Wholehearted (8 page)

“S
O
WHERE
is he?” Oliver asked in a loud voice when Declan opened the door twenty minutes later.

“He’s still sleeping,” Declan shushed.

“Oh, sorry.” Oliver lowered his voice.

“C’mon in.” Declan gestured toward the kitchen.

Oliver placed a box in the middle of the table and sat down, pulling his jacket off and hanging it off the back of the chair.

“I brought the ones with sugar, and I brought the kind with the bourbon cream cheese icing, so you’d better spill what’s been going on with you.”

“Nothing, I’m just doing him a favor.”

“Seriously, Declan, you have to be the king of denial. Last year about your sexuality and this year about how you feel about Lucas? I haven’t even seen you with the guy and I can tell you’re halfway in love with him. You have that lovesick look in your eyes.” Oliver and Mack were two of the only people in town who knew Declan was gay.

The year before, after Mack and Oliver had come out, Oliver had broached the subject with Declan. He’d told him he’d suspected that there was something going on with him, and if Declan was comfortable talking about it, he was there to listen. Declan had broken down right then, the burden of carrying around his secret finally lifted off him. He’d felt weightless.

Although the town didn’t seem to have a problem with homosexuality, Declan hadn’t been at a place where he felt comfortable coming out to everyone. So despite the relief of finally telling someone, he chose to keep the number of people he confided in to a minimum. The wounds from the year before still hadn’t completely healed.

“I am not. Honestly. I will admit that this case has affected me… strangely. I don’t know why. I can’t describe how I felt when I saw him all lifeless and sprawled on the dock. My heart stopped, and I almost lost my head right there, but then I knelt down beside him and it was like we were fighting together, like if I could just be touching him, be close to him, like he could take strength from me, and fight for his life.” Declan looked up from his coffee cup. “That sounds insane, doesn’t it?”

“I don’t think so. I mean, I’ve never worked as a cop, or in a hospital, but I would think that some people just affect you differently than others. It’s human nature.”

“Yeah,” Declan admitted, “This one just got to me.”

“So what’s he like?”

“I don’t really know. He’s all over the place. When he first woke up, he was angry and belligerent. Once I spent some time with him, he warmed up a little, was less… snarky. Then I got him in the car to come here, and all of a sudden he’s withdrawn and surly again. I can’t quite get a read on him.”

“That must be frustrating,” Oliver said, sipping his coffee.

“A little, but part of me thinks it’s for the best.” Declan gave Oliver a look of warning. “I’m not saying I’m in love with him, or I even have feelings for him. All I’m saying is that the possibility isn’t completely out of the question, and I just can’t. I don’t want to get too attached, so Lucas’s attitude makes that a lot easier for me.”

“Uh huh.” Oliver was disbelieving. They had only known each other for the year since Oliver had moved to town, but they had become close friends, and Oliver had a way of seeing through people. He’d had Declan’s number from day one, and had never let Declan live it down.

“Can we just talk about something else?” Declan asked, becoming slightly agitated with the direction the conversation had taken. “I have no idea how long he’s going to sleep, and the last thing he needs is to walk in on a conversation about me wanting to get in his pants.”

“So you admit, you do want to get in his pants,” Oliver said triumphantly.

“Ugh! You are so exasperating sometimes.”

“One of my many charms. It’s what people love about me.”

“Yeah, speaking of people loving you”—Declan changed the subject—“how is life on the committed side?”

“It’s been good. It took a bit of adjusting for Mack to get used to living out and proud… the grand romantic gesture he made during his speech at Christmas was done without a lot of forethought, and he isn’t totally there yet, but I’m trying to be patient with him. There have been a ton of changes in the last year, and I’ve got to give the guy credit for handling them as well as he has. You know he’s not the most patient or level-headed guy when it comes to certain things, and he’s handled criticism and uncertainty from some people he’s known all his life, and he’s done it with a smile on his face… and making sure I keep a smile on mine, if you know what I mean.” Oliver quirked one eyebrow up and gave a little grin.

“Ugh, okay, I don’t want to know. He’s my friend, but he’s also my boss. I don’t need to be picturing him pounding your ass every time I see him.”

