Who We Are (2 page)

They were alone in the kitchen. Tobias came very close to Desire and pulled something wrapped up in a kitchen cloth from his jacket pocket. He gave it to her.

“Child, while you are fixing this old man his tea, you take this.”

Desire opened up the cloth and saw a slice of bread and a piece of cheese. Desire looked up at him with wide eyes and her hands started to shake. He always seemed to know everything. She was so hungry she could have swallowed it whole and maybe the cloth too. Pausing, without taking the bread and cheese, Desire wondered if this was a test. She looked back between Tobias and the food in her hand.

Tobias placed his crippled hand over hers. “Desire, I am not testing you.” It was like he read her mind. “Forgiveness is in our hearts and not in our stomachs.”

And with that, he patted her hand and went back into the classroom. She put the kettle on the stove to boil water for his tea. She stood almost statue-like, staring at the food in her hand. If Papa found out, not only would she be severely punished, but possibly Tobias too! She thought about it long and hard. Tobias was already in trouble just for giving her the food. If she did not eat it, then he has put himself at risk for nothing. So out of respect for Tobias, she ate the food.

Desire knew that punishment in their church could be harsh. Summer before last, she was in the field gathering vegetables for dinner. It was blazing hot. Most of her friends wore lighter clothing in the heat of the summer, but not Desire. She is only allowed to wear a heavy dress with a white blouse. She also has to wear heavy stockings and big, black clunky boots. On this particular day, she felt so hot she thought she might pass out. She thought about the little creek in the forest that surrounded the city. Although all the town’s folk are forbidden to enter the forest, she decided to go to the creek anyway, take off her stockings and boots, and wade in the creek to cool down – just for a minute. Normally, she was very careful sneaking into the forest, but the heat must have clouded her good judgment on that day.

Desire headed into the forest and arrived at the creek in no time. She sat down on a moss-covered rock and removed her stockings and boots. She pulled up her dress to keep it from becoming wet or soiled then waded in the cool creek. The water was so clear, she could see right to the bottom. The creek bed was layered with little coloured pebbles that twinkled when the sun hit them. She felt immediately refreshed. She waded for another minute, enjoying her body cooling down. She relaxed and relished the solitude of the forest.

The forest was dense with thick green bushes and trees so tall you couldn’t see the tops of them. There were mighty oaks, pine trees, maple trees. Wildflowers grew everywhere. The forest floor was a mix of patchy green grass and black soil. She continued to wade in the creek, completely losing track of time. After ten minutes, Desire finally started making her way back to the rock.

As she was stepping out of the creek, she heard a voice that startled her. She looked up and saw Johnny, one of the town boys. He was staring at her. Desire didn’t know Johnny well, but her school peers always talked about how weird he was. Maybe he was, but how would she know? What she did know was that she was standing in the forest, the forbidden forest, with no stockings on. Her skirt was still hiked up and now she stood face-to-face with this boy showing him things he was forbidden to see.

Johnny looked amused. “Desire, your Papa is sure going to be cross with you when he finds out how disobedient you have been. A sweet little girl like you, standing in the forbidden forest almost half naked. Shame, shame, shame.” Desire, nervous and afraid now, slipped and fell backward. She landed with a huge splash in the creek, becoming soaked from head to toe. As she fell backward. Her entire dress flew up over her head. There she lay, soaking wet, dress over her head with entire lower body exposed save her undergarments. She fumbled around, furiously trying to get up. She started to cry.

“Desire! Wait! Let me help you.” Johnny yelled to her, but Desire only panicked more.

There is no way I can fix myself up enough to go back home unnoticed!

Surely the neighbours would see her even if Mama and Papa did not.

When she managed finally to get out of the creek, she ran out of the forest. Johnny called to her to stop, but Desire ran and ran. She ran home as quickly as she could. She had to get home in time to get cleaned up. As she ran, she realized she had left behind not only the vegetables, but her stockings and boots too!

“Mama! Mama!” she yelled as she burst through the back door of the house. “Something awful has happened!”

