Why Men Love Bitches (11 page)

A textbook example of a sexual mixed message happened with my friend Pam. Last winter, she invited a guy to come into her home after a date because it was really cold in his car. She made hot chocolate and put on comfortable baggy flannel pajamas. They started to kiss. She assumed the flannel pajamas were so conservative that he wouldn’t perceive it as an invitation to have sex. She was surprised to discover that he had much more than hot chocolate on his mind.

Bedroom clothes are
b-e-d-r-o-o-m clothes
to a man. Wearing something cozy that you sleep in (even ugly boxers or flannel sleepers) will be perceived as a green light.

Even though he’ll subtly pressure you, if he really likes you, a part of him deep down will want you to make him wait. He wants to believe you are “different.” He wants you to think he is neat, cool, and handsome. He wants you to laugh at his jokes and think he is funny. He wants a goddess. He wants…Wonder Woman.

So how do you give him this impression? Simple. Let him pursue you and don’t give yourself over too easily. Throw on a pair of go-go boots and suddenly you become the Wonder Woman of his dreams.

One of the biggest mistakes the nice girl makes is she competes with other women. She may ask him about another woman in the room, “Is she pretty?” Or, she may be competing with whatever she
thinks
he fantasizes about: a model, a centerfold, a stripper, or a porn star.

It’s often said that a woman doesn’t reach her sexual peak until after she turns thirty. It takes a lot of women until then to overcome their insecurity or the feeling that they have to compete with other women. Sex becomes better because she can tell him what she likes. She’s more secure. She’s more assertive. She can let go because she is not self-conscious.

A lot of women feel pressured to live up to an ideal. Or they feel that in the bedroom they have to put on a riveting performance. I’ve even heard some men critique women and say, “The louder she screams, the better.”

A look at how widespread pornography has become only confirms how unrealistic the standards have become. Even porn movies utilize fake “voiceovers.” This means that the girl screaming, “Yes! Yes! Give it to me, yes!” is often a fully dressed 400-pound woman who is sitting on a stool in a studio and screaming into a microphone.

The bitch doesn’t usually define herself by outside standards. But often, women who are
too
nice are
too
busy trying to measure up. When a woman is
too
concerned with performance issues in bed, she completely forgets why she’s there in the first place. It’s not sex; it’s “animation” time.

A bitch is far less likely to put on a “cartoon” show. She is much more honest. She asks for what she wants. If he doesn’t do it right, she
won’t
encourage him by giving disingenuous feedback. Yet then he doesn’t learn how to please her, and that won’t work because the bitch rightly cares about her own pleasure.

I don’t recommend that a woman fake an orgasm. This little lesson is a satire on the pressures women feel to perform. If a man makes you feel as though you are on stage competing in a pageant, don’t sleep with him.

It is much more of a turn-on to a man when a woman is able to be herself and she’s honest about what she likes and dislikes. A man loves watching a woman get off; it’s an automatic turn-on. And that’s much more important than putting on an award-winning performance.

Half of pleasing him is getting off yourself, not faking it. It’s true that a man’s ego has to be stroked and properly dealt with, but that’s what
your
satisfaction accomplishes. The same principle that holds true outside the bedroom holds true inside the bedroom: The bitch can better please him because she is more concerned with pleasing herself. He knows without question that she loves every minute of it. And this feeds his ego like nothing else can.

The nice girl will also make the mistake of being disingenuous in other ways. For example, suppose she sleeps with him on the second date and he asks how many lovers she’s had. She gives the oldest line in the book: “I’ve only had three lovers.”

The bitch will not go there. She won’t sleep with a guy right away and then try to give the almost-virgin shtick: “I’ve only had three lovers…the first one hurt…the second wasn’t as good as you…the third one had three inches and thirty seconds of fury…and the fourth…uh, oops…there wasn’t a fourth. Okay, yes, there was a fourth. But we didn’t go all the way, so it doesn’t count…the fifth one doesn’t matter either because I was drunk….”

If you tell him you’ve had three lovers and you are over the age of a fetus, he’ll know you’re a straight-up liar. Show him with your actions that you are a classy woman by letting him wait. And if he pries or wants to know about your private life say, “I probably haven’t been with as many men as you’ve been with women.” If you become defensive as if you have something to hide, up goes the red flag.

What do you do when he boasts about his past conquests? The
last
thing you want to do is listen, because you’ll get the embellished version—and you might actually believe some of it is true.

The bitch is the woman who will look at her watch in an effort to drop a hint when he brings up another woman. She already knows what she has to offer is enough—take it or leave it. And if he doesn’t change the subject by the time she’s done winding her watch, she will. “Honey, I’m not one of the guys. Please don’t tell me about other women you’ve been with.”

Remember, inside the bedroom as well as outside the bedroom, men are used to women who are insecure, which is all the more reason to be different. You need to exude the attitude that you are confident and that you aren’t concerned with whether you measure up or whether another woman can steal him away.

If the subject of other women comes up, casually throw this into one of your conversations: “If any woman can steal a guy away from me, then she can have him because I wouldn’t want him anymore.” Then smile, take a sip of your wine, and change the subject. “Seen any good movies lately?”

If you don’t trust him, stop seeing him. But until he gives you a reason not to trust him, behave as though you trust him. It will make you look secure with yourself as if you are saying with your actions, “Well,
of course,
you want to be with me!”

A quality guy wants to feel trusted because it makes him feel as though you believe in his character. Until he gives you a reason not to trust him, trust him. If he’s falling in love with you, he won’t tell you he wants to be with you exclusively—you’ll automatically know. He’ll be calling you every day and he will insist that you date only him. Because he won’t want anyone else coming near his
dreamgirl.

In order to motivate a man to give, he must feel good when he gives. He wants to feel appreciated and revered. Ego is the reason men go to war. It’s the reason they build large corporations. Ego is the reason they stick needles in their butts at the gym before lifting heavy weights. It’s the reason they beg, steal, and borrow. And ego is the reason they fall in love.