“Who said anything about him pounding my ass?” Oliver teased.

“What?”

“I’m kidding.”

Declan laughed. “Oh.”

“For a cop, you’re pretty easy to ruffle, you know.”

“Not used to talking about sex all that much, that’s all. You know what happened in Austin. I’m trying, but it’s hard to let it go some days.”

“Yeah, I know. Sorry, I didn’t mean to tease you.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m moving on and getting over it. Just haven’t ever had the chance to talk openly about my… preferences… with anyone other than you and Mack.”

Oliver reached across the table and covered Declan’s hands with his own. “Of course, Dec. Anytime. You’ve become really important to me too.”

Declan smiled at him. He was lucky to have a friend like Oliver.

“So how are things down at the shop? Things working out with Haydn?”

“Yeah, things have been great. He’s really spunky, and as far as the business side of things, it’s mostly up to me. He doesn’t have much of a head for numbers… or anything but baking really, but I deal with the math and the meal-type food, and Haydn deals with the sweets and baking. So far things are working out great.”

“I’m happy for you. You deserve good things after everything you went through.”

“Thanks. I do feel a bit like this is my prize for dealing with shitty circumstances.”

Declan smiled broadly. “That’s a good way of looking at it.”

“I thought so.”

“H
ELLO
?” L
UCAS
called hesitantly as he walked into the kitchen wearing nothing but the scrubs the nurse had given him at the hospital. The drawstring was tied loosely, and the thin material hung precariously off Lucas’s slim hips. The gauzy material clung in all the right places, giving Declan a clear outline of what hid below the fabric.

The slowly healing bruises and lacerations that decorated Lucas’s skin marred the perfection of his body. Dark purple contusions bled into yellow closer to the edges of the wounds. He looked like he’d been hit by a train. Besides the injuries, his hair was all over the place and his face marked with lines from the pillow, but he didn’t look all that rested. His eyes were still red, and his unmarked skin looked pale.

“Oh, uh, hey, Lucas. This is my friend Oliver.” Declan turned to Oliver who had a bemused look on his face. “Oliver, this is Lucas.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Lucas,” Oliver offered. “You want a cinnamon bun?”

“Fuck yes,” Lucas replied before plopping himself down into a seat and placing the sticky pastry on a napkin. He licked the frosting from his fingers one by one, and Declan was mortified to realize he was staring at his pink tongue wrapping around each fingertip. He could feel the blood in his body surging south, filling his cock to painful hardness in seconds flat. The sound of Oliver chuckling broke him out of his little fantasy world.

Declan glared at Oliver.

“You have a good nap?” Declan asked.

Lucas just shrugged and reached for another cinnamon bun.

“These are fucking amazing,” he said, his mouth full of gooey dough.

“Thanks. My partner Haydn makes them fresh every day. You should come by sometime. We’ve got lots of sweet and sticky things if that’s how you like them.”

Declan continued to glare, hoping Lucas hadn’t noticed the not-so-subtle innuendo. No such luck, Lucas started to look uncomfortable.

“Uh, maybe,” he said and stared down at his now-empty napkin.

Oliver rose from the table. “Well, I should be going. Mack’s going to be off in an hour, and I still need to get supper in the oven. He gets cranky if there’s no food when he gets home, and then all loving is withheld.”

“Yeah right,” Declan said disbelievingly. “Loving is never withheld in your house.”

“You’re right, but he likes to threaten, and I don’t wanna take any chances that he might follow through one day.” Oliver winked at Declan and turned back to Lucas who was busy inspecting the remaining crumbs in front of him as though they might float off the table. “Nice to meet you, Lucas. Hope to see you again.”

He pulled his coat on and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Declan and Lucas alone again, in what was a very awkward silence. Declan balled up the napkins and took the plates to the sink to soak the sticky frosting off.

“So Oliver, he’s like….” Lucas trailed off.

“Like what?” Declan asked.

“Uh, he and Mack are like, lovers?”

“Yeah. They’ve been together for almost a year now.”

“And people don’t think it’s weird that they’re queer?”

“Not really. Some people aren’t okay with it, and they’ve had some really awful things said to them, but the people that matter are supportive and it’s tough not to be when you see them together. It’s obvious how much they love each other.”