Mama was in the kitchen making dinner. She whipped around, dropping her spoon. “Desire, what is going on? Have you been hurt?” Her eyes were wide with surprise and fear. “Where are your shoes and your stockings?”

Soaking wet, out of breath and scared to death, Desire started to cry and sat down on the floor in a heap. Mama came to her side as Desire relayed the awful story between sobs.

“Oh my, Papa will not be very happy.” Mama bowed her head. She breathed a heavy sigh and appeared to be thinking. Then she did something surprising. She calmly got up, sat down beside her and started to help Desire out of the clothes. Gathering the damp mess into a pile, she instructed Desire to go upstairs, clean herself up and get dressed.

As Desire walked up the stairs, she heard the back door open and close.  When she returned to the kitchen, Mama was not there, so Desire continued preparing the dinner that Mama had started. A short while later, Mama returned through the back door. In her hands, she held Desire’s stockings, shoes and the basket of vegetables that had been left behind at the creek. Mama wiped down the shoes and put them in the closet, and put the stockings in the laundry hamper. She then walked to Desire, took her by the shoulders gently and turned Desire to face her. “Well,” Mama said, looking Desire up and down. “You look perfectly fine now. I cannot even tell by looking at you that you had any sort of ordeal.” Mama kissed Desire on the forehead and gave her shoulders a squeeze. Then she picked up the basket of vegetables and handed them to Desire to prepare for dinner. No more words were spoken.

When Papa got home that night, he seemed to be in an odd mood; self-righteous, perhaps. He came into the kitchen and gave Mama a big kiss on the cheek. Then with a big grin on his face, he turned to Desire and asked, “How was your day today?” Desire looked up at him. She tried not to tremble as she replied.  “My day was fine, Papa. How was work today?”

He grinned again. “My day was very interesting, actually.” He looked around the kitchen and took a deep breath in. “Is supper ready?” Mama nodded and set the table.

Once all the dished were served, they sat down to eat and Papa said the blessing. “Dear God in heaven. Thank you for this bountiful meal that you have blessed us with. Thank you for sunshine that helps our crops to grow. You have blessed us and guided us in our daily pursuit of honesty, integrity and humility. We, at this table, honour you by our virtue and obedience to your teachings. I pray only that if any one of us should be tempted by the devil, that you will protect us and guide us back to your flock. Amen.” Papa lifted his head from prayer and looked at his wife and daughter with fury in his eyes. He stood up and shouted, “Do you two sinners really think I wouldn’t hear about the evil you engaged in while I worked so hard for you today?” He grabbed Mama by the hair and shoved her toward the stairs. “Get upstairs, woman.”

Papa followed Mama up the stairs. Desire jumped a little in her seat when she heard the bedroom door slam. Then she heard Papa yelling, followed by a number of loud thuds and sharp slaps. Desire didn’t dare move. Fear washed over her, wondering what might happen to her.

When Papa came downstairs, he grabbed Desire’s arm and practically dragged her out of the house. She knew where they were going and she was terrified. He half-dragged her across the centre of town and headed straight toward the church. They walked in and approached the Elder’s Table, fully occupied by eleven Elders and the Minister. The only empty chair, the twelfth, belonged to Papa. Papa stood her squarely before the table then took his place at the table.

Within moments, Desire heard shuffling behind her. She did not need to turn around to see who it was. She knew that the whole town had been notified to come to the church as it was customary for community members to attend the church whenever one sinned or disobeyed a law to witness the confession and punishment. Desire felt so humiliated she thought she might die right there on the spot
.

How could I make them understand what really happened?

The Minister instructed her to turn around so that she could watch the congregation enter and so that they could look into her sinning eyes. As the church filled, Desire could feel the heat of embarrassment flushing in her cheeks. She saw the girls from Bible Study enter with their families. When Constance walked up the aisle, Desire noticed the smug grin on her face.

One of the last members to arrive was Johnny. Desire wondered if she imagined the look of concern on his face.

