Why Not Me? (23 page)

Astoria

9pm–who knows! :-D

Dress code:
Upscale Autumn

Anyway, please RSVP if you can make it. I’m really looking forward to seeing you.

Love,

Mindy

Mindy Kaling

Latin Teacher, High School

The Dalton School

108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128

(212) 555-1445 (work)

(617) 453-8688 (cell)

Tumblr: aromeofonesown.tumblr.com

AIM handle: LatinLover1979

—You can also catch me on Facebook—

“Since you been gone, I can breathe for the first time.” —Kelly Clarkson

From:
Sam Cook

To:
All Faculty

Subject:
RE: A Back to School Soiree Chez Mindy

Date:
Mon, Sep 5, 2005

Dear colleagues,

I am actually glad that Ms. Kaling wrote, because it’s the beginning of the school year, and we have an opportunity to set a precedent. These email accounts were given to us for work-related emails only, and I would like to keep my inbox clear of irrelevant emails not necessary to education.

SC

Sam Cook

US History, High School

Chair, History Department

The Dalton School

108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128

From:
Mindy Kaling

To:
All Faculty

Subject:
RE: RE: A Back to School Soiree Chez Mindy

Date:
Mon, Sep 5, 2005

Hello everyone,

It has recently been brought to my attention that I may have offended some of you by inviting you to a party on my work email. I am so sorry to have filled your inbox with “irrelevant emails not necessary to education.”

It should be noted, however, certain studies have shown that teachers getting along socially actually
benefits
students, so forgive me if I’m trying to do something progressive here. I didn’t know this was East Germany in the 1950s where we’re not supposed to talk. I’m sure that environment is much worse for the students but I don’t have a study to corroborate that. For those who do want to come, please RSVP.

Sorry again if I offended, though I would be
really
surprised if I did.

Mindy Kaling

Mindy Kaling

Latin Teacher, High School

The Dalton School

108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128

(212) 555-1445 (work)

(617) 453-8688 (cell)

Tumblr: aromeofonesown.tumblr.com

AIM handle: LatinLover1979

—You can also catch me on Facebook—

“Since you been gone, I can breathe for the first time.”—Kelly Clarkson

From:
Sam Cook

To:
All Faculty

Subject:
RE: RE: RE: A Back to School Soiree Chez Mindy

Date:
Mon, Sep 5, 2005

Great. Thanks.

SC

Sam Cook

US History, High School

Chair, History Department

The Dalton School

108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128

     TUESDAY     

From:
Mindy Kaling

To:
All Faculty

Subject:
Hurtful but work-related matter

Date:
Tue, Sep 6, 2005

To all:

You don’t have to come to my party, and I get it if you think I suck and Astoria is lame, but you don’t have to talk loudly about it in the teachers’ lounge, where a teacher could walk by on her break and hear what you are saying, which
is exactly what happened to me this afternoon.
I know that my party may not be what you want to do on a Saturday night, and yeah, maybe it was a mistake to buy a piñata, but I thought it might be a fun way to blow off steam. The truth is, my apartment is new and empty and it would have been nice to have it filled with voices. But you know what? No one has to come. Forget it. Party’s canceled.

Sorry to have wasted all your time.

Mindy Kaling

Mindy Kaling

Latin Teacher, High School

The Dalton School

108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128

(212) 555-1445 (work)

(617) 453-8688 (cell)

Tumblr: aromeofonesown.tumblr.com

AIM handle: LatinLover1979

—You can also catch me on Facebook—

“Since you been gone, I can breathe for the first time.” —Kelly Clarkson

From:
Sam Cook

To:
Mindy Kaling

Subject:
RE: Hurtful but work-related matter

Date:
Tue, Sep 6, 2005

Ms. Kaling,

I want to apologize. I was one of the people you overheard talking in the lounge earlier today. I think your party sounds very silly, but I shouldn’t have said anything. Please don’t cancel it.

And as it happens, I do think piñatas are fun. My daughter Molly really enjoys them, and at her last birthday party, I even took a whack. I think it will go over well.