“Oh” was the only response Declan got. Lucas wasn’t exactly overflowing with conversation.

“I guess we should probably think about getting supper started. You must be hungry, living on hospital food for the past few days, and I didn’t even feed you once we got home.”

“I’m fine.”

“Yeah, I get that, but how about we order a pizza tonight. You can eat if you want to, or not. Your choice.”

“Aren’t you working tonight?”

“Yep. I am on call, but one of the nice things about living in such a small town is that it only takes a few minutes to get anywhere. Sometimes I do patrols around town to make sure everything is as it should be, but if something happens, Lisa, our secretary and dispatcher, calls me and I leave out from here. It’s a nice perk. Unless you want the place to yourself. If you do, I can go into the station. There is some paperwork I could take care of.”

“No, that’s okay,” Lucas said, fidgeting in his seat.

Declan was secretly pleased, but tried not to let it show. “So what do you like on your pizza?”

“Whatever.”

“I should have guessed,” Declan said, his tone dry.

He grabbed the menu for the only pizza place in town off the fridge and dialed Marcus’s number. Marcus picked up on the third ring.

“Hey Marcus,” Declan said. “Busy tonight?”

“Yup, but never too busy for my new best customer.”

“New?”

“Yeah, Mack used to be one of my best, but since he and Oliver have gotten together, he orders far less pizza… my sales have gone down almost thirty percent in the past year!” Marcus joked.

“Well, glad to know I’ll be picking up the slack. Can I get two pizzas, one meat and one with everything?” Declan glanced at Lucas to see if there was any sort of sign of approval. Nothing.

“Sure, Declan. It’ll be ready in thirty minutes. You wanna pick it up, or do you want me to get Ben to drive it out to you?”

“Delivery please.”

“Sure thing. He’ll be there in half an hour.”

“Thanks, Marcus,” Declan said before hanging up the phone.

D
INNER
WENT
well, Lucas eating more pizza than Declan had anticipated. They sat in the living room together, and Declan turned on the TV. He found a monster movie for them to watch, assuming that if Lucas liked monsters in his graphic novels, he might like them on TV as well. He hadn’t said much since Oliver had left, seeming to be even more withdrawn.

Maybe he avoided the subject of Oliver being gay. After what Lucas had gone through, and the word
fag
scrawled across the crime scene, if Lucas wasn’t gay, it was at least going to be a difficult subject. There was no way he was going to out himself to Lucas, though, just in case. He didn’t want to make Lucas uncomfortable, and if he were being honest with himself, he wasn’t all that comfortable admitting it either.

The problems with the Austin police department had all sprung from his sexuality, and it was difficult to confess for fear of the same thing happening here. He knew his fears were likely unfounded; if his boss was gay and the community seemed to be okay with it, then it was unlikely they would try to run him out of town for having the same preferences, right?

He hadn’t exactly made a public declaration like the one Mack had made for Oliver, but then again, Declan didn’t have the same motivation that Mack had. He was alone. There was no one to make the grand gesture for. He hoped that by the time he fell in love, he would feel comfortable enough with his own sexuality to do the same thing.

He felt a little guilty for not laying all his cards out for Lucas. He should have told him he was gay when he asked about Oliver, but he couldn’t. Part of it was fear of what Lucas’s reaction would be. He didn’t know the circumstances surrounding the attack. It had presented like a textbook hate crime, and Declan didn’t want to add any unnecessary stress to Lucas, especially less than twelve hours after coming home from the hospital. More than that, though, he was afraid of what Lucas’s reaction would be, and worst of all, that Lucas would leave, not wanting to be around Declan once he found out.

T
HE
NEXT
morning, Declan woke up feeling content and refreshed. It felt nice to be able to stay home and not drive into Ellsworth to the hospital. It was nice knowing that Lucas was safe and healthy only a few rooms away. He liked knowing that the guy was so close. He made coffee and sat at the kitchen table reading the paper.

A while later, Lucas emerged from his room, his hair still a mess, stubble covering his jaw, and his eyes even more red than the day before. He looked as though he hadn’t slept at all.