Wicked Lovers 07 Ours to Love (19 page)

She reared back in her seat and shook her head at him. “That’s not it at all. I don’t
feel sorry for you. I just want you both to see how much joy loving and being loved
can bring. My parents loved me unconditionally. We didn’t have a lot, but they would
have done anything for me. I had great friends. I even had a cat who followed me everywhere,
a male Siamese named Merlin. I didn’t need designer clothes or a bunch of diamonds
to feel rich. I really wish you guys could know that feeling of belonging somewhere
because you’re treasured by the people around you.”

God, she just kept digging that knife deeper. He’d never had that, and the longer
she talked about the warmth and sense of belonging that love provided, the more he
wanted it. Desperately. Like an addict craving a fix.

And suddenly everything snapped into place. He was falling in love with this girl
he’d known for a handful of days, whom he hadn’t slept with, one who was both innocent
and wise, because she centered him. He looked at her and suddenly understood exactly
what he’d been missing. What he could no longer live without.

Xander stared, wondering how the hell his whole world had tilted on its axis in the
span of seventy-two hours. Fuck it. That didn’t matter. What did matter was figuring
out how to get closer to her, make her want him, depend on him, never want to leave
him. She was tenderness and sunshine, and for the first time in his life, he was dying
to feel it fill him up.

“I’d like that, too,” he whispered.

Chapter Ten

S
OMEWHERE
around three a.m., Xander told London to close up the laptop and go to bed. He would
have liked to slide in beside her and have her warm curves pressed against him, but
she looked exhausted. After helping her as she worked so diligently and intuitively
on the annual report for the last six hours so the board and employees would have
a perfect grasp of where the company stood—and proving just how damn smart she was—London
deserved her rest. Sure, he’d answered questions, and they had debated exactly what
to say and how to say it, but she’d carefully crafted just the right words and created
just the right visuals. He was damn impressed with her and he’d said so.

Xander stayed up another hour scanning the results and the few numbers she’d received
from the public affairs department. Things were dismal. Orders were down more than
twenty percent for most of their existing military hardware. Their competitors had
made a lot of strides in the last year, while Javier had been drowning his grief and
guilt. Thankfully, sales for their advanced tactical laser technology had been holding
steady and keeping them afloat. But after tonight, a few things had become crystal
clear, and he’d be talking to his older brother soon.

With a turn in at four in the morning, he wasn’t thrilled to hear someone pounding
on the door just before seven, then ringing the doorbell in quick succession when
no one answered immediately. What the fuck?

Xander stumbled from bed, into the hallway, and to the front door. He hoped the asshole
didn’t mind if he answered the door in his boxer-briefs, but at this point, he didn’t
really give a shit.

He unlocked the door, then wrenched it open with a scowl. Xander wasn’t exactly sure
who he expected on the other side—a nosy neighbor, the paperboy, a corporate spy—but
he was wrong on all counts.

“Logan!” His frown turned up into a smile. “Man, it’s good to see you.”

Logan Edgington stepped into the house, and the two friends shared a handshake and
shoulder bump that quickly turned to a full-blown hug.

“When did you get in?” Xander asked, stepping back to let Logan in and shutting the
door behind him.

“Last night. It’s good to be home. I was thrilled when Tara told me you’d come to
Lafayette.”

“What brings you here? You just stop by to see little ol’ me?”

“You wish.” Logan rolled his eyes. “I told Tyler I’d relieve him of Javier’s PT this
morning since Del had to go into work early and left him with the kids. How is your
brother?”

“About the same as the last e-mail I sent you.” He shrugged. “One day at a time, you
know?”

Logan nodded. “Absolutely. You don’t look so hot yourself.”

“I’ve had three hours of sleep, you sadistic bastard. Don’t you know how to sleep
in?”

His buddy laughed, and Xander rolled his eyes.

“If I was nice, I’d let you go back to bed and I’d return later. But nah. You get
to deal with me now. Why don’t you put some clothes on, dude? I’ll make coffee.”

Normally, Xander would give Logan shit about being a morning person and a pain in
the ass, but he hadn’t seen his friend in months. Putting up with a little fatigue
to see his best friend was no hardship.

“On it.” He hustled off to do exactly as Logan suggested, brushing his teeth before
throwing on yesterday’s pants. Then he headed back to the kitchen.

“Damn, it’s good to see you. How long is your leave?” Xander asked, strolling into
the kitchen.

“Technically, it’s two weeks.” Logan hesitated. “But I’m thinking of leaving the teams.”