SC

Sam Cook

US History, High School

Chair, History Department

The Dalton School

108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128

From:
Mindy Kaling

To:
Sam Cook

Subject:
RE: RE: Hurtful but work-related matter

Date:
Tue, Sep 6, 2005

Dear Sam,

Thanks for apologizing, kind of. I do appreciate it, because from someone as disagreeable as you, it must’ve taken a lot to send that. I forgive you, and I won’t cancel the party. You are re-invited.

Though it might not have been apparent in the first email, it’s kind of a singles event, so you should come. You and I have that in common at least. Ethan dumped me, and your wife left you. So join us if you’re not doing anything.

Sincerely,

Mindy

Mindy Kaling

Latin Teacher, High School

The Dalton School

108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128

(212) 555-1445 (work)

(617) 453-8688 (cell)

Tumblr: aromeofonesown.tumblr.com

AIM handle: LatinLover1979

—You can also catch me on Facebook—

“Since you been gone, I can breathe for the first time.” —Kelly Clarkson

From:
Sam Cook

To:
Mindy Kaling

Subject:
RE: RE: RE: Hurtful but work-related matter

Date:
Tue, Sep 6, 2005

Ms. Kaling,

Thank you for your touching email. I should just clear something up: my wife didn’t leave me, she died. Though I am wondering about my behavior in general if you think that the former is more likely.

I don’t think I will be able to come to the party.

Sam Cook

US History, High School

Chair, History Department

The Dalton School

108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128

From:
Mindy Kaling

To:
Sam Cook

Subject:
RE: RE: RE: RE: Hurtful but work-related matter

Date:
Tue, Sep 6, 2005

OH MY GOD I am so sorry that I assumed your wife left you.

Sincerely,

Mindy

P.S. I’m also so sorry she is dead.

Mindy Kaling

Latin Teacher, High School

The Dalton School

108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128

(212) 555-1445 (work)

(617) 453-8688 (cell)

Tumblr: aromeofonesown.tumblr.com

AIM handle: LatinLover1979

—You can also catch me on Facebook—

“Since you been gone, I can breathe for the first time.”—Kelly Clarkson

     WEDNESDAY     

From:
Mindy Kaling

To:
Lindsay Kellogg

Subject:
hi! And, favor.

Date:
Wed, Sep 7, 2005

Hey Linds! I’m so excited you’re coming Saturday night! I know how busy you are at Goldmans so I will make sure it’s extra fun. Uh, I feel a little embarrassed asking this, but remember that guy Seth you work with? The one you said once looked at our Facebook album from college and said he’d never been with an Indian girl but he’d like to someday? Maybe you could invite him to the party? If it’s not weird. It would be really nice to meet some guys.

xoxo

Mindy Kaling

Latin Teacher, High School

The Dalton School

108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128

(212) 555-1445 (work)

(617) 453-8688 (cell)

Tumblr: aromeofonesown.tumblr.com

AIM handle: LatinLover1979

—You can also catch me on Facebook—

“Since you been gone, I can breathe for the first time.”—Kelly Clarkson

From:
Lindsay Kellogg

To:
Mindy Kaling

Subject:
RE: hi! And, favor.

Date:
Wed, Sep 7, 2005

Fuck yeah, I’m coming

This week’s BEEN A NIGHTMARE

I’ve been here like 18 hours/day

Two days ago a partner hung himself

Yikes

I NEED THIS

I’ll tell Seth. Should I bring coke?

Linds

Lindsay Kellogg

Vice President, Private Wealth Advisor

Goldman, Sachs & Co.

200 West Street

New York, NY 10282

United States

(212) 902-1000

This message w/attachments (message) is intended solely for the use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain information that is privileged, confidential or proprietary. If you are not an intended recipient, please notify the sender, and then please delete and destroy all copies and attachments, and be advised that any review or dissemination of, or the taking of any action in reliance on, the information contained in or attached to this message is prohibited.

From:
Mindy Kaling

To:
Lindsay Kellogg

Subject:
RE: RE: hi! And, favor.

Date:
Wed, Sep 7, 2005

PLEASE DO NOT BRING COCAINE! It’s not going to be that kind of party, it’s mostly high school language arts and history teachers. I got a piñata, which I’ve heard adults actually like. Promise me you won’t bring cocaine.