Why should he feel anything? It’s his fault I’m standing up here. If he had minded his own business, none of this would have happened! The kids at school are right: Johnny IS a creep!

Once everyone was seated, the Minister stood up. He declared: “We have before us a sinner. This young lady was tempted by the devil and followed his lead. It is our duty to bring this lost lamb back to our flock.”

He then opened his Bible and read, “When a Lamb of God has knowingly disobeyed or sinned against the community, we have a responsibility to show them the error of their ways and lead them back on the path of righteousness.”

He bowed his head and put his Bible to his ear. Only the Minister could speak directly to God, and it was God who would determine my penance. He looked out to the congregation. “People, I have heard God’s wishes for this child. She must confess her sin to us before she can be given penance and, ultimately, forgiveness.”

Desire looked to the Minister with fear in her eyes. Though he was a kind-looking old man, Desire knew he had a heart of stone when it came to dishing out punishments.

“This child has brought shame to her Papa’s good name. For that, she will be whipped publicly. She will receive no less than 15 lashes. She will then fast for an entire week, taking only water when necessary. During that week, this child will stand alone in the town centre so that we can all look into her sinning eyes and listen to her apologize to us in the community for disobeying the will of God.”

The Minister paused to look at Desire with stony eyes and then turned back to the congregation to continue his fierce announcement. “Once this child completes her penance, all community members will be invited to meet again in this church to embrace this lost lamb and welcome her back into God’s good grace. Her sins will be forgiven and we will not speak of them again.”

The Minister looked down at Desire and signaled to her to begin her confession. Desire’s shaking voice recounted the events of the afternoon. Throughout, the Minister called upon the neighbours who confirmed they saw her running home without stockings and shoes, and testified that Johnny called out to her from the edge of the forest.

The Minister looked at Johnny and asked him to stand up. “Johnny, my son. At any time did Desire try to entice you to look at her or touch her while she was exposed?”

Johnny was genuinely taken aback by the question, “No, Minister. I swear she did not. It was simply an unfortunate accident; that is all. I startled her and she fell over into the creek.”

The Minister looked at Johnny doubtfully. “Hmm. Well, one might question why you found it acceptable to disobey and enter the forest as well. But we can assume that the allure of a young lady with no stockings was an understandable temptation any man might find difficult to deny.” Johnny tried to explain further, but the Minister dismissed him and instructed him to sit back down.

The Minister turned his attention back to the entire congregation. “Desire’s mother, Mrs. Winthrop who is not with us tonight, made purpose to hide this indiscretion from her husband. This is a blatant breech of the husband-wife covenant. Elijah,” the Minister said, turning to Desire’s father at the Elder’s Table, “I understand you have passed sufficient punishment for this breach and I will trust that as a Church Elder, your punishment was suitable.” Papa nodded his head gravely. With that, the Minister dismissed the congregation and instructed them to gather at the centre of the town.

When everyone arrived, Desire was asked to face the townsfolk. Papa removed his belt from his waist and whipped Desire fifteen times across the back. With each lash, Desire could feel her father’s anger and disappointment along with burning pain. Through the crowd, she could see Johnny watching with tears in his eyes.

Desire collapsed after the last lash and the town’s people dispersed and headed home. She stirred a little as Papa carried her home. He carried her upstairs and laid her on her bed. She looked into his eyes as he sat down beside her. “Desire,” he said softly. “Can you look me in the eye and tell me you are still pure?” She looked up at him curiously, “Papa I don’t know what that means.”

He sighed and asked her, “Has a boy ever touched you on your body in a way that made you feel… pleasure?” Without thinking, Desire scrunched up her face, making a look of disgust. This reaction pleased Papa and he immediately looked relieved. “Desire, I must tell you that if you let a boy touch you, and it brings you pleasure, you will burn in hell for eternity. A good girl keeps her body well-clothed and free from manly touches or stares. If I ever find out that you have let a boy touch you or stare at you without your clothes on, I will beat you until I see the devil jump out of your skin. Do you understand?”