“
What?
” Xander blinked. Logan had been a SEAL for as long as they’d been friends. Until
Logan married two years ago, he’d lived, eaten, breathed everything navy. He was a
frogman through and through.

“Don’t tell me you’re getting soft,” Xander joked. Hell, he wasn’t sure what was running
through Logan’s head.

“Tara is pregnant.”

Shock hit Xander quickly. He probably shouldn’t be that surprised. Logan was completely
smitten with his pretty redheaded wife and had been since he’d been her high school
sweetheart. Tara was smart and funny—and perfect for Logan in every way. He’d known
it was just a matter of time before they started having kids.

What surprised Xander most was that right after the surprise, jealousy blazed through
his veins, quick and hot. Logan had everything a man could want: love, commitment,
a caring family, good friends, and now a little one on the way. Logan might not have
a ton of money, but Xander was living proof that millions couldn’t buy the things
that were most valuable in life.

“Congratulations, man!” He slapped Logan on the back. “You’ve got to be thrilled.”

He nodded enthusiastically, but his expression was pensive. “Yeah. Tara didn’t breathe
a word about me leaving the teams, but I don’t want her to raise our children alone.
My mom did that, and she was miserable. I don’t want to come home in a pine box, either.
She needs me now. And I’m thirty, man. I’m getting old for this game.”

Xander nodded, silently conceding Logan’s point. “How do you feel about a career change?
I thought you’d be career navy.”

Logan dragged in a deep breath, obviously mentally grasping for words. “A bit sad,
but I knew it had to end someday. I’ve loved serving my country. It’s something I’ll
always be proud of. But maybe this is for the best. The timing is right. Just before
I reconnected with Tara, they extended my last commission by an extra two years. Because
who doesn’t think Afghanistan is paradise, right?” He rolled his eyes. “So technically
I could be free in a few weeks and take a civilian job.”

But he didn’t sound thrilled. “You’re built for adrenaline.”

His sigh spoke volumes. “I love what I do, but I love Tara more. I’m going to be a
father come January.” He grinned wryly. “I have a feeling that will be an adventure
all its own.”

“No doubt.” Everyone seemed to be making their life an adventure these days, himself
included.

“So where is your brother? I’d like to work his ass to a nub, then come back so we
can hang out for a bit.”

“In bed. Good luck working through the hangover.”

Logan scowled. “So he’s still drinking too much?”

“Yep,” Xander said regretfully. “I’ve got no idea how to make him stop.”

London emerged from the hallway and into the kitchen then, looking sweetly rumpled,
her pale hair a cloud caressing her shoulders and hanging to the small of her back.
That tight pink tank top made his morning wood rise all over again, and though she
didn’t have on a drop of makeup and wasn’t wearing anything remotely sexy, Xander
was still dying to touch her.

She caught sight of him and Logan sitting around the coffee cups and halted. “Morning.
Hi, Logan.”

Even that cute little blush crawling up her cheeks turned him on. He’d love to give
her something to blush about. He wondered what she’d say if she knew that he’d gone
to bed last night and had to jack off to keep himself from sneaking into her bedroom
and seducing her out of those clothes and under his body.

“Hi, yourself, London,” Logan returned.

She sent him a faint smile of greeting. “It’s good to see you.”

“You, too. How are you, hon?”

“Good. Better, actually. How about you?”

“Great.”

“Nice to have you home.” Her soft voice wound gently through the room before she headed
for the coffeepot.

Logan shot Xander a very sharp glare with a raised brow. It asked point-blank if he
was sleeping with her.

Quickly, she poured a cup of coffee. Twisting her hair over one shoulder, she smiled
shyly at them both. “I’m going to see if Javier is awake. He should know what happened
last night.”

And with that, she exited the kitchen. She hadn’t even cleared the room yet before
Logan sent him another questioning stare.

“What happened last night? Are you fucking kidding me?” Logan whispered furiously.
“Alyssa’s cousin? Dude, that’s not cool. She’s so innocent. She can’t possibly play
your games.”

It would be easy to shut Logan up with the convenient part of the truth. “Relax. I
haven’t slept with her. Not for lack of trying.”

“She’s a virgin; I’d bet my life.”

Xander nodded. “I’m giving her all the time and space she needs.”

“You should just keep your distance. You know I love you like a brother, but she needs
someone who will care about her, be there for her in the long run, and—”

“I think I’m in love with her.”

“Are you fucking . . . whoa.” Logan shifted on his stool. “Have you ever thought that
in your life about any woman?”

