air of desperation. He smelled heavenly. She wanted to escape in his embrace and never return. She felt aroused, loved and safe. She desperately wanted to become one with him for eternity. The sun peeked in between tall trees and blinded her. She stepped back and rubbed her eyes. When she opened her eyes, she screamed. Johnny was gone and instead, standing before her with a long leather belt in his hand, was Papa. “You are a very. very wicked girl, Desire.”

             
She bolted up in her bed in a cold sweat. Shaking and still scared, she realized  it was just a dream.

What was going on in my mind?
Was I straying as the Minister warned us when we sin?
Was the devil teasing me.

Despite some lingering fear, she did not really believe that she was being tempted by the devil. She lay back on her pillow and set about recalling her dream.

Why did I dream about Johnny like that?

There was no clear answer to that question, but the yearning lingered in her mind as she closed her eyes. There was something about Johnny she couldn’t explain. She felt a connection to him and it seemed to get stronger every day. She couldn’t explain it—not to herself, nor to anyone. All she knew was that there was some primal attraction to him, and that deep down she felt like she was meant to be with him.

Desire had so many emotions running through her mind she knew that trying to get back to sleep was fruitless. She walked to her bedroom window and watched the thin haze of day begin to break through the night sky.

She tucked away thoughts of Johnny and her dream and thought about the day ahead.

Today is the big day at church and I can’t wait.
Perhaps I can surprise Mama and Papa and have a beautiful stack of pancakes and a fresh pot of coffee all made for them before they even wake up.

She slipped on her robe and blue knitted slippers that Mama made for her and tiptoed very quietly down the stairs so that she could surprise them.

About halfway down the stairs, she halted. She could hear a voice in the kitchen. It was Papa!

Who on earth was he talking to at this time of the day?

She peeked her head around the corner and saw him sitting at the table so straight it looked unnatural. He was alone. After listening for a minute or two, she realized he was  reciting something to himself. Unable to decipher what he was saying, she decided to enter the kitchen loudly enough for him to hear. He didn’t respond to her presence, but continued with his mumblings.

“Papa, why are you up so early?”

His head jerked when she said this and he turned around to look at her. He stared at her for a moment and it seemed as though he didn’t recognize her. Almost half a minute went by before he snapped out of whatever was going through his head.

“Good morning, Desire. What on earth are you doing up so early?”

“I think I was too excited about church today to sleep any longer. So I thought I would surprise you and Mama and have breakfast and coffee ready for you when you woke up. I guess only Mama will be surprised.”

Papa smiled. “How nice of you, Desire. Would you like me to help you? I don’t know much about cooking but am sure I could be of some use.”