“Nope.” Xander swallowed, and realizing how much of his life he’d wasted felt like
trying to choke down a big ball of regret. “She doesn’t exactly trust me. Javier decided
that she needed to know my ‘number.’”

“Ouch!” Logan winced. “Do
you
even know your number?”

“Not exactly. A bunch.” He shrugged. “But London is different. She’s got a big heart.
She cares about the people in her life. Everything about her is genuine. She likes
me. But . . .” How the hell did he confess what came next? Who would believe that
the man who’d rarely ever been told no would finally meet the woman he wasn’t sure
he could live without, only to find she was hung up on his own brother? “I think she
has deeper feelings for Javier. It hurts like a bitch, and if I let her walk out the
door, I’d survive, but I think it would hurt a shitload more than I even want to imagine.”

“Wow, so this isn’t just about her boobs?”

“No.” He forced a grin. “But they are admittedly great.”

“Horndog.”

Xander shrugged. “I haven’t slept with anyone else since I met her. Granted, that’s
only a few days.”

“But for you, that’s a feat.”

“Exactly. That should tell you how serious I am.”

Logan took a swig of coffee, clearly pondering the situation. “So . . . you’re thinking
that she’s going to choose Javier?”

“There’s a good chance.”

He stared down into the black depths of his coffee. It smelled rich and tasted like
ash on his tongue. He glanced toward the door to the master bedroom, but it was closed.
And knowing that she went to his brother first, that she’d locked herself behind that
door with him on purpose, hurt like a motherfucker.

“What are you going to do?”

Xander shrugged. “No clue. Luc thinks we should share her.”

“Does Alyssa know her husband came up with
that
idea?”

He had to laugh. “No. I’m sure she would beat him with one of her stilettos if she
did.”

“Probably.” Logan cocked his head and sent him a considering stare. “So what do you
think? Could you share her with Javier? You sound awfully jealous.”

In a way, he was. The idea of London loving only Javier killed him, like a blade stabbing
into his heart and twisting. But she was good for his brother. Morgan had suggested
that Javier needed someone to care about, and London could well be that person. Xander
just didn’t know if he could give her up to his brother exclusively. Then he inserted
himself in that picture, watching Javier kiss her while he looked on . . . then palming
her ass himself, kissing her neck, and whispering in her ear. In his fantasy, she
turned to kiss him, too.

His cock just about exploded.

“You know, maybe it’s possible. I might even like it.” Then reality set in, and he
sighed. “But asking a virgin for a ménage? It would be up to London, of course. Does
she really want to take on two men, much less a playboy
and
an alcoholic? It might be more than she can handle.”

“If she has feelings for you both, she’ll try to make it work. The real question is,
is she strong enough?”

“Yeah.” Xander didn’t hesitate. He didn’t have any doubts about that. London might
be naturally submissive, but she’d put them in their place when they’d needed it.
She had spine.

They fell silent for a few minutes, and he could tell that Logan had a lot on his
mind. Of course he did. The biggest blessing of his life coming early next year coupled
with possibly the biggest career change of his life. Logan would carefully weigh everything
before he did anything.

London walked back into the room and her gaze skittered up to his. Her blue eyes connecting
with his jolted him like a lightning strike, sizzling across his skin. She passed
him on her way to the coffeepot, sending a long glance over his bare torso before
she looked away.

Xander grabbed her by the arm and swung her around to face him. She didn’t have time
to resist. He cupped her face in his hands. She tensed, but didn’t fight. Instead,
she let him stare down into her gorgeous blue eyes. “Did you sleep well,
belleza
?”

She relaxed. “Yes. I was so tired. I could have slept longer.” She glared at Logan,
then glanced back at Xander. “You?”

“Not so well, but I’ll be fine.”

Her face fell, and a concerned little frown made her pale brows draw together. She
edged closer. “Are you worried about Javier?”

Among other things. “A bit. But he slept, right?”

She nodded. “I woke him with a cup of coffee. He should be joining us soon so we can
talk about Maynard and stuff.”

Xander wished she’d waited a bit, but understood her desire to be forthright with
her boss and the man she was developing feelings for. “It’s a good plan. We’ll explain
it together.”

“He might not be happy, but I think we’re doing the right thing. Thanks.” She smiled.

He brushed a kiss to her forehead, then with a sigh of regret, let her go. For now.
She didn’t go far, thankfully, and he smelled her natural scent—that citrusy-floral—curl
against his senses. The note of jasmine was stronger today, and it made him hard as
hell. He leaned forward against the counter, pretending to study his coffee.

London pointed down the hall. “I’m going to grab a shower. If you’re not here when
I get back, send Tara my best.”